“Of course not. Please go. And thank you for your time,” I said.
She nodded to me, did the same to Joker and moved out.
I looked to Joker and wheeled my plush leather chair his way.
“She’s amazing,” I whispered excitedly.
“Club’s not gonna retain morons,” he replied, any bite to his words nonexistent since his lips were curled up very slightly.
It might have been a very slight curve, but I’d take it.
I looked down to Travis then to him. “You want me to finish?”
“Got it.”
He certainly did.
“We can finish with the carrots and give him the yummy pears at LD,” I said.
“Right.”
“You’re good at that,” I observed carefully, because I didn’t want to seem to be prying.
I still wanted to know. The man was a biker. As far as I knew he had no children (something, even at this early juncture between us, I would hope he’d already have shared with me). But he was very good with them.
“Long time ago, rented a room in a basement,” he returned easily. “Woman needed the money. She had a man who was a dick. Gone more than he was home. She had kids, one was a baby. She worked. She also jacked down rent if I helped out. I needed her to jack down rent, so I helped out.”
That explained that.
“That was nice,” I noted.
“Her kids were the bomb.”
That was nice too.
“She probably appreciated it,” I told him, though even though I didn’t know her, I still knew there was no probably about it.
“She did. Then she got deep in meth. I was gone by then but, last I heard, her kids were in the system.”
“Oh no,” I whispered.
He juggled Travis, jar, and spoon to scrape the last bits out and muttered, “Way of life.”
“Not life like I know it.”
His head didn’t move but still, his eyes came to me.
“No.”
That one word was low. It was meaningful. I wasn’t sure I got the meaning. I just knew I liked it.
Travis gurgled through the last bite of carrots while Joker ordered, “Almost done. Pack up. Let’s hit the road. I’m fuckin’ starved.”
Ugh!
“You’re almost at a dollar, Joker,” I shared, still feeling hopeful and riding the happy wave of watching Joker feed Travis, but nevertheless annoyed.
“You do know I’m never gonna quit bein’ me,” he remarked, tipping the spoon into the empty jar and lifting Travis’s bib to wipe his mouth.
“You do know that Travis maybe said his first word last night. Since it was Mommy, that made me happy. His second word being the f-word would not do the same.”
His eyes came to mine. Then I made a quiet sound of surprise when his hand shot out and caught me behind the head, something he could do seated since I was bent over Travis’s diaper bag, which I’d dropped into my vacated seat.
After that, he pulled me to him so my mouth was on his.
He gave me a hard, short kiss.
“Bah buh bah!” Travis squealed.
Joker released the pressure on my neck just enough for me to move back an inch.
He looked into my eyes.
His, I couldn’t read. That didn’t mean he wasn’t telling me something. I just didn’t know what it was.
What I did know was that the guard was gone. I wasn’t shut out by steel.
I just didn’t know what to make of it now that I was in.
Then he let me go without giving more and I shifted out of his way as he straightened from his chair.
We packed up. We got Travis sorted. Joker yanked the diaper bag out of my hand and slung it on his shoulder even though he still had Travis in his arm. And off we went.
We did this in his spacious dual-cab truck. He’d picked me up at work. The “red wreck” (what Joker that night had christened my car) was to remain behind. I was off the next day. Joker told me he, or “one of the brothers” would be around in the morning to help me retrieve it.
So it was a proper date, him picking me up and everything.
Okay, he’d picked me up from work, brought my son with him, and we’d started our time at an attorney’s office talking about battling my ex, so it wasn’t a normal date, but it was still a proper one.
This made me happy.
Travis was snug in his seat behind us, babbling at nothing, and I was watching Denver slide by and smelling new car smell.
“So, you didn’t get pine,” I remarked.
“Say again?”
“Your car. It’s obviously just been cleaned and you got new car smell,” I said. “Not pine.”
“I got new car smell ’cause this isn’t a clean car. It’s a new car. Bought this truck today.”
I went still.
But only for a moment.
Then I woodenly turned my head his way.
He had a bike. That I knew.
But that day he had a date with a single mom who had a baby with a car seat.
So now he had a dual-cab truck.
Joker stopped at a red light and looked at me.
And when he did, I watched by the lights of a Denver city night as his face got soft.
It was a vision of beauty.
“Like a whole lot the way you’re lookin’ at me, Butterfly,” he said softly. “But I got a bike and we don’t live in Arizona. We can get weather. Used to be, weather was bad, I needed to get somewhere, I had to borrow someone else’s vehicle. That gets old. I had to get you and your boy to dinner, but that doesn’t mean the time wasn’t ripe.”
I heard it all, but most especially the I had to get you and your boy to dinner part, so I just smiled at him brightly.
He shook his head, looked forward, and we went when the light was green.
He drove and, while he did, I wanted to hold his hand. I wasn’t sure we were at that place but I was sure I wanted to do it and badly.
The problem was, he drove with his wrist, that wrist being the right one draped over the steering wheel. Therefore, I couldn’t grab his hand.
Also, I had some concerns about this since the truck was large and probably more easily maneuvered if his fingers were wrapped around the steering wheel.
I didn’t say anything since he promptly wrapped them around said wheel in order to parallel park outside Las Delicias.
We went in. We got one of their side half-oval booths. They gave us a high chair. We ordered. I gave Travis his pears then some Cheerios for him to play with, eat, and toss around. Finally, Joker and I ate.
All day, I’d been looking forward to this like it was Christmas Eve.
But I hadn’t been on a first date since Aaron took me miniature golfing over a decade ago.
And Joker was so not Aaron it wasn’t funny.
So all day I was also nervous like crazy.
But I shouldn’t have been. Somehow, things between Joker and me were just easy. Conversation flowed.
And I wasn’t the one making it flow.
He talked. Mostly about the Club, and that was mostly about his brothers, who he clearly respected and even cared a lot for.
He told me all their Club names. He told me all their real names (the only weird spot was when I asked his, he didn’t answer, and it seemed he was acting like he didn’t hear me but then again, he probably just didn’t hear me). He told me about their old ladies. How long they’d been in the Club. About Ride, the store, the garage, and the new store they were opening in Grand Junction, which meant they were already looking for new recruits since all Chaos members did their “time” in Denver before they moved on to other branches, like Fort Collins, Boulder, Colorado Springs, and soon-to-be Grand Junction. He also told me he designed and built some of their custom builds.
“Workin’ on one,” he’d muttered. “Show it to you and Travis next time you’re on Chaos.”
I wasn’t really into cars.
But I couldn’t wait to see his.
r />
At my gently probing questions, he also told me about himself and he did that easy too.
No hesitation.
He shared that he was an only child (which, with his parents, was probably good, though for him in that mess, it was sad he didn’t have at least one person to love and love him back). I found out he was only a few months older than me. He explained that he did live at the Compound because “no reason to pay for some crib when I got a life where all I need is a room” (I also found this sad, but didn’t have time to dwell).
I liked that he was easy. It wasn’t like he went on and on, sharing deeply, opening a window to his soul, trusting me with his hopes and dreams.
But it was a first date and I didn’t think that was what you got on a first date. However, he wasn’t closed and secretive like his eyes made it seem like he would be.
I’d take easy. In fact, I ate it up because I found I wanted to know everything about Joker. So when he gave me easy, I didn’t push for more. I let him say what he had to say and didn’t probe further. With as easy as he gave me, I knew it would come, so there wasn’t a reason to push.
This meant (in my mind) that by the time we were finished eating, the date was a smashing success.
Or I thought it was.
Joker finished his meal before I did since I’d spent quite a bit of time during the meal seeing to my baby. So I took my last few bites of my burrito chicharrones while Joker had a drowsy Travis against his chest, Travis’s head drooping on his shoulder.
That was when I looked up from my nearly clean plate and gawked because Lee and Indy Nightingale, the famous Denver couple who had their story told in the Rock Chick books, were walking from the back of the restaurant, heading our way.
I couldn’t help but stare because they were famous but also because, frankly, Lee Nightingale was even more gorgeous in person. And in the pictures of him I’d seen in the paper, he was fabulous.
And just like Joker when he was with Travis, since Lee had a redheaded little girl held to his chest, resting her cheek on her daddy’s shoulder, he was even more gorgeous.
Not to mention, Indy Nightingale was a knockout. As was the Lee Nightingale mini-me who was holding her hand and walking at her side.
I forced myself to stop gawking and was about to kick Joker under the table when Lee Nightingale looked toward us, tilted his head and stopped.
“Joke,” he greeted.
Oh my gosh! Lee Nightingale knew Joker!
“Lee,” Joker replied.
First-name basis!
“Hey,” Indy Nightingale said and I looked to her to see she was addressing me.
“Hey,” I replied, hoping it was casually.
She grinned. “Your baby is cute.”
I knew that already but I still said, “Thanks. Your kids are too.”
She kept grinning.
“You wear it well.”
This came deep and easy from Lee and I looked to him to see he was aiming a drop dead gorgeous smile chock full of amusement Joker and Travis’s way.
“Don’t piss me off. Carissa fines me every time I cuss,” Joker replied.
I got warm inside.
“Does that work?” Indy asked me curiously.
“Not so far,” I answered.
“I figured,” she mumbled.
Suddenly Lee went all business. “Tack called. I’m on your gig. I’ll have results in a day or two.”
“Appreciated,” Joker replied.
Lee nodded.
“This is Lee and I’m Indy, by the way,” Indy said to me. “And these are our offspring, Callum and Suki.”
Like I didn’t know. Everyone in Denver knew them. Though I didn’t know about Callum and Suki.
“I kinda know who you are,” I admitted.
“That figures too,” she said with a not-a-problem smile.
I smiled back then did my bit. “Like Joker said, I’m Carissa and that’s my baby, Travis.”
“So cute,” Indy repeated.
“Yeah,” little Suki muttered sleepily. “Cute baby.”
I grinned at her.
Lee turned to me. “Carissa, nice to meet you and sorry to make it short but we gotta go. My baby girl needs her bed.”
So totally gorgeous.
I turned my grin to him. “Nice to meet you too.”
“We’ll leave you to it,” Lee said. “Later.”
Lee gave chin lifts, Indy waved, Callum gave a distracted hand flick (totally a mini-me), and Suki just gave a small wave goodbye.
When I was sure they were gone, I turned to Joker and hissed enthusiastically, “I can’t believe you know Lee Nightingale.”
“He’s tight with the Club.”
How cool!
“Is he as awesome as he seems to be?” I asked.
“If by awesome you mean he’s a supreme badass and so good at his job it’s kinda scary, then yeah.”
I sort of meant that.
I smiled and shared, “Bad-A is a nickel, sweetie.”
When I was done talking, I pulled in a sharp breath.
I did this because his eyes went semi-molten in a way that the banked heat in them warmed my skin.
Joker didn’t address what was behind his molten look.
He murmured quietly, “He’s mostly asleep, Butterfly. He isn’t hearin’ anything.”
“Still.”
“And a badass is a badass. There’s no other word for it.”
I had to give him that.
“Whatever,” I muttered, grabbing one final chip, dipping it into LD’s famous salsa, and eating it. I sucked back my Sprite then Joker and I did the whole packing up, carting out, loading up the vehicle drill.
But doing it, something that was just a part of life became something new that I liked, sharing the chore with Joker.
He took us home and again commandeered baby and diaper bag, leaving me only with my purse to haul up the steps, another break for which I was extremely grateful.
But I was again nervous.
Travis was out. Since the breast milk/formula change he’d turned into a good sleeper. And when he was done for the evening, in most cases, he stayed that way.
That meant he’d get a sleepy diaper change then into his PJs and finally into his crib.
After that, I’d be alone with Joker in my house with my huge couch.
Yes, I was nervous but in a way I liked the feeling.
My stomach had butterflies. My lips had a smile playing at them. My night had been great.
I hoped it was about to get better.
I just knew (like the night before) I’d have the novel feeling of going to bed looking forward to the next day.
And I was thinking all this when Joker took the last step and rounded the stairwell with me on his heels.
Suddenly I crashed right into his back because he’d stopped.
“Is everything—?”
“Company,” he growled.
His dire tone made me look around him and that was when my heart stopped beating.
Aaron, still in one of his fabulous work suits, was standing at the railing outside my door. He was bent to it, hands curled around it, but his head was turned and his eyes were to us.
I stood unmoving.
Surprisingly, this wasn’t because I thought a visit from Aaron at my apartment that he hadn’t been to for months and months was a bad omen (I did, and Tory, if you can believe, did the Travis swap with me when they returned him, and Aaron never came to my door when I brought him to them).
No, I did it because I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
No again.
I couldn’t believe how what I was seeing had changed.
Aaron was handsome. He’d been a handsome young man who’d turned into an exceptionally handsome adult. He had dark hair that was thick and shiny and healthy. He had unusual colored blue eyes that were sharp and interesting. He had a strong jaw, a high forehead, and beautiful lips. And he was tall, slim, and lean, with nice broad shoulders
.
He wore a suit amazingly.
I’d never tired of looking at him. Even when I wondered at some of the mean things he did or said in high school. Even when I was turning a blind eye to the things he did to me. It didn’t matter what turmoil my thoughts were in that I was pretending didn’t exist, I’d take one look at him and again fall in love.
But right then, he wasn’t close but I saw him standing there, confident, his bearing holding authority, and he did nothing for me.
He seemed bland. Bland and ordinary. An attractive stranger in a really nice suit. You might look at him twice, but once he was out of sight, he’d be out of mind.
Or at least my mind.
It was gone.
Like magic.
But something else was there.
And after all these years and all that had happened, that was magical too.
What it was was fury.
He hadn’t seen me in months and he thought he could show at my home on a Wednesday evening out of the blue?
Not likely.
And he needed to know that.
Immediately.
I stormed around Joker in order to bear down on Aaron and share my thoughts.
I didn’t get far because Joker caught my hand.
“Steady, Butterfly,” he muttered.
I drew in breath and looked up at him. He lifted his brows.
I watched the brow lift realizing he was right. I didn’t need to go off half-cocked on the walkway.
I could do it in my living room.
I nodded and whispered, “Steady.”
Steady.
That was what I needed. In a life that had felt out of control from the moment my parents’ friends crushed my baby sister in our driveway until a few days ago, through my own fault but sometimes not, I had not had steady.
I needed steady.
I was getting there.
And Aaron wasn’t going to take that from me.
Joker carrying Travis, the diaper bag, and holding my hand, we walked to Aaron.
“This is a surprise,” I said when we got close.
Aaron was staring at Joker.
“Would you like to say hello to your son’s mother?” I asked.
“Do I know you?” Aaron asked Joker, his gaze intensifying.