Catalyst
Chapter 8—Rellik
Catalyst: a person or thing that precipitates an event
“What the fuck was in that weed, Hang?” Trigger asked as I stood in front of Ella, examining her.
“The shock is wearing off,” I called over my shoulder.
“Chicks are too fucking delicate,” Hangman joked. Clearly he had smoked away his sensitivity.
“I’m fine,” she mumbled but wouldn’t look me in the eye as she turned for the door. I looked back at the guys, knowing if she left now, she would break down and have no one to turn to. “It’s just a panic attack. It’s not a big deal.”
“Let me take you home or something.” I clenched my jaw, knowing I was going to delay the concert, but I couldn’t just let her go.
“No. Maric will fire me.”
“I can handle Maric.”
“I don’t need you to fight my battles for me.”
“Clearly you do.”
“Rellik,” Phantom called out, and the deep bass in his voice caused Ella to jump, her hand on her chest if trying to keep her heart from escaping. “She doesn’t want your help. Let it go.”
I turned to her and took a deep breath, forcing myself to bury growing anger toward him. “I’ll walk you out.” I stepped to her side and placed my hand on the small of her back, urging her forward and into the hall. “I’ll be right back,” I promised the guys with empty words. I had no choice. The look in her eye might have been from different circumstances, but I’d seen it in my own reflection. I knew what it felt like to be screaming for someone, anyone, to give a fuck about you.
“You know that’s not what I’m worried about,” Phantom said quietly as I pulled the door closed behind us.
I knew her resemblance to Katie was clouding my judgment, but I had to help her. What kind of person would I be if I had left her in that alley? It wasn’t about Katie. It wasn’t.
“Thank you,” she said as we walked through the mint-colored labyrinth of hallways to the back exit. I could hear her counting her footsteps under her breath. As we hit the warm night air behind the parking lot, I pulled one of the security aside.
“I need the car.”
He nodded and spoke into his earpiece. Ella looked like she was falling apart, and I wanted to be able to comfort her, but playing the nice guy wasn’t something I had a lot of experience at. I had saved her and that would have to be enough. I wasn’t wired any other way. Within minutes a black SUV pulled up beside us, and the guard driving got out and walked around the car to open the passenger door.
“You’re not listening to me. I’m not leaving. I just need some air.” Something was bothering her, and I wasn’t sure the attack in the alley was the catalyst. This chick didn’t seem like the type to cower in a corner to lick her wounds.
“Fine.” I motioned to the man, and the car was taken back to the employee lot. I leaned against the metal exterior of the building, the wall still holding in the heat from an unbearable day. She pressed her back against the wall next to me as I pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, popping one in my mouth.
“Those will kill you.” She folded her arms over her chest, hugging herself.
“I’m touched you care.” I pulled it from my mouth and flipped it over in my hand. “I haven’t lit one in six months. I like knowing I can if I want to.”
“So you’re spoiled. Used to always getting what you want.”
“No.” I shook my head as I broke the cigarette in half and glanced over at her. “Not always.”
“Thank you. I’m not sure I said it back there, but thank you for helping me.”
“It’s not easy to admit we need help sometimes. I get it.” I knew it was hard for her to say the words. She was damn near as stubborn as I was.
“But I was rude. It wasn’t fair.”
“Christ, I think I liked it better when you were mean. Why the change?”
“Not used to people being nice to you?”
“Not genuinely. They usually want something in return. I kind of like this whole bitchy thing you had going on.” We fell silent as I thought that over. There was less guilt when she didn’t like me.
“So, being in a band? That’s kind of crazy, huh?”
“It sounds a lot better than it is. I like what I do, and I never wanted…uh…never wanted to do anything else.” My eyebrows pulled together, and I swallowed hard as I struggled to keep my thoughts at bay. “But it’s work, like anything else. It’s lonely.”
“Still, must be nice to get to do what you love.”
“Love.” I cringed, struggling to keep a pained expression from my face, but the back door opened, and Hangman stuck his head outside. “It’s just a job.”
“We gotta go, man.” Hangman let the door slam behind him, and my gaze fell to Ella.
“You okay? We can stay out here if you want.”
“Why doesn’t it bother you about, you know, what you did to that guy?”
“It does bother me.”
“You can’t tell.”
“No offense, but you don’t know me, Ella. Beating up some asshole for manhandling a woman doesn’t rank on my list of things to give a shit about. It bothers me, but not for the reason it should.” I turned back around to the door, pulling it open for her.
“I just want to make sure you’re one of the good guys.” She stepped inside, and I followed behind her.
“I’m not.” Ella’s resemblance to Katie was kicking my mind into overdrive. It was like she was the blade on my veins, and every second was a push against my flesh.
* *
“You don’t need to handcuff him. He’s a good kid!” My mom was panicking as tears streamed down her face. “Do something!” Mr. Thomas had his arm around her.
“I can assure you this is just a case of boys roughhousing,” he said. “Let me call Bryce’s parents. I’m sure we can work this out on our own.”
The officer clicked the cuff in place around my left wrist and sighed with frustration. “Your son assaulted another boy, fracturing his jaw in two places and leaving a two-inch gash in the back of his head. We take that very seriously. He could have killed him.”
“He’s not my dad,” I snapped, but when my eyes met my mother’s, she flinched. It wasn’t enough her only son stood before her, handcuffed and covered in someone else’s blood. I had insulted her on top of everything.
“What would your father think?” Her words seared through me like a scalding knife. It didn’t matter. I didn’t care what anyone thought as long as Katie was safe.
“What do you care, Ma? You sure as hell didn’t care what he thought when you were off screwing my guidance counselor behind his back. Bryce deserved what he got. Dad didn’t.”
My mother’s face twisted in horror. “Your father died in someone else’s car.” Her sobs fell on deaf ears. I never forgot that my mom and Mr. Thomas told me they ate at the same restaurant at the time of his accident.
“And now you get to live with someone else,” I yelled.
* *
I watched as Ella made her way down the hallway toward the kitchen, and I went back to grab my guitar before meeting the band at the stage.
The guys were pacing the floor when I returned, and we were rushed onto the stage. The building was packed, and the DJ had already stayed a half hour later than he was paid for.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Phantom was by my side as I walked toward the stage.
“Don’t worry about me.”
“I’m not.” He stepped in front of me and placed his hand on my chest to stop me from continuing on. “I’m worried about the band and that girl.”
“She was fucking attacked. I couldn’t just leave her alone.”
“You could have. You should have. She’s not Katie.”
“I fucking know that,” I snapped, stepping forward until my chest hit his.
“Then leave her alone. She’s safe. Walk away.”
“She needed me.”
“We need y
ou.” He shook his head, worry in his eyes. “And that girl wouldn’t step anywhere near you if she knew about your past.”
“Good thing no one is going to tell her.”
After I’d lost Katie, something inside of me had snapped and crumbled. My obsession with her was like an addict chasing his next high. But nothing compared to that first time. It would never be enough. No one was able to compare to the girl with sad eyes and dirty hair who stole my heart and took it to her grave. I wanted to claw my way to her and become suffocated by her embrace.
Shoving by Phantom, I climbed the steps leading on to the stage. I adjusted the height of my mic stand in front of the crowd as some danced and mingled, while others sipped drinks from their tables. Hangman took a seat behind his drums. Phantom, our bassist, stood to my right, and Trigger, our main guitarist, was on my left. We decided to start things off with a cover of “Animal I Have Become” by Three Days Grace. It was a fitting song for all the old emotions brought to the forefront tonight. I pulled my bloodstained shirt over my head and tossed it on the ground behind me as I slipped my guitar strap over my head.
As I finished the first song, the lights flashed around us, causing the crowd to cheer. Girls swarmed the stage with plastic cups in hand. It wasn’t a big venue, but it was one of the larger crowds that we had played to recently. My eyes sought out Ella, and I found her behind the bar talking to a few patrons as she filled their drinks. I tried to ignore her, needing to clear my head. Being back in Orlando was hard enough on me. Phantom was right, but it didn’t matter.
How could you disappear? Left swinging so low.
Confirming my darkest fears. Now I’m singing solo.
The song ended, and we played into our next cover by Three Days Grace song, “Pain.” I tapped my foot to the beat and gripped the mic with both hands as I sang, Trigger and Hangman singing backup. I made eye contact with various women, but the only one I had on my mind was Ella, which brought me back to Katie. I closed my eyes and sang through the tightening of my chest.
* *
“My stepdad wants to sue you for medical expenses.”
“Your stepdad is an asshole.” I paced in front of Katie as she stood a few feet away, illuminated by the moon that filtered through the trees. I wanted to rush over to her and pull her against me, but after what I had done to her stepbrother, I didn’t know if she wanted me to. I didn’t know if her feelings for me had changed. The idea of being without her terrified me. She had helped me through the loss of my dad, and if it weren’t for her, I’d lose my mind.
“Has Bryce fucked with you?”
“He barely says a word to me, but I know he knows why you did it.”
“Good. I’m glad he knows. That motherfucker better not put his hands on you again.”
She sighed heavily as she walked slowly toward me, sadness in her eyes. I knew she wanted to say something about my swearing, like she always did, but she said nothing. I wanted her to scold me, to tell me she didn’t like it. At least then I would know she still cared.
“What is it?”
“My stepdad called the principal and talked to Mr. Thomas. He wants to change my classes so I’m not anywhere near you.” She stopped in front of me as she looked at the ground between us.
I pulled her against my chest as I stared up at the moon through the trees. My arms tightened. I hated having to sneak out to meet her. If she got caught, she would get in a lot of trouble, but I couldn’t stay away from her. Katie and I were meant to be together. No one was going to stop that.
“I’ll talk to Mr. Thomas. He won’t let that happen. I’ll fix it for us.”
“Bryce told them he saw you flirting with me, and he told you to leave me alone, and that’s why you attacked him. He said he was going to tell my mom about us if I didn’t stay away from you.” She pulled back from my embrace to look at me, and it killed me to see her so sad.
“Katie, you have to tell them the truth. At least tell your mom. She’ll understand.”
“After what you did to Bryce? They wanted to press charges. They want to send me to live with my dad in Charlotte. I don’t want to go.”
It was selfish of me to be happy she didn’t want to be away from me, but I didn’t trust Bryce to leave her alone. The guy was a first-class asshole. The only reason anyone tolerated him was because he was the best player they had on the football team.
“I won’t let that happen, Katie.”
“Maybe we should just stay away from each other for a while.”
“What? What are you saying?” My mind raced as I reached out for her, and she folded her arms over her chest. “Katie, I would never hurt you. You know that, right? Katie!”
“I know that.” She took a step back, and like the twig that cracked under her foot, so did my heart.
“Then why are you hurting me?”
* *
As I reached the chorus, I opened my eyes, and they landed on Ella’s. My tongue ran over the cut on my lip as we began to play an original song of ours.
To the untrained eye she’s hanging by a thread
But she’s a black widow and she’s spinning a web
Hotter than sin and hell-bent on pain
She’ll eat you alive until nothing remains but…
LOVE will be the death of us all
LOVE until you crumble and fall
LOVE just another reason to cry
Fuck love, fuck you, I don’t want your lie
Begging for mercy and waiting to attack
The knife in your heart slides into your back
Kill or be killed, but you’re dying for her
Sin tasted, life wasted, because there’s no cure for…
LOVE will be the death of us all
LOVE until you crumble and fall
LOVE just another reason to cry
Fuck love, fuck you, I don’t want your lie
We continued the set, singing a few original songs and a couple more covers before the night was over and I could finally get off stage. I needed something to calm my mind, and the blonde who had just grabbed my arm and pressed her chest against mine normally would be the perfect choice. But when I glanced up again to the bar, the smile Ella had worn through the night had faded, and in that fraction of a second, her mask slipped.
“Give me a minute.” I stepped around the woman and made my way through the crowd to the bar.
“Need a drink?” She tucked her hair behind her ear as she filled a mug of beer from the tap, but her mind was elsewhere.
“Double shot of Jack, straight up.”
She smirked and shook her head. “And for your friend?” She glanced over my shoulder, and I looked behind me to see the blonde I had just brushed off before looking back to Ella.
“You can pour yourself one as well, if you think you can handle it.”
Her smile broadened as I blew off the other woman. She poured out our drinks and sat my glass in front of me, raising her own toward her lips. “Challenge accepted. What are we drinking to?”
I grabbed my own glass, spinning it in my fingers as the amber liquid sloshed against the side of the cup. “To dark alleys.” I drank back the shot, letting it burn down my throat without a chaser.
“To dark alleys.” She drank slowly, her eyebrows furrowed like she was in pain, but she didn’t stop as I struggled not to laugh.
“Are you going to hang out for the after party?” I asked as she took my glass and poured again.
“Actually, when my shift ends, I have something I have to do.”
“What’s that?” I asked, and she tilted her head to the side. “A date?”
“You ask a lot of questions about things that aren’t any of your business.” She poured herself a single and drank it down a little quicker than the last, scrunching up her nose at the taste.
“You don’t have to pretend you like whiskey just to prove something to me.”
“I’m not.” She tried her best to hide the disgust from her face.
“Yo
u don’t have to pretend you don’t like me.”
She leaned forward, resting her elbows on the bar to get closer. “Is it really that hard for you to believe not everyone wants to fuck you?”
I closed the gap between us, and her gaze dropped to my lips. “No one said anything about fucking, sweetheart.” I cocked my head to the side as embarrassment washed over her, tinting her cheeks a sexy shade of pink.
Swoon
Chapter 9—Ella
Swoon: to faint from extreme emotion
His cockiness was getting under my skin. Watching all the women swoon over him as he sang, I could see why it was so easy for react to him that way. But I had way too much on my mind to fall for bedroom eyes.
“Let me take you home.”
I coughed, shocked at his brazen words. “Excuse me?” He was still shirtless in front of me, and my eyes drifted down over his bare, toned chest.
“So you don’t have to walk in the alley. I want to make sure you make it home safe. Is everything about sex with you, Ella?”
I felt my face heat from misunderstanding him, and I wanted to slap the smirk from his lips. Maybe my mind was in the gutter. I shook my head as I ran a damp rag over the bar.
“Yeah, rumor has it some lunatic beat the hell out of some guy earlier tonight.” I pictured the eviction notice on my door. I had no idea where I was going to go tonight, but I had suffered enough humiliation for one day and was desperate to change the subject.
“Why do the other guys go by nicknames, and you don’t? Not very creative.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“I dunno.” She chewed her lip as she fought against a smile. “The other guys have these scary names, and yours kind of sounds like a third-generation teakettle on the Antique Road Show. Not something that evokes fear.”
He laughed loudly as he shook his head. “Relic. Never thought of it that way.”
Rellik smiled crookedly as he leaned over the bar, snatching a pen from my apron. Grabbing a beer coaster, he wrote out his name in capital letters before sliding it to me.
“I don’t get it.”
“Turn around. Look in the mirror behind the bar.”
I spun around as I held it up to my chest, glancing between the rows of liquor bottles.