“Who wants easy?” She shrugged. “Give me hard.” With a grin she slid her hand down to the button of my slacks.
“Very funny.”
Her hand inched further. “And true.”
I groaned. “What the hell am I going to do with you?”
“Love me.” She sighed. “Keep me safe.”
“With my life,” I vowed. “I’ll do both.”
Maya drifted off to sleep, not a drug-induced one, not one that was pushed upon her, but one of absolute exhaustion. Her body needed to heal, her mind even more so.
“How is she?” Sergio was the first to ask when I emerged from her room two hours later for something to eat. She was still sleeping, but I had forgotten to eat and knew that if I didn’t take care of myself there was no way I could take care of her.
The rest of the guys had gone to the hotel across the street, Sergio had stayed behind to make sure that the security at my apartment hadn’t been infiltrated from the outside. I assured him that I had the best of the best.
Which earned a smirk and a, “Clearly not, if it wasn’t me who did it for you.” I let the arrogant ass take a look, too exhausted to do anything except grunt and give him all of my passwords, reminding myself to change them later since the bastard would probably memorize them as I said them.
“Good.” I finally nodded, rummaging through the fridge for something to eat that wasn’t a fruit or vegetable.
I felt a pat on my back as Sergio handed me a hot Panini.
“Did this just appear out of thin air?” I asked taking the sandwich.
“Phoenix dropped off food.” He shrugged. “I kept yours wrapped in foil in the oven just in case you were going to be a while.”
“The same Phoenix who kills for fun and wears a permanent smile while pointing a gun at your head? That Phoenix?” I asked dryly.
“The very one.” Sergio managed a small smile. “Would you believe me if I told you he used to only eat the color green, freaked the shit out of him to eat anything with color, like he didn’t deserve color in his life. Therefore, he didn’t deserve it in his food.”
I pulled out a bar stool and sat. “I’ve heard worse.”
“Oh yeah?” Sergio sat next to me and continued typing on his laptop, the screen was black, his fingers were typing in code so fast that it was hard to keep up. “Let’s hear it.”
“I hate vodka.”
Sergio’s fingers froze in a hover position over the keyboard as he lifted his chin in my direction. “No shit?”
“I prefer wine.”
“Hell, Tex is right. You really are going Italian aren’t you?”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t insult me.”
“You should be so lucky, Russia,” Sergio said and then hung his head and whispered. “It slipped, calling you Russia. It was my nickname for Andi.” His voice cracked. “You know, for a psycho doctor you really do have a good point. Some days the memories hurt so bad that it’s hard to breathe.”
“Only real memories can do that,” I murmured. “The fake ones don’t hurt… the smoke screen rarely causes a physical reaction that you feel from your chin down to your feet. The more powerful the memory, the stronger the connection.”
“Good to know it’s normal that I want to puke all the time when I think of what I’m missing, when I wake up and she’s not taking up the space next to me, when my hands ache with the memory of hers.”
I couldn’t speak. I’d never understood love, not really. Not until Maya, that moment when I thought I was going to lose her, I couldn’t think of anything except what if, what if I don’t get there in time, what if she dies, what if I lose the only reason I have for breathing?
“I have to hope,” I finally answered with a sigh. “That it will get better and that a girl like Andi would be pissed as hell that you’re sitting here whining like a girl.”
Sergio burst out laughing. “Shit, she’d kill me if I ever shed a tear over her. I promised her I wouldn’t, and I’ve broken that promise more than I’d care to admit.” He typed a few more things into the computer then slowly shut the top, turned to face me and stood. “I’d like to say it’s been a pleasure but…”
I held out my hand. “But?”
“It’s been interesting… your fire walls are solid, big brother isn’t watching and I’ve deleted your family’s virtual thumbprint from the Internet. You can thank me later.” He heaved his bag over his shoulder. “I’m off to New York, text me if you need me.”
“New York?” I parroted. “Not Chicago?”
“Secrets.” Sergio nodded. “It seems a bit of our family has gotten… out of hand. Guess who was voted to go enforce the law?”
“Try not to leave too many bodies in your wake.”
“True or false, you told someone to walk into a fire and watched them burn alive? Calling the kettle, doc?”
I didn’t answer, instead shifted uncomfortably on one foot then the other.
“That’s what I thought.” He smirked then called back. “Stay out of prison… and Nik?”
“Yeah?”
Sergio took in the large apartment, his eyes flickering from one object to another. “She would have been proud to see you settle down… Domesticated.”
“Hah.” I nodded. “Andi would have laughed her ass off then asked who I hypnotized to be in a relationship with me, at worst she would have asked if I paid someone.”
“Sounds like her.” Sergio whispered, then gave me a middle finger salute—not that I expected anything different—and shut the door quietly behind him. I went over and locked it then finished eating my sandwich.
You will only understand your misfortune when you fall in love—Russian Proverb
THE ROOM WAS DARK, MAKING IT impossible to know what time it was or how long I’d been sleeping. Memories assaulted me like automatic gunfire: of my attack, of Jac, of Nikolai rescuing me. I shivered just as the door to the bedroom opened.
Light flooded through, casting a shadow of Nikolai’s lean sexy body. I let out a huff of air as he made his way toward me, his stance cautious, as if I was an animal that was about to attack.
He reached out his hand, caressing my cheek with his fingertips. “Are you okay?”
“Not yet,” I said truthfully. “But later… yeah.”
“I love you,” he whispered. “Forgive me?”
“Forgive you?”
With a deep sigh, he sat on the bed next to me. “Forgive me for not telling you the complete truth about my family? About Jac?”
Just hearing her name shot tremors of fear through my body. “You mean about her being….” I couldn’t finish the sentence.
“Jack the Ripper.” Nikolai licked his lips glancing at the wall, away from me, his body no longer touching mine. “She told you how it started? With jealousy?”
“Apparently it’s a powerful emotion.” My voice cracked. “Were all the women like this? In your family?”
“No,” Nikolai said quickly. “Jac was unable to have children after my father, leaving the job to him… he refused to carry on the tradition. By then Jac was still working, and he realized he wanted more for our family, but he was cut out of her will… he needed money… and so he started working for Petrov.” Nikolai leaned back on his hands, raising his chin toward the ceiling and inhaling deeply through his nose. “It’s a long complicated story. Believe me when I say now you know everything.”
He turned his gaze to mine.
Eyes so dark, so haunted, like they were begging me to understand him, begging me to accept him even though he came with so much baggage that it was hard to see everything he was carrying on his shoulders.
“Yes.” I whispered.
He frowned, “Yes what?”
“I still love you.”
“I didn’t ask.”
“Your eyes did,” I whispered reaching for his hand. “It’s not your fault she was crazy, and it would be stupid to hold your past against you, ruining both our futures.”
“I’d let yo
u go.” Even as he said it he was pulling me into his lap, kissing my neck, his lips grazing by my pulse. “It would destroy me, but if it’s what you wanted, to be away from memories of me, your father, Jac, I’d let you go.”
“My place is here.” I turned my head so I could meet his mouth. We kissed, and then I placed my hand on his chest. “And here.”
His hug was so tight it was hard to breathe. “I’ll protect you with my life.”
“Good.” I laughed through my tears. “Because apparently I’m a wanted woman.”
A low growl issued from his throat. “I want you every second.” His mouth covered mine and then pulled back. “Of every day.”
“That’s a lot of seconds.”
“Eighty-six thousand four hundred.” He kissed my neck. “But who’s counting?”
“Who knows those things?”
“I’m a doctor.”
“Is that going to be your answer to everything I don’t understand?”
“Yes.” He licked where his lips had just pressed. His touch was driving me crazy. I tried to pull off my shirt but he pinned my hands down.
“Oh, sorry, I thought all that math talk was foreplay,” I teased, wondering how I was able to even do that after the traumatic day I’d had.
“You’ll know when it’s foreplay.” He snaked his arm around me and lifted my body back against the pillows. “Now, shall I force some chicken noodle soup down your throat?”
“Why is it always chicken noodle? What if I wanted clam chowder?”
“Then I’d get you clam chowder.”
“Really?”
He slid a cell phone out of his dark jeans and held it up in the air. “Really.”
“In that case… I want clam chowder, sourdough bread, and a brand new Mercedes.”
His smile was gorgeous—dazzling as he leaned forward and kissed my chin. “A Mercedes huh?”
“A new one.”
“Figures.”
“Part of the new contract?”
“You wish.”
“You are still paying me half a million…” I teased. “Even though I’m technically your girlfriend now?”
“Let’s start small, with the clam chowder. Later we’ll talk cars and… payment.”
“A guy who doesn’t want to talk cars in bed? My, my, where have you been all my life?”
His eyes met mine. “I’m here now. That’s what matters.”
“My contract specifically says I’m not to have any sort of dating relationships.” It was fun getting him upset, ignoring the darkness of the day and focusing on us, on our reality, our future.
“One tiny indiscretion after a near death experience doesn’t count.” His mouth found mine again. “I’ll explain to that pretentious boss of yours.”
“Please do, and while you’re at it tell him to buy me something red.”
Nikolai growled low in his throat. “I’d kill to see you in red.”
“Too bad, the boss says only black.”
“The boss had his reasons.”
“The boss is an ass.”
“He has reasons for that too.”
“Hmm.” I licked his lower lip and tasted. I was acting like an insane person. I would never get tired of his taste of the dominant way he returned each kiss like he was trying to remind me I was his.
My life stopped making sense a long time ago.
But his kisses always eased the cobwebs and helped me focus on what was important.
“Maya…” He groaned. “If you keep kissing me like that—I won’t be able to control myself.”
“So lose control.”
“Easier said than done.” He pulled back slightly. “You need to eat and then we’ll discuss… all bedroom activities.”
“Ah, so the boss means to put his cranky pants back on.”
“When did the boss take his pants off? Just curious.”
I peered down. “Must have been my overactive imagination.”
“You’re cute.”
“Am I?”
“And dangerous…” He sighed, “So very, very dangerous.”
“Maybe that’s why Jac wanted me dead.”
“No.” Nikolai said it so quickly it was as if he knew I was already going to say that. “She was clinically insane, out of her mind. She finally snapped the minute I let you in my life, the minute she was no longer number one, but she was slipping even before that. Only, I ignored it, and for that I’ll never forgive myself.”
“And my father, if he ever finds me? Discovers I’m alive and breathing?”
“He’ll die… besides he’ll be too focused on staying out of prison. Sergio truly did a number on your family.” Nicolai shrugged. “You’ll be happy to know your mother wasn’t implicated.”
“I stopped having a mother a long time ago.” Fresh pain washed over me, but I pushed the thoughts away. What good would they do anyway?
“You still want to stay? With me?”
“I’m still holding your hand aren’t I?”
“Yeah.” He squeezed and then lowered his head to brush a kiss across my knuckles. “You are.”
Life is not a bed of roses.—Russian Proverb
I MADE A QUICK CALL TO have soup and bread delivered and made sure to start the bath for Maya so that she could soak and relax.
A half hour later, I knocked on the bedroom door then pushed it open with my foot while I carried the food tray in.
“Finally.” Maya stood completely naked in front of me.
The tray crashed to the floor.
I didn’t have time to stop it.
“Wow… even bruised and bleeding I look that good?”
“Maya.” I croaked out her name. “You have stitches… you need…” I couldn’t speak. “Rest.”
“Rest with me?” She held out her hand.
“You’re out of your mind if you think I’ll be able to keep my hands off of you.”
“Then don’t.” She took a step toward me.
I took a step back.
“The great Nikolai Blazik, scared? Of a mere woman?”
“You’ve never been a mere woman… you’re my fantasy, my love, my perfection, living and breathing. A woman I don’t deserve but want anyway…”
Her lips parted as she let out a little gasp. “Nik… I need you.”
“But—”
“Your grandmother nearly killed me while I was trapped in my own paralyzed body, my father nearly killed you, we’ve had crazy Italians with large guns and no respect for censorship in our house for two days.” I loved how she said our house already. “And I’m still freaked out. I want you, inside me, right now.”
I was walking and then with a lunge I pulled her into my arms and gently laid her across the bed. “I love you.” My mouth found hers in a frenzy while she ripped at my clothes.
“I love you too,” she breathed, our teeth knocked together as she struggled pulling my shirt off.
I gently pushed her back and peeled my clothes off as fast as possible then pulled her into my arms, our bodies fit, our skin sizzled on contact.
“Now.”
“You’re not ready for me—“
“Nik.” She patted my cheek softly with her hand then harder. “I’ve been ready for hours… I need you, desperately. Don’t make me beg.”
I smirked. “But you do it so well.”
“You’re an ass.” She started moving her body against mine. “And I’ll make you pay for it later.”
I lifted her hips into the air and settled her on top, thrusting into her as she came down on my lap. “Hmm make me pay for it now.”
I moved her hard on top of me, careful not to touch any of the bruising on her body, bruising I blamed myself for.
Maya’s hands found my head, and then her lips were on mine, and we were moving in perfect sync.
The world around us faded.
And I realized I needed her just as much, maybe more, because in that moment I’d needed to know that if everything else went to hell—we’
d still have us. We’d still have that very real connection.
With a small cry she bounced up, sliding down, her hair kissing my face with each movement, I kissed her neck and then held her in place even though she tried to move.
“Feel,” I said through clenched teeth. “Feel.”
She let out a sob as her body clenched around me.
“We were made for each other, Maya.” I held her for a few more seconds, until I thought I was going to explode, then thrust one last time.
Her strangled cry mingled with mine as we clung to one another, the soup was all over the floor, the bath was probably cold.
And the world was still an evil place.
But with her—I didn’t see spilled soup, cold water, murderers and blood… for the first time in my entire life, when I looked at the world.
I saw hope.
A dangerous thing hope…
A beautiful, wonderful, dangerous idea.
One I would hold on to, as long as I had her in my arms for they came hand in hand, I just never knew it.
WHOA! YOU GUYS MADE IT! Curious about other books in the Eagle Elite series… want to know Phoenix’s story? Maybe Nixon’s or Tex’s? Awesome, you won’t regret it, the Italian mafia… well I’m obsessed. That’s all there is to it!
The Eagle Elite Series Reading Order is as follows:
Elite
Elect
Entice
Elicit
Ember
Elude
Empire (out May 2016)
Enforce is a companion novel to Elite, it’s from the guys POV, and should be read after you read the first two books or at any point within the series. Enchant is part of the series prequel. Enamor takes place after Elicit and is a short Nixon and Trace novella.
Want more Nikolai and Maya? Make sure to let me know! I love to hear from readers and if you want more Russian mafia, your wish is my command! As always follow me on Facebook www.facebook.com/rachelvandyken or join Rachel’s New Rockin' Readers. My fan group on facebook! I’m also on Twitter and Instagram @RachVD.
If you want mindless updates on all my new releases simply text MAFIA to 66866!
Hugs,
RVD