Frank looked up from his laptop to see Cassie stumble towards the coffeemaker and fish out an Earl Grey tea portion cup. His heart beat faster as he gazed at her sleepy eyes and the cloud of pale ash blonde hair that mostly hung to the middle of her back. He wanted to get up and carry her to his bed but he’d made that stupid promise and he’d keep it. Even if it killed him. “Good morning, sleepyhead.”
Cassie turned towards Frank and grunted a grumpy acknowledgement.
“Did you sleep well?”
She loaded the coffeemaker, started it then yawned. “Not really. I had a couple of bad dreams. Again.”
“Oh?” Frank said encouragingly.
“Leftover stuff from Gord. I’m sure it will pass… I hope.” She put her hands over her head for a long stretch. Her new opaque satin pyjama top rode up to expose her flat abdomen and Frank had to make another conscious effort not reach for her.
Cassie sauntered over to her husband. She thought, I want things to be normal between us, then took a deep breath for courage. She draped an arm around his shoulder. “Already hard at work?”
Frank gave in to temptation and pulled her gently down, revelling in the feel of a lap full of warm wife.
Cassie had a brief flash of panic and started to struggle to get free but when his hands remained lightly at her hips she relaxed and put an arm around his shoulder.
“I had to finish this report. Your questions the other night really helped clarify how I need to present this and about five this morning I had an ‘Aha!’ moment and decided I needed to put it on paper.” Frank indicated his laptop. “Well, virtual paper.”
“I’m glad I was able to help.” She put her head on his shoulder as her heartbeat returned to normal but the coffeemaker started to hiss, signalling that her tea was ready. She gave him a peck on the cheek then hopped off his lap to get her cup. “What was the ‘Aha!’?”
“Nothing earth-shattering but I thought if I presented the information the way we talked about it Friday night – by type rather than by person – it would be much clearer. I think it reads better now. Thanks for your suggestions.”
“You’re welcome.” Cassie crouched down to search the small fridge to see what she could make for breakfast. “Would you like an omelet?”
Frank swivelled around to speak to her. “That sounds almost as lovely as you are.”
Cassie stood and indicated her wayward hair and puffy eyes. “Seriously? It’ll be a pretty ugly omelet then.”
Frank winked at her. “Nope. It’ll be the best looking omelet I’ve ever had.”
Cassie sighed. “Do you want one or not?”
Frank stopped the teasing. “Sure. Cheese would be nice and mushrooms if there are any left.”
Cassie crouched down again to look in the small fridge unaware of Frank’s keen examination of her curves. “You’re in luck. We have both. And half a green pepper. I think I’ll make a big one and we can share.”
He got up and leaned in for a kiss that Cassie wouldn’t let him prolong. But Frank felt a deep satisfaction as her breathing got faster and she didn’t immediately push him away in a panic. He stood straight and drew her into a gentle embrace.
“No fair, Frank. You’re bigger than me.” She rested her head on his shoulder and was enveloped in the musky scent of his aftershave.
He planted a kiss on her fine hair. “Do you need me to do anything?”
“You can chop the onion if you want some in your half of the omelet.”
Frank smiled and said, “Done.”
“This is a nice suite, isn’t it? I mean with the stove top and the fridge?” Cassie began to wash the mushrooms.
“It’s one of the reasons I stay here when I’m in Ottawa. Restaurants and takeout pizza and Chinese get boring after a while and it’s too easy to overeat. But I guess I’ve been too worried about my report to do much cooking while I’ve been here this time.”
“I know. I saw the TV dinners in the freezer.”
“We can have those for lunch.”
“Are they tasty?”
Frank looked up in surprise. “They’re okay, I guess. You’ve never had one?”
“I don’t think so. Granny and her neighbours were all great cooks and after Granny got sick I did most of the cooking from scratch because it’s a lot cheaper and we didn’t have much extra money. Dad would bring Chinese takeout or a bucket of chicken when he made it to Toronto. Mum would order pizza when she was in town, if she was working and her tips were good enough. After Granny got sick, it was mostly whatever I could get from the food bank or what the neighbours gave us.”
Frank scanned his very slender wife. “Lots of beans and rice?”
“And biscuits and Kraft Dinner with tuna. I can do lots of things with dried chickpeas and navy beans and tinned ham and corned beef. But we had onions way too often.”
“No roast beef?”
“Not that I remember. We couldn’t afford much meat after Granny got sick. Mrs. Soares used to make it once in a while and invite us for Sunday dinner. Our wedding dinner is about the fifth time I’ve ever had steak. It’s yummy.” Cassie said it in a very matter of fact way. “Gord would sometimes give me money for hamburgers or chicken if he was having some of his buddies over.”
“But you’d rather he let you out of the house so you could get a job and shop for yourself?”
Cassie sighed. “Yeah. Then I might have been able to buy some good clothes once in a while. And get some nice dinner sausages or pork chops for supper a little more often. Mum gave me grocery money for a couple of months after we got the first payout of the estate but after she married again she blew it on drugs or Gord’s casino trips. I think they spent a hundred thousand the week they went to Vegas for their honeymoon. When the money ran out, I got used to going to the food bank here, too. I used to fantasize about Yiayia’s herbed lamb when I was picking out things at the food bank.” She began to slice the mushrooms.
“Yiayia?”
“That’s what our neighbour Mrs. Bountoulous asked me to call her. She looked after me a lot while Granny was working. Yiayia is Greek for Granny.” Cassie’s mood got sombre.
Frank tried to change the subject. “Did any of the casual outfits at the ladies wear shop where we got your church dress appeal to you?”
Cassie started cracking eggs and whisking them. “You want me to spend more of your money?”
“It’s our money, my dear. As in, ‘With all my worldly goods I thee bestow.’” He held up his left hand and wiggled his ring finger.
“Is it so I won’t embarrass you tonight?”
“No. It’s because I like the look of pleasure on your face when you wear new clothes.”
“You can’t buy my affection, Frank.”
“And you can’t buy mine, Cassie, but you can’t stop me from wanting you to feel confident and comfortable.”
“And you think clothes help?”
“They do for me. And if you think about it, I’m sure your green dress made you feel more confident about being taken seriously at church yesterday.”
Cassie busied herself with the omelet while she thought about Frank’s words. “Set the table please, Frank.”
Frank brushed against her as he reached for the plates and cutlery. Then he started the toast and set the table.
Cassie felt her heart beat faster from the casual press of Frank’s warmth as he retrieved the dishes from the overhead cupboard and wondered if she should give in to the attraction that was growing stronger each day. Her mum seemed to enjoy that part of being with a man. But then she remembered the way Gord and his buddies had manhandled her and shuddered.
She considered his words about the clothing. Her church dress had made her feel more confident but it was Frank’s presence and his hand against her back or holding hers that made her feel like she belonged.
A tear came as she fought against the thought of losing him after her eighteenth birthday. She had to remember that this was a marriage of convenien
ce and not to lose her heart to him. Too late, she thought. A tear welled up in her left eye and began to trace its way down her cheek. I’m so tired of losing people. I don’t want to lose him, too.
She wiped her cheek with the back of her hand and concentrated on her cooking.
———
“Do I look okay?”
Frank looked up from his laptop to see Cassie modelling another outfit. The peacock blue capris and silky sleeveless ecru top highlighted that she was still underweight but the colour combination was perfect for her. “I think you look wonderful, sweetheart.”
“I sense a ‘but’, Mr. Ellis.” She gave him a steely look and crossed her arms.
Frank raised his eyes heavenward and said, “Dear Lord, please save me from questions that don’t have a right answer. Amen.” Then he turned his full attention to Cassie. “Cassie, my dear, I don’t know how to say this without giving offense so I’ll just say it. When you are wearing that, most people would think you are too skinny and jump to the conclusion that you’re keeping your weight down to please me. They’d be thinking anorexia or bulimia.”
Cassie started, “But I’m not that skinny…” She turned to look at herself critically in the big mirror on the hall closet door. She twisted around and took a good look at herself from all angles. “Oh. I see what you mean. I am almost that skinny. Capris look much better if they’re more form fitting than this. And my shoulders stick out of this blouse too much.”
Frank came over to stand behind her. “But the colours are perfect for you.”
Cassie frowned at his reflection in the mirror. “But I’m still too skinny.”
“You’re very slender right now but you look healthy.” And very desirable, he thought. “I expect you’ll fill out nicely now that you don’t have to skip meals. Then that outfit will have all the men envying me and the women wishing they could look as good as you.” He caressed her shoulders without thinking. “But you are a good height and you have an excellent bone structure.” He drew her closer and thought, And you smell wonderful.
Cassie allowed herself to relax against him and take comfort from his solid warmth. She was intrigued by the rapturous look on his face as he closed his eyes, obviously smelling her hair. An amused smile played around her lips as Frank ran his hands slowly down her arms to enfold her in a gentle hug. A feeling of deep contentment came over her as she watched Frank’s obvious pleasure in holding her. She twined her hands in his and sighed as she leaned backward.
Frank opened his eyes and saw her amused grin in the mirror. “What’s so funny?”
“I didn’t think the hotel shampoo smelled that good.” Her smile got wider and she snuggled closer.
Frank’s face got red as he tried to figure out a way to respond. Cassie kept grinning until she interrupted and said, “So, I think I’ll wear those nice tan slacks I bought and the short sleeved green blouse. This outfit can wait until I’ve regained some of the weight I lost.”
Frank returned his thoughts to their dinner plans and said, “That would be good. The tan slacks are designed as a loose fit.” He nuzzled her hair. “By the way, I’m not most people. God wants us to judge beauty by other standards than outward appearance. I think you’re beautiful now and I’ll still think you’re beautiful when you have laugh lines and wrinkles and a full head of grey hair, if we can actually tell that you’ve gone grey.”
Cassie’s expression changed to a bleak smile as she disentangled herself from Frank’s hug. “I’ll go change. We should leave soon. Anne wanted us there for five-thirty.” She hurried to her bedroom and shut the door.
Frank was confused by her reaction. Didn’t she believe that he was fully committed to her until death parted them? He blew out a sigh. Obviously not.
He walked over to the desk and packed everything into his messenger bag praying that God would send him the right words and actions to convince Cassie that he truly wanted to grow old with her.