His eyes wide, Lutian balled his hand into a fist and moved to sit at the other end of the table with his trencher and cup, far away from Phantom.
Adara paid them little heed as she walked into the room. She’d made a mistake by coming here. How simple everything had seemed all those weeks ago when she had set out on this journey.
Now she was a continent away from her homeland and didn’t know what to do.
But one thing was clear to her now. She needed to release her husband from his role and find another way to save her country.
“Phantom?” She waited until he looked up from his porridge. “How much will you charge to take me home?”
Five
Phantom choked on the porridge. Brother Thomas pounded him on the back while Phantom reached for, then drank from a small wooden cup. He gave a menacing glare to Thomas, who immediately halted his hand in the mid-pounding stroke position.
“Pardon?” Phantom asked once he’d regained some composure.
“I wish to go home and I need a guide and guard.”
He cleared his throat. “You’ll get neither from me, Your Majesty. I will not return there. Ever.”
“Why are we returning with Phantom, my queen?”
She glanced over to Lutian. “I’ll explain later.” Then she looked back at Phantom. “I can pay you a fortune.”
Phantom scoffed at that. “Coin is ever useless to a corpse.”
She arched a brow at him. “Are you afraid, then?”
He laughed bitterly. “Hardly, and you’ll never get me to agree by calling me craven.”
“Then what will it take?”
Phantom wiped his mouth, then gave Brother Thomas an almost amused smirk. “You haven’t enough money, power, or influence to buy me, Your Majesty. There are some things—few, I grant you, but some—that are not for purchase. My loyalty, or in this case stupidity, will not be bartered for any price.”
He picked his cup up and lifted it in a mock salute. “Work your wiles on your husband. He’s the greater fool of the two of us.”
Her throat tight, Adara struggled for composure. “And therein lies the problem. I’ve no wish to work my wiles on him, either. He’s suffered enough in this.” She approached Brother Thomas. “Know you who might have swords and lances for hire? I shall need an army to return and I’m willing to pay dearly for it.”
“Aye, Majesty, I know several. Der Tuefel is—”
“Don’t bring Lucifer into this madness,” Phantom said, interrupting Thomas. “Leave him be where he is.”
“He is ever after glory and coin. I should think this is just what he would covet. Either he or the Lladdwr.”
“We shall go for Lladdwr in the morning. He and his men are in York under the banner of the local earl. I would think Ioan is more than ready to go to war for such a cause.”
All four of them turned to see Christian standing in the open doorway. He wore a pair of black breeches and a black tunic that he’d left untied about his neck, showing her that he hadn’t donned his armor.
His handsome face was pale but determined.
“This is no longer your fight, Christian,” Adara said. “I will raise my own army.”
He scoffed at that. “Aye, but it is. They made it so the instant they traveled here like a pack of wild dogs to kill us.”
Phantom laughed evilly. “No man kills me and lives.”
Christian nodded. “Exactly.”
Adara frowned at them, not understanding the phrase.
“It was a pact they took in prison,” Thomas explained to her. “No one would take their lives without paying dearly for it.”
Christian’s pale blue eyes fairly glowed in the dim light of the refectory. “I never had any intention of going to Elgedera. But they didn’t send a single man to kill me or Adara, they sent an entire garrison or more, and that was their mistake. They have dropped the gauntlet before me and I intend to return it fully met.”
Christian looked at each of them in turn. “Basilli and Selwyn have no intention of letting this matter end until we are dead. Therefore I shall end it once and for all. The prince is going home to be crowned king and to exact his revenge. Swear your fealty to me, Phantom, and I’ll see to it that you’ll have the choicest land in the kingdom.”
“Why would you choose me?”
“Because you have ever been in my shadow, lurking there and only emerging when I need you. I never understood why, but your loyalty has long been noted and appreciated. I would have no other man at my back for this.”
Phantom seemed to consider his words. “Are you ready for the battle, Abbot?”
He nodded grimly.
Adara smiled in relief. Part of her was grateful, but the other part didn’t like the thought of adding any more grief to a man who had suffered so much. “Are you certain you want to do this?”
Christian turned toward her. “They won’t leave me in peace, therefore I intend to leave them in pieces.”
Phantom lifted his cup. “God save the king.”
“And the queen,” Lutian chimed in sincerely.
Christian rolled his eyes at Phantom’s sarcasm. “Thomas, I shall need one of the monastery’s servants to return to the inn in Withernsea, where I was supposed to meet Pagan, and tell him that I won’t be able to aid him in his quest for Lysander’s killer.”
“Consider it done.”
Phantom’s face was pensive. “What of Stryder of Blackmoor? Should we send for him as well as Ioan?”
Christian shook his head. “He’s newly married and has too many ties to the English throne. I would rather have unfettered mercenaries to fight this war.”
“I don’t trust mercenaries,” Adara said. “Too often they can be bought by your enemies.”
Thomas, Christian, and Phantom laughed at that.
“Trust me, my lady,” Christian said, “no one could ever buy their loyalty.”
“Many a dead man has made the same claim,” Lutian said from his end of the table.
Thomas made a tsking noise. “He’s right about that. I trust Ioan, but some of his men—”
“Will die if they betray us,” Phantom said menacingly. He pulled his knife out of the table from where he had embedded it and tested the edge against his fingers. “I’ve sent many a man to his grave for lesser things.” His eerie gaze became intense, almost mad-looking. “Death to any who betray our kinship.”
“Aye,” Christian agreed. Suddenly he grimaced, then gasped as if his shoulder were paining him again.
Adara went to him immediately. “You should return to bed.”
He nodded. “I’ll rest tonight, but we have much to do come morning.”
She couldn’t believe he would even suggest such a thing. “Why not stay here a few days so that you can recover?”
Christian rubbed his shoulder. “The assassins sent after us won’t wait and I’ve no wish to see the monks here endangered in my fight. Not to mention they wouldn’t think kindly on an army being amassed on holy property.”
Her husband did have a point. The Church did tend to frown on warfare.
“I still think you need to rest.”
He smiled at that as if it amused him. “Good night,” Christian said before he turned and left.
Adara followed him. She didn’t speak until he was back in his room, getting into bed.
“I’m sorry that I caused your wounds, Christian.”
“You didn’t cause my wounds, Adara,” he said as he lay down. “The men wielding swords did that.”
She laughed at his unexpected humor. It was the first time he’d made a joke. She crossed the room and tucked him in.
Christian held his breath as she did something he was sure she gave no thought to, and yet for him…
It was a rare caring act. One no other woman, other than his mother, had ever done for him.
She brushed the hair back from his forehead and laid her soft hand against his brow. “You have a slight fever starting.”
Ay
e, but it wasn’t related to his injuries. His body was on fire from her nearness.
She reached to pull off his tunic.
“I prefer to sleep with it on,” he said in a gruffer tone than he’d intended.
If she pulled his tunic off…
He didn’t trust himself being almost naked with her. Not when his body was this aroused. Injuries or no, he might very well consummate this misbegotten marriage, and that would be disastrous to both of them.
“Very well.” She left the bed to sit on a small wooden chair that looked terribly uncomfortable.
“What is it you do?”
“I’m watching over you. Brother Bernard said that someone should keep an eye on you this night.”
“I will be fine, Adara. There’s no need for you to inconvenience yourself.”
“Inconvenience myself? Why, sir prince, you have twice saved my life. This is the least I can do for you.”
He wanted to argue, but had learned enough about his stubborn queen to know it would be a useless effort. Being careful of his injuries, he rolled over.
Still he could feel her watching him. It made his entire body burn with needful heat. But it was a need he could never sate. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them, since he had no intention of staying with her. He would return and overthrow Selwyn and Basilli, aye, but he wouldn’t stay in Elgedera. Nor would he ever leave his child behind.
There could never be anything between Adara and himself. Once he had her throne secured, he would petition the Church to grant them an annulment and see her free.
And yet, even as that thought went through him, some part of his heart protested it. What would it be like to have a home? To have a woman by his side to bear his children?
I want more than that…
It was true, even though he hated to admit it. He didn’t want a cold, political marriage. He wanted what Stryder and Rowena shared. When they looked upon each other, the heat of their passion fairly scorched anyone who was near them. They loved each other.
What do you need with love?
But then, it wasn’t a need so much as a craving. His parents had been taken from him so early and since that day he’d never felt that sensation of true acceptance, true happiness. That inner warmth that came to his breast because he knew someone cared for him. Aye, his Brotherhood cared for him, but that was friendship, which was a whole separate matter.
What would it be like to feel the desperate ache of Cupid’s arrow? Just once. That compelling force that could make a man willingly die for the woman who held his heart. In songs and poetry, they likened it to the greatest force under heaven.
Methinks the attackers have addled your brains. Any more of this and you’ll be as useful as Lutian.
Aye, it was true. He didn’t want love. Never. Sooner or later something would come and destroy it. He’d be alone again.
They could keep their love. Christian of Acre had no need of it.
Grinding his teeth, Christian closed his eyes. He was a man born of an iron will. He could ignore her. He could.
And he would.
Adara sat still for more than an hour before she saw Christian relax in his bed. She’d begun to fear he would never find sleep.
She got up and went to check his fever. It was slightly worse, but still nothing to cause her alarm.
Christian was truly a strong man. Perhaps too strong. And yet as she watched him sleeping, she didn’t see a strong prince. She saw only a handsome man who looked peaceful and calm. A look that wasn’t there when he was awake. Awake he was intimidating and fierce.
Glancing down, she studied the mark on his hand that betrayed his captivity. She traced the lines of it with her fingertip. It must have hurt badly when it was received. How much more did the indignity of it hurt now?
Her heart heavy, she lay behind him on the small cot and snuggled close to his warm body.
She shouldn’t be doing this. Christian would no doubt protest if he knew what she was about. Yet she couldn’t stop herself. She wanted to hold him. Needed to feel his strength with her body.
She felt lost. Alone. She didn’t know what her future held anymore.
Truthfully, that terrified her. Uncertainties assailed her in the darkness and brought tears to her eyes. “What’s to become of me?” she whispered as silent tears started falling. “I need guidance, Lord. Wisdom. My people need a queen who knows what she’s doing, not one who is lost and unsure.”
Suddenly she felt the strength of Christian’s hand on hers. She swallowed in trepidation as he lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it.
She pulled back as Christian rolled over to face her.
“Don’t cry, Adara,” he whispered, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “I won’t let them hurt you or take your kingdom from you. I know what it’s like to be without a home and I will pledge my eternal soul that you will never know that feeling.”
His words only succeeded in making her cry more.
Christian was at a loss as to how to cope with her tears. He’d never spent enough time with women to witness them often. The only woman he’d spent much time with was Mary, who had been a captive with them in the Holy Land. But Mary had never once wept.
His stomach tightened in hopelessness.
“Shhh,” he breathed, wiping her tears with his hand.
“I’m sorry,” she sobbed. “I don’t normally cry. I don’t. I’m j-just at a loss.”
“I’m so often at a loss that it seems my most natural state.” He couldn’t believe he’d confessed that to her. Even when he was at his most perplexed, he refused to allow anyone to know it.
“You’re just trying to make me feel better.”
“Nay, my lady. Truly. I am often baffled by life. Struck dumb, point of fact.”
One corner of her mouth lifted at that. “I don’t believe you.”
He watched her eyes glisten from her tears. Before he realized what he was doing, he was tracing the curve of her eyebrow with his thumb. This was the most intimate moment of his life and they were both lying fully clothed.
Yet he’d never felt more exposed or vulnerable.
She looked up at him as if he were some type of hero sent to help her. He’d never felt particularly heroic before.
More than that, he felt her nearness with every part of him. And he wanted nothing more than to taste her virgin mouth.
Adara licked her lips as she watched Christian watching her. It was intense, hot, and it stole her breath away.
He leaned his head closer. Closer.
Then he pressed his lips to hers.
Adara moaned as she tasted her first kiss. The warm, masculine scent of Christian filled her head as his tongue gently parted her lips to explore her mouth. Her entire body sizzled from the foreign sensation.
His arms tightened around her, pulling her closer to his hard, tawny body. She ran her hands over the rugged planes of his back, taking care not to touch his bandages. His lips and tongue teased her unmercifully.
So this was a lover’s kiss…
She liked it greatly.
Christian struggled to breathe as he felt her returning his kiss with enthusiasm. She stroked his tongue with hers and uttered a soft, murmuring noise of pleasure that made his body harder than it had ever been before.
It was all he could do to keep from lifting the hem of her gown and exploring more of her soft, supple body.
How could a mere mortal man sate himself with just this little portion of heaven?
You must.
If he took her, there could never be an annulment. He would be bound to her and to a throne for all eternity.
No more freedom.
Let her go.
Growling fiercely, he forced himself to pull away. Her breathing was ragged as she stared up at him in wonderment. Two heartbeats later, she reached up, buried her hand in his hair, and pulled him back for another kiss.
Christian’s head swam as she boldly renewed their kiss. Worse, she rubbed herself agains
t him, exciting his body even more.
You’re in a monastery!
That finally went over him like a dousing of cold water. Pulling back, he held himself away from her.
“Did I do something wrong?” she asked.
Nay, she’d done everything right. That was the problem with this matter.
He shook his head at her. “Nay, my lady. You’ve done nothing wrong, but I think it best for both of us if we forget this moment.”
Adara was hurt by his words until she realized something. “You’re not going back to stay, are you? You plan to leave as soon as you can.”
She saw the truth in his blue eyes before he even spoke.
“Nay, I will not stay.”
An unfounded anger and disappointment tore through her. Furious beyond her endurance, she bolted from the bed to confront him. “Then why bother to go home at all?”
“Because it is my duty and responsibility and I will not run from it.”
“Why not? You’ve been running from it all these years.”
His nostrils flared at that as he sat up. “What has possessed you?”
“Anger,” she growled out. “Great doses of anger, my lord. And all of it is for you.” She paced before his bed. “Please, spare me your pity and your charity. I most certainly don’t need either one. I’ve come this far, I can make it back home on my own.”
“And where are your guards?”
Her stomach knotted as she thought of what had befallen them because of her. “I can hire more.”
“And the men after you?”
“What do you care? Up until a few hours ago, you knew me not at all. For all you knew, I was already dead.”
“And now I know you for my wife. It is because of me that you are in danger. Believe me, I don’t want to do this, but I can’t walk away until I set this matter right and you are again safe.”
Adara forced herself to calmness, even though inside she was weeping at his “noble” words. Noble, her left foot. She hated him for this.
Until this moment, she hadn’t realized just how much she had opened herself up to him. And why wouldn’t she? For years, she had dreamed of this man. Ever since she was a child, she had done nothing but prepare herself mentally for the day her “king” would return and claim her.