‘Well, your mum is talking total rubbish, because my mum isn’t, isn’t, isn’t dead. She just doesn’t live with us any more. So now you know and you don’t have to be extra nice to me and make out you want to be my friend. Tell everyone in the whole class. See if I care,’ I said, and I pushed her away and went running straight into school.
We weren’t supposed to go into the classroom until the bell went. I went charging into the girls’ toilets and locked myself into a cubicle and cried and cried. Sometimes I heard other girls coming in, and I pressed my lips together and pinched my nose so they wouldn’t hear me sobbing. Matty came in too and called my name but I didn’t answer, and after a while she went away.
The bell had gone now but I still stayed locked inside. I didn’t want to face anyone ever again. I was in a terrible state by now. I’d run out of toilet paper so I had dribbles all down my face and I was all hot and sweaty and my head ached and my heart pounded. All the old ache for Mum started roaring inside me.
‘Matilda?’
Oh no, it was Miss Hope’s voice.
‘Matilda!’ I heard her walking along the cubicles, checking each one.
I tried to tuck my legs right up so she wouldn’t see my feet. But she came to a halt outside my cubicle and tapped on the door.
‘Tilly?’ she said softly. ‘Don’t be silly, I know you’re in there.’
‘I’m not silly!’ I shouted, though I’d never ever raised my voice to a teacher before.
I thought Miss Hope would be really mad at me, but she wasn’t at all.
‘Sorry. Of course you’re not silly. I’m silly to say so. And I feel silly talking to a door. Couldn’t you unlock it so we can talk face to face?’
‘No!’
‘Then I’m going to have to go down on my knees and peer under the door just to make sure you’re all right, and that will be embarrassing for both of us.’
I reluctantly unlocked the door.
‘Oh dear, you poor little thing,’ said Miss Hope. ‘Let’s get you mopped up.’
She had a couple of big soft tissues in her jacket pocket. She wiped me with them, and then ran some cold water in a basin and told me to bathe my face. I got my fringe wet by mistake, so Miss Hope stood me beside the hand dryers and smoothed my hair with her fingers so that it didn’t dry sticking up. It was such a careful motherly thing to do that I started crying again.
‘Oh goodness, no more tears. How about you and me popping into the staff room for five minutes? It should be empty by now. We’ll have a cup of tea and a chat,’ Miss Hope suggested.
I wondered about our Maths lesson, but Miss Hope said she’d left Mrs Avery, the classroom assistant, in charge. It was the first time I’d ever been into the staff room. I’d expected it to be like a hotel lounge with matching seats, but it was much shabbier, with odd chairs and battered sofas and low tables scattered with educational magazines and a big Krispy Kreme box.
‘It was Mrs Jeffries’s birthday yesterday,’ said Miss Hope, nodding at the box. ‘Shall we see if there’s any left?’
There were two doughnuts with rainbow sprinkles.
‘Well, look at that. Just waiting for us! They might be a little stale now, but a doughnut is a doughnut, don’t you agree?’ said Miss Hope. She patted her tummy. ‘Though maybe I shouldn’t. Perhaps you’d better eat them both quick. You’re such a skinny little thing you could eat a whole boxful.’
She chattered away, making us both a mug of tea. My mug said DON’T WORRY, BE HAPPY. Her mug said WONDERFUL TEACHER!
‘Did one of our class give you that mug, Miss Hope?’ I asked, munching. The doughnut was a little stale, but still marvellous.
‘I think it was from last year’s Year Four. Or maybe the year before that. Are you going to have the last doughnut?’
‘No, you have it.’
‘That’s what I’d hoped you say! Now, why all the tears this morning?’
I stared into my mug of tea, pretending not to have heard her.
‘Did you and Matty have an argument?’
I sniffed and nodded.
‘That’s a shame. You two usually get on so well together,’ she said.
‘She’s my best friend,’ I said. I gulped. ‘Well, she was.’
‘I expect she still is,’ said Miss Hope. ‘So, what was this argument about?’
I pretended to be deaf again.
‘I asked Matty, and she didn’t want to tell me either, but eventually she said it was something about your mum,’ said Miss Hope gently.
I shut my eyes tight, pretending that I couldn’t see her either.
‘Careful, you don’t want to spill hot tea all down you,’ said Miss Hope. ‘Now, Tilly, I don’t want to pry, but I gather from something your dad said that it’s just you two at home?’
I nodded. ‘Matty thought my mum was dead but she’s not. She just doesn’t live with us any more. But Dad and I don’t talk about it. Please don’t say anything to him, Miss Hope, or he’ll get upset,’ I begged.
‘Well, I won’t say anything today,’ she said, which wasn’t very reassuring. ‘So how long have you and Dad been coping by yourselves?’
‘Ages. Since I was in Year Two. We used to live in Albarn, but then we moved last year. Dad said it was a fresh start.’
‘Do you still get to see your mum?’ Miss Hope asked.
I shook my head. ‘No. She came to see me lots at first, she really did, but now she lives abroad somewhere and it’s too far away.’
‘Oh dear, that’s a shame. You must miss her a lot, Tilly.’
‘I do. And so does Dad.’
‘Yes, of course. So your aunty helps look after you too?’
‘She’s not a real aunty. Dad pays her to collect me from school. He thought I’d like that better than going to after-school club.’
‘And do you have a granny who lives nearby?’
‘No. It’s just Dad and me.’
‘Well, you make a great team, you and your dad. But tell you what – if there’s ever any girly thing you need to get sorted, you can always come and have a little word with me. OK?’
I nodded.
‘There now. I suppose we’d both better get back to class now. Lick round your mouth – you’ve got rainbow sprinkles all over.’
‘Miss Hope, what am I going to do if Matty isn’t my friend any more?’ I asked.
‘I think she definitely wants to stay best friends with you,’ she said.
‘But she’s got this other friend now, Marty. They went to the cinema together on Saturday. Marty’s mum is making Matty a bridesmaid’s dress.’
‘Goodness, is Matty going to be a bridesmaid? I wonder if she’ll wear her sparkly green trainers with her dress!’ said Miss Hope, chuckling. ‘Don’t worry, Tilly. Matty’s the sort of girl who likes to make lots of friends, but I’m sure you’ll always be her best friend.’
I wasn’t sure Miss Hope was right, even though she was a teacher. But when I went back to class and sat next to Matty, she looked at me anxiously.
‘Are you OK? I truly didn’t mean to upset you, Tilly. And I promise I won’t breathe a word about you-know-who to anyone. You’re still my best friend, aren’t you?’
‘I’m your best friend for ever, promise, promise, promise,’ I said.
Chapter Four
‘I’VE GOT THE bridesmaid’s dress,’ said Matty in the playground. ‘And it’s truly hideous. I look a right idiot in it.’
‘I bet you don’t,’ I said.
‘Yes, I do. And I absolutely hate the shoes. They’re deep pink and very pointy, with funny heels. I can’t walk properly in them.’
‘They’ve got heels?’ I asked, awed.
‘Not high heels. Little stubby silly things that make you turn your ankle. Oh, and the knickers! They’ve got frills! They look ridiculous. It will be total torture wearing them,’ Matty wailed.
‘You are funny. Most girls would give anything to be a bridesmaid and wear a beautiful dress,’ I said, sighing.
> ‘Then you swop places with me at the wretched wedding,’ said Matty.
‘I wish I could.’
‘No, really. You’d do it much better than me. I’m bound to trip or tread on Aunt Rachel’s gown or something. I just know I’ll get bored and mess about and get into trouble.’
‘Then don’t!’
‘Yes, but I have this sort of itch to do it, and then I simply can’t resist,’ said Matty. ‘I like it when people laugh at me. I even like it when they don’t laugh and get cross instead.’
‘You’re a nutcase,’ I said fondly. ‘I wish I could come to your Aunt Rachel’s wedding. I’d love to see you as a bridesmaid.’
‘Then come! Oh yes, please come! It’s at St Saviour’s. It’s in North London somewhere. You’re not doing anything next Saturday, are you? Then come with us. You can squeeze up with Lewis and me in the back of the car. It’ll be great to have you there. I’ll tell Mum it’s the only way I’ll manage to behave. She likes you. She says you’re a good influence on me,’ said Matty.
She tucked her dress in her knickers and started doing cartwheels. It was hard work keeping up with her.
‘Did she really say that?’ I asked, trying to talk to Matty’s head as it revolved.
‘She said it to my dad. I overheard. Oh, Tilly, it’ll be so cool to have you there, especially afterwards at the reception. That’s like a great big party in a hotel. You get lots to eat and it won’t matter too much if I spill stuff down the dress because I’ll have done my bit in the church. Then there’s lots of dancing. You’re quite good at dancing. Lewis is absolute rubbish – he just jumps up and down.’
‘Are you sure your mum won’t mind?’
‘Of course she won’t mind!’ Matty assured me.
She ran to ask her the minute we finished school that afternoon. I followed her, though I could see Aunty Sue beckoning to me.
But Matty’s mum was shaking her head. ‘I’m sorry, girls. I’d love you to come too, Tilly, but you have to be properly invited to a wedding. Rachel will have booked a specific number of people at the reception, all of us sitting in special places,’ she said.
‘Tilly and I can share a chair. She’s so skinny she won’t take up any extra room,’ said Matty. ‘She’s desperate to come, Mum. She wants to see me in my stupid bridesmaid’s dress.’
‘It’s not stupid, it’s beautiful! Well, tell you what, Tilly. You come to have tea with us tomorrow and we’ll dress Matty up in her posh frock and she can give us a little twirl. Would you like to do that? Shall I ask your Aunty Sue?’
‘She’s not my aunty,’ I insisted, but we had to ask her. She looked a bit put out, but when Dad came to collect me I asked and he said yes, hurray, hurray!
So the next afternoon I didn’t go to Aunty Sue’s home and drink my milk and eat my teacake and watch Pointless. I went to Matty’s, and we had little yoghurts and a banana each, and then Matty had to have a strip-down wash so she wouldn’t get her bridesmaid’s frock sticky or stained, and then she put it on.
I stared at her. She was still Matty above the neck, her red hair needing a good brush, and she wore grubby socks and trainers instead of the new pink shoes – but her raspberry-pink dress made her look like an angelic stranger. The soft, subtle colour was beautiful, even with her bright hair, and the silk hung perfectly, rustling slightly as she moved. The dress had been so cleverly cut and styled. Matty was scrawny, with sharp elbows and scabby knees, but the puffed sleeves made her arms look slender and graceful and the ruffles on her dress hid her knees altogether.
‘Doesn’t she look a picture,’ said Angie proudly.
I nodded. ‘She looks amazing,’ I said.
‘Amazingly hideous,’ said Matty, pulling a gargoyle face. ‘Ugh, I can’t stand the way this dress feels, all slippery against my skin. I’m taking it off right this minute!’ She started tugging at it impatiently.
‘I like the way it feels,’ said Lewis, picking up the hem of the skirt and rubbing it against his nose like a comfort blanket.
‘Don’t use it like a hankie!’ said Angie. ‘Matty, stop pulling, you’ll tear those stitches all over again. What a pair you are. What am I going to do with them, Tilly?’
‘Tickle them silly,’ I said without thinking. It was what Mum used to say to me when I was little, and I was making a fuss or couldn’t go to sleep.
‘I’m going to tickle you silly,’ she’d say, and she’d lightly tickle my neck until I hunched up my shoulders and squirmed away, giggling helplessly, all worries forgotten.
I tried to tickle my own neck after she’d gone but it didn’t work.
My face must have gone all sad now because Angie put her arm round me.
‘Would you like to try on Matty’s bridesmaid’s dress to see what it looks like on you, Tilly?’ she asked. She eased Matty out of her outfit, pulled my school dress off, and then slipped the wonderful pink silk over my head. I felt its softness whispering over my shoulders. She zipped me up carefully and then turned me round to look in the mirror.
I looked different too. The pink looked wonderful, making my mousy hair seem almost blonde. I was usually ghostly pale, but excitement made little pink patches on my cheeks. I was still too skinny but the dress draped me softly. I usually walked with my head bent, but now I stood up straight to show off the dress.
‘Wow,’ said Matty. ‘That dress looks heaps better on you, Tilly.’
‘No it doesn’t,’ I said quickly.
‘Yes it does!’ said Matty’s mum. ‘You look as if you were born to wear that dress. I do hope you get to be a bridesmaid yourself soon, Tilly.’
I just shrugged. ‘Me?’ I said, as if I’d never thought of such a thing before.
Then I had to take the bridesmaid’s dress off again, and Angie put it in its plastic bag and took it away to hang in her own bedroom. Matty and Lewis and I had a good long game of Warrior Princesses before supper. Matty was inspired by the new film, and Princess Powerful urged her dinosaurs on to new and ever more violent action. Soon Princess Go-to-Sleep and Princess Pony were rendered powerless, all their own subjects savaged to death.
‘It’s not much fun if Princess Powerful always wins,’ said Lewis.
‘It is so. It’s glorious fun,’ said Matty, making Princess Powerful strut commandingly across the carpet, her dinosaurs bounding along behind her. She’d drawn red felt pen round their mouths and over their scaly chests to indicate their recent gorging.
‘Bluey looks as if she’s got lipstick on,’ I said.
‘Yes, she does rather, doesn’t she?’ said Matty. ‘Perhaps she’s in love with Scaly and is trying to impress him.’
She made Bluey and Scaly kiss, with funny slurpy sounds that sent Lewis into a fit of giggles.
‘Yes, they’re definitely in love,’ I said. ‘Hey, maybe they want to get married?’
‘Dinosaurs don’t get married,’ Lewis spluttered.
‘Dinosaurs can do anything we want,’ said Matty. ‘Great idea, Tilly. OK, let’s get cracking. I’ll make all the food for the wedding feast.’
‘And I’ll make Bluey her bridal gown,’ I said.
‘What will I do?’ asked Lewis.
‘You can get those old building bricks and build a church,’ I suggested.
So Lewis built a church, using books too, as his bricklaying skills were basic and his first church came tumbling down before we’d got the dinosaurs arranged. Matty took a nearly new packet of plasticine and used the red strip to make a big meat cake, and fashioned a green strip into a leaf tart for the herbivores. I raided their dressing-up box and designed a beautiful wedding frock with a long train out of a cream chiffon scarf. I searched for a raspberry-pink scarf to use for bridesmaids’ dresses for any likely little girl dinosaur, but I couldn’t find anything pink at all.
I lined all the littlest dinosaurs up in a row and made them cry, ‘We want raspberry-pink bridesmaids’ dresses! Oh boo hoo, we can’t be naked at Bluey’s wedding!’
‘I think they want
a bridesmaid’s battledress,’ said Matty. ‘They’re rufty-tufty tomboy girls.’ She dug out an old pair of green and brown camouflage trousers from the back of her wardrobe. ‘Cut these up!’
‘I can’t cut up your trousers!’
‘They’re too little for me now. They come halfway up my leg,’ said Matty. ‘And Lewis can’t wear them because he’s such a podge.’
‘I don’t want to wear them – they’re stupid,’ said Lewis.
The dinosaur girls didn’t think their new dresses were stupid at all. I cut them each a dress, attaching it with little gold safety pins. Then I made a camouflage coat for Scaly, and a silver helmet out of a thimble.
Princess Powerful was the vicar, officiating at the front of the church. Princess Go-to-Sleep and Princess Pony assembled the cuddly toys and the ponies in neat rows. Princess Powerful wasn’t very sure of the right words for the wedding service. Princess Pony prompted her, but when they got to the part where the assembly was asked if anyone objected to the wedding, Spiky-Thumb Dinosaur screamed that he wanted to marry Bluey.
Then Scaly objected to his cheek, and there was a terrible fight between the two males. They knocked everyone flying, even the poor bride. I was annoyed with Spiky-Thumb because I wanted to do the wedding properly. I kept trying to make the dinosaurs stop fighting, but Princess Powerful urged them on, and made all the bridesmaids join in.
‘Good Lord, what’s going on? It’s like World War Three in here!’ Angie was standing in the bedroom doorway, shaking her head at us.
‘It’s a dinosaur wedding, Mum, and Scaly and Spiky-Thumb are killing each other!’ said Lewis.
Angie roared with laughter. ‘You girls! What will you think up next? Look, declare a truce with the dinosaurs for half an hour while you come and eat supper. I’m just about to dish up macaroni cheese.’
‘Oh yum!’ said Matty, and she jumped up, scattering the bride and groom and all their ferocious guests. It was so strange one minute the dinosaurs seemed so huge and angry: they roared around the room, their heads scraping the ceiling, their tails lashing against the walls, then the next minute they were just little plastic dinosaurs lying on their backs with their feet in the air.