"Tough. We're discussing it whether you like it or not. I can't believe you would be angry with her for that. She did a wonderful job and worked hard to insure the rodeo's success. How could you be mad about that?"
"It's more than that. It's her interference in our lives, the fact she just goes along and does whatever she wants to without thinking of the ramifications."
"Oh please. That's not it at all. Do you know how excited she was when she came up with this idea?"
He focused on his sister. "You knew about this?"
The corners of her mouth lifted. "Of course I did."
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"Why in the hell didn't you tell me then?"
"Because you'd have said no."
He nodded. "Damn right I would have. You had no business making those kinds of decisions without involving me. This is a family partnership, and none of us make choices without the other." He straightened and leaned against the saddle. "As I recall, I wasn't in favor of letting Sabrina work here, but since this is a family business we put it to a vote and I lost."
Jenna opened her mouth to speak, then paused for a few seconds.
"Well you've got me there," she said with a frown. "You're right in that respect. We probably should have decided as a family. For that I'm sorry."
How could he stay mad at her when she was so upfront and honest about everything? If she was right she stood firm in her beliefs. But if she was wrong she admitted it and moved on.
"Thanks," he said as he hugged her to him.
"But Kyle, you really need to talk to her."
He sighed. "We don't have anything left to talk about."
"How about the fact you two love each other? Isn't that enough to talk about?"
He shook his head. "It's not love. It was just physical, and now it's over."
"Oh you are so pigheaded!" Jenna pushed him. "When are you going to open your eyes to reality? Sabrina's the best thing that ever happened to you, and if you'd ever get down off your macho male horse you'd realize that everything she's done is because she loves you."
Jenna stomped off muttering something about idiots and morons.
As usual Jenna didn't know what she was talking about. She thought just because she and Luke were happy together, every couple should be.
Later that night as he sat in the office doing paperwork, Kyle recalled that conversation with his sister. In some ways she was right.
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Despite his best efforts to place himself in the position of the one who'd been wronged, he failed. He'd been overly hard on Sabrina. Yes, she was wrong in going behind his back and calling his friends. He stood firm in his belief that a ranch's partners made decisions together. But then he let emotion get the better of him and lashed out at her.
His pride got in the way all the time. When would he learn to push it aside and do whatever's best for the ranch? If he'd done that years ago maybe they wouldn't have fallen on such hard financial times.
It would have been easy to ask his friends to come to the rodeo. They would have done it in a heartbeat, no questions asked. And maybe part of the reason he was so damn angry at Sabrina was because he didn't think of it first.
He rose from the desk and looked out the window of the office. Dusk had settled over purple skies, the almost full moon casting a glow over the hills in front of the ranch.
So now he'd alienated a woman he cared about, causing irreparable damage to their relationship. And she was about to leave the ranch forever. So what did he want to do about that? What could he do? Ask her to stay?
No, that wouldn't work at all. Sabrina wanted to own a ranch.
Something she'd dreamed of her entire life. Despite what he might want, it was time to put her first.
She deserved better than a man who couldn't decide what he wanted.
He knew she made him happy, even when he was spitting mad at her.
But she also frustrated him and drove him crazy with desire at the same time. He'd gotten used to seeing her every day, being near her all the time. And suddenly she wasn't there anymore. Sleeping alone again the past several nights had been a rude awakening.
He missed having her warm body next to his every night. Drifting off to sleep after making love, his nose buried against her hair inhaling her
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fresh peach scent, his arms wrapped around her silken body. And he'd slept better with Sabrina in his bed than he had in years.
He leaned against the wall next to the window, his eyes drifting upward to the second floor where Sabrina had hightailed it as soon as dinner was over. And as was typical the last few days, without a word or a look in his direction.
What did he expect? He had used her, took advantage of her vulnerability, and then when she tried to help him he turned around and threw it back at her. He cringed when he remembered the words he'd spoken to her in anger.
I'll be glad when you're gone so you can stop interfering in my life.
He remembered the look on her face when he said it. She had paled immediately, and tears fell over her cheeks as she stood there, shaking like a leaf. God he felt awful. What was wrong with him? Why did she bring out the best and the worst in him at the same time?
And more importantly, now that it was said he couldn't take it back, couldn't change what he'd done. Did he even want to? And what about Sabrina? What did she want? Was it fair for him to pull and push her back and forth like a yo-yo?
If he had a shred of decency in him, he'd stop tormenting her and let her start a new life.
She had a right to the independence she craved so desperately. She had a right to get out there and buy her own place and run it herself.
She'd no doubt be successful at it. Sabrina had a sharp head for business and a great deal of common sense, the perfect combination for running a ranch. She had a right to try. She'd earned that right.
And she had a right to find someone who'd love her the way she deserved to be loved.
Kyle wasn't going to stand in her way.
Because no matter what he thought, no matter how hard he tried to convince himself, he really did love her.
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And because he loved her, he was going to let her go.
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Chapter Fifteen
The past few days had been miserable.
Sabrina walked around on eggshells, steering clear of Kyle as much as possible while still trying to learn as much as she could in the short time remaining.
And today she had to pack. Tomorrow she would leave.
Things were still unsettled between her and Kyle. She thought about approaching him to apologize, but he seemed to be avoiding her as much as she'd been avoiding him. Anyway, she wouldn't know where to start.
Even Jenna was mad at her. She explained she couldn't tell Kyle about the baby, and gave her all the reasons why, none of which seemed sound to her friend. Jenna argued that Kyle had every right to know he was going to be a father. She didn't agree and they ended it with an awkward stalemate. Jenna promised she wouldn't tell him, which was a relief.
The last thing she needed right now was a confrontation with Kyle about her pregnancy. Things were shaky at best with battling morning sickness along with the despair she felt about leaving.
If she told him about the baby he'd make her stay. But out of a sense of honor, not out of love. He'd probably even marry her, an idea that should excite her, but didn't. She'd rather be a single mother than force him into a marriage he clearly didn't want.
Yes, she could tell him about the baby and ask for support, even give him visitation. But that would mean they'd stay connected forever. And that was something Sabrina couldn't bear. She thought long and hard
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about the disservice she may be doing her child by not allowing it to see its father, but that was her decision
to make. Right or wrong, it was her choice.
He made it clear he didn't love her. He didn't get her pregnant on purpose because she was the one who assured him she couldn't conceive. Why did he have to be burdened with a child? Some day maybe he'd marry again and have children. A wife he chose for himself, a child he wanted.
But he wasn't going to have this one. Selfish, she knew, but she didn't care. This was her child, and she had the right to make the decisions.
She was in her room packing when a knock sounded at the door.
"Come in," she said, thinking it was Jenna ready to go another round in trying to convince her to tell Kyle about the baby.
But it wasn't Jenna. Sabrina turned around to find Kyle standing in the middle of her bedroom. Her heart started its familiar racing at the sight of him.
God, she missed him. So much the ache was physical. Her whole body hurt.
His faded jeans clung to his lean body, the tight navy T-shirt outlining his strong shoulders and chest. And those enigmatic eyes that both thrilled her and touched her heart. If she lived to be a hundred she'd never forget the way his eyes glittered with passion when he made love to her.
No matter how many times she saw him, how intimate they had been, how familiar every line and angle of his face was to her, the sight of him still made her pulse pound like a teenager with a crush on a rock star.
"Hi," she said with a half-smile.
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"Hey." His smile was just as tentative. He glanced at her bed to see luggage spread out and some of her clothes neatly tucked inside.
"Packing already?"
She nodded. "I didn't want to wait until tomorrow. I thought it best to get moving on it as soon as possible."
"I see."
This was so uncomfortable. This silence, this barrier that stretched between them. And Sabrina had no idea how to breach it, how to get things back to the way they were before. Did she even want to? What would be the point? Either way she was leaving tomorrow, so maybe it would be better to leave things the way they were.
His gaze shifted to the things she had piled everywhere. He walked to her dresser and picked up her bottle of perfume. She watched as he closed his eyes and held the bottle to his nose, inhaling deeply. Her heart rose to her throat as she remembered the feel of his lips against her neck, the sound of his breath as he inhaled her scent.
"I wanted to talk to you before you left," he said after he put the bottle down. His voice was deep and arousing to her senses.
"Sure." She motioned to the loveseat and sat, waiting for him to sit next to her.
He sat but didn't shift close or touch her in any way. She sighed with regret, knowing how much she already missed the feel of him next to her in bed at night. Knowing after tomorrow she wouldn't see him anymore caused knots in her stomach and her heart to ache with a pain that had become all too familiar over the past few days.
As they sat together in silence, she thought of all the reasons he would want to talk to her today. Her fairy tale mind conjured up images of him getting down on his knees and begging her forgiveness, asking her to stay and marry him. She would, of course, smile indulgently, caress his cheek and tell him there was nothing to forgive, declare her love and wait for him to take her in his arms.
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She smiled thinking of that scenario, wishing for it to be real. But she was also a realist. She may wish for it to happen, but chances were it wasn't going to.
She was an adult now and had long since outgrown fairy tales, had learned long ago that those were the stuff of fantasy. Reality was much harsher. Fairy tales didn't exist.
"There's something I've been wanting to do for the past few days, but you and I haven't been able to connect."
She turned to look at him. He stared at his boots, surveying her room, glancing outside. Anything but looking her in the eyes. That didn't bode well for her dream scenario.
"What is it that you've wanted to do?" Wishing what he wanted was to kiss her and hold her wasn't making things any easier.
"I wanted to give you something."
He stood and turned to face her, causing her heart to beat a frantic rhythm in her chest. She was certain Kyle could hear the loud thumping because she certainly felt it pulsating through her.
He reached into his back pocket and pulled something out of it. "I wanted you to have this before you go," he said as he handed an envelope to her.
Sabrina took the envelope and opened it. Inside was a check for a considerable amount of money. "What is this?" she asked as she looked up at him.
"That represents the amount of money you invested, plus three months of interest."
She shook her head and tried to hand the envelope back to him, ignoring the disappointment flowing through her. "This isn't what we agreed on. I was only supposed to get a percentage back, not the entire sum plus interest."
"I know. But the ranch is doing fine now--much better than we thought it would. And I wanted you to have it so you can use it for the
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ranch you buy. It'll be like you never even invested your money here.
Like it never happened."
Like them, she thought miserably. More like they never happened. It was obvious. Kyle wanted to erase her presence on the Rocking M, eliminate any reference to her, even monetarily. He really thought so little of her, even less than she imagined.
"Thanks," she said quietly as she clenched the envelope in both hands in an effort to stop them from shaking. Please leave, Kyle. Leave before you see me cry again. "Is there anything else, because I'm kind of busy here."
She waited but he didn't respond. She couldn't look up, couldn't meet his eyes or she knew she'd lose it. At best she had a very tenuous hold on her emotions. If he blinked she'd probably burst into tears.
"I guess not," he finally answered. "I'll see myself out."
Sabrina breathed on a shaky sigh as he closed the door behind him.
That was it. A final, impersonal goodbye. Here's your check, nice knowing you, see you later. For all intents and purposes that was pretty much what Kyle just said.
How stupid could she be to think he'd rush in and declare his love for her before she left? Love like that only happened in fairy tales and romance novels. Reality was harsh, bitter, devoid of the depth of emotion found in fiction. There was no such thing as finding your soul mate, meeting the man of your dreams, or having a love that surmounted all obstacles.
Standing on wobbly legs, Sabrina walked over to the bed and began to fold the clothes she'd placed there to pack.
Time was running out, and her time on the Rocking M was over.
Instead of being asked to stay, she'd just been given her walking papers.
K K K
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The last of her things were finally loaded into her car. Several of the hands had been kind enough to bring her luggage down and pack it in the car for her. There was nothing left to do except say her goodbyes.
The hard part. The hardest thing she'd ever have to do.
Petunia snorted at her feet as Sabrina held the leash. She smiled down at her pig, wondering what in the world she was going to do with it until she found a ranch.
Well, she'd just have to find a place that would allow her to include Petunia. She'd already contacted her attorney to let her know she was returning to Dallas, prepared to look over potential ranches for sale.
Pamela said she'd get right on it.
"You're really leaving." Brady walked up to her, sliding an arm around her shoulders. "I wish you weren't. I feel like I'm losing a sister,"
he said as he kissed her cheek.
"Me too," Jenna added as she stepped next to her brother. She held baby Matthew who was growing steadily every day.
Swallowing the lump in her throat that threatened to bring on the tears, Sabrina smiled at both of them. "I know. I'll miss you bot
h so much. But I'll call, and I'll write. Maybe I'll even visit sometime," she said, knowing she would never step foot on the Rocking M again.
"Well, I'm not very good at emotional goodbyes, so I'll just say 'see ya'
and get on to my work here," Brady said with more emotion than Sabrina had ever seen. He smiled down at her, his blue-green eyes sad and without their normal twinkling light. "So, see ya," he whispered against her ear as he kissed her cheek, turned and walked away.
"Don't go, Sabrina," Jenna said as Sabrina watched Brady walk briskly toward the barn.
"I have to," she said as she gathered Matthew in her arms, holding him close and pressing a soft kiss against his fine black hair. She inhaled Matthew's sweet scent one last time before handing him back to Jenna.
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"No, you don't have to. You can talk to him, tell him about the baby."
Since the him in question had yet to make an appearance, Sabrina shook her head. "It's better this way, for me as well as Kyle. We both need to move on with our lives."
"I can't help but feel the two of you belong together, if only you weren't both so stubborn." Jenna patted Matthew's back as he began to whimper.
"You need to go feed Matthew, and I have to get going if I want to make Dallas before dark." She had to make an exit and fast, before she completely fell apart. If she did that, she'd never leave.
"I'll always be here for you, Sabrina, as your friend," Jenna said with tears in her eyes. "And as one of the owners of this ranch, you'll always be welcome."
They hugged, and Jenna ran off toward her small white house, leaving Sabrina standing in front of the main ranch house alone.
She couldn't help but glance around, hoping despite herself that Kyle would show up and at least say goodbye.
Feeling ridiculous standing there alone, and knowing he wouldn't come, she situated Petunia in the car. Sabrina took one last look at the place she had come to think of as home, heaved a deep, quaking sigh and finally let the tears fall as she started the car and drove away from the Rocking M.
From his position at the side of the barn, Kyle watched as Sabrina said her goodbyes to Brady and Jenna. Even at this distance he felt her pain, felt it stab through him like a knife. It tore at his heart as she obviously watched and waited for him to appear, and it took every ounce of willpower he had to keep from running after her and begging her to stay.
But he swore he wouldn't. He was giving her what she wanted, even if it wasn't what she thought she wanted right now. In time it would be, and she'd be grateful she left. Once she found the right man.