She didn’t move, just watched us stoically as Merrick slammed on the brakes and came to a stop inches from her. I looked at her and back to Merrick. He was smiling. He leaned down to me, nose to nose, and let his fingers run a path across my cheek. “No matter what happens, baby, I love you more than I ever thought was humanly possible. Sometimes, my heart hurts from being too full. Know that. If nothing else comes of this day, know that I loved you so much that I could never be sad again, wherever I am.”
“Merrick?” I asked in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“I love you, baby. I will always love you.”
“I love you, too,” I answered even though I wasn’t sure of his confession or what Mrs. Trudy was doing there. I looked back to Mrs. Trudy and she waved. Then she pointed to her watch and lifted her eyebrows in a ‘hurry up’ motion.
I was more confused. I mean, not five minutes ago I was looking down at Merrick. He was bleeding on the floor, the life literally draining from him as I held in my shaking hands. And now, we were cruising along the highway…and…
Wait. I gasped awake.
I looked up and pushed Cain’s hand away from my neck. I scrambled up and away from his lap, where I’d been laid out like I was the one dying. He must have caught me when I passed out. I put my hand on Merrick’s cheek and failed at stifling a sob at seeing him so lifeless all over again.
He’d told me he loved me in the dream. He said he was so happy, no matter what happened… Had he known he wouldn’t see me again? Had I met him in some dream place and he was telling me goodbye, or was it all just wishful thinking?
Lily still had her hand on Merrick’s arm and her face was calm and
anticipatory. She was waiting for something. I looked around and everyone else seemed to be waiting for something, too. I looked back at my very life, my love, my soul mate and husband who risked everything to be here with me, who changed the very core of my being. I waited.
Cain once again rubbed my shoulder. “Sherry,” he tried, but I didn’t want to be placated or soothed. If this was it, if Merrick was slipping through my fingers, I wanted to see it all and not have any doubts about the realness of it all later. I would torture myself with this memory for as long as I lived.
And then…his fingers twitched. I heard more than felt the gasp that invaded my throat. I sat stunned as he opened his eyes slowly with flutters and blinks.
He looked around the room as if looking for something specific. He smiled at Lily and touched her cheek. Then his eyes settled on me and he stilled, his smile slipping away. He frowned as he leaned forward and held my face in his hands. My skin felt the familiar tingle of his touch and I broke wide open with sobs that ripped my chest in two.
“Ah, baby,” he soothed and urged me onto his lap. “You thought I was gone,” he guessed. His brow bunched as he thought about that. “I was gone. I remember. There was this light and then we were driving…the car ride…and Mrs. Trudy.” We both peeked over at Lily who looked extremely proud of herself. He looked back to me and pressed his forehead to mine. "I was gone, but I'm here."
"How is this possible?"
“You can’t get rid of me, it seems even with death,” he joked.
I wasn’t amused. “Don’t joke,” I croaked and sniffed. I whispered, “I watched you die.”
“And I’m so, so sorry,” he said with conviction, his voice deep and rough.
I sniffed again. “Do you feel different?”
He shook his head and palmed his chest. “No. I feel like…me.”
“That’s good.” I sniffed again and someone handed me a tissue. I locked my arms around Merrick’s neck and sighed into his warm skin. “Don’t ever leave me again.”
“Never,” he promised, his arms tight around my back and he sighed his words into my neck. “Never, honey, I promise.”
“Merrick,” Jeff said and cleared his throat. You could tell he hated to interrupt, but there was still a crap load of things to figure out. “Sorry. Um…but we’ve got issues here, man. Ellie and Marissa said there’s an army coming. And what should we do with this?” He kicked the Lighter’s boot. “Is it still just a Lighter or is it a human now? He didn’t burn up when he died so…”
It made me pause. That’s right, no lightning…
“Please, Jeffrey,” Merrick said roughly and didn't take his eyes off of me. “Be the captain for a while, huh? I just…can’t right now,” he confessed and gazed at me with barely veiled agony as he let his hands cradle my face. “I just can’t do anything but be thankful to still feel the buzz from the touch of your skin,” he whispered only to me.
“All right,” Jeff replied and seemed almost happy with Merrick’s response. “Marissa, can we have a timeline, sweetheart? When are we looking at?”
“I can’t tell,” Marissa said and gulped. Jeff reached his hand out to her. “I just know it’s soon. Within the hour.”
“Ok,” he soothed her and ran a hand down her arm.
Merrick sighed and stood as he said, "I need a minute with Sherry." I bumped into Cain, who was still behind me. He smiled in relief at me and patted my arm before walking back to Lillian.
“You’re leaving now?” Josh said. It was at that moment that we all noticed him. Like really noticed him. Josh was supposed to be dead. He sacrificed himself for Racine. He jolted at all of our silent stares on him and straightened his back. “That’s right. I told you already that I wasn’t Josh anymore. I’m Simon in here and this is my body now, so get used to it quickly so we can get to work."
I felt my jaw drop. It felt different with Simon. With Merrick when he explained being in Matt’s body, it was foreign, but not unpleasant. But with the cut of Josh’s death so fresh and there not even being any time to mourn him yet, it was too much. I turned and buried my face in Merrick’s neck, not wanting to see Simon wearing Josh’s face. I felt Merrick's head shake and an angry breath leave him.
Then Simon said as he glared at Merrick, "Have you forgotten the real reason we even came here?"
“Simon,” Racine growled, low and dangerous. “How could you?”
I jolted my eyes back to them. I looked at Merrick and saw him gritting his teeth. What for? I swung my gaze back to Josh…or, uh Simon…and waited. Racine continued as she made her way to him. “How could you!” she repeated louder. “Did you think about this for one second or did you just snatch the first body that was available and not give a thought to the consequences? What if I jumped in Cain’s body after he died and you had to face me every day?”
“I can help in this body where my old one couldn’t-”
“You’re wearing my charge’s body!” she shrieked and choked on a sob. “Did you not think what it would do to me to see my dead charge walking around, constantly being reminded of how I failed at the one thing I was put on this Earth to do?”
He blanched a little and I felt right about that. Shame on Simon for being so selfish and only thinking about himself.
“I didn’t think, no. I just reacted. I knew that I could do more good in a body that wasn't hindering me like the other one and-"
The crack of her hand across his cheek was loud. He looked at her blankly, as if he understood that he deserved it. “I hope that one day I can forgive you for this, Simon.”
“I hope that as well. I’m sorry, sister. This decision was for the good of all, and I sacrificed the good of the one. I’m sorry to have caused you pain.”
“I understand,” she said sincerely. She turned and took in the room. “Please try your hardest to call him Simon and not…Josh.” She gulped.
We nodded and she went to sit on the couch, burying her face in a wad of tissues. Could she not see that Josh sacrificed himself for her because he was fond of her? Because he cared about her? I for one was proud of him. Racine would grow to be one day, too.
"All right," Miguel drawled and stepped up to the front of the room beside Jeff. "We know they're coming. We need to buck up and push all this trivial crap to the side and fig
ure out what to do."
"Yes," Jeff and Simon agreed in unison. Jeff scowled at Simon, but looked back to Miguel. "Outside perimeter?" he began his plotting and it seemed that Merrick and my reunion would just have to wait.
"Might as well," he agreed with a sigh. "No point in waiting down low. They know we're here." He grinned evilly. "May as well meet them and gain the upper hand. They don't know that we know they're coming."
Cain nodded and said, "Ok, let's pull the old 'women and children in the cellar' bit and get this thing started."
"Now hold on a minute!" Lillian said.
"Do not argue with me on this one, L," he growled. "Really? You almost died yesterday or may have even actually died and you want me to let you out there for another try at it? No."
She gulped and to my surprise, nodded. "All right."
He blinked his own surprise. "Ok, good." He slowly turned back to Jeff and Miguel. "Ambush style. Let's go."
"Sounds perfect," Miguel said and winked at Rylee, who growled at him, as he made his way to the kitchen. "I'll grab some grenades."
Cain and Lillian began their goodbyes and that started the flood for them all. I refused to look at Merrick. I'd just gotten him back minutes ago and now he was being put right back out there on the front lines again. It seemed childish to pretend that this wasn't about to go down, but I just couldn't force my chin to move his direction.
But he knew what I was doing and took my stubborn chin in his hand. My Merrick looked at me knowingly and gave me a sad, small smile. "I'm so sorry, honey. I wish…Well, you know what I wish."
"I wish that, too. It's ok. I'm used to the whole song and dance by now." His smile grew. "You go fight while I stay and pine for you like the lovesick puppy that I am."
"That sounds great actually."
"It sounds like crap," I argued making him laugh out loud. He framed my stupid little useless wet cheeks in his hands and I tried to steady my quivering lip.
"I love you more than I can ever get to you to understand, and I'm sorry that we can't have our little reunion right now." He reached forward and bit my bottom lip gently. He made a growly noise in his throat. "Mmm, I'd love nothing more than to drag you to our room right now…caveman style." I laughed. That was totally something Cain would say. "But I'll have to settle for this until later."
He slammed his mouth to mine and I felt the pleasurable hum all the way to the ends of my hair. I let my arms circle his neck and bring him closer to me. His hands pawed and pulled me so close and tight that it was hard to breathe.
Not that I was breathing anyway. I was too busy being breathless.
When my fingers weaved their way through his hair, he pulled back with a groan, grabbing my hands gently and pulling them to his mouth. He kissed them and exhaled his frustration in a warm puff against my fingers. "You can't do that," he chastised. "I'll never leave if you do."
I made mock pout lips which caused him to laugh in a rumble.
"Can't you stop being adorable for just two seconds?" he said wryly. He kissed my forehead, then my cheek, then my lips. He sat there with them pressed to mine, just absorbing and not moving, before pulling away with a puckering sound. I sniffed once more and let him set me to my feet. This was it. No more stalling.
"I love you, Finch."
"I love you, Sherry." I jolted a little. He hardly ever called me Sherry anymore…unless I was in trouble. It was always baby or honey or gorgeous. He laughed at my expression. "I miss saying your name sometimes. I know you hate it, but I love it. Your mother may not have named you Sherry for the right reasons, but I don't care. You're my Sherry."
"What do you mean 'the right reasons'?"
His lips twisted a little. "She refused all the girl names your father suggested. And on the way to the hospital she passed a graveyard at a stoplight. She picked the first female name she could find and…there you have it."
"What?" I said, disgusted. "How do you even know that? Danny didn't come along until later."
"She confessed it to your father once, when Danny was born. Your father was upset that he couldn't help name either of you and wondered where she got the names from. You were a graveyard, Danny was a burger place." I gave him a 'Huh?' look. "Danny Boy's Burgers on Fifth Street. True story."
I just shook my head. My mother was a psycho!
He pressed his mouth to my ear, wrapping me in a tight, final embrace. "I've got to go, baby."
"Be careful. And you better come back."
"Always," he promised.
With one last kiss that ached with sweetness, he went to Jeff and Miguel to plot our ambush of the Lighter's…ambush. Could this day be anymore screwed up?
I held in an explosive sigh and turned to Lily. She was playing with her doll, Joy's, hair. Twisting it into a messy braid that had no pattern or order. She was so innocent and yet, not. There was a new air about her, one that I didn't have time to think about. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly and took a deep breath, holding it in so long it hurt before blowing it all out. When I opened my eyes, Lily was standing in front of me. I jumped and then laughed. "You scared me, bug."
"Sowwy. Are we gonna go hide in the closet again?"
I pressed my lips together. "Yeah. Probably. That ok?"
"Can Calvin and Fwankwin come, too?" she said and swung from side to side as if this all was no big deal.
"I think that's a good idea." I took another needed deep breath and prepared for Merrick's outrageous look at what I was about to say to everyone. "Ok, I think me and the kids and anyone else…Ellie, at least, need to come with me to the back room, right? We'll lock ourselves in."
True to my knowledge of him, Merrick's eyes bulged, and then his face softened into gratitude. He mouthed 'Thank you'. I nodded. I understood that he hated for me to fight him every time on whether I was going to fight or not. But as morbid as it sounded, I learned that stupid accidents and enemy attacks can happen right in our living room and he'd be safer not worrying about me and Lily. I almost smiled. I was making massive progress in my mind. It was hard - so, so hard - to let go of control.
Before I even realized it Merrick was nose to nose with me. I did smile then. He pressed his lips to mine before lifting Lily and giving her a stern look. "Stay with Mommy."
"Mmhmm." Then she gasped. "Oooh, let's bring snacks!"
Merrick guffawed at her before kissing her forehead. Then he kissed mine and went back to plotting. I went to gather a few snacks just in case we were bunkered down for a while and told Lily to get together some games or something. I heard them plotting. Miguel, Merrick, Cain and Jeff would lead the attack outside with a group and Pastor, Max and Daniel would lead the one at the door of the bunker in case anyone got passed, which they were thinking was likely since they were sending so many. And then Marissa, who agreed to hold down in the bunker, but refused to be locked in the backroom, along with a few others would be in the door waiting for anyone who got through, if that were to happen.
It was then that I realized how much this could affect us. This could be it for us. It made me feel strange to be so calm about it. We’d been through so much, not just lately, but for months. We'd fought so many Lighters and been locked up and beaten down…but we always came out on top. Was that why I felt this way? Did I have some cocky notion that we were unbeatable?
But when Pastor called everyone's attention and asked us to listen to him for a minute, the shakes started. This was real. This was happening. The Lighters were coming for us and they were bringing a new enemy we'd never seen. I knelt on the floor next to Merrick and decided not to hide how scared I'd all of a sudden become. But I knew this: if we died, we'd die together, a family, an army of resistance.
We wouldn’t lie down. We wouldn't let them rule us and turn us against our kind. We would not be their puppets to our own demise.
This was a revolution, whether the enemy knew it or not.
Amen and Aman
Chapter 3
Sherry
"Friends, acq
uaintances, family." Pastor looked at his daughter as if she were five years old again. "I just wanted us to take a few minutes to collect our thoughts. I know these minutes are precious for planning our attack, but we need this. Whatever religion you are, whatever you believe in or don't believe in. Whether you believe there's a man who sits in the clouds and watches us like ants or a Heavenly Father, it doesn't matter. We're all the same. We're all human…" His brow lifted as he looked at Jeff, then Merrick. "Of sorts."
"Human works just fine, Pastor," Merrick said and smiled, squeezing my arm. "Go on."
"Ok, well, whatever we are. Humans, angels, aliens, we all have humanity. We all want what's best for this world. We all want to…survive." He looked around at us. "And we need all the help we can get. So I'm going to bow my head and ask the big man to give us a little hand up. You make your own decision as to closing your eyes or not, but you be respectful," he said sternly. He knelt down on one knee and took his hat off. Everyone else followed suit and I wasn't surprised when everyone closed their eyes as we huddled there in the commons room.
"Lord," he started low, "we could sure use your help today. With every conflict comes an opportunity. We can show these devils that we won't be stomped under their feet, but the opposite. We can show them that the human spirit in us all that you created won't be taken so easily. And the Lighters? Well, I think that hell misses their sorry behinds and it's time they went home." I heard a few 'Yeah's and 'Mmhmm's. "Give us strength beyond our bodies, swift and cunning hands, and nimble minds, Father. Amen and Aman!"
"Amen."
And we all opened our eyes and stood. The knot in my throat was smaller at his words, but still lodged and causing my eyes to water a little bit. But then Cain's next words made everything else stop.
"Pastor, uh…" He looked back at Lillian and grinned this smile that said I hope you're ready for this. "Do you think…you could marry us?"
Lillian gasped and covered her mouth. Her eyes instantly watered. Billings grumbled something from the corner about being stuck with one woman forever, but everyone ignored him.