to answer it, picking the portable handset from its cradle.
“Hello?”
"Mrs. Stewart?" the all too familiar voice asked.
"Hello Dr. Hendrickson," she said as she sat back down.
"Mrs. Stewart, how are you today?"
"I’m fine, why are you calling? I told you I wouldn't be coming back to see you." She waited for him to respond and when he didn't she went on, “I’m perfectly fine and Alex and I will muddle through our grief without counseling."
"I see."
Natalie waited for something more, resenting the doctor calling her at home and the awkward silence she sat through.
"Is there anything you wanted Dr. Hendrickson?" she asked when the silence went on too long.
"Yes Mrs. Stewart," and yet he hesitated, “Mrs. Stewart, is Alex with you there now?"
"No, he’s downstairs, why? I told you before I didn’t want him exposed to grief counseling and that I wouldn’t be bringing him along to the sessions so if you're asking to speak to him the answer is no."
The line went silent for a moment as Natalie waited for the him to respond, when she was about to be rude and hang up, he finally spoke.
“Natalie, I would very much like for us to start back with our sessions again, I think you need them. Please come down to my office tomorrow. Tell me when is convenient for you and I will adjust my schedule to accommodate you if only...”
She cut him off in mid-sentence, “Look, I told you on our last meeting that I wouldn’t be back again, and Alex and I don’t need any type of counseling.”
He tried to interject, but she was having none of it. She crossed the kitchen to the phone cradle.
“Thanks for calling and if there is anything I ever need you’ll be the first to know.”
She hung the phone up, hearing his voice speaking into the earpiece as it traveled back down to the cradle.
The nerve of the man calling her at home to insist that she return after she specifically told him she would not be back.
The nerve of him.
She dismissed him from her mind and finished cleaning the kitchen. She pulled a frozen entree from the freezer and glanced at the instructions on the back. She knew instant foods weren’t the best meal for a young boy, but she'd never learned to cook. Another of the many things she planned on changing but never got around to. She turned the oven on and replaced the frozen entree back in the freezer.
The timer went off on the stove, startling her. Hendrickson had her uptight, she couldn’t believe how insistent he could be about things.
“I should report him,” she said aloud.
She rose, shutting it off and took the entree out of the freezer and placed it in the oven. She reset the timer, and turned a flame on low under a small saucepan of water then sat back down at the kitchen table. Guilt held her close like an old friend.
God I want a drink.
Alex needed her though or at least, she hoped he needed her. Perhaps the time for his needing her passed without her knowing it. She may have missed the opportunity and he may have accepted the fact that he had a lush for a mother and dealt with his grief alone. Maybe that’s why he never spoke with her. Maybe that’s why he talked to himself now. She was constantly drunk. Her hands began to shake.
She stood and walked to the stove taking the tea kettle to the sink to fill it.
Tea, forget about booze for now, tea would be much better.
She replaced the kettle on the burner and turned it on, walking back to her chair when the phone rang again.
Hendrickson, that bastard.
“Hello?”
“Natalie, how are you? It’s Dori”
“Dori,” Natalie nearly shouted, happy to hear her sister-in-laws voice. “How you been?” Natalie cradled the phone on her shoulder as she walked to the cupboard and pulled a large ceramic cup and box of tea out.
“Okay I guess Nats,” Dori answered using David’s pet name for her. “How you doing? I never hear from you anymore honey.”
Natalie stopped opening the paper wrapper of the tea bag. Something in Dori’s voice was strained.
“What’s wrong Dori? Are your folks okay?”
“They’re fine Nats. Nothing’s wrong, just calling you since we don’t seem to hear from you anymore.”
“I know Dori, I’ve been just out of sorts.” She grabbed a spoon and squeezed the small plastic container of honey into her cup as the kettle on the stove began to sing.
“I haven’t been taking care of the house either let alone trying to socialize with anyone.” She walked to the stove turning off the burner and grabbed the teapot, pouring the steaming water into her cup.
“You know I wouldn’t avoid you intentionally, I’ve just been down lately,” she finished as she sat back down.
“That’s understandable after what you been through.”
Dori paused before going on, “Nats look,” but didn’t go on.
“Dori what’s wrong?”
“Nats, listen I don’t want you to be angry, but I spoke with Dr. Hendrickson and he told me you stopped seeing him. Nats this isn’t a good time to stop seeing your doctor, this is a time when you need him the most.”
Natalie sat back in her chair dumbfounded. So this is what it was all about? He was now calling her sister-in-law to tell on her? Natalie was too shocked to even be angry yet.
“Natalie, are you there?”
“Yeah, I’m here.”
Natalie began to concentrate on her breathing, pulling in each breath evenly, then exhaling. The man didn’t quit and was dragging her sister-in-law into it. She had enough, yet didn’t want to get into an argument with Dori. Alex loved his aunt as much as she herself did and Dori was only concerned, but Hendrickson manipulated that concern.
“Dori, I really don’t want to discuss whether or not I’m seeing a doctor with you. I’m an adult and if I decide to stop seeing a doctor, that’s my business.”
“Yes of course Natalie, it’s just we’re worried about you is all. Mom and dad would like you to come stay with them for a while how would that be? I spoke with them just this morning...”
This is what Dr. Hendrickson had suggested on one of her last visits. She was appalled that the man had so easily lured Dori, and from the sound of it, Mr. and Mrs. Stewart into it as well. She was ashamed that so many people obviously found her incompetent.
“Dori I’m going to go now, I have to finish cooking dinner for Alex.”
She stood to walk the phone back to its cradle, “I don’t want you to think I’m mad at you but I got to tell you I think it’s sad how little you think of me. This guy gets you to check on me like I was some mindless dolt who isn't capable of managing her own affairs. I don’t appreciate it Dori.” She paused when she realized the other end had gone silent. Natalie waited a moment to hear if her sister-in-law had hung up on her.
“Dori, are you there?”
She was about to hang up when Dori’s voice came over the phone, in barely a whisper.
“Nats, is Alex there now?”
“No, he’s downstairs. Did you want to talk to him?”
“No”
“Well,” Natalie began in an attempt to get off the phone.
“Hey Nats listen, I’m going to stop by, would that be okay? We’re close by and could be over in about twenty minutes.”
“We?”
“Yeah, I got an old friend of the family with me. Mrs. Lakewood, she was at the wedding. You might recall her, would that be okay?”
She hadn’t expected Dori to come over and said ‘sure’ before she even realized she had agreed.
“Okay Nats great, we’ll be there soon. You need anything honey? You want me to pick you up anything on the way?”
“No,” Natalie replied, glancing around the kitchen, thankful she had straightened up. She was thinking what she would need to do before Dori came over. She didn’t want to have the house messy and leave Dori thinking she was a poor guardian for A
lex, even though she had been these past few months.
“Alright then, we’ll be there shortly,” Dori said pausing for a moment, “Bye for now.” The line went silent, leaving Natalie clutching the phone. She wanted a drink badly, but dared not for fear Dori would smell alcohol on her breath.
She busied herself about the kitchen finishing the few remaining things that needed attention then concentrated on the living room. The timer in the kitchen went off signaling it was time for her to finish making their dinner. She turned off the oven and opened the door to allow the entrée to stay warm while she finished with the saucepan of water on the stove. She opened the cupboard and removed an instant package of pasta to make when she heard a noise from the basement below. She stopped and listened intently, her heart thudding in her chest. It sounded like a car engine idling. Or was that outside?
I'm getting jumpy.
She put the saucepan down and walked to the basement door opening it and flicking on the light. The bulb that hung over the stairs below barely illuminated the descent down, but was enough for her to see no one was on the stairs.
“Alex?” she called out. “Alex is that you dear? Dinner is ready, come and get washed up. Your aunt Dori is coming over, isn’t that great?” She waited for an answer, but none came. The basement had become his hiding place these past few weeks. She’d indulged him and even placed some of his toys down there.
She waited a moment longer and when he still didn’t answer she walked back to the stove to finish dinner, leaving the door open. He’d come up when he got hungry.
She glanced at the directions on the back of pasta package and gathered what she needed to