"Please," I begged in a whisper against her forehead. "Give me this one last thing...before I let you go."
I knew she'd misunderstand my words. I knew she'd take it as I was letting her and Cain be in peace together and giving up my plight for her. She didn't know this was my goodbye. She considered it for a long time, her eyes indicating that she wasn't the sort to cheat or lie. I begged her with my eyes, I pleaded with her and waited.
Then her lips parted and I took my chance.
With my arms still around her waist, I lowered my mouth to hers. The cavern of her mouth was warmer than anything I'd ever felt and it warmed my whole body. Her little hands pressed against my chest, a barrier she was trying to set, but that was all right. I moved us to the wall at her back so I could feel every inch of her pressed against me, boots to forehead.
Oh, God in heaven that I hoped was up there, she was worth it. This little moment was worth everything it took to get here. I was the only one who could do the task set out for me and this small gift made it worth it. For the first time in my existence, I felt like I was worthy.
I crushed her to me and almost died right there on the spot when she whimpered and pushed my chest a little harder.
Pulling away she said in protest, "Daniel."
I wasn't ready to let go yet and pressed her mouth to mine once more. I lifted one hand to her cheek and caressed her skin there and on her neck. The jasmine she had worn the day that we met was long gone, but the memory was so fresh that I could almost smell it.
I began to slow, my heart breaking to do so. I took one more deep taste of her tongue, then her top lip, then the corner of her mouth. I stayed there, unable to leave and let my fingers skim her skin. I tried not to let her harsh breaths excite me further. I knew what this was and wasn't under any notions that she had changed her mind about who she chose.
"Daniel," she sighed her chastisement, and I almost groaned.
"Lillian."
"Look, I'm sorry," she said and pulled back to look at me. A trail where a tear had slid down her cheek was evident. I looked at it in the greatest awe. Then I moved my eyes back to hers. "I'm sorry that I couldn't love you. I'm sorry that I used you. I'm sorry that I made you feel something and come here just to be so out of place, but you just can't do that anymore."
"I'm not out of place, and don't ever be sorry for that." I touched the marvelous wetness on her cheek. "I'll be forever grateful that you saved me that day."
She looked stunned. "Why does it feel like you're saying goodbye?"
I didn’t answer, I just stared at her, taking my fill. She took her hands and placed them on my cheeks. She pulled my face down and looked into my eyes. "They should have always been silver. That's who you are. But you can't kiss me, Daniel."
"I know it doesn't matter now," I whispered, letting my forehead touch hers, "but if I could imagine what love felt like, it would be this."
"Daniel-"
"I'm finished, I promise." I smiled and leaned up to kiss her forehead. "Thank you. I'm going to go clean up a bit. A bowl bath," I said and she laughed a little awkwardly and nodded.
I left her there with no idea that she'd never see me again. Even though my chest hurt, I felt lighter than I'd ever felt, no pun intended.
I felt free and that freedom gave me wings as I went into my tent, packed a few clothes and then snuck my way past everyone. Sherry had returned and there was a fuss being made as boxes were brought in and reunions being done. No one was paying attention, except for Marissa.
She waved to me as the elevator doors closed and mouthed to me, 'Good luck'. I nodded to her and hoped she was right. Though I didn't need luck to do what I was setting out to do.
I needed a car.
Home Sweet Warehouse
Chapter 21
Sherry
It was the longest meeting we'd ever had.
And it was an uncomfortable one because there were no chairs or couches. Lily sat in my lap and Merrick let us lean against him as we sat between his legs. Home, that's where I was. I told them all about the whole event as everyone munched on their can of fruit. I told them about the Need Warehouse and the little bit of food we'd gotten, then the shooting, them taking Cain, me getting the food and then getting caught by the Enforcer whose house I'd also slept at.
Everyone was entranced as I told them about their plan to break into the broadcast station and see if we could break the compulsion of the people. I saw something in everyone's eyes that hadn't been there when I left them here.
Hope.
A big shining light of it. I wanted to cry. Finally we were getting things back on track to take back our world instead of constantly fighting forward a step only to be pushed back two.
Jeff, per his usual self, had squeezed the life out of me when we got inside. "The next time you make a food run, I prefer applesauce," he goaded and laughed when I poked his ribs. He rubbed my head like I was a toddler and gave the next person their turn with me. Celeste had practically bowled me over with her massive boobs. It was sick, really. Everyone had gotten thinner, including her, but her boobs stayed the same size. So it reality, it looked like she went up a cup size. And that massive cup size had singed my cheek with the friction. I had pushed her away, with nothing but love for her, and listened to her as she pouted about my having slept in a real bed for a night. She called me 'Diva' for the rest of the day.
Josh, aka Simon, was pissed. Not at me, but he said he hadn't felt his conscience buzz that we were in trouble. He talked furiously with the other Keepers, trying to make sense of it. I didn't know what to tell him. He tried to leave, but strangely, it was Racine who talked sense into him. She said that if we all organized something together instead of him running off half-cocked, we'd have a better chance of finding him. He went to his tent and jerked back his curtain. That was the equivalent of a slammed door I guess.
And Lillian. I broke down at just the sight of her and she knew something was up with Cain. She came to me and hugged me. I had half expected her to slap me for losing her man, but she hugged me to her and listened as I told her first what happened. Then I promised her we'd go after him. I looked to Merrick for confirmation and he nodded. "Of course we're going after him," he almost bellowed in his vehemence, but saw Lillian's state and tried to joke. "He owes me five bucks."
It worked and she laughed at little reluctantly through her tears.
So there we sat, all talking and trying to figure out a way to communicate with people on the outside. We needed to organize somehow with the other rebels, but for all we knew they were hardly any rebels left! The daily news made out like they were running rampant, but that may not have been the truth.
The fascination with Chesser and the other Enforcers was expected. Billings was all up in arms about Cain. He wanted to lead the search party and couldn’t help but ask a million questions about Chesser. He said he remembered how hard it was for him to believe us when he first got there and was skeptical that Chesser was telling the truth.
I explained that knowing the truth was what I did.
When we decided to be done for the night, Marissa and Lana offered to cook since I'd been through an 'ordeal'. I told them cooking the food, the actual food that had nothing to do with rice and beans, was all I could think to make me happier at that point. So that's what I did. With the crates as my countertop, I got busy.
No one cared that we'd all just had fruit, everyone was just grateful for something real and scarfed down the supper. I smiled. I was feeling like the new Trudy again.
So, Marissa and I finished the dishes. She seemed quiet, but lied and told me nothing was wrong with her. I let her lie and didn't press, but I did press about the baby. She said the baby was fine. She said the baby was going to be a Muse like her, she just knew it, because her gift seemed to be amplified lately. And she sometimes got visions for herself, which never happened before. She could only guess it was because of the baby getting visions for her. She said it was a girl, she had no doubt,
and that Jeff was completely over his shocked stage. He was in full-on Daddy mode and was the sweetest and happiest she'd ever seen him.
I'd seen that with my own eyes. He was bouncy and laughy. It was a good sight to see.
So, later on, the men were plotting Operation Rescue Cain when Marissa finally revealed why she had been upset earlier. Daniel was gone. He went after Cain himself. She said she saw in a vision that he was to go after him, so she talked to him about it earlier and he'd gone to do just that.
Lillian was upset to say the least. She stood and her face held more than shock as she looked at Marissa, it held betrayal as well. Marissa tried to explain it further to her, but she wouldn't listen. She walked away from the group to her little tent and I knew that she was being torn in two.
I'd seen her face when Daniel had shown up at the bunker that day, but she had still chosen Cain. There wasn't any contest, but it still hurt. Marissa understood and waved off Jeff's concern. "She has every right to be upset, Jeff. Poor thing. Daniel knew she wouldn't understand."
"It's weird, right? For him to go after Cain?" Jeff asked. "Is anyone else worried that Cain could be in trouble by this?"
"No," Marissa assured, "you're such a guy! Daniel's in love with her. So he went to find Cain so Lillian would be happy."
"What?" he asked in a high voice. "How in the worlds does that make sense?"
"Ugh," she groaned and laughed as she snuggled into his lap. "Just be glad I love you."
They laughed, but I turned to Merrick and told him I was going to go visit Lillian. "Just…don't be gone too long," he begged and kissed my temple.
I smiled and bit my lip as I agreed.
I found her on her pallet with Bones laying on her stomach, her head under the pillow and her covers thrown over her. I patted her arm and she must've known I'd be the one to follow her in because she said, "Sherry. Please make him be ok."
"Daniel's had centuries of training-"
She sat up. "I'm talking about Cain. And now I have to worry about Daniel, too." She sniffled. "Why would he…" She covered her mouth. "Oh, my gosh. That's why he…kissed me earlier. He was leaving and he knew it."
"He kissed you?" I asked.
She gave me a wry smile. "This is a little déjà vu, huh?"
"A little."
"He kissed me…and I thought he was letting me go, that he was going to stop trying to be with me, but he was saying goodbye." She looked at me, her lip quivering. "Why do I feel so guilty that I couldn't love him back? Cain was here first and I love him. I do, I love him so much. I wouldn't change anything about that. So why do I feel guilty?"
I lay down beside her and linked my arm with hers. "Oh, Lillian. Trying to make order of the chaos that is love is like trying to figure out why chocolate ice cream makes your toes curl."
She chuckled and lay down beside me. "Ok, point taken."
We lay in companionable silence for a while. I wondered if she'd fallen asleep. Then she said, "I know Marissa said that Daniel would find Cain…and he'll be ok. You believe her, don't you? Cain will be ok and he'll come home to me?"
"I know it's true. You can't lie to me. It's just a matter of when he'll be here."
"Ok." She let a breath go and paused as if thinking. "It's hard to just believe that and not worry. Not…think the worst." She started to choke up.
"Think of something else."
She sniffed. "You know…I really miss brownies."
I burst out laughing, Lillian eventually joining me reluctantly. Even the dog barked along with us as if he were just as happy.
I felt myself being lifted. My head hung over a very warm arm and the rest of me was pressed to a warm chest that shook with laughter when I lifted my hand to his face. "Hey," he whispered to me as he moved our sheet to the side. "Sorry. I couldn't let Lillian keep you all night."
He laid me down and then lay beside me. "That's ok. I didn't mean to fall asleep."
"That's ok," he echoed. "You've had quite an ordeal," he joked. I'd been poking fun of people for saying that to me all day.
"Yes. Quite." I laughed.
"So, was she all right?"
"Oh, you know. Love lost, love scorned, love come back again. We should start a soap opera. The Bunker Diaries of the Apocalypse!"
He laughed. "Too bad there's no one to watch it."
"Yeah, too bad. So," I started, "are you leaving in the morning to search for Cain?"
"Actually…no. Daniel's already gone after him and Marissa assured me that in her vision, he finds Cain and Cain makes it home safely. So we thought it would better suit our time to try and figure out this broadcasting deal. Maybe go and take a look at the station, see what we can find."
I nodded and yawned. "Yeah."
He pulled me to spoon with his front to my back. "Go back to sleep. We'll talk in the morning."
"You don't wanna…" I asked and wiggled against him with a grin.
He chuckled. "That’s not all my brain thinks about. Sometimes, I just want to hold you and know that you're safe," he squeezed me to him, "right here."
"Ok," I agreed. It was sad how tired I was and willing to give up.
He kissed the back of my neck and spoke into my ear in a soft growl, "But in the morning, all bets are off, sweetheart."
I smiled and let his warmth carry me to sleep.
After waking up to being deliciously wrapped around my husband as he promised, I had left him there, exhausted, naked and asleep in our blankets. I couldn't help but grin as I went to find Lily and get her some breakfast.
But she was already there with Calvin and Frank, munching down on some kind of granola bar that must've been in the boxes I brought.
Marissa and Jeff were reading a book and feeding each other peach slices. Danny and Celeste were playing the slap-hands game and laughing. Ryan and Ellie were studiously avoiding each other, and Miguel and Rylee were watching each other openly over a crate marked 'Guns'.
I was slightly alarmed by that, but got my breakfast and made Merrick a bowl. Just in time, too, it seemed. I felt his hands on my waist from behind me. I turned into him to thank him for…this morning, when we all stopped.
The squeal from the elevator was loud above all the other noise. Merrick shoved me behind him and motioned for Jeff to toss him a stake. Everyone got ready for a fight and waited.
The doors stopped with a thud that sounded wrong. It never made that noise when we rode it. I squeezed Merrick's arm as the doors creaked open to reveal Chesser. Chesser and a whole butt-load of people.
"Chesser?" I said and moved around Merrick. I looked at the posse gathered behind him. There were at least twenty. They looked scared, dirty and hungry.
"Hey," he smiled easily, "I assumed you took strays, otherwise…this will be awkward."
"Of course, we just…" I looked around. "I mean, it's nothing fancy."
Merrick and Jeff came to flank me. "Brother," Jeff said a man stepped forward. He was scraggily to say the last, but still managed to hug Jeff.
"Brother," the man said and then looked at Merrick. They repeated the process and then a woman came forward. Then another. At the end of introductions, there were five Keepers and only one Special. The rest were just rebels.
I pulled Chesser to the side a little to let them talk Keeper talk.
"What do you want us to do with them?"
"Just add them to the cause. Are you working on how to help us with the broadcast?"
"Yeah," I replied and smiled small. "Everybody's a little revved up about it."
"Good!" he shouted and laughed. "We'll need all hands on deck for this thing."
"I know." I nodded my head to the kitchen. "You hungry?"
"And steal the precious food you worked so hard to steal?" He grinned. "Nah, I'm good. But thanks."
"So, where did you find them?"
"They got stopped crossing the river. I was supposed to transport them to the nearest facility, but…" He shrugged. "I know things are tight here, but I didn't know wh
ere else to take them. And I'm hoping that we can get everything organized soon for the broadcast."
I nodded. "We're fine. They can stay. We'll wait to hear word from you."
"Alrighty." He touched my arm and nodded before walking to the elevator. He explained to the newbies that he was leaving them there with us, but he would see them soon. And then he was gone and the newbies and us were just staring at each other.
"Who wants some breakfast?" I ventured.
They all jumped at the chance for that and I proceeded to make a huge pot of oatmeal and even had sugar and cinnamon to add to it this time. It reminded me so much of how we used to be at the store. It reminded me of Trudy.
More rebels added to the cause. Now we just had to figure out how to get word out. We had to figure out a way to make this work.
Collision
Chapter 22
Ryan
Ellie was steering clear of the crowd that moseyed around, occupying every empty corner and cranny. To say that I hadn't noticed was a lie because I'd been watching her.
I thought to say the words out loud gave them power. We'd always been taught that. So I thought to say those awful things to her would make the power behind them ring true. I did want to go to the After. But did I actually think I was ever going to get there? I had no idea. Either way, I shouldn't have said those things to her.
I'd never tasted the kind of venom I used on her that day and it still stung to think about it. She hadn't spoken to me since. And now, I watched one of the men as he watched her. She was beautiful, plain as day to see. I felt like the biggest kind of fool for feeling like I had some claim on her.
She caught me looking, but I didn't look away. And when the man approached her and asked her name, I still didn't look away. Calvin came and stood beside me. He propped his foot up behind him on the wall and crossed his arms, mirroring my pose. "What are we staking out?" He grinned. "Or should I say who?"