Chapter 11
Without Henry present, dinner was unbearably boring. Tonight I sat with Stanley, Carlton and Mother, and some of Mother’s aristocratic ‘friends’. I’d been suppressing the urge to yawn or fidget as much as I could. Stanley and Carlton talked about politics on one side of the table, and mother gossiped with her friends on the other end. I was trapped awkwardly somewhere in between, somehow falling through the cracks of the two groups. From my peripheral I saw Henry.
I couldn’t stop the twinge of excitement that ran through my body. Today he seemed even more handsome than previously. His dimpled smile was dazzling. He looked comfortable, but steadily confident as well. I flash of blonde twinkled beside him, and I noted that Penelope had managed to end up seated next to him. She was all smiles and giggles, practically falling over him. I tried to suppress any visible signs of my aggravation, taking a long breath.
As if sensing my discomfort, Henry’s gaze snapped to meet mine. As his eyes bore into mine, I felt the tension and aggravation leaving my body, leaving only heat and molten fire in its wake. He grinned knowingly and winked. As soon as he did I bowed my head and stared at the floor, trying to contain the face-splitting grin that threatened to overtake my face.
Once I managed to compose myself I looked over to Henry’s table once more, only to find Penelope staring at me. Her eyes stared at me curiously, then went back to Henry. She looked between the both of us a few more time before her eyes narrowed suspiciously. I avoided her gaze and stared down at my food importantly. The rest of the night passed by like a blur, until I was propped next to the four-poster bed trying to remove all my jewelry.
I secured all of it, making sure Henry’s necklace was safely in the secret compartment of the jewelry chest. As I debated whether or not to read before going to bed, the whole room rattled. As I was jostled around, the lights flickered momentarily. I clung to one of the wooden bedposts for a few seconds after the impact. Once I made sure it was safe to stand, I rushed to the door. I pulled it open and looked outside, absolutely bewildered. Mrs. Astor was also poking her head out from the other end of the hall, looking slightly frazzled. At eighteen, she had already managed to get impregnated by the richest man on the ship and was married.
The young girl stopped a steward and spoke to him. From the worried look on her face, I assumed she was procuring about the rattling. The steward assured her confidently, and she slipped back into her cabin with a calm expression.
If the explanation was good enough for her, it’s good enough for me. I was in the quiet place between sleep and consciousness when someone rapped on my door swiftly and barged into my cabin.
Nearly falling off the bed, I scrambled for my robe and slipped it on just as a maid walked through the threshold. It was Elaine, holding on to something white and bulky over her arm. A lifejacket.
“Please put this on.” She instructed quickly, placing a spare on my bed and facing me.
“Mrs. Ashby is on her way here. Tell her to put this on, and go on deck immediately.” She emphasized, an edge of panic in her voice. Before I could question her, she turned on her heel and made a hurried exit.
“Dress warmly!” She called, shutting the door with a resounding click. I looked after her with my confusedly, my questions still hanging off my lips. Part of me wanted to ignore her and roll back into bed, but I couldn’t forget about the panicked edge in her voice. So I rolled on some thick stockings and fetched the thickest coat I could find. My shoes had just been adjusted when mother walked in the cabin about fifteen minutes later.
“What’s happening?” She asked, breathless. It occurred to me that this was probably the second time I’ve ever seen her hair askew. The first was when she received the news that father died.
“I’m not sure. One of the maids told me that we had to dress warmly, take our lifejackets, and go on deck. Now.” I added, trying to convey the sense of importance Elaine had expressed. Mother nodded once and emerged with a warm coat in seconds. A loud pounding on the door brought me to my feet with a start.
“Take care of the door.” Mother barked, easing on her lifejacket. The door opened to reveal Stanley and Carlton on the other side breathing heavily. Mother suddenly saddled up behind me and nodded with conviction.
“Let’s get going. We will never get to the lifeboats otherwise.”...Lifeboats? “It’s a silly practice drill if you ask me, but there’s no turning back.” Uncle Carlton said.
Stepping into the corridor didn’t make much of a difference. It was completely congested with other first-class passengers who were trying to squeeze on deck. Most of them were dressed in their best, smiling feebly and pretending everything it was okay. But it wasn’t. The concern in their eyes was thinly veiled. Children were clinging on to their mothers with more desperation, and everyone laughed weakly to try to liven up their paled complexions. It took us almost ten minutes to get even close to a lifeboat. The deck was equally as crowded, if not even more so. Periodically, I would look around me and try to find Henry. I prayed that he was already on a lifeboat, or at least on his way to one. As we kept pushing forward, a few men dressed in navy uniform jostled past me distractedly. I could faintly hear part of their conversation as they passed by me.
“...not enough lifeboats for everyone...half of passengers will perish...” I stared after them as my stomach dropped. Suddenly the reality of the situation came crashing down on me like a bucket of the icy Atlantic waters below us. Surely they weren’t talking about this ship? Considering the calm attitude of everyone around me, it was hard to believe.
Half of the people on the ship might end up floating in the Atlantic.
I wanted to be sick. Breathing deeply, I tried to distract myself by observing the people around me. In a moment of clarity, I suddenly noticed the clumps of women standing together. It was like we were being herded into the lifeboats. At the far end of the Starboard deck, I heard an officer faintly calling out:
“Women and children, only!” It didn’t take much to work out that Henry wasn’t going to be on a lifeboat. But as obvious as it was, I couldn’t produce the next assumption. It was as if my brain could not process the thought.
Henry wasn’t going to be on a lifeboat, therefore, he will end in the water.
My breath caught as I sharp pain rippled through my chest. For a split second I thought I was ill, but I suddenly recognized the sensation. Heartbreak.
But this was somehow stronger. This pain crushed me and made me want to collapse on the floor in a numb mess. I suddenly realized that despite everything Henry put me through, and all of my insecurities, I still loved him. I realized that if something happened to him, I would be destroyed. Because every year, month, day, and breath that we haven’t been together...he’s been in the back of my head. He lingered like a dream, the light at the end of the tunnel. I had lost him once, I won’t lose him again. I was detached from my musings by Mother, who started searching through her hand purse frantically.
“My ring isn’t here!” She exclaimed, panicked. Carlton rolled his eyes and groaned.
“Oh, for God’s sake! You can buy all the jewels you like once we arrive in New York.” He protested.
“It’s my wedding ring.” Suddenly her panicked reaction made sense. It was the only thing she had left of my father. “I left it in the jewelry box.” My hand flew to the base of my neck when I realized I had also forgotten the necklace Henry had given me. Maybe this was a sign...this was my chance.
“I can get it!” I interjected quickly. Mother looked at me with hope while Stanley frowned, horrified.
“I’m small. I can weave through the crowds quickly and make it back in time to board the lifeboat.” I lied, hoping they would actually believe me and let me leave. Mother nodded desperately and nearly pushed me off into the crowd with a hopeful face. I almost felt bad for deceiving her, but I promised myself that if I ever had the chance to see her again I would return her ring.
Weaving through the desperate crowds was
n’t as easy as I imagined, but it got much easier as I scurried further away from the lifeboats. I finally made it to my cabin and barged inside, knowing there would be no one around to reprimand me. Sitting exactly where I left it on the vanity was the jewelry box. I opened the little compartment where I knew mother kept her wedding ring. After I had securely tucked it away, I opened the secret latch of the box and pulled out Henry’s pendant.
Instead of putting it away, I chose to wear it on my neck. Hopefully it brings me good luck. Now, it was time to track down Henry.