The world went black.
* * * *
“Hello again.”
I looked at myself and she stared back at me. It was a disconcerting feeling. It wasn’t real. I was clearly dreaming yet there I was—looking at myself. Well, the non-pregnant, ‘I’m Melissa Fucking Alexander’ version of me I was trying to recover.
She waved and jumped off her perch on the desk on the other side of the room to go stand next to me where I lay on the medical bed.
“Ah…hi.” Was it okay to talk to myself given the circumstances?
I sat up. I wanted to be on equal footing with her, considering the woman regularly blew things up. I couldn’t be laying down while she hovered over me. What was going to happen? Was she going to kill me? Stab me in the head and take back our body?
“Looks like we’re in some trouble.” She tapped her foot.
“Talk about understatement.”
She reached toward me and I flinched, waiting for the pain I knew had to be coming from her, but instead she took my hand in hers. “Relax, I’d never hurt you any more than you would me.”
“What happens now?” My voice shook and I squeezed her fingers.
“Nothing much.” She shrugged. “You’ll get our memories back.”
“You keep saying we and us. Like I’m connected to this.”
Melissa shook her head. “Well, obviously. We’re the same person.”
“No.” Why didn’t she understand this like I did?
“Hon.” She hugged me which surprised me as much as anything else. I shook in her arms and she didn’t seem to care. “We’re absolutely the same person. You don’t remember making the decisions I did but it doesn’t mean that given my experiences you wouldn’t have made the same ones. Who shot that gun and killed those people? You or me? And when I cried out for help on the video proclaiming my name like I was some kind of bombing goddess, who was that? You or me?”
“I…” Was she blaming me for the Melissa Fucking Alexander debacle?
My head pounded and she held me closer. “You’re still going to be you, which is the same as being me. It always was. Oh, and Cooper can be a jackass but he’d never betray you. He makes stupid choices. Getting us mind-wiped instead of breaking us out of his sister’s mega-mansion. Fear makes Cooper stall. You’ll see. Soon you’re going to remember, too. And then you’ll figure out what to do since running didn’t work. I’m so glad I don’t have to be you when you explain to them that you ran away because you ran out of ideas. There was no way to win so you decided to check out of the game. Poor move on our part. Sometimes we’re dumb. Have you noticed that yet?”
I laughed. “I like you more than I thought I would.”
“I know.” Of course she did.
Chapter 4
A Plan
I woke up shaking, but not in the medical bed where I’d passed out. No, I was huddled up in my own room on Artemis with Cooper’s arms around me. I opened my eyes wishing I could do anything to make the pain in my head go away.
“Crazy woman. Putting yourself in that machine with no one to monitor you. Death, Melissa.” Cooper spoke through clenched teeth. “I swear, when this is over, I’m paddling your behind.”
I buried my face against his chest. “I might be behaving in an unreasonable way, but you gave me lots of reasons to doubt you.”
“Fuck. You’re awake. Are you coherent this time?” He stroked a finger down the side of my face.
“Pretty much.” I sat up and the room spun. A sharp pain pressed on my lower abdomen and then passed. I rubbed at the spot before I glanced at Cooper. He looked haggard. There was no other way to describe him. The hair on his face wasn’t even stubble, he had a full on small beard covering his cheeks. His eyes were exhausted and the small lines on the side of them more pronounced.
My throat was dry but I managed to croak, “How long ago did I get in that machine?”
“A week.” He scooted out from around me. “When I pulled you out of it I thought you were dead. You were barely breathing. The baby is fine; I’ve checked her out on Dane’s machine. Got your blood pressure lowered, too. Well, the machine did, not me.”
I rubbed my eyes. “I need a shower.”
“We both do. Your aunt is here waiting on answers I don’t have to give her. A little warning she was going to be showing up would have been nice. I’m hiding you in here because I can lock the door, unlike the med bay.”
“Cooper…I may never forgive you for putting me in that machine in the first place but I get why you did it. Okay? I might have preferred if the two of us could have busted out of your sister’s mansion like some superheroes, but you didn’t think that was feasible. Fine. I get it. So stop acting guilty about it because your guilt only makes you seem sketchy and I didn’t understand that before, which is why I doubted you in the first place.” His eyes widened as I spoke. “By the way, what the hell with your sister and two black eyes? Is that Benji?”
“If I thought it was Benji I would beat him to death. The man couldn’t punch anything on his best day. I got it out of her before I followed you that she did that to herself. Her behavior is becoming increasingly erratic. I thought it was being married but she actually seems to like that. I don’t really get it. I hired a babysitter for her, a woman to play with her during the day. No more hitting herself in the face with the wrong end of a broom.” His mouth twisted as he silently regarded me for a moment. “Your memories are back, then?”
“Mostly. Enough to get by. The rest will come or they won’t.” He’d paled while I spoke and I reached out to take his hand. “You didn’t leave like I told you to.”
“I can’t do that. I know I don’t make sense when it comes to you. I can’t help it. I love you.”
I let him pull me into a hug. “I know you do. And I love you, too.”
His breath hitched. “Really?”
“After everything we’ve been through together, how can you doubt it? Why were you telling me you needed rescuing when you could have gotten away at any time? It’s the only part I don’t understand.”
He shook his head. “I really couldn’t. It was armed guards one day and then as though nothing happened the next. And I couldn’t very well just show up at Artemis. They’d have killed me. You needed your memories back for me to be allowed near you.”
His words made sense for Cooper. The rest of the world wouldn’t have done things that way, but Cooper’s brain simply worked differently. I shook my head. “This is a lot more complicated than the nuclear bombs. I didn’t tell you because I wanted you to all to be spared this pain and I didn’t want to have to tell you I always knew there was a distinct possibility I was going to break your hearts. I’m a bitch.”
Cooper winced. “I don’t want to be spared your pain. I’m supposed to be sharing it. We all are. We’re family and guess what, honey, it’s no big shocker to any of us that you tend to get mean when your back is to the wall. You and Nolan are the same that way. You wanted heroes and then you didn’t want to harm them so you ran. Is that the general idea?”
I hung my head. “Pretty much. I get it. I know now why I made the decisions I did. They weren’t the right ones. It’s funny in my head. I can see things as I once did and then also like I’m looking at them from the outside, too.”
“What’s happening?” He squeezed my shoulders. “Tell me.”
“I conceived this baby because I thought I could make my mother stop her plan to marry me off to the three men she picked out for me at birth. This isn’t only about the nuclear bombs—let’s face it, she could find my father if she really wanted to. What’s more powerful than The Bridge’s computer? This is about getting me to do what she wanted. I thought the men would reject me if I was pregnant with a baby from one of you. Last ditch try to make the whole thing go away. I wouldn’t do it now. I love this baby. I’d never use her as a pawn. I’m different…changed.” Maybe I could understand Cooper’s poor decision making because my own was often so bad. “She threate
ned to kill the baby and all of you with it if I didn’t come. So, I opted to do what she wanted. I can’t give her the nuclear bombs. I won’t. But I could give her me.”
“You thought us seeing you leaving us would be less painful than explaining what’s going on?”
I nodded. “I thought it would keep you alive. I thought if I could get to my dad before she outright sent for me then I could get him to take the six of you with him to Earth. I’d never see you again, but you’d be safe. I knew if I told you then you’d all insist on helping. I had no other ideas.”
“Damn straight we would have. Why do you think you picked us in the first place?”
“That was a mistake.” I had to acknowledge it. “I never expected to love you all this much. I never believed in it. But I do. I love you so completely, and what’s more, I need you. Will you help me?” The words would have been impossible for me to say before the mind erase. But now I owned them. Who I had been after the memory wipe hadn’t disappeared when I’d gotten my memories back. I was both versions of myself and so much more. I knew how I felt and I wasn’t afraid to say the words that had once terrified me.
Cooper nodded. “Until I die, I’ll always be there for you. Tell me what to do and we’ll get it done. You didn’t seem right before. Your blood pressure was up when you were in the machine. I’m not a doctor. Is that normal for pregnancy? Do women regularly lose their minds into paranoia?”
I had no idea and the only person I did know who could tell me was in a cryogenic sleep somewhere on The Bridge. “I have to call my father. After I shower.” I backed away from him. “Coming in with me?”
He raised one eyebrow. “Another thing I’ll never say no to.”
* * * *
My father hadn’t aged much in the time he’d been away. Travelling over black holes altered the time-space continuum and although I’d never be a scientist, I couldn’t captain a ship without understanding it a little bit.
He stared at me from the view screen, tears streaking down his face. A tightening started in my gut and I forced myself to ignore the sensation. I hadn’t seen him in fifteen years. His abandonment—and my aunt’s constant placing him on a pedestal—had left a hole in my heart I’d never filled. Since my mind wipe, I’d certainly become a person who could forgive a lot easier. Did that apply to him? Well, only time would tell.
“I thought I’d gotten to Earth and back fast, but look at you. You’re a grown woman. Pregnant.”
Truth was, I felt like hell. My back hurt like someone had been kicking me. “If I can pull this off, it’ll be a miracle.” I needed him to stay on topic. “You and I both know my mother cannot be given nuclear weapons.”
The people in Ochoa parading around in their leather outfits and then—boom—the sky lights up, and they’re all dead. I shuddered at the thought.
“Listen, come with me. Bring your men. We’ll go back to Earth. Your uncles, some of the others there, they’ve started to really make a home on Earth. And there’s always Mars. The people who didn’t make it out on the initial ships ended up colonizing there. It’s a great opportunity and Earth is, too. The planet is ready to be redeveloped. We’ll take a chosen few and…”
I held up my hand. “Dad, reasonably, I can’t focus on fixing a once-destroyed planet right now. I have enough trouble with the ones here. Thank you for the offer. Cooper is going to come and pick up the bombs.”
Cooper’s eyebrows rose. “I am?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
I needed him away from what was going to happen or he might very well become hostage number six for me to rescue. Or worse, being Cooper, he’d probably throw himself in front of me and then he’d be dead. I had to get my husbands before I gave birth. Then we’d all be safe together and I wouldn’t have him getting in the way of me being brave. My mother was also going to be easier to deal with if she didn’t have Cooper in her face. She’d be less likely to want to show off her power if a Noble prince wasn’t in the vicinity.
“He’ll be there. With your sister. In a few days. By then, I’ll know if I can pull off my plan. If I can’t, at least we’ll have the bombs to fall back on as a last resort.”
He wiped at his eyes. “Which is what?”
“For me to know and you to find out. We’ll talk when Cooper gets back with the bombs. See you later.” He was a stranger and the new-and-improved version of me knew strangers weren’t to be trusted until they proved themselves worthy. I disconnected the call and turned to look at my husband. “I need you to do this. I can’t trust anyone else with the job.”
He leaned forward. “You also don’t want me there with you. I can read your thoughts on this one. You do realize it’s basically going to kill me worrying about you, right?”
“Then don’t.” I kissed his lips, hard, and his body shuddered. We’d had sex twice in the shower but I’d bet if I got him alone in my room he would be ready to go again. Unfortunately, I didn’t have that kind of time. “Stay so busy you can’t think about me at all. I’ll call when it’s done.”
He pulled on the back of my hair. “You’re being a brat. You do know that, right?”
“I love you.”
His eyes widened at my declaration. “Just like that. You never say it so…freely.”
“Things have changed.” I struggled to my feet. “Go so you can come back. I can’t do this with you watching.”
“You understand how much I want to drag you off and just keep you safe while I go get them?”
“Cooper.” I shoved at his arm. “Stop saying that before I do something disgusting like take you up on it.”
I waited in my chair until he’d left the room. Eventually, the computer showed me he’d departed with my aunt. The ship was quiet, I was alone. I pressed the button to call my father again.
His face popped up on the screen. “Melissa, I think we should talk. I know your mother must have filled your head over the years with stories that aren’t true. I love you. I did this for you and…”
I held up my hand. “The brave thing to do would have been to stay and fight for me. We can’t do anything about that now. But you can help me. They’ll never agree to it so I’m not asking them. I need you to keep my guys safe. When Cooper gets there, he’s not to leave. If that means you drug him and keep him out cold then that’s what you’re going to do.” I sounded so much like my old self even I could be fooled into thinking she was back in control if I hadn’t planned this meticulously to the last detail. “In fact, I strongly suspect you’ll have to do just that with the others. They’re going to be pissed as hell at me. I don’t care. I love them. I want them safe and I want my daughter that way, too. After I handle my mother, I’ll follow you to Earth. Take my husbands. I’ll come with my daughter right after. Please. Mom has to believe she won or this will never work. Please. Daddy.”
The last word I couldn’t help but add. Like it or not, my father was a human being. We all made really large mistakes. I could forgive him, when this was over.
“Your daughter that is still in your stomach. How is that going to work?”
I spoke the words I’d been not saying for hours. “She’s coming soon. I’m in early labor.” A few searches on Dane’s computer had shown me I wasn’t incorrect in my instincts. The baby was making her presence known. My back pain was labor. For now, I could ignore it. Later, if the literature was correct, would be a very different story.
Everything depended on timing…In the best-case scenario, I would give birth right before I followed them through the black hole.
My father lifted his eyebrows. “You’re willing to throw away your whole life to keep them all safe? You’re willing to risk losing them to make sure your mother doesn’t get to harm them?”
“No.” I needed to be adamant about this point. I’d made that mistake, well, the pre-mind-wipe version of me had, and I wasn’t going to repeat it. I could see her memories, which didn’t mean I had to agree with her decision-making. “I’m willing to temporarily send them
to safety and then join them as soon as I have this under control. They aren’t going to like it, Dad. They’re all heroes. Every last one of them. They’re going to want to save me, but they can’t.”
“I want to save you. I always have. Who do you think you inherited this need from?”
I laughed. He did have a point, although staring at me with both eyebrows raised like he’d just solved all the problems of the universe was a bit of overkill. There had never been a time in my life when a man—or men—could fight my battles for me. That wasn’t my life. My mother would think she’d gotten her bombs. But they weren’t going to be nukes. And by the time she figured it out, I’d be on my way to happiness, far from her reach with no hostages for her to threaten me with.
“The second Cooper catches wind of this, you’ll have to restrain him. Gently.” I wasn’t going to have him hurt for anything. He was one of mine. I’d not taken care of him before but I would now. “They’ve already all saved me many times, been more than a hero. They’re my everything. You and I both know that if she can reach them, she’ll kill them. She’s just that deranged.” My father knew it; I could see it in his eyes which were my own. And he’d left me with her.
A tear slipped from my eye. I was so emotional and my back ached like I’d been kicked. This was going to be a long day but hopefully one where everything went my way, finally.
I disconnected one transmission to make another call. My mother had been smart in how she’d handled things. By taking my husbands, she’d forced my hand to retrieve my memories. Of course, she’d wanted me on the Bridge when I’d done it. She’d assumed I’d come crawling, which was why she hadn’t kidnapped me. Why just take me when she could hurt me more by making the whole thing one giant game? Cruelty was how she stayed in power. But, I had a one up on her and I could thank the guys’ quick thinking in making that happen.
She’d figure out I’d done it very fast—only with my memories could I access the mainframe on The Bridge. I took a deep breath. The day I’d left that ship—if that was what it could be called—I’d sworn I’d never spend more than a few days there at a time for the rest of my life.