"David confessed his sin, and the Lord took it away. 'But because you have made the enemies of the Lord show contempt,'" Lewis quoted forcefully, " 'the son born to you will die.'" He went on to describe the loss of the couple's infant son, while Michael sat in a pained silence.
"Temptation is everywhere," the elder said, more gently now. "The fact that this is the first time you've even noticed it speaks well of you, but it also makes it harder for you, because you have no experience in dealing with it. And you need to deal with it openly, Michael. You're surrounded by a congregation that loves you and will support you."
"Only if I'm willing to do what they want me to do," Michael said.
"I don't have to spell out the consequences you'll be facing if you don't, do I?"
"No. I'm fully aware of what I'm up against."
"We have to keep in touch on this, Michael."
"Yes," Michael said. That was what he feared. He stood up to walk the elder to the door.
"And Michael?" Lewis turned around to face him. "Whatever happens, remember that God is forgiving even when institutions and the people who run them are not."
He was struck by the man's compassion. He didn’t feel worthy of it, and he closed the door behind the elder wishing he could be that sort of spiritual leader, that sort of human being.
* * *
Throughout the day Michael made numerous attempts to talk with Jason again, but his son wouldn't budge from the security of his computer screen. Even when he got into Michael's car to go to the ASPCA charity show that night, Jason was silent and sullen. He sat in
the backseat while Michael picked up Drew, and the three of them headed for the junior-senior high school.
"Do I have to sit with you?" Jason asked as they neared the school.
Drew laughed. "God forbid, Jace," he said.
Michael looked at his son's tormented adolescent visage in the rearview mirror. "Want us to let you off out front so no one has to know you came with us?"
Jason made a sound of disgust and slumped back into the seat.
"Oh, the agony of being twelve," Drew said quietly.
"Tell me about it." Michael turned into the parking lot of the high school, thinking about Drew's son, Will. Before Rachel came to town, he'd simply forgotten about that loss. Now he wondered how Drew tolerated seeing him with Jason, seeing other fathers and sons together. Michael glanced in the rearview mirror again to see Jason looking out the window. He followed Jason's gaze to the sidewalk, where a group of kids were walking and laughing together. He understood his son's dilemma instantly. Should he sit in the safe, but uncool, company of his father and Drew, or try to join a group of kids who would probably not welcome him?
"Seriously, Jace," he said, foot on the brake, "do you want me to let you out?"
"Yeah. Okay." Jason sounded like he was agreeing to his own execution. He opened the car door and stepped out.
"We'll be somewhere on the left side, if you want to come sit with us," Michael said through the open window, but Jason didn’t acknowledge hearing him as he walked toward the group of youngsters. For an instant Michael saw the group through his son's eyes. He could almost see the imaginary line drawn around their territory, the line that would keep the members safely inside while keeping Jason out. Michael quickly put his foot to the gas pedal. He didn’t want to see their reaction to Jason's attempt to join them. He wasn't ready to relive that pain.
"You put your heart and soul into raising them," Drew said as Michael pulled into a parking space in the packed lot, "and then they don't want a thing to do with you."
"It's a phase." Michael turned off the ignition. "Only supposed to last ten or fifteen years." He glanced around the lot, knowing but not quite willing to admit to himself that he was looking for Rachel. He felt undeniably better for his confession to Lewis, but the talk with the elder had worked no miracles when it came to his desire to see his old friend. He knew that Rachel was coming with Helen tonight, and he would have to ignore her. The rumors were too thick to fuel them any more than they had to, and the interview with Ursula had to be fresh in everyone's mind. It certainly was in his. He was angry at his cousin. It was going to be hard to be here tonight, with everyone in town thinking that he and Rachel had indulged in a clandestine rendezvous over the weekend.
"You know, I still don't get how Ursula knew about D.C.," Michael mused as they got out of the car. He chuckled. "You're the only person I told. You sure you're not sleeping with my cousin?"
Drew frowned at him. "I hope you don't seriously think I would do something like that."
There was surprising hurt in his voice, and Michael regretted having said anything. Drew was sensitive about the fine line he walked between protecting the land and developing it.
"Of course not," Michael said. "I was joking."
They started walking across the parking lot toward the school. "Looks like Lily's going to rake in a few bucks for her cause," Michael said.
"Have you seen her husband perform before?" Drew asked. Ian's magic act was the benefit's main draw.
"A couple of times." Michael remembered a party a few years ago when Ian pulled a parrot from Katy's hair. He'd seen a side to Katy that night that he'd never seen before. She'd been almost flirtatious with Ian, obviously pleased that he had plucked her from his audience to help with his tricks. She'd thrown herself into his act with abandon, and Michael had watched her, wondering where she'd been hiding the frivolous side of herself for so many years.
He felt an odd jolt when he walked into the auditorium. This was where the Reflection Day observance was held each year, and he wondered how many other people walking into the room were greeted with the memory of the last Reflection Day, or the one before that. He had to remind himself that the town had turned out for a pleasurable event this time. That was the way it should be.
The high school was old—it had been old back when he'd attended it—but the auditorium had been modernized fifteen years ago. Its lines were sleek, and the walls were a pale blue. The curtains on the stage were navy blue, and the overall effect was appealing. Kids filled the rear of the auditorium, where they could talk and act up without being under the scrutiny of their parents. He didn’t see Jason, but he hoped he was among them.
"Over there." Drew nodded to the corner of the auditorium, and Michael was surprised to see Ian and Jason standing together, deep in conversation.
"Wonder what that's all about?" Michael said.
He and Drew walked toward the front, where there were still some empty seats. Michael cringed when he saw they would have to pass Ursula on the way. She was standing at the edge of the aisle, bending over, talking to a few of her seated constituents. She stood up as she saw them approaching.
"Hi, Michael. Drew." She smiled as though she had not just done her best to slander Michael and hurt his cause.
Michael wanted to ask his cousin where she'd gotten her information, but instead he and Drew nodded polite hellos and continued walking. He was not about to let her know how she had gotten to him.
They found seats in the fourth row, and it wasn't until they had settled into them that he spotted Rachel and Helen. The two women were sitting in the row in front of him, ten or eleven seats down. Michael had a clear view of Rachel's profile. Obviously she knew he was there as well, because after a few minutes she turned her head to smile at him. He winked in return.
"There's Rachel," he said to Drew.
Drew looked in her direction. "Where? Oh, the woman with Helen?"
"Uh-huh." He could feel Drew assessing her. He was certain she'd pass his scrutiny, although he didn’t particularly care one way or another. He could no longer see her with any objectivity. She looked good to him, that was all he knew. She was losing the weight that seemed to annoy her, and her hair reflected the lights from the ceiling high above them.
"So, how are things going with her?" Drew asked. "How was the infamous D.C. trip?"
Michael sighed. "We remain careful friends."
r />
"Are you trying for sainthood or what?" Drew laughed.
Michael shook his head. "You need to have pure thoughts to be a saint. My actions might be noble, but my thoughts are going to hang me."
"I can see you two together," Drew said. "I can see you writhing on that big old sofa in your den."
"Get off it, Drew," Michael said, but he could see it, too. "I think you need a woman of your own. You're a little over involved in this fantasy."
"I've probably had a woman more recently than you have," Drew said smugly.
Michael looked at him quizzically. He hadn't heard Drew talk about a woman for a long time.
"I could give you some lessons in discretion," Drew offered.
He might need them. Despite his talk with Lewis, the more he thought about changing his life to include Rachel, the more seduced he felt by the fantasy. Yet the obstacles—those he could see and touch, like Jason and Katy and the church, as well as those intangibles that gnawed at the edges of his heart—were overwhelming.
Drew began reading the program, but Michael couldn’t shift his gaze from Rachel. Anyone watching him would know that his sitting apart from her was not a matter of choice.
Helen leaned over to whisper something in her granddaughter's ear. Telling her secrets? he wondered. He had the feeling Helen had more than one. He had known Peter Huber well. Peter had been sharp-witted up until the end. He would not have alluded so specifically in his will to music that didn’t exist. Did Helen know where that coveted piece of music was? As soon as Rachel thought Helen could handle it, he would question her about it again. They had only two weeks left until the hearing, and he knew the bulldozers would be flattening the forest within a few days after the vote.
Michael's attention was suddenly stolen from Rachel and Helen by Jacob Holt's entry into the auditorium. Jacob headed toward one of the few empty seats up front only to be intercepted by Lily. She sprang from her own front-row seat, grabbed him by the arm, and pulled him toward the edge of the stage. She began talking to him intently, her face close to his, gesturing with her hands. There was color in her cheeks and her usual smile was missing. Holt listened to her for a moment, then responded with a word or two and a shake of his head. He broke away from her and headed toward the empty seat only to have her grab his arm again. Michael watched in perplexed fascination.
Finally, Jacob Holt said something that ended the conversation, something assertive, firm. Lily closed her mouth into a tight line and let go of his arm. She watched him walk to his seat.
Michael turned his head toward Rachel to find her eyes on him. She was looking at him as if to ask, "What was that all about?" He shrugged in response and shifted his concentration to the program in his lap, smiling to himself, happy with that two-second interaction with the woman who was turning his life upside down.
* * *
Rachel had been afraid to attend the charity program. She was growing increasingly reclusive, and the article in that morning's paper had done nothing to enhance her comfort in public. She'd felt herself clinging to her grandmother as they'd walked through the hallway on the way to the auditorium, as if she felt safe only under the umbrella of Helen's protection. And that protection seemed invincible. People liked Helen Huber. They greeted her warmly, commenting on how well she looked, how lucky she had been to survive the lightning. Rachel listened, nodding and smiling, staying close to Gram's side until they had reached their seats.
They were sitting two rows behind Lily. Rachel had considered approaching her former student to say hello, but the thought filled her with fear, and not only for herself. The last time they'd been in public together, at the farmers' market, Lily had suffered for it. Rachel didn’t want to put her in that position again. By now she wouldn't be surprised if Lily was ready to turn away from her as others had.
She could feel Michael's presence behind her, though she tried to keep her furtive, backward glances to a minimum. It was difficult. She wanted to see his son, too. Jason was supposed to be with him tonight, but Michael was flanked by adults on either side. One of them, the man in the green Hawaiian-print shirt, she guessed to be his friend Drew.
Celine Humphrey sat several seats to her left. Rachel had called the elder the day before, asking if it was time to start working on the Rwanda supplies, and it had been obvious from Celine's response that the work had already begun. "But you're welcome to come help us on Saturday," she'd said. "We'll be sorting through the donations."
Rachel had said she would be there. She felt no encouragement from Celine and certainly no warmth, but she was determined to become involved in spite of her.
Lily took the stage at seven-thirty. "I'd like to welcome everyone to the first annual ASPCA benefit variety show!" she said.
A huge black dog bounded out from the side of the stage and came to a neat heel at Lily's side, and the audience applauded and whistled.
"This is Mule," Lily said. "I found him at the ASPCA four years ago and rescued him just before he was about to be put to sleep." She scratched the dog behind his ears. "Between ten and twelve million dogs and cats are euthanized—that means killed—in the United States each year, and another ten million die from abuse and neglect." Lily rattled off a few more statistics and encouraged responsible pet ownership as well as support for the shelter. Then she took on a more jovial tone. "Enough of the serious stuff," she said. "Our first act tonight is the Pembroke Dog Training Club's junior program."
A group of kids filed onto the stage, heeling—or attempting to heel—all manner of dogs. They demonstrated basic obedience training, and by the end of the exhibition, Rachel was longing for her own dog. She hoped Chris was giving Phoenix a lot of attention.
Following the young dog trainers was a routine by a local senior citizens club, describing the joys of pet ownership through song and dance. Watching them, Gram was near tears with laughter. It was Lily's dog show, though, that had everyone rolling on the floor. It was impossible to know if Lily had trained the five dogs to misbehave so spectacularly or if they were simply as rebellious as their trainer. Rachel laughed so hard her cheeks hurt.
Finally, the stage was darkened, and mysterious music filled the auditorium. Everyone fell silent, waiting. When the lights came up, Ian Jackson stood in the center of the stage, dressed in black pants and a black turtleneck. His straight black hair was tied back in its ponytail. He looked the part of a magician, Rachel thought, and as he launched into his act, she knew he was well seasoned in that role. He pulled eight white doves from a small purple basket, balanced silver balls in midair, and made long red streamers leap across the stage. Then he said, "I need a helper. Who can help me out up here?"
The kids in the rear of the auditorium waved their hands wildly, yelling, "Me, me!" A few of them were on their feet, a couple on their chairs.
"Back there." Ian pointed. "Jason Stoltz. Come on up here, Jace."
Rachel winced when she heard the moan of stunned disappointment from the rear. "Why him?" one of the kids asked, too loudly.
Jason walked up the aisle toward the stage, looking none too happy about being the chosen one. He was Michael through and through. Michael at twelve. The gawky slenderness brought tears to Rachel's eyes. She wished she could get to know him.
Jason stood awkwardly at Ian's side while a young woman wheeled out a large crate, painted sky blue and dotted with gold stars.
"Well, Jace," Ian said, patting the lid of the box. "Do you ever feel as if you'd like to disappear?"
Jason laughed. "Yeah."
"Like right about now?"
The audience chuckled, and Jason nodded. "Yeah," he said again.
"Well, hop up in here, and I'll see if I can help you out."
Jason climbed onto a footstool and into the box. Ian closed the lid on him and fastened it with a clasp. Rachel grimaced at the thought of being confined in that tiny space. She didn't dare turn around to look at Michael.
"Some people say that magic is nothing more than sleight of hand
or mere legerdemain." Ian spoke with a cocky confidence as the woman turned the box around and around in circles on the floor. "But I believe there really is such a thing as pure, unadulterated, genuine, bewitching magic." He dismissed the woman to the side of the stage and, with a great flourish, opened the box. It was empty.
The audience gasped its appreciation. Some people applauded.
"Hey, Michael," Ian called out from the stage, "are you wondering if you're going to get your son back?"
People turned to look at Michael, and Rachel didn’t miss the opportunity to do so herself. He was grinning.
"I have faith," Michael said.
"The preacher has faith," Ian said. "And…it's either magic or a miracle!" He pointed toward the rear of the auditorium. Everyone turned to see Jason walking through the rear door. The applause thundered, and Jason was laughing as he walked up to the stage.
"How on earth…" Gram said.
"Amazing." Rachel applauded.
Ian put his arm around Jason once the boy had reached his side. "You're not a twin, are you, Jace?" Ian asked him.
"No." Jason shook his head. He was wearing Michael's grin.
"Dynamite," Ian said. "You go on back to your seat now. And you can be my assistant anytime."
Ian ended his routine with a few more tricks, and Lily took the stage again to thank everyone for coming. When the houselights came on, Rachel and her grandmother got to their feet and filed slowly out of their row.
"What a knockout haircut!"
Rachel turned to see Lily approaching her. The younger woman had made her exclamation so loudly that most of the people around them stopped to stare, and Rachel knew she was blushing as the young hairdresser gave her a hug. Lily was a trip, thumbing her nose at Reflection's judgmental few.
"It was a super show," Rachel said.
"How'd he make Jason disappear like that?" Gram asked.
Lily shrugged. "It's magic, Helen."
The three of them chatted for a few minutes, although Rachel found it difficult to concentrate on the conversation. Michael and Drew were in her line of vision. They were talking with a man and woman on the other side of the auditorium, and they were laughing. It was good to see that smile on Michael's face.