Mom looked me right in the eye and said, “Sweetie, pageants are for girls like your sister. You see how pretty those girls are. You’d be much better off concentrating on something you’re good at, like telling jokes. Everybody thinks you’re so funny. You’ve got a great personality, Lex. There’s no need for you to try to be pretty.” And then to add insult to injury, she looked me up and down and said, “You’ve got my genes, so no decent pageant gown would fit over your hips.”
I went on a diet right then and there. Although I knew that losing a few pounds would never make me the pretty one. What was the point? Her rejection made me want to do the opposite of being in a pageant. So that meant no fancy hair, no makeup, no flashy clothes, nothing overly girly. And no pink, ever.
I’ve been confined by my mom’s idea of me for so long, I almost forgot that I had the power to change myself. That I didn’t have to be what my mom thought of me. I could be whatever I wanted to be.
But all of that is lost on Mom, because she’s only concerned about Mac’s happiness.
Even now as she looks at me, it’s clear that she doesn’t have a clue at how much her words had hurt me. How those words continue to haunt me. “You’re being incredibly selfish, Lexi. All of your sister’s hard work, and for what?”
And that’s the million dollar question: What’s this all for?
I look over and see Mackenzie in tears. I don’t feel bad about preventing the show from filming us, but I do feel bad about making Mac cry. I kneel down to her. “Look, Mackenzie, I’m really sorry if you wanted to be on that show, but honestly, it would’ve been bad for you. I know I say things sometimes and I do think these pageants are a joke, but you’re my little sister. I’m trying to look out for you.”
She starts sobbing and I hold her. A wave of guilt encompasses my body. Maybe I should’ve kept my big mouth shut.
I hear Mac say something, but her mouth is up against my shoulder so I can’t hear her.
I pull away. “What did you say?”
“It’s okay, I didn’t want to do it anyways. Madison still gets made fun of for the tantrum she threw on her show.”
“Oh …”
I look up to see if this has changed Mom’s attitude. But alas, she still looks like she’s about to punch a hole through the wall.
Mackenzie goes over to her and puts her hand in Mom’s. “Mama, I’m sorry you’re mad, but I didn’t want to do it.”
Mom keeps looking at me in disgust. “You’re not saying that to protect your sister, are you?”
Protect me from what exactly? Or I guess it’s more of a whom.
Mac shakes her head. “I told you when you started filling out the application.”
Mom starts walking. Both Mac and I follow behind her, not sure what else to do. For a brief moment, I’m hoping, wishing that Mac’s admission might mean that Mom will drop it. That it is possible for her to listen to what her children are saying and realize that she’s in the wrong.
Mom stops for a second and turns around to address me. “We’re going. But let me make it clear that we are not finished with this.”
I haven’t yet decided if I like being given the silent treatment.
On the one hand, I get to come and go as I please. Mom barely acknowledges me. Which is weird because Mackenzie has made it clear she didn’t want to be on the show. But I’m starting to think that for Mom the pageants aren’t really about Mac.
On the other hand, I feel like a visitor in my own home. Every time I open the door, I brace myself for some sort of confrontation, but usually it’s quiet. Mom has even stopped asking me to take Mac places. There’s a pageant this weekend, and for the first time ever, I don’t have to go. I’ve been hoping to get out of being the little errand girl for years, but now I feel like I truly don’t belong here. I no longer have a place in my own home.
A line has been drawn. It’s them versus me.
I pick up the phone. I’ve wanted to do this for years, but it seems like now is as good a time as any.
He answers after the second ring. “Hello?”
Hearing his voice instantly make me feel better. “Hey, Dad.”
“Alexis! How’s my little princess?”
I smile at the nickname Dad’s had for me since I was little — a nickname that was given to me out of love, not a meaningless pageant title.
“I’m good. I was wondering if you wanted to come up this weekend. Mac and Mom have a pageant to go to and I’ll have the house to myself on Saturday. Or I could come to you?”
A red envelope on the end table catches my eye. I pick it up and see FINAL NOTICE written on it.
“Lexi?”
I didn’t hear anything that he just said. I place the overdue bill back where it was. “Um, sorry, what did you say?”
“I was just saying that I can’t believe you’d rather see your old man than throw a big raging party while you’re home alone!”
Yeah, well, I’m lame. And I don’t want people to see where I live. So I guess that makes me double lame.
“Of course I’d rather see you. Plus, I got my fake ID taken away after a bar fight last weekend, so no way to get a keg.”
I hear his laughter on the other end. “Oh, I’ve missed you, princess. Why don’t we meet halfway?”
A parent with some sense.
About time.
It has finally happened.
I’m on a date with Logan Reeves. It’s what I always dreamed of.
Okay, to be honest, in my dreams, his girlfriend wasn’t there. And I wasn’t with someone else, either.
But really, that’s just petty semantics.
I can’t help but smile to myself as the four of us sit at Mario’s Pizza.
Alyssa puts down her menu. “You guys get whatever you want. I’m only having a salad.”
I know that I can be annoying about food, but I’m the type of person who likes to splurge on special occasions. And this is definitely a special occasion. So unlike Sprouts Queen, I will be having pizza with the boys. A guy has got to like a girl who doesn’t eat like a rabbit.
At least I hope Logan does.
And Taylor.
Who I’m here with.
As if he can sense my thoughts, Taylor puts his arm around me. “Anything special you want on the pizza?”
“Nope, whatever you guys want.” I smile back at him. I wonder if seeing us together is making Logan jealous.
“So let’s get pepperoni —”
“Oh, wait, I don’t eat meat on pizza.” So much for being the low-maintenance one.
“Are you a vegetarian?” Alyssa asks.
“No, I just don’t like meat on pizza. It’s weird, I know. I … It’s no big deal, I can pick it off.”
Taylor shakes his head. “We can order half without meat.”
“Thanks.”
I study Taylor’s profile. He really is hot. And sweet. And kinda perfect.
So why exactly can’t I stop thinking about Logan, who now has his hand on Alyssa’s knee? And why does Alyssa look bored by all of this? Does she not realize how lucky she is?
Alyssa’s bag starts to vibrate. “Sorry!” she says as she digs through her large red purse. “It’s my pageant coach, be right back!”
Alyssa excuses herself, leaving me with Logan. And Taylor. Yes, Taylor.
“I hope it’s good news.” Logan stares out the window to where Alyssa is talking animatedly into her phone. “She’s been really stressed-out lately and not acting like herself. Everybody says she’s a shoo-in for Miss Teen Dallas this year, which means the Miss Teen Texas pageant this summer.” He crosses his fingers.
I burst out laughing.
He gives me a confused look. “What?”
I purse my lips and shake my head.
“C’mon!” He smiles at me. And I know it shouldn’t. I know I’m here with Taylor (I really do), but my heart still melts.
“Nothing. You sound exactly like a proud pageant mom.”
Logan looks at me in hor
ror. “You did not just say that to me.”
“I only speak the truth. I mean, maybe I’ve caught you lip-synching to Alyssa’s talent song once … or forty times. Somewhere in that range — I’m not a hundred percent sure.”
Logan throws his napkin as me. “Like you don’t have your sister’s routine memorized. Unless you can’t booty pop like a seven-year-old.”
“Oh, I can booty pop. Trust me, Mackenzie learns all her moves from me.”
He raises his eyebrow. “I’m sure she does.”
“See, it seems like you’re mocking me, but at least I’m not a seventeen-year-old boy spending my weekends at beauty pageants, watching underage girls perform scandalous routines. I believe there are words for someone like you.”
“I think the word you’re looking for is stud.”
“Oh, that’s interesting, I was thinking more along the lines of a pedophile.”
“Do not compare me to Mr. Norman.”
“Eww!” I scream.
Logan covers his face up. “Can you believe that no one says anything when he sits back and records the toddlers?”
“And what deranged ‘talent agency’ would have someone like that represent them?”
“Does anybody fall for that?”
Now it’s time for me to cover my face. “My mom took his business card.”
Logan slams his hand on the table. “No, she did not! And by ‘business card,’ do you mean an old receipt with his number on it?”
“Wait, is that not how legitimate businessmen behave? So that guy who had this really cool van in the parking lot isn’t going to put me in his movie? He said I had potential!”
“What did I miss?” Alyssa sits back down.
Suddenly, reality comes crashing down around me.
Alyssa looks around the restaurant. “Where’s Taylor?”
Taylor’s not here? When did he leave the table?
“He’s, um …” I look at Logan, who simply shrugs his shoulders. I excuse myself from the table and head toward the restroom, hoping to see Taylor on my way. I find him sitting on a bench near the entrance.
“Hey,” I say, “I was wondering where you went off to.”
He looks up at me and the warmness that was on his face just a few minutes ago is gone. “Oh, so you realized that I was at the table.”
“Of course, I knew —”
He cuts me off. “What was that with Logan?”
I sit down next to him. “I’m really sorry, it’s silly inside pageant stuff. I didn’t mean to exclude you — it’s what we do to get through those agonizing weekends.”
“Yeah, looks like torture.”
I don’t know what to say. Of course I had to mess this up. Of course. I mean, yeah, for a split second I thought I was on a date with Logan, but what I did wasn’t fair to Taylor. I should’ve known better. He deserves better.
And maybe I do, too. Maybe I should stop pining after someone who (a) isn’t available and (b) clearly isn’t interested. Especially when I have someone right here in front of me who’s pretty great.
“Listen.” I place my hand on his knee. “If you want, we can go back to my house and I can make my sister perform her entire pageant routine. You really haven’t lived until you’ve seen a seven-year-old dance to ‘It’s Raining Men’ with an umbrella and glitter. It really is spectacular.”
I see the corner of his mouth turn up.
“And I’m sure if we ask really nicely, she can lend you one of her crowns so you can experience what it’s like to be superior. I think you’d look great with a faux diamond tiara on your forehead.”
I’ve got a full smile from him now. He shakes his head. “Sorry about that. It was weird, I felt like I was the third wheel. I guess maybe I should’ve thought of something else for us to do on our second real date since I’m clearly not ready to share you yet.”
“We’ll make up an excuse after pizza and go somewhere, just the two of us.”
He leans in. “That sounds like a plan.”
Butterflies start circling my stomach as Taylor doesn’t drop his gaze. And I don’t want to turn away. He takes my chin in the palm of his hand and draws me closer to him. Our lips touch and I close my eyes. The fact that we’re in the middle of a restaurant doesn’t bother me because all I can feel is his warm lips on mine.
When we finally part, the fact that we are in public causes my cheeks to burn.
“Oh, hey, man.” I follow Taylor’s gaze to find Logan staring at us with wide eyes.
He scratches his head and motions toward the table. “Yeah, um, wanted you to know the pizza’s here.”
“Cool.” Taylor nods at Logan. Logan pauses for a minute before he heads back to Alyssa.
Taylor turns to me with a crooked smile. “Sorry.” He tucks a stray piece of hair behind my ear. “I couldn’t help myself. Next time, I’ll make sure we’re totally alone. Sound good?”
I nod, but can’t hide a ridiculous smile that’s spreading across my face.
I finally had my first kiss. And it was good. Very, very good.
And the fact that Logan walked in on it?
Even better.
I’ll admit that I always thought it was ridiculous when you’d read a book or listen to a song and a girl would say that she would practically float after a kiss.
And okay, I’ll further confess that I used to think that about when Logan and I would have our first kiss.
But then I had my first kiss.
And it was amazing.
My stomach keeps flipping every time I think about that first kiss … and our second one later that night that lasted much longer. How I didn’t want the evening to end. How I didn’t want the kiss to end.
How I don’t want this whole fairy tale I’ve created to end. Because my clock has to strike midnight at some point. Doesn’t it?
“Hello, heartbreaker!” Benny greets me at lunch on Thursday.
I can’t help but burst into a fit of girlish giggles. So yes, it appears that I’m every inch the girly girl I used to make fun of (but secretly envied).
“Hey, Lexi!” Hannah comes over. “I love your necklace.”
“Thanks!”
She gives me a genuine smile. “See you later!”
Benny and Cam exchange a look. “See you later?” Cam asks.
“Oh, yeah. Hannah, Josh, Taylor, and I are going to grab a quick bite before I have to work tonight.” I try to hide my excitement from them, knowing full well they’ll be unhappy about my increasing time with “the dark side.”
“We’re still on for tomorrow night?” Benny asks for the eleventh time.
“Of course,” I confirm. “Just so you know, Taylor asked me out but I told him that I had plans. And you guys know I hardly ever have a Friday night off, but I’d never ditch you guys.” So there’s still a part of Fiercely Loyal Lexi behind this giddy exterior.
“Gee, thanks,” Cam says dryly.
Given Cam’s response, I decide not to tell them that I’ve also refused Taylor’s invite to sit with him and the other Chosen Ones at lunch. I don’t think they’d appreciate it as much as they should. But I gave them my word, and good friends keep their promises.
“Hey, Lexi!” Taylor comes up to our table and kisses me on the cheek. I can’t believe he did that in the cafeteria. That’s like the most public display of affection you can do at school. “I brought you dessert.” He hands me a brownie.
“Thanks!” I usually don’t eat dessert, but I’m pretty sure that I heard that kissing burns calories, so … “Do you want to join us?” I know that I’m not allowed to go join him, but I don’t see the reason why he can’t hang out with us.
“Yeah, awesome!” He runs over to grab his lunch from the Beautiful People’s table.
“That’s okay, right?” I ask Benny and Cam.
“Oh, I’ll ask Chris!” Benny gets up and goes over to Chris’s table.
“I can’t believe how well things are going, you know?” I say to Cam.
; She gives me a weak smile.
“Hey, guys, what’s up?” Taylor says as he sits down next to me.
Benny brings over Chris and proudly introduces him to Taylor.
As soon as we all settle in, there’s some silence. Cam, Benny, and I aren’t used to having company, especially of the cute-boy variety.
“I’m thinking of making a ‘Please Don’t Go, Lexi’ T-shirt for tomorrow night,” Benny announces.
“Where are you going?” Taylor asks. “Or is this your way of dumping me?”
I give Benny the death stare. He mouths “sorry” to me. “It’s nothing,” I say with a shrug of my shoulders. “I’m meeting my father this weekend and discussing my living arrangements.”
I haven’t been thinking that much about the conversation I need to have with my father, mostly because I’m in denial that I might have to move to Houston if I want to be with him. Ideally, my dad would move back here, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. But I can’t keep living at home, where Mom tolerates me being there. I can’t keep it up for another eighteen months.
I decide to distract Taylor. “Oh, tell them the story about your parents’ honeymoon. It’s so funny.”
Thankfully, Taylor doesn’t ask any more questions. He starts telling this hysterical story about his parents’ honeymoon where everything and anything that could possibly go wrong does go wrong, including getting stuck for five extra days due to a hurricane.
I study Taylor as he animates the story with hand gestures and different voices. Benny and Chris are laughing along, clearly approving of my choice in male companions. But I notice Cam quietly eating her lunch, politely smiling and nodding. I’ve known her for years, so it’s clear to me that she isn’t the least bit interested in anything Taylor has to say.
“You’re hysterical,” Benny says to Taylor after he’s finished. He gives me a little wink. “You should totally come over to my house tomorrow night. We’re having movie night. Chris is coming.”
He is? This is insane. I can’t help but grin looking at us. Here Benny and I are with boyfriends.