Maybe Hall would think so when he saw her tonight.
***
The next afternoon, Hall decided to go out for a walk, right about the time Kyla had the day before.
He’d decided the only way to cure his fascination with Kyla was to actually get her into bed. And that would only happen if he could get her alone, since she was so turned off by Court and all of the blatant sexuality that characterized it.
He knew she was attracted to him. He’d felt it deeply, vividly, after he’d opened a connection with her when she’d run out of Court on the last Feast Day. If he could get her to trust him, then she’d open up enough to give into her attraction to him.
Once he had sex with her, she’d be like any other woman to him, and he’d be able to leave this planet without looking back once their job was done.
But the first step was to get some more time to talk to her in private, and the only place that was possible in such a well-guarded palace was in the woods.
So he went out after lunch and waited near the trail she used. To his relief, she came out even sooner than he’d expected.
She looked young and fresh and pretty in a simple green tunic with her long hair pulled back into one long braid. His heart did a silly little leap in his chest when he saw her.
He moved onto the trail, facing the opposite direction as her so it would look like he was on his way back from a walk.
She jerked to a stop when the trail curved enough for her to see him. “What are you doing here?”
“I was taking a walk. What does it look like?”
She frowned. “Were you out to meet your partner again?”
“No. We don’t meet every day. That would be foolish.”
“Yes. It would. So you’re really just taking a walk?”
“Why do you sound so surprised?”
“I don’t know. It seems like such an innocent pastime.”
“And I’m not innocent?”
She almost, almost smiled. “No. You’re definitely not.”
“Well, you’ll have to be innocent enough for both of us.”
“I’m not innocent,” she said, her eyes wide.
“I thought you said you hadn’t had sex.”
“I haven’t, but what does that have to do with anything? Since I was twelve years old, I’ve watched men fuck women, men fuck men, women fuck women, and groups of three and four fuck each other. There’s not much I haven’t seen and I don’t know. I’m definitely not innocent.”
He thought about that—what such a background would do to a child. No wonder she was so turned off of sex. It was a wonder her sister still loved it so much. “Okay. I’ll agree to that. But you’re something…you’re…untouched.” He had no idea why he was talking like this to her. It was revealing too much about his thoughts regarding her, and it wasn’t really getting them where he wanted them to be.
She gave a little shrug. “If you say so. I don’t really feel untouched, though. I feel…”
When she drifted off, he asked, “You feel what?”
“I don’t know. Tired, bored of it all. There’s got to be something more than just this. There’s got to be.”
This would have been the perfect opportunity for him to start building up the idea of him introducing the world of sex to her in a way she’d never experienced, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. She was being perfectly genuine with him, and he wanted to match it somehow. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I’ve traveled all over. I’ve seen hellholes and paradises and everything in between. And I haven’t found much more than this. Take what you’re given and enjoy the time you have. It’s the only philosophy that works.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. It doesn’t feel right to me. It feels like something has been taken away.”
He smiled, feeling connected to her even more deeply than he had before. “Well, if you tell me what it is, I can help you go find it.”
She smiled back.
“Can I walk with you?”
“I thought you already walked.”
“Sure,” he said easily. “But I can walk some more. I don’t have anything to do until I have to endure more hours of preparation for Court.”
She chuckled. “You’re the one who signed up for it.”
“I know. I’m not really complaining. But I could use another walk—and some better company.”
“Okay. Fine.”
She trusted him. Maybe not completely, but definitely more than she had before.
He should use it to his advantage somehow, but he couldn’t really make his mind work that way.
The truth was he mostly felt…proud.
***
The next day, Kyla spent all morning looking forward to her walk. There was no reason to expect Hall to join her again today, but she thought it was possible.
She really hoped he would.
She made a point not to hurry, however, as she walked downstairs and out the back door of the palace as usual, giving Iram a friendly wave as she stepped outside.
It took a lot of effort to maintain the pose of nonchalance as she walked toward the head of the trail through the woods, and she gave a little jump—more of pleasure than surprise—when she turned the first curve in the trail and saw Hall.
He stood leaning against a tree, and he was obviously waiting for her, since he straightened up as she came into sight.
“You’re here again?” she said, pleased when her voice sounded cool and casual.
“Naturally. Talking to you is the most interesting part of my days.”
“Well, I’m so glad I can provide you a little entertainment.” She kept walking down the trail as he fell in step with her.
“I’d say enjoyment is a more appropriate word than entertainment.”
She glanced up to check his face, which was smiling and looked genuine. She was ridiculously pleased by the words, by the idea that he enjoyed spending time with her.
“Do you just walk up and back on this trail every day?” Hall asked, bending over to pick up a fallen branch.
“No. I usually start off in this direction, but sometimes I walk through the orchards and lavender fields. Sometimes I just climb a tree and look out at the village.”
“Seriously? Why do you do that?”
“It’s interesting to watch people. I almost never leave the palace grounds, you know.”
His expression changed. “I know. That’s got to get old really quick. What do you do with the rest of your time?”
“I read a lot. Or make boots.”
“Boots? Seriously?” He looked interested and surprised.
“Yeah. I made these.” She stuck out her foot to show him.
“Wow,” he breathed. “They’re great. You’re really good at that.”
“It’s just for fun,” she said, flushing with pleasure. “But it’s nice to actually make things with my hands.”
“I guess so.” He paused, and then asked in a different tone, “What tree do you climb when you watch people?”
“I’ll show you.”
She had no qualms about showing him her favorite tree. He would eventually be gone, and it wasn’t like he was going to try to take her favorite position to people-watch.
If he wanted to people watch, once he left Evalon, all he had to do was step outside.
“It’s this tree,” she said, a few minutes later, when she reached the big tree with a few thick, low branches.
“It’s huge.”
“Yeah, but it’s easy to climb.” To show him, she pulled herself up on the lowest branch, grabbing the one above it until she could stand on the branch.
Hall grinned at her, looking faintly surprised and delighted, like he’d been given an unexpected gift. He grabbed the low branch too, and pulled himself up until he was standing on the branch beside her. Together, they climbed up the rest of the way until they reached the flattened branch that made such a good seat.
“See,” she said, gesturing out over the wall i
n the distance. “You can see half the village from here.”
“What you need are binoculars.”
“I have some,” she said, grinning at him and showing him the binoculars she kept hidden in the hole in the tree. She didn’t mention that she’d seen him in the café with the blond that day. It would give away her advantage.
“How long have you been climbing this tree?” he asked.
“For years. Since I was a little girl.”
“And you were never tempted to just hop on over the wall?” He was leaning back against the thick trunk beside her, and they were sitting very close together, in order for them both to fit on the branch.
“Of course, I was. It was against the rules and that made it even more tempting. I actually did a few times, but the punishments got worse and worse, and eventually it didn’t seem worth it. There was no real adventure to be had in the village anyway. So I’d just sit in this tree and look over the wall and dream about how it would feel to be free.”
She gave a little start as she finished the sentence, surprised and unnerved that she’d spoken so openly to a man she didn’t know and didn’t trust.
He didn’t appear to think it was strange, though. With a thoughtful expression, he murmured, “You didn’t feel free, even with all the luxuries you could ask for?”
“You can have all kinds of luxuries, but if you’re trapped in a palace, you’re still trapped in a palace.”
“They wouldn’t let you out, even if you asked?”
“Yes, they’d let me out, but I’d only be able to go certain places and do certain things. It doesn’t feel free when your life is scripted that way. I can’t go where I want. I can’t be who I want to be.”
“Who would you want to be?” It sounded like he really wanted to know.
She gave a slightly bitter shrug. “I don’t even know.” Then she shook her head hard. “Sorry. I don’t mean to sound like all I do is complain. I know I have a good life, compared to the majority of people. But I guess everyone wants what they don’t have.”
“Yeah. I think that’s right. And I sure wouldn’t want to be stuck here all my life. A fancy prison is still a prison.”
She gave him a little smile, ridiculously pleased that he’d understood. “I guess you’ve never felt like that.”
“Like what? Like I was in a prison.” He gave a strange little laugh. “I’ve definitely felt that way.”
“But you can go anywhere you like, do anything you want, can’t you? You’ve traveled all over, haven’t you?”
“What makes you think that?”
“You said so yesterday. And you’re a freelancer, aren’t you? You look like you’ve lived…hard.”
His laughter this time was more genuine. “Thanks. But, sure, I’ve traveled and experienced all kinds of things, but there are other ways of feeling bound by your own life.”
“How do you feel bound?” She didn’t really expect him to answer.
“When anyone meets me, they always assume I’m only one thing.” He quirked his eyebrows at her.
“Let me guess. They think you’re a handsome, charming playboy, don’t they?”
He gave a self-deprecating flip of his hand that was clearly an admission.
“So does that change when they get to know you?”
“Sometimes.” For the first time, his expression sobered. “But when someone really gets to know me, then they’re always afraid of me.”
This wasn’t at all what she’d expected. “What? What do you mean? Why are they afraid of you?”
He met her eyes and gave a half-shrug. “Certain skills can be…dangerous.”
She didn’t doubt for a minute that this man could be dangerous, and he was probably an expert at weapons and fighting. But she felt like she was getting to know him better, and she wasn’t afraid of him. She didn’t really understand what he was talking about.
“Yeah,” she said slowly, “but they’re only dangerous if they’re used against people, right? Why do they always assume you’re going to use your skills against them? I wouldn’t assume that.”
“Wouldn’t you?” he asked softly.
“No. I’m not afraid of you.”
With a little smile, he reached up and stroked her cheekbone with his knuckles. “Thank you for that, but I don’t think you really know me yet.”
She had no argument to that one, so she was silent for a minute, thinking about what he’d just said.
Finally, she sighed and said, “Honestly, sometimes I wish someone was actually afraid of me. At least it would prove I have some depth.”
“Of course, you have depth,” he said, sounding surprised.
“Sometimes I feel like this woods—artificially created for a very limited purpose and only allowed to grow within preconceived limits. And mostly just for show. And even that I’m not any good at.”
“Now, you know that’s not true.”
“Yes, it really is.”
“Because you don’t look like your sister? There are different kinds of beauty, you know. And yours is like a violet next to a peony. One might get most of the attention, but that’s not because the other is less beautiful. It’s just worth a harder pursuit.”
Kyla peered at him and saw nothing but sincerity in his eyes. She couldn’t help but smile. She’d never received a better compliment in her life, and it didn’t seem just like empty praise.
Starting to feel self-conscious, she decided it was safest if she change the subject. “Where were you born?”
Hall didn’t seem to mind the shift. He relaxed against the trunk and said, “On a little planet no one has ever heard of. It was naturally habitable, though, so no artificial habitation generators. My parents owned a vineyard.”
“Really? Did they make wine?”
“Yes. Really fine wine. They had a small but very exclusive market. They were never rich, but they loved the grapes and they loved the wine.”
“So I guess you know all about wine then.”
“Oh, yes.” He smiled, as if the thought of it made him happy.
“How’s the wine in our Court?”
“Not bad, as far as replicated stuff goes. It’s just a shallow reflection of the real thing, though.”
“Yeah. I guess so. I’ve never had the real thing.”
“You need to remedy that before you die.”
She doubted that would ever happen, but she did like the idea. “So is the vineyard still around?”
“No. My uncle sold it off when my parents died.”
“Oh no! How old were you?”
“Eleven. I was sent to live with my grandmother after that.”
“Where did she live?”
“She lived on Earth. In the ugliest part of the concrete jungle that planet has turned into.”
“That doesn’t sound good, after the vineyard.”
“In some ways, it was alright. My grandmother…she had similar…gifts to me. But she didn’t have very much else to offer me. I had to learn to make it on my own.”
All of this history he was sharing was fitting together in her mind, turning him into a whole person, a person she understood. “I guess you became self-sufficient early, then.”
“Yes.” He was smiling faintly, but there was a familiar glint of bitterness in his eyes that she’d seen there before. “I told myself if I could ever get out of that life, I would start moving and never stop. That world felt like a prison to me, and I was desperate to be free.”
She nodded. “Kind of like me, only my prison was a little more comfortable.”
“Exactly,” Hall agreed.
“I guess maybe that feeling isn’t all that unusual,” she said, thinking as the words came out. “For the life we’re given to feel like…like shackles.”
He met her eyes and held her gaze for a really long time. Finally, he breathed, “Yeah.”
“At least you managed to get out.”
“Did I?”
“Well, you’re not stuck in that ugly part of
Earth anymore, are you?”
“True. But I don’t really feel very different. I just can’t shake that feeling of being…bound. Last year, I was in a…a really bad situation. I came pretty close to killing myself. I got out of it, but everything seems tainted after that. Like nothing I used to enjoy is the same.” He sighed and closed his eyes. “It feels like I’m still in prison.”
She gazed at him, understanding his bitterness, fatigue, disillusionment better than she would have expected.
After a moment, he gave a wry chuckle, as if he’d just remembered who he was and what he was doing. “Anyway, none of that is really relevant at the moment.”
She didn’t like that he’d brushed aside their conversation that way. “I think it is. I think it’s relevant. It’s funny that we both kind of feel the same. Maybe we’re just doing life wrong.”
This idea seemed to strike a chord in Hall. His brows drew together, like he was mulling over what she’d just said.
No one in all her life had listened to her the way Hall had. No one had taken her words so seriously, like she might actually be saying something wise, something worthwhile.
She suddenly felt too close to him, too exposed, like she was stripped naked in front of him—far deeper than anything physical.
It was terrifying. She’d never experienced it before. She straightened up with a little gasp and started to climb back down the tree.
“I didn’t realize it was so late,” she said, trying to sound natural. “I better be getting back.”
Hall looked like he’d been waken up abruptly, like he couldn’t quite focus yet. “Yeah. Me too.”
When they’d both reached the ground, he reached out to put his hand on her back, an automatic gesture to guide her back to the trail. She jerked away from his touch without thinking, still scared of the intimacy she’d felt earlier.
“Sorry,” she said with a nervous laugh. “You just scared me.”
His eyes never left her face. “I know I did.”
She didn’t know what exactly he meant by that, but it had sounded significant.
She decided the best thing to do would be to get back to the safety of her room.
Four
Eight days later, Kyla was sitting out on her terrace, breathing in a fresh breeze and waiting rather impatiently for when she could go on her walk.