“The end of the world is nigh! If you cannot stop me in the next ten seconds, it will be too late! The world will perish under your -“
“- is that ten seconds starting when you first said it, or starting right now?”
“Um,” he said, trying to stay in character. “THE END WILL BEGIN WHEN –“
“- you didn’t answer my question.”
“The villain won’t give you specifics,” he whined.
“So I shouldn’t even let you speak. I should’ve taken you out as soon as I realized what your intentions were.”
“But that ruins the suspense of it all! You can’t just knock out the bad guy as soon you see him! What if he has important information?”
“Like what?”
“Well, what if there was a bomb hidden in a major city? If you knock out the bad guy right away, you’ll never know it was there, and then how are you a hero?”
“Good thinking.”
“Okay, so –“
“But just tell me, is it ten seconds as soon as you say it? Or after you’re done speaking?”
“Okay, Dad, listen,” his son sighed as he placed the palm of his hand to his forehead. “If the villain is speaking, and a timer starts, then you go by the timer. However, if he says ten seconds and no timer starts, then it begins as soon as he stops.”
“What if he says ten seconds and there is no timer, but there really is one behind the scenes?”
“I don’t know!” Hunter threw up his hands in exasperation, plopping down in the grass. Connor chuckled as he surveyed his surroundings. Hunter had done a fantastic job turning the small backyard into a villain’s lair. Paper Mache, duct tape, cardboard boxes and toilet paper tubes were everywhere, creating intricate systems of pipes, vents, and gigantic, fake computer consoles. He said he was playing the mastermind today. One that was able to outsmart his dad since he would be unable to take him down in a physical fight. Though Connor was by no means a superhero, Hunter took his dad’s training very seriously. Just in case…
“Hunter,” Connor started to say in his fatherly tone as his son glared at him. “I mean, Doctor Destruction…I’m just making sure I understand what I’m supposed to do.”
“You sounded like you were making fun.”
“Well, I’m not. I need to know the precise moment I’m supposed to kick your butt.”
“Well,” his son smirked, coming to life, “it depends on the situation. You’ll have to go with your instincts if no timer is displayed.”
“I see.”
“Dad, I may be twelve, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t had years of comic book experience. I basically have my doctorate in this stuff.”
“I believe it. I’m very impressed.”
“Then are you ready to continue?”
“To save the world? Of course!” Connor flexed his right arm and nearly tore the fabric of his costume. Hunter had learned how to sew because he said that a superhero never knew when a suit would get destroyed in battle. And unfortunately, Hunter had been faithful to his beloved comic book stories. Skin tight. Chafing. Hugging every nook and cranny. Connor often draped his cape around the front because he was sure his crotch was showing a little. But he had to play the part. In Hunter’s words, no one was going to take a man in lame, business clothes seriously…
But it wasn’t all bad. He had to admit that his son had taken extra care into his work and ensured that his father looked as magnificent as possible with materials from the local Save-a-Bunch store.
Green and black. There were worse combinations. At least the black almost matched his hair and green was by far his favorite color. A light blue cape…didn’t see that one coming, but Hunter said that at night, it would stand out, and a superhero needed to be noticed, which was the last thing Connor wanted. After all, there was a reason they had moved from the city to the country.
“Now, Champion,” Hunter announced. “My greatest nemesis, my most loathed foe, you will not win this battle! In the next ten seconds, the world will be doomed! Destroyed! My nuclear device has linked all of the warheads of this planet to one another. With the press of a button, each one will be launched! Not even you are fast enough to catch them all! And it only takes one to send us back to the ice age! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
It was then that Connor noticed the toy Nerf gun launchers positioned all around the yard. Perhaps Hunter had planned on turning the “lair” into the “world” once the warheads launched. My god…he would have only seconds to catch or destroy each one. There had to be over a hundred!
“How much of your allowance did you spend on those?” Connor asked but his son was too far gone in the role.
“Do not worry about my finances, Champion! You should be worrying about your precious humans! I, after all, am just an alien being, whose physiology will not be affected by the fallout!”
He really thought of everything.
“You will not win, Doctor Destruction!” Connor bellowed suddenly, putting a fist to his chest. If he was to play imaginary games with his son, nothing short of full compliance with the rules would be accepted.
“Your amplified voice is useless, Champion! I have earplugs!”
“DO YOU NOW?” Connor roared, just enough to make his son’s ears wince. Hunter smiled through the discomfort and pointed a finger at his father.
“DIE, FOOL!” Hunter screamed in fake rage.
“NO, DOCTOR DESTRUCTION!” Connor bellowed. “YOU WILL FAIL THIS DAY JUST LIKE THE LAST! FOR I AM THE CHAMPION OF THE PEOPLE!”
He ignored the little squeal of delight that escaped Hunter’s lips. He had a world to save.
The warheads launched. Connor had missed the remote control snuggled firmly in his son’s hands. It was a time in which he wished he had some kind of super sight, but no use in worrying about that now. Every millisecond counted.
Connor, now the Champion, sped back and forth across the yard, destroying as many as he could with a chop of his hand, picking up speed with every half a second. Soon, he was just a blur and as the last warhead was just about to hit the ground, Champion caught the tail with his fingers, clutched it to his chest, and took off to the skies. Hunter jumped up and down in delight as his father boomed upward, breaking the sound barrier at will. Reaching just high enough to know that Hunter would hear it, Champion took a deep breath, flexed his amplified voice, and made a fake explosion sound.
It was like thunder, clapping across the plain with an impressive shockwave. And from up above, he could hear Hunter laughing manically, relishing in his victory. The Champion had sacrificed himself. Sure, he had saved the day, but at the cost of his life…
Or did he?
Champion hit the ground like lightning, striking a “Hercules’ pose” as Hunter gasped in shock.
“Champion! HOW DID YOU SURVIVE?”
“You can’t kill justice,” Champion declared. He knew Hunter would like that.
“Maybe so,” he said slyly, “but I have one more trick up my sleeve. There!”
Hunter pointed back at the house and chuckled.
“There is a warhead, ready to go off any second, planted deep within your home. Tell me, Champion, can you find it in the next fifteen seconds, or will you fail and lose your precious family?”
“Even Champion needs help sometimes,” Jessica said, coming out of the back porch door. She was holding a Nerf missile in her hands.
“MOM! Dad’s supposed to find it!”
“Well, I did, and now Champion can relax, knowing his family and the world is safe from danger.”
“But you can’t interfere! You don’t have any powers!”
“I have the power to tell you to clean your room.”
“That’s not a power,” Hunter muttered.
“Isn’t it?” Jessica smirked.
“Yes,” Hunter replied and threw down the “remote control.” He sulked into the house and shut the back porch door behind him.
“Will you be the one to clean up this mess, Wonderful?” Jessica
asked her husband as she waved a hand around the yard.
“No, actually,” he smiled. “Hunter can do it when he’s done with his room. And the name’s Champion, miss.”
“Oh! Champion! So sorry!” Jessica fake-swooned into her husband’s arms. “My hero. Saving the day from all of those toy missiles!”
“You laugh, but our son is very serious about this. I swear, if he could make a career out of training superheroes, he would’ve found his calling.”
“Oh, I don’t laugh at that. I think it’s rather adorable. Especially since he takes such an interest in you. But, this costume…now that is a whole different story. I’m not sure whether to think it’s comical or sexy.”
“Hopefully we’re going with the latter, or I may never wear it again.”
“Then we will,” Jessica said quickly, chuckling under her breath. It wasn’t the first laugh she had gotten out of seeing him dress up. “So, are the two of you ready for dinner?”
“Dinner? I thought it was my turn to cook tonight.”
“It is, but the two of you were having so much fun, I decided to just order pizza.”
“With what money? You know I don’t get paid until tomorrow.”
“I decided to use some of my own spending money.”
“You didn’t have to…”
“It’s okay, hero,” she laughed as she playfully punched his arm. “If things get too sticky, we’ll just have you rob a bank.”
“Ha-ha.”
“Ready to eat then?”
“Of course. Just let me ask you a question first. You and Hunter didn’t plan a scenario for me around dinner, did you? Because last time we had pizza, I had to determine which of the slices had been “poisoned.” I chose wrong, and I ended up having laxatives for dinner instead of sausage. It wasn’t a fun night.”
“It was his birthday. He asked me to do that instead of buying him a present, and you know how money is tight.”
“So I get poisoned?”
“They were laxatives, remember? Don’t be so dramatic.”
“You know, someday I’m going to suggest to Hunter that you play the damsel in distress. Have you tied up somewhere.”
“And I would tease you for months afterwards, because we both know you wouldn’t save me.”
“Ouch. What are you saying? I’m not so good at the superhero game?”
“No. I’m saying that your son is a better villain than you are a hero.”
“Wow, you are on a roll tonight.”
“I try,” she winked as she walked back inside the house. Connor smirked and shook his head, wondering what else the night laid in store…