When the meal was ready, he gave me a share and then sat down and picked at his but didn’t eat. I chewed a few bites, but the food stuck in the back of my throat as if my tongue had swollen too much to gulp it down. Finally, I set it aside and nudged his foot with my boot. “Just say it, Ahmose. I can tell you want to.”
Prickly nerves shot over my skin when he looked at me. My eyes felt hot and bruised. He turned back to his fish. “I’m not sure what you want me to say, Lily.”
“Tell me that you’re disappointed with me. That it was all a lie. That you never loved me at all. That our paths don’t merge together like you thought. Any of those. All of those. Just…tell me.” I pulled up my knees and wrapped my arms around my legs. Even though he hadn’t said anything yet, I already felt like he’d punched me in the gut.
I thought of the way Ahmose had kissed Ashleigh. The two of them surrounded by clover, the buzzing of lazy bees, and the heavily scented apple-blossom breeze. The way his eyes crinkled and his cheeks rounded into plump little moons when he looked at her. The way Ashleigh loved his lips on her skin and his warm breath tickling her bare throat.
Ahmose frowned. “I can’t tell you any of those things, Lily.”
“Why not?” I asked, anger tingeing my words around the edges.
“Because none of those things are true. My feelings aren’t a lie. I do love you. Our paths do cross. I’ve seen it.” When I gave him a doubt-filled look, he added, “Why don’t you ask me what you really want to know?”
What was he talking about? Did he want me to come right out and accuse him of loving Ashleigh more than me? Did it matter? It did to Ashleigh. She was quiet, but I could sense her sorrow, her acceptance, and her concern for my feelings. At the same time, the love she felt for Ahmose was a palpable thing that colored my perception whether I wanted it to or not. Those sentiments swelled around me, and I responded to them. I wanted to be held in his arms, have him comfort me and stroke my hair. But I was also my own person. His affection for Ashleigh was not the thing that plagued my mind the most.
“Why didn’t you tell me about him?” I asked finally with a soft voice.
Ahmose nodded stiffly, indicating it was the question he’d been waiting for, but his lips were drawn tight at the edges as if he didn’t want to answer.
I continued, pressing, “You knew I’d lost my memory of him. You took advantage.”
“I did,” he said simply. “That doesn’t mean what I’ve seen and what I feel are wrong.”
“Then why does it feel wrong to me?” I murmured. “In fact, everything about this situation feels wrong.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Why not? Does it hurt you? Well, good. I’m glad it hurts you, because you hurt me. I was a witness to Ashleigh’s dream, and your attachment to her is obvious.”
“That doesn’t mean I feel nothing for you.”
I rose and walked up to the edge of the shore. “It’s not the same. Not even close,” I said, my voice carrying over the sound of the ocean.
Ahmose came up behind me and wrapped his hands around my arms. His mouth tickled my ear, and I found I still wanted him to love me, to kiss me and hold me like he had before.
“I respect you,” he murmured. “I admire you. Your face, your form is beautiful to me. I want to keep you close and protect you from harm and care for you the rest of my days. We could be happy together, Lily. Comfortable and content. Isn’t that enough?”
I turned around, and as I did, he wrapped his hands around my waist, attempting to pull me into his arms, but I pressed my palms against his chest, keeping us apart. “A part of me wishes it were,” I said sadly. “Perhaps it doesn’t matter.” I gave him a wan smile. The urge to step closer, to lose myself in his kiss, was strong. Ashleigh wasn’t the only one who wanted it, but something had changed for me, for all of us, in the dreamworld.
We didn’t know what the future would bring, but even if there was a happy ending ahead for one of us, it would mean a disappointing ending for the other two. None of us wanted to dwell on that. “I think it would be better if we set aside our feelings for the time being and focus on the task at hand,” I said.
“If that is what you wish,” Ahmose said formally. He slowly moved away from us, his back rigid.
Ya’ve hurt ’im, Ashleigh said. Did ya hav’ ta be so fierce about it? He’s a sensitive type.
He hurt me first, I responded. Besides, what difference can it make now? We have a job to do, and we’ve had enough moony drama over men for the time being. We should be concentrating on Seth.
I agree, Tia said. There’s no sense in wishing for things. They will either happen or they won’t. Odds are, Wasret will choose our mate anyway and we will have no say in the matter.
Wasret. Wonderful. I’d almost forgotten. I quickly shared with them the things I’d seen in my dream with Amon, and they were both shocked by the infiltration of the Devourer. When I mentioned it to Ahmose, he nodded and said Asten had told him about it. The fact that Wasret had regained enough power to take over in such a way didn’t bode well for us.
“There’s more bad news, I’m afraid,” Ahmose said. “I’ve scouted our path, and the quickest road to my brothers lies along the Cosmic River. The unicorns don’t do well there. The flight is too long. They tire, and there’s no safe place for them to rest along the way.”
“Then what can we do? How will we get to your brothers?” I asked.
Tia suggested, Why not summon Cherty?
“Cherty? Who’s Cherty?” I asked aloud.
Ahmose looked up, a spark of interest in his eyes.
“Do you think he would take us?” he asked, and rubbed his chin. “He did seem to like you.”
Of course he liked us, Tia said. We can summon him with the coin he gave us.
“What coin?”
The one Hassan hid in the quiver. It lies beside Amon’s heart scarab.
My heart skipped a beat at her words. Without explaining my actions to Ahmose, I headed over to the campfire and found my leather harness, spear-knives still sheathed, and the quiver of arrows with the bow. Reaching into the depths of the bag, I wrapped my hand around the heart scarab and pulled it out.
I stared down at the object for a long moment. My fingers tightened around it, and I looked up to find Ahmose studying me. Keeping it clenched securely in my palm, I dug around until I found a coin with a bird stamped on it. I handed it to Ahmose. When he wasn’t looking, I slipped Amon’s heart scarab into the pocket of my jeans.
“The benu bird,” he said reverently as he turned the coin over in his palm and traced his fingers over the other side. He showed me the image of a boat and a man hunched over a pole. “I have never seen one of these coins in my lifetime, though I’ve heard stories of them. It’s dual-sided. It means you have the protection of the benu bird as well as the ferryman. Do you know how rare this is?”
I shrugged. Tia volunteered, We’ve seen the bird in Heliopolis. This coin looks similar to the coin the bird paid for our first passage. It might, in fact, be the very same one.
When I related her message to Ahmose, he gaped at us openly. “You actually saw the bird? He paid your way?”
“Yes. At least Tia says we did.”
Ahmose stared at us, his eyes neatly cutting through me as if searching for answers I couldn’t give him. It seemed he was about to say more, but I interrupted. “Will it work? Can we call this Cherty with it?”
“Oh yes,” he replied. “I should think it will work very well.” He placed the coin in my hand and beckoned. “Come with me.”
I followed him to the edge of the water, and he told me what to do. Reaching back my arm, I cried out in a loud voice, “Ferryman! With this coin I claim passage!” I thrust my arm forward, tossing the coin as far out into the water as I could. In the morning sun, I saw the flash of gold as it spun in the air, and when it dropped into the water a beam of light shot into the sky and disappeared overhead.
“What happens now?” I asked.
&nb
sp; “He’ll come for us if he’s able.”
“Why wouldn’t he be able?”
“Cherty will be busy ferrying the dead, especially in a time of war such as we are in currently.”
“But didn’t Ma’at say the afterlife had been compromised? Where is he taking the dead, then?”
“I’m not sure. It’s possible he’s still taking them there. Dropping them off and leaving them to fend for themselves until order has returned. This happens occasionally when we are in the mortal realm. The dead wait upon our arrival. There are usually large groups to lead to judgment after our two weeks on Earth. Some of them wander off on their own but end up getting devoured by various beasts that prevent the dead from leaving. There isn’t a safe way to escape the afterlife, not really. Unless you’re a god. They can come and go as they wish.”
“Oh…and, uh, are you given leave to come and go like the gods?”
Ahmose glanced down at me. “No,” he answered. “We must remain in the afterlife until we are called forth to our bodies to fulfill our purpose. Though now that Seth is freed, there is no longer a reason to grant us a mortal sojourn.”
“So you’re saying, when all this is said and done, assuming we survive, that you, Asten, and Amon will…what? You’ll end up in the afterlife, just staying…dead?” I tried to swallow the lump that suddenly formed in the back of my throat, but it didn’t help.
“That is the likely outcome.”
Did you two know this? I accused Ashleigh and Tia.
We did, Tia replied.
Then…then what’s the point of Ashleigh loving Ahmose or of you loving Asten? What difference does it make when there’s no way to be together? Not even for one of us? I asked them.
Ashleigh responded, Ah, darlin’, that’s why these rare stolen moments are so precious.
I folded my arms. “Well, I don’t accept it,” I said out loud.
“Don’t accept what?” Ahmose asked.
“There has to be some kind of boon.” I waved my arms, gesturing wildly. “Some kind of reward for saving the cosmos. Right? Isn’t that how things are supposed to work? You said you’ve seen us together. When? Where? In New York? In the afterlife? Where did you see us get our happy ending? Were we alive or dead?”
“I told you the ending was hidden from me. I am not given the where or the when. All I know are the emotions I felt. All I’ve seen are moments of happiness. Of contentment. Of love. These are the glimpses I’ve been given.”
“And do your glimpses include me or Ashleigh or Wasret? Which one of us do you get to be with?”
“I’ve seen all three of you.”
“Right. Well, that’s convenient, isn’t it?”
“You are angry.”
“Of course I am. It’s bad enough that I’ve got to sacrifice my identity to become this Wasret person so I can save the cosmos. I was just discovering who Lilliana Young was going to be. Narrowing down a major seems pretty silly now, doesn’t it? And here I was worrying about which guy I might be in love with when actually it doesn’t matter one little bit. You’re all dead. There’s no having a life with any of you. So you know what?” I jabbed him in the chest with my finger. “Why don’t you just keep these visions of yours to yourself? And while you’re at it, why don’t you leave Ashleigh alone, too? None of us need to put our hopes on a guy, on a future that doesn’t exist.”
My chin quavered as I stared up at him with icy eyes. I wanted him to tell me I was wrong. That everything would work out and that I’d get a happy ending. That at least one of us would survive and have a good life. Instead, my trembling body heated with an inner anguish. He touched my face lightly and answered, “If that is what you want, Lily, then I will do as you ask.”
Before the tears that built in my eyes had a chance to spill over, I whipped around and stomped back to the campfire, doggedly tugging on my leather harness and the bow and quiver. I don’t want to hear it, I warned Ashleigh and Tia before they even said anything.
Zahra nudged me with her head, and I ran my fingers through her mane, working through the tangles and smoothing the strands over her shiny coat. My thoughts felt just as knotted as her hair. I heard Ahmose cry out, “He approaches!” and turned to look over my shoulder, one hand still on the unicorn.
Shading my eyes, I looked out over the water. “I don’t see anything!” I shouted back.
“He’s not out there,” Ahmose said, indicating the ocean as I strode toward him. “He’s up there!” he finished, pointing at the sky.
A large, dark object appeared within a layer of clouds. I could only make out bits and pieces until it sank lower. I’m not sure what I expected, but it wasn’t a flying boat. It dropped down, circling overhead until it finally fell with a splash into the ocean. It was too far out to wade to. We’d have to swim out.
Ahmose turned to the unicorns. “Thank you. You’ve risked much in helping us.”
Zahra nudged his arm, and I hugged her around her silky neck. “Take care of yourself,” I whispered in her twitching ear. She whinnied in response and then spun and quickly galloped down the beach. When her body hit a wave, she dissolved into sand and disappeared.
When I turned to Nebu, he said, Climb on my back, young sphinx. I’ll take you to the ship.
“What about Ahmose?”
He can get there on his own.
Ahmose gave me a boost, and when I was settled, Nebu unfolded his great wings and ran on the sand, wings pounding until they caught the wind. I looked down at Ahmose and gasped as he turned into a beautiful silver bird, the largest winged creature I’d ever seen, apart from Nebu. Did we know he could do that? I asked as I watched him fly.
You once told me they had this power, Tia said, but they had no access to it in the netherworld.
He…he’s beautiful, I said. And he was. Ahmose in his bird form was a sight to behold. The sun glistened off his shining silver wings. He drew close to us and flew alongside us, his long legs extended out behind and his neck stretched out ahead. Ahmose tilted his head, peering up at me with an expression I didn’t understand. When he approached the boat, he flapped several times to slow down and then switched back to human form, dropping lightly onto the deck.
Nebu circled the ship, not slowing as I’d expected. I wish to say goodbye, he said.
Thank you, I replied. Thank you for everything.
I have not done much.
Still, we wouldn’t have gotten this far without you. You are very brave.
No, I am not. Not when it comes to risking my own.
I felt Ahmose’s eyes on me, but Nebu still circled the boat. What is it? I asked the unicorn.
If I could, I wish to share a piece of advice and a warning before I go.
You may, I said.
Then my warning is for Ashleigh. Be careful, young fairy. Do not let new love divert you from what’s best for all of you. Lily might have fought off the sting of the sky-fish if you had not wearied her body each evening. She fell and trapped all of you in the dreamworld because you were selfishly using her to further your own desires.
Ashleigh, stung at his reprimand, retreated to a corner of my mind and clouded her thoughts from our view. We’ll talk about this later, I told her gently. And your advice? I asked Nebu.
Do not take away their hope. You are hurt and are frightened for the future. I understand this, but remember that without you they all have nothing. Keep that in mind.
How can I have hope when I cannot convince even a unicorn as powerful as yourself to join our cause? I asked.
Perhaps, when you ask me again, I will be ready to stand at your side and remain there for the duration.
I’ll test you on that, I warned.
I expect you will. Good luck, young sphinx. And farewell. For now.
“Farewell,” I said as he dropped down toward the boat. I lifted my leg and gauged the distance. When I was ready, I slipped from the unicorn’s back and landed light as a cat on the deck. Nebu neighed loudly, tucked his wings, and plummeted
into the ocean. I darted to the side of the ship, but the only sign of the unicorn was a sparkling layer of sand that slowly sank beneath the waves.
Turning, I found Ahmose arguing vehemently with the captain, the one I assumed was the ferryman. Angry red splotches had crept up the man’s neck. His face was at once sea-worn and ageless, his eyes as unfathomable as the depths below. “I’m tellin’ ya!” the man yelled. “Ya can’t travel that way, Pathfinder. It’s no’ safe. Apep’ll gobble ’er up before ya can blink!”
“And I’m telling you, we will go that way. If Apep finds us, so be it. We’ll fight him off together.”
“Ya only say that because ya haven’t seen the beastie. If ya had, ya’d know there’s no fightin’ such as ’im. There’s only avoidin’. Anythin’ else jus’ shows ya don’t belong on the river in the firs’ place.”
Ahmose just folded his arms and stared the man down. The captain threw his hands up in the air with a frustrated grunt and turned away as if hoping Ahmose would disappear when he was no longer in sight.
The man fixed his gaze upon me, bushy brows lifted, and a big smile gracing his face.
“Hello there, girlie. Glad ta see yer still in one piece. So ta speak.”
“Hello,” I replied hesitantly. “It’s nice to meet you.”
The man’s bushy eyebrows met at the little crease that formed between his eyes. “Meet me? What’re ya talkin’ ’bout, girlie? I can’ believe ya forgot ’bout me already.”
“Yes. Well, apparently, I’ve purposely removed all my memories from before. I locked them away for reasons I can’t recall.”
The man grunted and squinted at me, one eye nearly shut and the other one wide-open as he cocked his head. “Didja, now?” He rubbed the scruff along his jaw making a sandpapery scraping noise. “Well, can’t say’s I blame ya. Looks ta me like ya ignored my advice and kept on with the soulless,” he said, jabbing his thumb over his shoulder to indicate Ahmose. “Please tell me ya didn’ do somethin’ reckless an’ give over the last boyfriend only ta lash yerself ta another o’ the same ilk. One o’ them is bad enough.”
I grimaced. His assumption was a little too close to the truth. “The soulless?” I asked, wishing he’d change the subject.