The endless drive and search had left me broken in despair. I had not found any signs anywhere of my mother and brother. I had returned endless times to the supermarket with no further clues of anything. The streets had not offered further hints to their whereabouts. I now sat waiting in the van, dried tears and dirt caked on my face as I pondered what to do as the sun descended just above Mt. Charleston to the west. Nothing made sense. Everything was so wrong and the pit of sadness growing in my chest arrested my breath. The dusk warned me in colors of orange and dusty red that the night threatened to make its appearance and the looming shadows grew.
I gritted my teeth and shook my head. Disbelief and denial flooded my head as I screamed, pounding my hands against the steering wheel, making the van shake.
This can’t be happening! It’s not real! Wake up April!
My hands screamed as the hits flared into a raging pain, turning them scarlet red. The ache was not enough to numb me, but it did send me into a spill of sobs. The last of my tears spilt down my face and soaked my shirt as they plopped onto the fabric.
I can’t leave them here! I can’t! That was not a possibility. How could I ever leave them for those beasts? How could I live knowing I drove away into the sunset without them?
I sighed, sniffling and wiping my nose. I knew the answer all too well; I would never be able to forgive myself when I finally did leave this place tonight. I would rather die looking for them and I’d never give up. They were all I had to live for.
Shifting the van into gear, the hum of the engine made my panic surge one more time but I swallowed it down into the pit of my stomach. I could almost hear my mother’s voice telling me that it was fine. She would expect me to return home, to the safety of our sanctuary in the mountains. She had always stated as such. But I didn’t want to. I could hardly breathe thinking of following her directions.
Her voice echoed in my head, making me nod slowly as if she could even see me. “Anything happens, you return here for the night. We get separated, or anything, don’t let your emotions destroy your senses. You know what must be done. Don’t look back.”
Moving the shifter into gear, I gently pressed on the gas and drove across the empty parking lot to the street. Pausing at the edge of the concrete, as if any other cars would ever be crossing the way anymore, I took in a deep breath as the sun’s last beams seared into my eyes. My foot pressed the gas once more and I slowly pulled away from the desolate city, leaving my heart behind.