I wish he hadn’t bothered. When he was at a distance, I could pretend, but when he came close, it was harder. There was an ache down low in my belly, and it was unsettling and unwanted.
I did not want to be attracted to him. I did not want to find myself thinking about what might be going on behind those unusual, compelling slate blue eyes. And yet...here I was.
More of our group finally returned to the table, and I shoved thoughts of Lukas and Aaron aside. I was going to get to work. I was going to stop thinking about both of them and do what I had been hired to do.
“So, who has ideas?”
* * *
I had my shirt halfway off, arms over my head when a pair of arms slid around me. Blame it on the fact that I was still unsettled from the crash and maybe on lingering cabin fever, but I didn’t react well.
Shrieking, I slammed my head backward in a panic and twisted away from the restraining arms.
It didn’t dawn on me until I heard Aaron’s voice that the arms were not restraining but embracing.
It was Aaron. He had come up behind me and wrap his arms around me. That was all.
“What the hell, Stella?” he demanded.
I hurriedly yanked my shirt back down and turned to look at him, feeling embarrassed.
“Sorry. You startled me.”
“Who did you think it was?” he demanded.
“That’s the problem. I wasn’t thinking. I’m still off balance from the plane crash, from being trapped in the mountains for so long. And now here I am again – in the mountains – and not because I want to be.” I glared at him.
He rolled his eyes. “Stella, you have got to get over that plane crash. It’s not like you were hurt. You barely had any bruises from it, for crying out loud.”
“Get over it?” My jaw dropped open. “I could have died. You know how many nightmares I’ve had about it?” I paused and then added, “You should. You sleep right next to me.”
His face softened, and he came up to me, reaching out to touch my cheek. “Oh, come on, baby. I didn’t come in here to fight.”
I jerked back from him. “That’s just too bad because I’m not in the mood to do anything else. You want me to get over something that just happened a few weeks ago, and I’m supposed to just be over it already? Something that could have killed me? Let’s see you drop out of a tin can and just be over it in a couple of weeks. Get surrounded by wolves and brush it all off in no time.”
His face tightened. “Do we have to have this discussion again?”
“No. We could talk about Terri.” I was just looking for things to be annoyed about now, but she was as good a reason as any. I didn’t like that the woman had spent half the day glaring at me, and more than once, I’d see her muttering to somebody, and both of them would be looking at me. “What’s her problem with me anyway?”
“I don’t know what you mean.” But his eyes slid off to the side for a fraction of a second before he looked back at me.
“Bullshit,” I said.
“This isn’t about Terri,” he snapped. “This is about you and me. Sometimes I wonder if there even is a you and me. You don’t seem to want me touching you anymore. I thought maybe we could fix that coming up here into the mountains–”
“The mountains.” I broke out into a laugh. “After what happened to me the last time I was in the mountains, you think this is my idea of a romantic spot?”
Aaron pointed a finger at me. “Don’t start that shit again. I’m so sick and tired of hearing about your fucking plane crash.”
I smacked his hand out of my face, outraged.
His eyes narrowed, but he continued to speak, unfazed. “Just stop feeling sorry for yourself. You survived. You’re lucky. You ought to act like you appreciate that fact instead of whining all the time.”
I gaped at him. “You think I don’t feel lucky? Do you think I wish I had died?”
“I don’t know. Do you? You certainly didn’t come rushing back into my arms like you were happy to see me!”
Insult flared. “You were so busy talking on the phone when you picked me up at the diner, you hardly noticed me. Wheeling-and-dealing, sweetheart,” I said, throwing his own words back at him. I felt sick to my stomach. Turning away from him, I covered my face with my hands. “Would you just leave me alone? I don’t even want to talk to you right now.”
“Leave you alone? Yeah, maybe I’ll do that. Maybe I’ll just spend the night somewhere else.”
“What? With Terri?” I couldn’t cover the sneer in my voice. “It’s pretty obvious she wouldn’t mind, although I don’t know why in the hell she’s so enamored.”
The next thing I heard was the sound of a slamming door.
12
“All right.” Lukas stood in front of the room and nodded once we finished turning in the projects. Ours was done in PowerPoint, so all I had to give him was a thumb drive. When I passed it over to him, sparks seemed to flare as my fingers brushed his palm. I had to resist the urge to rub my hand down the side of my jeans as I returned to the table I shared with the rest of my group.
Both Terri and Aaron carried their presentation up to him in a series of project boards, although a large portfolio, which I knew Aaron had, would have done the trick. Terri walked so that her board had been facing toward me, and I had to fight back a disgusting snort when I saw the logo centered on the white surface. It looked almost like a dead replica of my current project back at the firm.
Breanna nudged me.
“Holy shit,” she whispered into my ear. “Do you see what I’m seeing?”
I simply held up my hand. But I was glad somebody else had noticed it.
“I’ll spend the weekend looking these over. I’ll announce the winners on Monday. The winning team, of course, will receive a prize. There’s not much use in a contest if there is no impetus for winning.” Lukas spoke to the group at large, his eyes roaming over each of us.
From his table, Aaron said, “I’m a competitive man. Simply competing is impetus enough for me.”
A couple others at his table smiled, and a few of them made similar comments. Eyes slid our way. I guess they wondered if we had anything to add.
We didn’t.
“Go on,” Lukas said. “Enjoy the rest of your weekend. The buses will be here at noon on Sunday to take everybody home.”
From my table, I heard a comment Aaron made about hitting the sauna as Brianna leaned in. “That skank totally ripped off your logo,” she said.
I nodded. “I know. But these aren’t for a real work project.”
“Still, everything has to go through the head of marketing before being signed off on. And the head of marketing is in their group. They’re going to think you stole the idea.” She gave me a pained look.
My face flamed at the very idea of that, and I sucked in a breath. “I guess I’ll redo my logo.”
“Why don’t you talk to the marketing head instead? I’ll go with you. I’ve been working with you on that or watching you work on that as part of my mentor job. I can vouch for you.”
“I appreciate the offer–”
“Don’t you dare say no to me. She’s a bully. You give a bully one inch, they’re going to take up more than a mile. They’ll take up your entire life.”
Finally, I smiled. “Those are some wise words. Sounds like you speak from experience.”
Breanna fluffed her hair, her eyes sliding away from mine. “I do.” After a moment, she looked back at me. “I was not always this fabulous and confident creature you see standing before you. I had to deal with my own special bully off and on throughout school. We all have to find our own ways of dealing, but let me tell you, ignoring her is not going to do the trick.”
* * *
It was those words that sent me on the path to the sauna nearest to the building where Aaron and I were staying.
Terri might not fit the textbook definition of a bully, but she’d been hassling me since day one, in quiet ways. And she was moving in on
Aaron. If I let some silly fight drive us even further apart, she would just love that.
So maybe it was a petty reason to seek my boyfriend out, but I could be petty from time to time.
Besides, I missed him. I missed what we’d shared, and I wanted it back.
I couldn’t get it back if I let this…whatever it was between us fester.
He wasn’t in the sauna I first checked, so I started down the path to another one farther away on the property. I had to check the map to make sure I was heading in the right direction, and the gathering darkness made me nervous, although I told myself it was silly to be worried. I couldn’t help it, though. Even though the sun had been up when those wolves came after me, I’d developed an odd phobia of the shadows. I jumped at weird sounds now. I hated it, but I didn’t know how to get over it.
I was glad when I saw the low building in the pool of light ahead growing closer, and I put an extra step in my stride, although I tried to be quiet. I wanted to surprise him – I hoped he hadn’t gotten any friends to go with him. The two of us needed some one-on-one time.
He was right, I had been more standoffish since the wreck.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be with him or anything. He’d just seemed…not too into me. Women pick up on that. It’s hard not to.
But he’d clearly been into me earlier until…things got in the way. We’d fix it. Whatever the problem was, we’d fix it.
Feeling more optimistic than I had in a while, I reached the door and eased it open carefully. Unlike the first sauna, though, the doors on this one didn’t creak like they were dying. This one was smaller, clearly designed to be more private.
If I’d been thinking, maybe I would have wondered why my so very social boyfriend had chosen this sauna.
But I wasn’t wondering about anything but being alone with him.
As I entered, I wished I’d taken the time to put something sexy on. But I’d work with what I had. Fluffing my hair, I reached up to unbutton my jacket as I looked around. Like the other saunas I’d seen, this one had an anteroom with hooks for coats and the like and two dressing rooms.
I saw Aaron’s coat, and another one hanging next to it. I managed not to frown and dealt with the disappointment. Maybe whoever it was would be quick on the uptake, and if not…hopefully, Aaron would be.
I was halfway across the floor when I caught sight of the shoes on the ground.
Heels.
There were high heels on the floor next to Aaron’s gleaming Italian loafers.
I swallowed around the knot that had suddenly formed in my throat and lifted my eyes to the door. It was privacy tinted, and there was a discreet sign to please knock before entering.
Yeah. I’d knock.
A husky voice came from inside. “Occupied,” Aaron called out.
I knocked again.
“Didn’t you hear me?” he called out again.
I knocked harder.
Aaron appeared in the doorway a few seconds later. “Look…”
“Oh, I am.” I stared at him hard. He had a towel around his waist, the ends gripped in his fist. Terri hadn’t bothered. She was leaning back against the bench, naked as the day she was born and the look on her face when she saw me was so smug. My hand curled into a fist, ready to knock the smug right off her.
I’d never hit anybody in my life, but I wanted to then.
Aaron gaped at me. I stared at him for a long moment and then turned away.
13
I was so done. I had come out to Denver because Aaron wanted me to and look what happened.
I was in a plane crash. I almost got eaten by wolves. And now I find out my boyfriend has been cheating on me.
And I had no doubt he was cheating. That was not just some one-time interlude I just witnessed.
I knew it wasn’t.
My head was pounding.
I was so furious I was almost sick with it. Part of me was tempted to figure out a way to get off this stupid mountain right this second and get to Denver, pack my clothes and fly back to New York City on the first flight available.
But I didn’t. I was going to think through what I did next because some part of me sort of liked it here.
Not in the mountains here but Denver here.
I wasn’t living in the shadow of my excellent family, my parents who knew everybody and were known by everybody or my sisters who weren’t just good at everything, they excelled.
I could carve out a place for myself here. Maybe. But one thing was clear, I was done living for other people. Maybe I would quit my job. Maybe I wouldn’t. But I wasn’t going to keep working at the firm just because Aaron seemed to think I should. Or because he had gotten me the job. I was going to pack up first thing when I got home, and whatever I couldn’t fit in my car, I would get later. I’d stay in a hotel for a few days until I found someplace to stay on my own.
But I sure as hell was not going to try to make things work with Aaron anymore. Behind me, I heard somebody shout my name, but I ignored it.
Part of me wanted to go back and tell him he should hurry back to Terri. She was probably lonely without him.
But I didn’t. If I saw Aaron anytime in the next twenty-four hours, I might belt him. I kept walking, not paying much attention to where I was going or what was going on around me.
One might think that my time in the mountains would have taught me better than that.
One would be wrong.
I almost crashed head-first into Lukas, and if it wasn’t for his hands coming up to steady me, I probably would have bounced right off his hard chest and ended up on my ass on the path.
“You should pay attention,” he said, that low, whiskey-smooth voice a caress on my jagged nerves.
I’m done, I thought again. Done living for other people and I was going to do what I want for a change.
It was odd, but that thought circled through my mind right then. Standing there with his hands on my arms and his eyes resting on my face, I went and did something I never would have done ten minutes earlier. Reaching up, I hooked my hand around the back of his neck and pulled his mouth down to meet mine.
I gave into the secret urge that had haunted me since that dream, and I kissed him.
I couldn’t believe I was doing this – kissing him. I was kissing Lukas.
He kissed me back after a few seconds of utter stillness, and it was the most erotic thing I had ever experienced in my life. I slid my tongue into his mouth, and I whimpered as he began to suck on me. He bit me lightly. Hunger hit me hard and fast like a punch in the gut only there was no pain, just pleasure.
He slid a hand up my spine from the small of my back all the way up to my neck, pressing our bodies together.
The kiss seemed to last forever and no time at all, and then he lifted his mouth away. Whimpering, I tried to follow, but he held me in place. “This isn’t a good idea,” he said gruffly.
“I’m tired of thinking about whether or not something is a good idea. I’m tired of thinking. I just want to feel.” I met his eyes boldly.
“Are you sure about that?”
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”
A moment later, he had me plastered back against him, and I shuddered as he sealed his mouth over mine with a kiss so decadent, so deep, so wet and torrid, it was almost to intimate for people who were still dressed and still upright. This was a kiss that belonged in bed. This was a kiss that belonged to two people who were naked and entwined around each other. And then we were entwined, my legs wrapping around his hips as he boosted me up. “Hold on,” he said, his voice practically a growl.
I clung to him, not having much choice because the world was spinning around me.
It wasn’t just that he was moving, either. The very earth seemed to be spinning. I had never known anything like his kiss. Then my back was pressed up against something hard, and he pulled away again. I groaned and reached for him. He caught my hands and pinned them to the wall next to my head.
It was then that I realized we were inside. I hadn’t even noticed when we had left the path. I didn’t recognize our surroundings, and dimly, I heard myself asking, “Where are we?”
“My cabin. Look at me, Stella.” His hand cupped my face, guiding my gaze to his. “Look at me.”
Where else was I going to look? I didn’t say that though. I merely met his eyes and found myself caught up in that hypnotic, alluring gaze.
“You realize what’s going to happen if we keep this up?” he asked.
“I sure as hell hope so.” I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across my face.
“What about your boyfriend?”
“I don’t have a boyfriend,” I simply replied.
He continued to study me for a long, pensive moment and then slowly, he nodded. It was as if he was debating something that required a great deal of thought, a great deal of concentration, and he’d finally made his decision.
Then he fully lowered his head and pressed his mouth to my neck. “You better be sure.” That was all he said, and then he slid his hands under my shirt. A moment later, it was gone so quick, it was almost like magic. Poof. Just gone.
I gasped as he took my breasts in his hands, my bra suddenly a barrier that was just intolerable. I wiggled against him, wanting to take it off but not daring to move. I had the insane idea that if I moved, this would all shatter and fall apart like a dream.
It didn’t, but I almost did, especially when he freed the front clasp of my bra and cupped both breasts in his hands, plumping them together and circling my nipples with his thumbs.
“You’re beautiful,” he said, voice gruff.
Heat exploded inside me as he studied me, hunger naked and raw in his eyes.
After my dream, I had wondered, even when I didn’t want to acknowledge it, I had wondered if he wanted me at all.
Now that I had my answer, I couldn’t help but wonder something else. How had I not seen it? How had I not seen this hunger?