Plucking off the stem, I placed a fat berry in my mouth, enjoying the burst of sweetness.
“I hope you saved one for me,” a familiar voice said.
I was about to answer when I found I couldn’t. Someone else spoke for me. “I always do, handsome.”
Ahmose sat down next to me, snuck his arm around my waist, and opened his mouth, waiting to be given a berry. Pulling another from my pocket, I tore off the green top and pretended like I was going to give it to him, but stuffed it into my mouth instead, laughing.
“Oh, you’re going to pay for that,” Ahmose said.
“Is that right?” I teased. “And who ’round here is man enough ta do such a thing?”
“Are you, a mere wisp of a girl, questioning my manliness?” Ahmose said with mock outrage as he pushed me back into the grass, my hair spilling on either side. He put one arm on each side of my head and lowered down until his lips were just inches from mine.
Ahmose’s strong features seemed smooth and relaxed. The tension that lent sharpness to his jaw and cheekbones had melted away. Leaning down, he kissed my lips gently, softly, moving across them as if he wanted to memorize the shape of them by the touch of his. When he lifted his head, he murmured, “Have I told how beautiful you are?”
“Yer a silver-tongued devil, ya are. Are ya perhaps thinkin’ flattery will get ya the lion’s share o’ the strawberries?”
His carefree laugh warmed my heart. He sat up, pulling me up with him. Taking hold of my waist, he shifted me onto his lap and held me close, pressing his nose to my neck. Ahmose proceeded to drive me crazy with kisses, trailing them from one ear, down my jaw to the other side and back. I shivered when he touched his lips to the tender spot just beneath the corner of my jaw at the hairline.
When he finally raised his head, I was trembling, but he wore a wide grin and opened his hand to show me he was now in possession of all the strawberries from my pocket.
I gasped. “Yer more than a silver-tongued devil, ya are. Yer a red-handed thief!”
“Better a thief than a beggar in the game of love. Are you going to make me plead for more of your strawberry kisses, Ash, or shall I steal them?”
“Ya think ta make me all moony-eyed with honeyed words, but I’m made o’ stronger stuff. Besides, a truly wicked thief wouldn’ waste time on words, he would just take. Yer not foolin’ me, Ahmose. Yer more beggar than thief.”
His smile was as crisp and tart as the green apples that grew in the orchard a bit farther down the creek. Just looking at him made my lips pucker like I’d already helped myself to a not-quite-ripe piece of fruit. With Ahmose, I’d brave all the sour things in life just for a little taste of the sweet in being with him.
His wintry seashore eyes beckoned me closer, and I pressed my lips against his again. This time his kiss was deeper, darker, like a moon-pulled tide drawing me out of my element and taking me to a place I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to go, but the mystery of it enticed me all the same.
When we parted, he stroked my hair. His smile was sweet and sad all at once. “We need to go, love.”
“I don’ want ta.” Fiercely, I seized his hand. “Can’t we jus’ stay here? Where it’s peaceful and I can have ya all to meself?”
“And what about Lily? You can feel the hurt in her heart right now as much as I can. She’s suffering, seeing us like this.”
“Lily can find her own happily-ever-after. This one’s mine.”
“Ashleigh.” His reprimand was mild, like soft desert rain, but she could still feel its effects even after all signs of it disappeared. “I’m surprised that a girl who only exists because another gave up their life is so willing to abandon others. Lily needs you. In this place it’s easy to forget the real world. To hide away, ignoring the sun rising and setting day after day. To focus only on love and laughter. But this meadow isn’t real. The animals, rocks, and stream take no notice of us. This isn’t living.
“I want to make a life with you,” he continued. “To make the most of living, or at least try as best we can.” Ahmose nudged my chin up so I’d look at him. Tears had filled my eyes, and I felt like my heart was breaking. He went on, “Ash, you once told me that it’s easy to halve the potato where there’s love. As much as I enjoy sharing your dreams with you, following your steps along this path, the girl I know wouldn’t let her two friends, the ones she loves like sisters, suffer alone.”
I sniffled loudly. “What’s ta become of me? Of us?”
“I don’t know,” Ahmose replied frankly, hugging me close. “I wish I did. I wish I could see the path clearly, but it stops at Wasret. What happens after that is unknown.”
“I don’ wanna lose you.”
“And I don’t want to lose you. We can’t change the direction of the wind, love, but we can align ourselves in such a way that it doesn’t break us.”
“Will…will you promise me somethin’?”
“Anything.”
“If…if something happens to me, you won’t forget me. Like I am now, I mean?”
Ahmose cupped my cheeks with his big hands and smiled sweetly. “Seeing you like this is something I’ll never forget. Even if I go on to live for millennia, every time I close my eyes, I’ll see your lovely face in my dreams.”
I placed my hands on top of his. “Okay, then. I’m ready, darlin’.”
The green meadow around me shifted, and my body rose in the air like I’d been whisked into a vortex.
When the spinning stopped, the world shifted. Instead of a blue sky dotted with puffy clouds, there was a wide expanse of black, lit with stars. Around me a vast plain of seemingly unending grasslands. Ashleigh was gone, and her dream had gone with her. The space in my mind where she lived now felt empty and wrong. But as quickly as the thought came, my mind seemed to forget it.
Tall grasses swayed in a balmy breeze that carried with it the scents of a nearby river and the heady musk of night-blooming flowers and sun-warmed acacia trees. Winged creatures fluttered overhead, their cries ringing across the savannah as they hunted insects that emerged after sundown. I was the only large predator around as far as I could see. Though I liked the idea, it made me feel somewhat lonely.
The part of me that was Lily knew that something was missing, that my heart hurt, but that part wasn’t in charge right then. This was Tia’s dream, and she felt…peaceful. At home. I sank into her dream as if it were my own and experienced every taste, scent, and sound as she did. I walked through the grasses, the tops of them prickling my bare calves, and climbed up a series of rocks until I came to the level peak. My arms and legs were supple and strong, and my skin was soft and a darker hue than the sepia rocks I climbed.
After finding a good spot, I sat on a flat stone, still warmed from the heat of the summer sun, and leaned back on my palms. Shuttering my eyes, I half dozed and half reflected on what I now was. It surprised me that I took human form in my dreamworld. I found I missed my tail, and my sharp teeth, but I liked the curves of my bare shoulders and my hips. I longed to run and test out my long, long legs, which stretched out beneath the short dress that was the same color my fur had once been.
Now I had a mane, too. I’d often complained about caring for a mane, but this one was perfect. My thick hair was swept back from my forehead and ended just where it brushed the tops of my shoulders. I could run my hands through it quickly to work out any tangles, and it wouldn’t require too much maintenance. I had no idea what color it was, and found I really didn’t care overmuch.
The wind rustled the tall grasses and I sat up. The light of the stars blanketed my skin, giving it a glossy sheen. I found I couldn’t get enough of looking at my hands and arms. They were mine. My face; my skin; my tall, curvy body; my scent. Mine. Not Lily’s. I don’t know why that was so important—or why the concept hurt the silent watcher inside me—but it was. So very, very important.
The shadows of the rocks stretched like inky pools across the land, and the leaves sighed softly in the trees. The breeze p
assed through them, kissing each one and whispering its secrets before moving on. It caressed my new body, sending tingles across my skin and making the little hairs at the nape of my neck stand on end. It hinted of things to come.
“There you are,” a voice said from the ground below. It bothered me that I hadn’t sensed his approach. Such must be the burden of humanity.
I looked down. “Hello, Asten.”
The handsome man cocked his head, a half smile on his face as he perused my altered form. His white linen pants and loose, flowy shirt stood out starkly in the dark night, but they still couldn’t compete with his stellar smile. I let out a soft sigh, pleased at seeing him but dreading it at the same time.
“Is there room enough for two up there?” he asked politely.
“There is,” I replied. “You may join me, if that pleases you.”
“It does.”
I listened to the sounds of his progress, though I didn’t turn to watch him. I felt like my heart was fighting a battle I didn’t understand, and no one was aware of it except me. As he closed the distance between us, his nearness became a palpable thing. I wanted to growl, to warn him that he was approaching a formidable foe, one that would not be easily bested. But I remained silent knowing he would effortlessly breach every invisible defense I could possibly muster.
When Asten settled himself by my side, I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. He wasn’t looking at me like I expected a conquering victor would. He didn’t even adopt the demeanor of a lion staking his claim. Instead, he was quiet, his thoughts turned inward as he gazed out at the landscape surrounding us. “I like your dreams,” he said finally. “They’re peaceful.”
Since I didn’t know what to say to that, I said, “I thought Ahmose would be joining my dream, not you.”
“He will. It might take him a bit of time, though. Ahmose doesn’t know you as well as he does Ashleigh. It’s going to be difficult for him to track down your dream.”
I sniffed and shifted slightly, plucking at the hem of my dress. I suddenly felt awkward wearing it, like I was an impostor playing human. “Yes, well. It’s certainly true that he knows Ashleigh best.”
A quick grin appeared on his face, and it looked like he was itching to say something more, but then he bit his lip, a gesture I found fascinating for some reason. He chose to keep whatever he’d thought of private for the moment. In its place, he said, “I thought you wouldn’t mind having company while you waited.”
Asten turned to me then, his handsome face so very close to my own. When he closed one eye in a wink, I noticed his long lashes were like tiny feathers. It was one more thing I could add to my list that I found beautiful about him.
I should have felt embarrassed when he caught me openly admiring his features, but I didn’t care that he knew. Not anymore. A door had closed between us, and I now sat dejectedly on the other side of it, wishing I could open it again and step into the same light that touched his face.
“You don’t seem like yourself, lady lioness,” he said. “Apart from the obvious, of course.” He indicated my new body.
Pulling up a long leg and tucking it under me, I angled myself toward him and stiffened my back and shoulders, my face a taciturn mask. “I feel I am more myself now than I have ever been. But if you believe that I am overstepping by assuming human form, then say it outright. Do not feel as if you must coddle me in any way, Asten. I am a lioness, and I prefer candid speaking.”
“Yes,” he agreed softly, seriously. “I know. Your straightforward manner is something I appreciate about you. I don’t begrudge your taking human form. In fact, I think it suits you.”
I nodded. “Thank you. Then I wish to speak plainly to you on the matter of our relationship, Asten. I know that you must be disappointed by what passed between us in our dream before. You thought it was Lily you held in your arms. You believed it was Lily you kissed. It was not.
“I cannot go back into the past and correct this mistake in judgment, but I do not regret having had the experience. The fire that blazed between us once has now turned to ash, and the wind has carried it away, but I can still feel the heat from it branded onto my memory.”
“Were all the things you said in that dream true?” he asked.
“I did not attempt to mislead you, if that is what you mean. The words I said to you were in earnest and are a true representation of how I feel.”
Asten did not speak for a long moment. My heart beat heavy and thick in my chest, pounding like the sound of an elephant moving through the jungle.
“Thank you,” Asten finally said.
“What is it you are thankful for?” I asked, surprised. His response wasn’t what I had expected.
“Thank you for finding something in me to love.”
I wanted to tell him that I’d found a great deal in him to love. That though there were perhaps other men who would make worthy mates for Lily, and, in fact, might make her happier, I knew in my heart that Asten would be my choice if I were given one. The sad fact was that no such option existed for me. I had no more right to choose Lily’s mate than I had to this body.
All those thoughts seemed too complicated for a lioness to express, so I said simply, “Love is not something I ever thought myself capable of.”
He picked up my hand and played with my fingers, not looking me in the eye. I liked seeing our fingers intertwined, the different colors folded together. It reminded me of the evening sky—stars and silky night. It also reminded me that in my dreamworld at least, I was my own person.
“But you are, aren’t you,” he said, not meaning it like a question. “You’re a lioness capable of love.”
I let out a soft breath. “Lily tried to help me comprehend it. To know the difference between passion and love. It was confusing at first. Now I think I understand what it is. Perhaps that means I have changed into something more than a lioness,” I confessed. “Though, in truth, I don’t know what I am.”
“You certainly don’t look like a lioness any longer.”
“No,” I answered softly. “I don’t.”
“So, you wanted to know the experience of love, the kind that exists between a man and a woman. That’s why you came to me in a dream, isn’t it?”
“Yes.”
“I see. And were you satisfied with your explorations?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean you’ve tasted it. Tested it out. Did you find it to your liking, or are you ready to move on to something else? Some other new human experience?”
I frowned. “The human experiences I’ve had have been varied and unique. Some I’ve enjoyed. Some I’ve not liked. And some were confusing. If you’re asking me if I enjoyed our encounter, then you should know that I’ve reflected on it many times since.” I bit the inside of my cheek. “It is my most treasured memory in all the time I’ve been with Lily.”
“But now you’ve experienced that with Ahmose.”
“Yes, but…” I smoothed my palms on my thighs, unsure about how to explain myself.
“But?”
“It is not the same. Not for me. There is heat and tenderness and kindness, but when he looks in my eyes, he sees someone else.”
Asten reached out for my other hand. “So,” he said, “you believe what has passed between us is now over and gone forever.”
“Even if I held out hope that you could feel about me the way you felt about Lily, how can it be otherwise when Lily chooses another?” I placed my palm on his cheek. “Your form is pleasing to me, Asten. Your heartbeat is like the hot sun warming my back. When you speak, your words ring true to every part of me. Your smile is as a sky full of stars. I yearn to be near you in spirit and body. But knowing that when you look at me you see Lily, that you kiss her lips and hold her tight, burns within me like a raging fire. It is cruel. Like a predator playing with its prey.
“I would, instead, beg you to find a way to ease my torment. Help me escape. Send me on to whatever fate awaits me rather than tr
ap me in a pretty box in this half-life. You said that you dreamed of Lily. That you saw a future where you loved one another. If this is to be, then please, at least wait until we have defeated the Unmaker. After I am gone, you can do as you will.”
“And what about my torment?”
I looked up at him sharply.
He continued, “You speak of the Dreams That Could Have Been. You were right about me seeing a life where Lily and I were together. But there were other dreams, too. Dreams I never told Ma’at. I thought it was because I was broken, but now I’m not so certain. Events have happened that helped me see things a little more clearly. And one of those things is you.”
“Me?”
“Yes. I am certain of it.” He reached up to trace one of my eyebrows. Slowly, gently, he trailed his fingertip across it and then down my cheekbone to my lips. “I like you like this,” he said. “It’s easier to see you, the real you, without having to look through Lily’s face.”
“I only feel real when I’m with you.” Had I said those words out loud? If I did, he didn’t respond to them. I had closed my eyes, relishing the feel of his caress, and when I opened them, he still touched my lips and his eyes had drifted in the same direction.
I sucked in a breath as he dipped his head. His kiss was different than I remembered. This one was hungry and possessive, and I responded to it with a little growl. Asten moaned, wrenched me closer, and tilted my head, his mouth almost devouring mine. “Tia,” he murmured huskily, his lips still hovering near my own.
“Say my name again,” I said while lifting my chin so he could kiss my throat.
He smiled. “Tia,” he said again. “Don’t give up on this. Promise me you won’t. Give me time.”
Tears stung the back of my eyes. “There is no time. This is all I have, Asten. Right now. Right here.”
He took hold of my shoulders and pushed me gently away. “No, it’s not. Didn’t anyone ever tell you that cats have nine lives?” he asked with a teasing glint in his eyes.
“That’s a myth.”
“Is it?” he provoked, stroking my bare arm. “The souls who are the most resilient are the ones who suffer the most hardships. The things you have endured would break lesser people. This is why Lily needs you. Why you three need each other. When this is done, we’ll see about starting that second life of yours. Well, technically, a third life, since I suppose being in Lily’s head counts as one.”