I still can't help but think he was talking about the bigger here as opposed to just the game here.
I'm an idiot already at the certifiable stage. I should just logout and head to the hospital.
Instead, I find myself standing at the portal, typing in the geocode attached to the mission.
I trudge through, not even lifting my head until my feet touch real-world pavement.
I'm staring at my house.
The mark of the Demon's Claw is on my front door.
Fuck this.
I logout.
Let them delete my account. Whoever is in charge, if there even is someone actually in charge, they're an asshole getting off on messing with me.
I'm done.
I don't throw the helmet--I still want my deposit back--but I all but jump out of the chair.
Revelations gets shut down and I navigate to my programs folder.
Right click. Uninstall.
You are not allowed to perform this action. Only administrators may delete installed programs.
What? I am an administrator. I check my user profile just to be sure.
Right-click. Uninstall.
You are not allowed to perform this action. Only administrators may delete installed programs.
Fuck you.
I slam my hand on the desk.
I head into my settings, play with the security levels. Right now my computer is an open door. Hope no one tries to hack me.
Uninstall.
And again, the computer flips me the middle finger.
Fine, hardball it is. I eject my backup drive and set my computer's hard drive to format.
Permission that, douche bag.
The two terabyte drive will take the better part of the night. It's sad, but I realize I have nothing to do if I'm not playing Revelations.
I flop onto my bed. Let's see what a full night of sleep feels like. In the morning I'll wake up to a clean hard drive and maybe a slightly cleaner conscience.
Level 4
I'm standing outside my house.
How did I get here?
It's as dark as night ever gets in the city, so it's probably late. The air smells of damp earth and the road glistens with recent rainfall. I lean over to look at a puddle. Even with the image obscured by reflections from the streetlights, I know it's not my face that stares at me--it is the newly angelic Shamshiel looking back from the puddle.
I pinch my arm, hard--hard enough to draw blood. I should feel the pain, but instead there is a dull ache and a warning flashes in front of my face telling me I've suffered eight points of damage.
I'm in the game.
But that's impossible.
I snap my fingers to bring up my menu. I swipe in the air, moving to the logout option, but it's been greyed out as being currently unavailable.
The Demon’s Claw glistens as though I’ve just missed the beast whose bloody handprint stains my door. Seeing it this way brings back a dream I had after seeing the Demon Claw the first time. A dream of a demon standing ten feet tall, hunched over with its shoulders high like an ape. The creature looked at me with eye sockets filled with fire. In the dream, it did nothing to me, just continued on its way, extending its arm at random intervals to leave a bloody print upon a door.
I shudder. Not from the memory or the damp cold, it’s a familiar tremor that passes through my spine. I grip the hilt of my sword.
She sets down twenty feet away from me, her wings silent, despite flapping in the air to slow her descent.
The angel from last night.
"I just came to talk,” she says, holding her empty hands out where I can see them. "I figure about now you might need someone to talk to."
"How did you find me?"
A sly smile crosses her face.
"I tagged your player ID. Your slimy friend from last night was more than willing to provide it to me."
"You can't do that,” I stammer. “Only players of the same type can tag each other like that."
She shrugs.
"Well that's normally the case. Unless you use a mod."
"But mods are..." I stop, realizing the words I'm about to say make me a hypocrite.
"Against the rules?" Her eyebrows raise playfully. "Yes, I suppose they are. But sometimes we break the rules, don't we?"
I just nod.
"You can relax. I just want to talk, really."
I realize I haven't let go of my sword's hilt yet. I ease my hand away from it.
"Why do you want to talk to me?"
She lowers her hands, a relieved smile crossing her lips.
"Last night, you didn't know what was going to happen, did you?"
I shake my head.
"I thought it was just another influence. I mean, how terrible is stealing a couple bucks from your mom's purse?"
Her look makes me cringe--the kind of look your mom gives you when you've said something obviously stupid.
"I just mean, it's not as bad as some of the other stuff Revelations has us do."
Her eyes soften.
"Yes, I suppose that's true. If you had known, would you still have done the mission?"
"Maybe the influence, but I would've told FuknDemon1 to forget the bonus part, or I would've been out. That was...I mean, it just felt...wrong."
"Especially now that you know it's true."
I laugh. I can't help it, it just bursts out of me--half relieved, half mad.
"You're the first person to say that to me. I’ve spent all day trying to convince myself this was just a game. Someone else even tried to tell me. I swore if I heard one more person say ‘it’s just a game’ again, I would believe the opposite."
"And since I didn't say that?"
I slump down to the sidewalk, holding my head in my hands.
"I don't know."
She steps toward me and sits down, still keeping some distance between us. I'm not sure if that's because she doesn't trust me, or because she figures I don't trust her.
She nods toward my front door.
"That your house?"
I don't answer. It feels like total strangers know too much about me already.
She gives me a gentle smile and nod of her head. She's taken my silence as confirmation. Even in a game I'm easily readable.
"It's ok, I don't really know where we are. I'd never be able to find it outside of the game."
"They told me..." I'm fighting back tears. There's this gorgeous girl next to me and I'm gonna cry like a little kid. Whatever, just remember, middle-aged dude in his parents' basement. "If I didn't do this mission properly, that my time here would be done."
"And you’re worried that means more than just the game."
I nod.
"Did you try deleting the game?"
"Yeah."
She chuckles.
"And when that didn't work, did you format your drive?"
I look at her hard. Is she in my head somehow? Has she been watching me? Or maybe...
"Yeah," she must be reading the questions in my eyes, "I've been there too. When the drive finished formatting, I installed a fresh copy of my OS. After I rebooted it, I found Revelations was still on my drive."
"Maybe I should just get rid of my computer."
She shrugs.
"You could try living that way, but do you really think you can do without a computer for the rest of your life? Revelations is being installed on every new computer currently being produced. They're passing it off as a demo that adds value."
"Even if it's on the computer, I'll dump the game chair and helmet. I can't play if there's no controller."
"Tell me something." She looks at my house. "Are you in the game chair right now?"
I stand up and start running toward the house. She grabs my shoulder, holding me back. Damn she's strong.
"You're not just part of the game, the game has become a part of you. Every person who logs into Revelations has made a lifetime contract. Even without the game and controller, they'll still find themselves her
e. They'll think it's just a dream. And because it's just a dream in their head, they'll make choices even more callous than they do now.”
"And people will die for real."
I whisper the words, afraid that saying them too loud will put more blood on my hands.
"People are already dying for real. But you know that."
"What do I do?"
She loosens her grip on me. I don't run for the house. To be honest, I'm more afraid than ever to find out what's inside.
"You play the game the way you want." Her voice sounds so gentle, motherly. I doubt any dude in his parents' basement is capable of sounding that way. "We're humans, not demons or angels. We have free will. Our end as individuals or as a species will happen because of our own choices. All of Heaven and Hell can influence us, but ultimately we make our own decisions. So decide who you want to be. Forget playing as a character who isn't you. The true revelation of this game is that you are the character--you always have been. So how are you going to play?"
I take a couple steps toward my house.
"Are you going to come with me?" I ask.
She shakes her head no.
"Last night I tried to stop that boy's death. That's the kind of player I decided to be. Tonight, you need to make a decision, and I shouldn't be there to influence you. This is something you'll need to live with on your own."
I turn around to look at her.
"Could you send me that mod and your tag information?" I ask.
She smiles.
"Tell you what, I'll stay out here. You go do whatever you decide to do. When you're done, maybe we can talk then."
"You said you wouldn't influence my decision."
She laughs.
"True. But you can't expect a girl to give her number to every strange man who asks. I'd like to know what kind of guy you are first."
I turn back to the house.
Yeah, I'd like to know that too.
"I'll see you in a bit,” I say, and phase through the door.
Level 5
I'd never been inside Danny's house, so I had no idea whether the interiors of houses were as accurate as the