Chapter 15
Camille hurried into the office, panicked and flustered, “Mr. Mason, is everything alright?”
Brad turned to face her, a dark, angry figure standing amidst the destruction of his hands. Papers were strewn everywhere, folders, his glass pen holder lay in pieces at the foot of his desk, his desk was bare save for the lone monitor and keyboard that had escaped the angry sweep of his hands.
“I can’t find her Camille!”
Camille took a cautious step toward him, “who?” she asked.
Shaking his head he sank into his chair and pressed his index finger against his cheek thoughtfully, “Mara. I’ve been calling her since Sunday. I can’t find her.”
“Well where would she go?”
He shrugged, his face still troubled and drawn, “call Derek will you?”
“Sir, is there anything I can do, maybe she has her car, we can use the GPS to track her maybe.”
Brad looked up at her now, the preoccupied look in his eyes faded slightly to one of hope, “can you?”
Camille nodded, “I can contact Lee in the I.T department see if he can help us out.”
“Do that, tell him it’s urgent and that I said so.”
She nodded sharply, “I’ll call Mr. Reed as well.”
Brad turned his chair to face the window behind him, there wasn’t much of a view but it was as calming as any. He lifted clasped hands underneath his chin and sighed, she could be anywhere, he knew that, but he still couldn’t help worrying. Maybe because his guilt was still gnawing at him, draining him of all his reason, since she’d walked out that day he’d felt like he’d suddenly aged. If something happened to her, as angry as he was with her, he would probably never get over it.
Derek came into his office a short while after, looking grave, “what’s up man?”
“It’s Mara.”
Derek rolled his eyes, “what’d she do now?”
“She’s gone, I can’t find her.”
Derek smiled, “well praise the lord!”
“For what!” Brad cried angrily, pounding the desk top with his fist, “I didn’t want her to leave.”
He leaned back with a worried sigh, “I… thought I did but I can’t bear the thought of her out there mad at me, thinking I hate her and… I don’t. I just… didn’t want her to lie to me anymore.”
Derek looked at him with a sad smile, “wow man, I didn’t think so either. I really thought you wanted her to leave.”
Brad looked up at him, “why would you think that?”
“Well I don’t know, maybe it was the police man who almost broke my neck, or the drinking, or the constant complaining about her, or I don’t know,” he pressed his index finger to his chin in exaggerated, sarcastic thought, “maybe it was the blinking divorce papers you had out the night she came home!”
Brad glared at him, “I know, that was stupid, you don’t have to rub it in.”
“Brad what was going through your head. I’m your friend, you know I try to support you when I think you’re right, or when I think it’s best for you. And you led me to believe that Mara had tried to kill you, that Mara was a threat to your life, not once had you ever mentioned that you were still in love with her, that you were confused. I would’ve supported you man, I’d a tried my best to help you get through it and still manage to save your marriage, but you led me to believe there was nothing left for you.”
Brad nodded remorsefully, “I know am sorry, I guess I wasn’t sure myself. But now that she’s gone, I’m starting to believe I was wrong.”
Derek smiled and reached over to pat him on the shoulder, “it’s alright bro, every thing’s gonna work out. She probably just needs some time off, probably moping at a hotel somewhere, maxing out her last credit card, she’ll come around.”
“Yeah, I sure hope so.”
“Alright, I got to get back to work. Hey maybe me, you and Anna can hang out later, I mean she did come here to see you.”
Brad narrowed his eyes at him, “yeah right.”
“Naw man I’m serious. I asked her here to see if she could help you focus again.”
“Oh come Derek, leave that kind of nonsense for the ladies. I know she spent the night at your place, I’ve seen you two together. Don’t try to turn it around and say it was all for my benefit, I’m a man too and I’ve seen the way you look at her.”
Derek drew nearer to the desk and leaned over it, “and what if I do like her, do you have a problem with that?”
“What do you think this is? I’m not giving you hand outs. Anna’s the mother of my child.”
Derek sneered at him, “yeah you keep saying that, like it give you some sort of right over her, as far as I see it the only right you have is to your daughter. You lost the claim to Anna years ago, when you fell in love and married someone else. No, I take that back, you lost her long before that didn’t you?”
Brad stood up and returned his angry stare, “you better stay away from her.”
“We’ll do what we please Brad,” he straightened up and dusted off his suit dramatically, “and the next time you mention her, or think about her, just remember she is Anna Wright, a beautiful young mother, who loves God, an aspiring nurse, a gardener, a world class cook, a Grenadian, who just happens to be the woman who had your kid.”
He turned and marched toward the door, he paused and turned to look at him, “we’re all messed up Brad but I think that this is our time of redemption, it’s our time to stop fighting through the thorny paths trying to keep up with each other, and make our way to the main road. We’re at the cross road Brad, where all the roads meet and we can’t wonder any more about what we want, we have to know what needs to be let go of.”
He shrugged and picked up his jacket, “I’ll be praying for you.”
Brad fell back into his chair and dropped his head into his hands, everything was falling apart, what was he supposed to do now that his best friend was willing to ruin their friendship in order to have the mother of his child.
“Mom, when are you coming home? Are you bringing Brad with you?”
“I’m not sure honey, things are really hectic for your father right now, he barely has time to see me,” replied Anna.
There was nothing she loved more than sitting here in her hotel room listening to the sound of her daughters voice, she’d missed her more than she would’ve imagined, and she knew Casey missed her as well, she could hear it in her voice when she complained of her uncle’s cooking.
“But I’ll be home soon don’t worry.”
She smiled at the sound of Casey’s heavy sigh on the other line, soon didn’t seem to be enough for her.
“Okay, I guess that will be fine,” she said, “what about Mr. Reed, how is he doing?”
Anna couldn’t help the wide grin that appeared when she heard Derek’s name, it was weird how unrealistic certain aspects of their relationship was, yet when they were together it just felt quite right. Hearing Casey mention him had her thinking about how she would tell her, that is, if things got serious between her and Derek, and that made her think about Brad. How would he feel if he found out she was dating his best friend? But she already knew the answer to that, as a matter of fact she’d gotten up that morning with a feeling of dread and guilt, like she’d somehow betrayed him. She was so wound up by her emotions that she was a mess when she’d fallen to her knees and prayed for reassurance and guidance, she’d prayed until she was so overwhelmed she fell onto her face, her body being wracked with sobs, then the peace that comes with answered prayers swept over her and she was able to face herself and her troubled life again.
“Mom?”
“Oh yes,” she hadn’t realized she’d tuned out of the conversation, “I’m sorry honey. Uh… Derek’s fine.”
She took a deep breath and wrapped the phone cord around her finger nervously, “Case, I have something I need to tell you, please don’t act funny, I need you to be mature okay
.”
“Come one mom I’m the most mature eleven year old in my class,” Casey retorted with a snort.
Anna smiled, “of course.”
“Well go ahead mom.”
She took a deep breath and a moment to organize her thoughts, “well, I have a… uh… a date tonight…”
“Oh my gosh! Well that’s great, since you and Dr. Manning broke up I’ve been kind of worried about you…” Casey interrupted.
“Well hold on,” Anna cut in, only to frown and back track to her daughter’s statement, “worried? Why would you be worried?”
“I just thought you… I don’t know … I was just worried about you that’s all. So who is it?”
“That’s the weird part, it’s Derek.”
She waited for a dramatic response but there was none, only the awkward silence that could only mean complete surprise.
“But you hate him,” Casey responded finally, the shock still evident in her voice.
“Hate is a very strong word… we just didn’t get along so well in the start, a simple misunderstanding.”
“A misunderstanding? Of what exactly.”
Anna frowned, it was a misunderstanding of beliefs wasn’t it? It was merely a mutual failure to not assume the worst of each other. But now that she thought about it, it seemed utterly ridiculous, how could they come from enemies and accusers to going out on dates.
“I don’t know,” she said uncertainly, “I guess we just… uh … like each other.”
They chatted for a little while again about nothing in particular, not with Anna being preoccupied with her own confusing thoughts. When they finally hung up she drifted to the bathroom like a mindless clone of herself. Everything she did was automatic; she took a shower in slow motion, styled her hair like a robot with programmed settings, a thoughtful frown on her face. She dressed and turned to the mirror, her mind suddenly feeling like it was in connection with her body once more, but this time there wasn’t uncertainty.
She’d made a decision it seemed, during her moment of disconnection, she’d decided that what she felt for Derek wasn’t enough to form a relationship. The reality was that the moment she realized who he was she’d let down her guard and allowed him to affect her with his charm, there was no reason to guard her emotions, but just like with Neil she’d failed to clarify her desires in prayer and she’d learned from an almost destructive mistake years ago, that decisions made in haste and passion usually wound up in heart ache. This was exactly what she was doing again, it was a hasty, passionate, compensatory response to knowing she’d lost Brad for good this time, and she knew that if she were to hurt Derek the way she hurt Neil with her uncertainty, she would never forgive herself. It was better to remain a single mother and channel that love into her child than to try to feel better about herself through a relationship that she would not give her whole self into; that would be unfair to Derek, unfair to anyone who should suffer under half hearted love.
There was a knock at the door. Anna took a deep breath and answered it. Standing there with an unreadable but worrying expression was Brad. He gave her a half hearted smile that vanished as quickly as it came and handed her a bouquet of pink flowers.
Anna swallowed hard as her stomach did a sickening somersault and she tried to cover her disappointment with a stiff smile.
“Can I come in?” his voice was low and strained.
“What are you doing here?” she asked as he pushed past her into the room.
She shut the door in exasperation and turned to face him, her arms folded across her chest impatiently.
“Where’s Derek?” he asked.
Anna shook her head in confusion, “why would Derek be here?”
Brad sat down and picked up a book she’d been reading, he turned it over in his hand with a blank expression on his face.
“I don’t know, I just figured since you two were spending so much extra time together he might be here. You know, like you were at his place so early in the morning that time I called,” he said with a sarcastic smile.
“You know you can be a real jerk when you try.”
He chuckled and tossed the book back on the coffee table, “I’m not trying to be, Anna,” he said with a sigh, “look am sorry if am coming off a bit crass, am just really confused about some things and … I just don’t have anyone to talk to. I know Derek isn’t here, he’s probably on his way I guess.”
“What do you mean you don’t have anyone to talk to? What about Derek, he’s a great friend to you. Look I hope the fact that we’re going out together doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable with him ‘cause I wouldn’t want to ruin your friendship or anything,” she said with wide caring eyes as she joined him on the couch.
Brad smiled, “no, well not entirely. I mean Derek’s made up his mind that he’s not gonna …” he shook his head and exhaled, “we kind fell out, he walked out of my office this morning really angry at me so I doubt that option is still open, I don’t even know if he still considers me a friend.”
Anna gasped, “Oh my God, why would he do that?” she reached over and took both his hands.
“Listen to me Raj, I don’t know what Derek led you to believe but this relationship is… well it’s a mistake…”
“What? But I got the impression that you two were really serious,” he said with a frown.
Anna started to respond when there was a playful knock at the door; she turned toward it, then toward Brad.
“I haven’t really explained that to him yet, but I’ve been thinking about it and…” she got up and walked to the door.
“In a minute!” she called. Then she turned back to Brad, “you think he’ll be mad?”
Brad arched his eyebrows, “probably, I know I would.”
There was an awkward silence following his last statement, as Anna stared at him in confusion, what did he mean by that? Brad stared back, feeling a tad embarrassed at his thoughtlessness, he hadn’t considered it inappropriate when he said it but now that he held her eyes he knew that they had both realized the underlying meaning to it now that it had been said.
The knock at the door drew them out of their moment and Anna turned to open the door. Turning her flustered gaze upon a handsomely dressed, smiling Derek. He arrested her with his charming gaze and handed her a fresh bouquet of white flowers then leaned down to plant a light kiss on her cheek.
“I thought red would’ve been a little to bold,” he whispered.
It took Anna an embarrassing moment to figure out that he was referring to the flowers, she was even more distracted by his cologne, his smile, by his very presence, and by the time she could respond he’d spotted Brad sitting on the sofa.
“Brad?”
He eased past her into the room, “what are you doing here?” he asked with an angry frown.
Brad stood up and shoved his hands into his pockets as he took up an authoritative stance, a smug smile on his face.
“Hey Derek,” he shrugged, “just thought I’d stop by to say hi to Anna, feels like ages since I’ve seen her.”
Derek glared at him, “you knew we were going out tonight,” he said accusingly.
“Not really, I did remember you saying we could all hang out.”
“Yeah but…” he threw his hands up in exasperation and turned to Anna, “can I talk to you for a minute… alone.”
She hesitated for a moment, glancing over at Brad uncertainly, “uh yeah sure.”
They slipped out onto the balcony and Derek pulled the double doors behind them, “what the hell Anna?”
“Me? You’re the one that neglected your best friend when he needs you the most, for what? Me?”
“That’s what he told you? That little… he’s acting just like his psycho wife.”
Anna glared at him, “how can you say that, after all she’s put him through.”
“Don’t go there Anna, he’s as manipulative and selfish as she is!”
“Stop it,” she
warned.
“Did he tell you that he still loves her,”
Anna extended her hands, “so that’s obvious, she’s his wife.”
Derek glared at her, “and where does that leave you? Alone on an island taking care of his kid, pining away over the love you lost and would never have again. Is this the life you want for yourself? Maybe not, but it’s what he wants for you, because no one is ever good enough, not even his best friend, his best man. Because in his selfish world if he can’t have you and Mara he’ll have Mara and you’ll have no one but at least then he wouldn’t have to worry about you being happy!”
She looked up at him with tearful eyes, “how can you say these horrible things about your best friend,” she said huskily, “who are you?”
Derek pursed his lips, “yeah you’re right, typical woman. You turn me all inside out over you, mess up my head with your smile and your false hope and then you look at the love struck fool you’ve turned me into and you say you don’t know me anymore. Like it’s my fault I fell in love with you, like it’s my fault I thought you felt the same way,” he turned and looked over the balcony seeing nothing, feeling overwhelmed and betrayed and hurt and embarrassed and so stupid.
“I guess I thought you were a different kind of woman,” he said with a voice thick with emotion, “but it appears all of y’all are the same.”
He turned to face her again, his face crumpled with disappointment and hurt, “you guys have fun then, I’m through with this nonsense.”
Anna followed him back into the room where Brad was unsealing the complementary champagne that came with the room, and watched as he walked heavily to the door. He paused at the door and she watched anxiously, hoping he would turn around, just so she could feel like he didn’t really mean what he said, that it was just impulsive. But he didn’t turn around and Anna felt her body go cold when he pulled the door behind him and the room was suddenly empty.
Suddenly she felt warm hands grip her shoulders, “it’s alright Anna, like you said it was a mistake right,” Brad said as he rubbed her shoulders reassuringly.
Anna was still staring at the door, “he loves me?” she whispered.