“I didn’t know I could until I had to.”
His warm touch sank into me. “But did you even try?”
He was right. I knew what my bracelet could allegedly do before I’d used it today. I hadn’t bothered to try before, assuming that I wouldn’t be successful.
“There are reasons even for the things you don’t understand, Princess,” he said after a moment. Then he surprised me by brushing my long hair back from my face and caught me in his gaze again. “I need to hold back for a very good reason. But sometimes, it gets very difficult when I’m so close to you.”
I swallowed hard. “What gets difficult?”
“Behaving myself.” His eyes burned into mine. It was very hard to breathe normally with him looking at me so intensely. It made me feel like I was the only person in the world who existed—
a feeling that both scared and excited me. “And in case your invisible mind-reading friend didn’t tell you, I did think of you often when we were apart and I did wish I could visit you every single day. You were not gone from my thoughts at all.”
“What did you think about?” I asked, my heart racing.
“Many things.” He drew closer still, his hand now tangled in my hair, my wrist still caught in his grasp. My back flattened against the wall behind me. My heart hammered in my chest. “For example, I thought about you spending time with King Rhys.” I shook my head. “He went back to the Faery Realm over the school break.”
“I didn’t know that. But I’m glad to hear it.” Something dangerous slid through his gaze, darkening it. “I can’t stand that guy, just for the record. I don’t care if he is a king. And the thought of you kissing him, even if it is to help me get the book...well, it makes me a little bit crazy. So your plan worked. I’m jealous. Very jealous.” It wasn’t fair of me to mess around with him like this. He deserved better than that from me.
“It wasn’t a plan. And even if I do kiss him, it’s not because I really want to.” His jaw tightened. “Wrong. I think you do want to kiss him again.” My face was on fire now. More denials sprang to my tongue, but quickly died there. He knew me better than I thought he did. Part of me did want to kiss Rhys again and be able to blame it on a deal I’d made. My heart felt all torn up after everything that had happened today, but still hopeful. So hopeful.
“I want you to kiss me again, Michael,” I said softly. “More than anything.” His expression darkened even further, as if he was fighting some sort of inner battle. “It’s too dangerous.”
I shook my head. “I don’t care about the stupid rules about us.”
“Oh, Princess,” he whispered, leaning so close that his lips were only an inch away from mine, “the danger I’m talking about has nothing to do with rules.” He slipped his hand behind my neck and pulled me closer so our lips finally met. My heart leapt and I kissed him back, expecting that he’d pull away at any moment. But he didn’t. He circled his arms around my back to crush me tighter against him as the kiss deepened. It had been way, way too long.
Oh, yes. This is exactly how a kiss should be. And it was well worth the wait.
Thoughts of Rhys disappeared completely. I forgot all about Dread wandering the halls trying to confuse me with talk of broken things I might be able to fix. Even my many problems with Melinda faded from my mind.
And then there was only Michael. And there was nowhere else I wanted to be, and no one else I wanted to be with.
Michael finally broke off the kiss and gazed into my eyes so deeply that I could barely breathe. His eyes glowed that beautiful, bright, hypnotic green. I couldn’t look away. He’d swung his amulet around to his back so it wouldn’t touch me enough to give me a shock, but even from there I could see it casting a strange halo of light all around him.
He gripped my shoulders and slowly slid his hands up to either side of my face. They also glowed.
So familiar. Where had I seen this before?
I was about to ask him about his glowing hands, but he kissed me again like he hungered for me and couldn’t stop himself anymore.
His hands were so warm on my face. The warmth spread through my entire body.
“This...” he said when he stopped kissing me for the briefest moment. His lips were close enough that they still brushed mine. And his eyes—glowing so fierce and so bright—they weren’t filled with passion. They were filled with that despair and grief that I’d seen on his face the last time we parted, and I didn’t know what to make of it. My head grew foggy. “... this is why I haven’t kissed you. Why I’ve tried so hard not to. I knew what could happen if I let myself get this close to you.”
I was dizzy and weak and confused. It was only his hands that were holding me up now. All I could see was the green glow all around me. Fear slid through me.
My dream—my nightmare. Michael had kissed me in it, too. Then he’d begun to drain my energy away through his hands.
That was exactly what he was doing right now. My nightmare—it was coming true.
My eyes widened with fear at that horrible realization, but I couldn’t speak, couldn’t move.
This was similar to what Jonas had done to the guard—what he’d tried to do to me. But Michael was in solid form as he did it, not shadow form.
Then his face convulsed. “No,” he said, his teeth gritted. “No, I won’t hurt you, Princess. I swear I’ll never hurt you.”
Finally, with great effort, he wrenched himself away from me, staggering backward across the room, holding his hands out to either side as if they were weapons. They continued to glow as he formed them into tight fists. His arms shook. His entire body shook.
I slumped back against the wall, trying to breathe, trying to think.
“Michael...” I managed after a moment, trembling. “What’s happening?” Every muscle in his body was tense. There was a thin sheen of perspiration on his forehead as he pushed his dark hair back. “Ever since I destroyed Jonas, I’ve been dealing with this. It’s like an addiction. I want to drain the energy of anyone I get too close to. But you... especially you. I can’t help myself.”
I struggled to breathe normally. I forced myself to be brave and stand my ground. My heart ached for the pain I saw on his face—I wanted to help him so badly. This explained so much. It explained everything, really. Absolutely everything.
My father was right...there was something wrong with Michael. Really wrong. The thought scared me down my core. But Michael wasn’t evil, this had happened to him. He was sick and he needed help.
“What can I do?” My voice broke.
His eyes were haunted. “Nothing. I need to figure out what’s wrong with me and how to fix it.
It’s getting worse, though. And now that I kissed you—” He still shook, as if from the effort of forcing himself not to come near me again. His eyes locked on mine, his dark brows were drawn tightly together. “This...it’s like a curse on me, one I can’t break no matter how hard I try. It’s getting worse by the day.”
He’d stopped himself, which meant that he had some control over this. He didn’t want to hurt me.
I wanted to touch him, to hug him and tell him everything would be okay, but I knew I couldn’t get too close to him right now. It was like a knife in my heart. “Do you think it’ll get better again?”
“When I take off the amulet it gets better. I can think then, my mind clears and there is no...need. But with it on—” He swallowed hard. “I don’t know.”
“I’ll get the book,” I told him firmly, but there was still a noticeable quaver to my voice. I crushed my hands together to keep them from shaking. “It could have the answers to help you.”
“I hope so.” He nodded. “I’m the one who was supposed to protect you from the beginning, but now...” His expression tensed. “I will never, ever hurt you. Do you understand?” I believed him. I’d asked for honesty from him, and he was still giving that to me. I appreciated that more than he’d ever know. “I understand.” His eyes still blazed with that green light that was
both horrible and beautiful. “No one can know about this. I swear I will never hurt you, but you can’t tell anyone what’s wrong with me.
Please.”
I just nodded.
“I’ll fix this, Princess. I promise I will.”
With a last intense look, he turned and left the room as if he couldn’t bear to be close to me a moment longer.
Michael could have killed me just now. I knew it.
The thought was nearly impossible to face without flinching away from it. It was my nightmare come to life—two Michaels. One who wanted to kill me, one who wanted to save me.
Only in my waking life they were in the very same body.
He would be okay. He’d find an answer to this. I’d help him—by getting the Shadow book.
He’d developed this need after killing Jonas. My father said that Shadows were rumored to become dangerous after they’d killed. In the Underworld he’d killed Jonas to save my life.
And now I had to save Michael in return. I’d do anything to save him.
My heart pounded and I felt desperate to do something, to find answers, but I didn’t chase after Michael. I now knew why he hadn’t kissed me all this time. It made him want to take my energy. If he took too much it would kill me just as I’d seen Jonas kill that guard in the Underworld dungeon. Just as he’d tried to kill me.
Michael was dangerous to me. Deadly. He could kill me if I got too close to him again. I should want to run away in the other direction and never seen him again. But all I wanted to do was help him.
I started walking, my brain a million miles away, sorting through what had happened and what I was supposed to do about it. There were no easy answers here, only more questions that threatened to drown me.
A familiar voice stopped me and pulled me out of my racing thoughts.
“Nikki?” my father asked, confused. “I didn’t sense that you were in the Shadowlands. How did you even get here?”
Crap.
I stopped walking aimlessly through the castle and turned to face him. Without even consciously realizing it, I’d headed through the maze-like hallways toward his work room.
Seeing him again was both a relief and it made my stomach clench with fear after what had happened with Michael.
I struggled to find my voice. “I opened a gateway with my dragon’s tear.”
“Very impressive,” he said with a nod, but his expression was one of familiar disapproval. “I will assume that you didn’t come to see me, though. You came to see Michael.” Tears streaked down my cheeks and I turned my face so I could furiously push them away.
But it was too late. He’d seen.
“I need to go,” I said in a shuddery, creaky voice.
A frown creased his brow. “Nikki, what’s wrong?”
I shook my head, but the sobs were coming now, so much so that I couldn’t hold them back and try to pretend that nothing was wrong.
My father gently lifted my chin so I’d look him in the eyes. His face was etched with concern.
“Tell me,” he said firmly. No room for argument.
I just shook my head. “I c-can’t.”
“Yes, you can.” His jaw tensed. “It’s about Michael, isn’t it?” I tried to shake my head, but I was frozen. Michael hadn’t wanted me to say anything. It was too dangerous for anyone to know about this. I couldn’t betray him.
“I know you care about Michael,” my father said. “So do I. I’ve looked after him all these years and treated him with as much respect as I could give him. Do you doubt that?” I shook my head. I didn’t doubt it. I knew that Michael was a Shadow and therefore automatically a servant to demonkind. But I also knew he’d been treated much better by living at my father’s castle than he would have been if he’d lived in the Underworld or anywhere else.
“You know something about him. You’ve seen something. Something that scared you. Look at me, Nikki.”
I raised my damp eyes to his and blinked. More hot tears splashed onto my cheeks.
“Tell me what happened,” he said firmly, pain twisting in his own gaze at whatever anguish he saw on my face.
“He can handle it. He said he could, I—” What was I doing? Why was I letting these words spill out of me? Michael asked me not to tell anyone, that he’d figure it out on his own.
But even when he said it, I knew it wasn’t true. He couldn’t do this by himself. How could he? He had no resources. He had no books to study, no one to confide in. He was all by himself.
We’d played our own game of Truth or Dare. He’d told me the truth and then dared me to keep it a secret.
But I knew deep in my gut that keeping this a secret could do more harm to him than good. It could destroy him. I couldn’t stand by silently and let that happen to somebody I cared about.
My father could help him. He said so himself.
Michael had practically begged me to keep it a secret. For me to live up to the trust he’d put in me. But this went beyond trust. He was in trouble, but he was also dangerous to himself and to others right now. And I was the only one who knew the truth.
If I really wanted to help him, I had no choice right now.
I told my father everything.
Chapter 15
My father listened to me carefully, never interrupting. When I’d gotten it all out, I felt sick inside.
“Why did I do that?” I trembled from head to foot. “I shouldn’t have said anything.” My father shook his head. “You’re wrong. You’ve helped him more than you know. You were absolutely right to tell me.”
My throat felt so tight it was hard to speak. “You can’t hand him over to Queen Sephina. You can’t!”
“Trust me, Nikki, that is the last thing I would ever choose to do.” He cupped my face in his hands. “Go home. Rest. Using your power to travel between worlds sapped more of your energy than you even realize.”
Did I trust him? Completely? Demons lied, they were well known for it. But Dread said my father told me the truth, even when lies might make everything easier. I could only hope that this was one of those times. “You can’t hurt him. You have to promise me you won’t.”
“I won’t hurt him,” he assured me. “You say he stopped himself before he’d taken too much of your energy.”
“He did.”
“Had he not, I wouldn’t be feeling nearly so benevolent toward him. If he’d really hurt you, I would kill him without a second thought.” His expression was as dark as his words. He looked toward the fire that always blazed in this room, filling it with much-needed warmth.
A shiver went through me despite it. “He stopped. He knows it was bad and he’s trying to figure out how to fix it. He says it feels like he’s cursed.”
“I’ll talk with him. Nothing can be done to help him until he admits to me that there’s a problem.”
Guilt twisted inside of me. “He’s going to hate me for telling you.” He shook his head as his concerned gaze returned to meet mine. “If he truly cares for you, he won’t hold this against you. He’ll realize that you did this to help him. Trust me on that.” Trust me.
Trust played such a huge part in my life right now. I never knew who to trust—with secrets, friendships, my feelings. It was always my worry that I would be the one betrayed or lied to.
Lately, that wasn’t the case. I’d been the liar, the deceiver. I’d lied to Melinda, trying to get her to believe that Patrick had manipulated her. I’d justified it completely since I had no choice, but it still bothered me. And now I’d betrayed Michael. I’d told him I wouldn’t tell, but I’d turned around and told my father everything at the first opportunity.
In both cases, I knew there were no other options for me. And in telling the truth to my father, I now had to put my complete trust in him.
And I did. I trusted him.
But this still hurt like hell.
He put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “I’ll open up a gateway for you so you can go home.”
I touched my dra
gon’s tear and realized my palms were sweating. “I should keep practicing.” His gaze fell to the bracelet. “That likely won’t work again for at least a day.” I looked at him with surprise. “It won’t?”
“No. Since you’re unaccustomed to its magic, it will take some time to recharge. Over time it will become more dependable, but not in the beginning.” I stared at him with surprise. “So I could have gone somewhere and been stuck there?”
“But you didn’t. And you aren’t. So no harm done.”
My heart still raced. I didn’t know how to make it slow down again. “These things should really come with instruction manuals.”
Despite my pounding heart, I was exhausted. I thought I’d just overexerted myself from running to the castle from the field where I’d arrived, but now that I thought about it, it felt deeper than that. Maybe it was energy Michael had taken from me. Or maybe it was the whole experience of this long and trying day.
I was too tired to say anything else. Too tired to argue or fight. I just wanted to do as he suggested and go home.
“If I can do anything to help—” I began.
“You can help by going home and letting me handle this from here. I will speak with Michael.
I’ll find out what is wrong—how he’s feeling. This hunger that drives him after his incident with Jonas...” He shook his head, his expression grave. “I knew there was something wrong, something off, but I wasn’t sure what it was. I thought he was dealing with guilt about taking a life, even that of a murderer. I didn’t realize that it had sparked a dark need in him that didn’t exist before. This is a very dangerous situation, Nikki.” I swallowed hard. “I know. That’s why I told you.”
He nodded. “Go home. Rest. I will find a way to send word to you soon.” I finally turned toward the entrance to the room...and froze.
Michael stood there, his eyes wide. He’d heard us. Every word.