"Nic," Aurelia mumbled. A tear escaped her eye, but I knew she wasn't in any pain.
"I'm here," I whispered.
Looking around us, Rome seemed to have emptied, which was an odd sight. I figured everyone who had the option of going to the circus was there.
Sensing my desire for privacy, Brutus rode forward a little. It was an unexpected show of respect from him, and I appreciated it.
Aurelia's eyes opened a little. "You never listen to me. Never."
"I always listen," I said. "I just don't obey."
"You should."
"I will when you stop giving ridiculous orders."
She smiled and closed her eyes again. "Where are we going?" she asked.
"I'm going to take the Malice," I said.
Her eyes snapped open, and she tried to sit up. "You're what?"
"You said that you trust me, remember?"
The smile returned. "I might change my mind."
"I saved your life."
"I knew you would." Her eyes shut again. "I know you love me."
Aurelia remained asleep for the rest of the ride, but I had never been so awake. Every sense in my body was focused on understanding what had just happened. If what she said could be understood at all, which I doubted.
Because somehow, Aurelia knew my feelings, in words I couldn't even figure out how to form on my tongue.
Stranger still, she didn't seem to object. Whatever that meant, I couldn't keep the smile off my face.
If Livia were here, I'd have asked her advice for what to do next. And I already knew how she'd answer. She'd giggle and tell me to figure it out for myself, suggesting the answer was within me. Well, it wasn't. Magic was in me, and right now there wasn't room for anything else.
I was no longer holding on to Callistus's horn. Aurelia had clearly healed from the wound, and, I realized, so had I. The Divine Star was as strong as ever and with it, I searched for Radulf.
"I know where you're going," he said into my head. "Do not open the door for them. Do not awaken the Mistress."
"My options are narrowing," I thought back to him. "Please come. I need your help."
He didn't answer, but I felt him then, why he wasn't here. It was fear that caused him to hesitate, and not fear of the Praetors when they got close enough to him. No, he was afraid of the Mistress. Just knowing that Radulf trembled to think of her, my heart pounded harder too. I would do what had to be done at Atroxia's temple; indeed, there was really no choice at this point. But I would not awaken her.
Once we left the smoother main road to head into Valerius's vineyard -- or Crispus's vineyard now, I supposed -- the canter of the unicorn changed, and Aurelia awoke. She yawned and smiled up at me until she realized that I had been holding her in my arms. Then she sat up straight and mumbled an apology. She clearly did not remember the words she had spoken before. How odd that was, considering I would never forget them.
"It feels like I've been in a bad dream," she said. "How much of it was real, after the chariot race?"
"All of it."
"Did you tell me that you're going to take the Malice?"
"Yes. We already had an entire argument about it, and I won. You admitted it yourself, that I'm usually right."
She smirked, and then said, "I'd never be delirious enough to say that. I remember saying that you never listen to me. And I told you that --" Now she went silent for much longer, an uncomfortable few seconds that might've been hours for the way my breath had lodged in my throat. Finally, she said, "I thanked you for saving my life, I think."
"Something like that, yes."
No, it was nothing like that. But it was a lie we could both agree to remember. For now.
When I told Callistus to stop, Aurelia looked back at me. "What's wrong?"
I slid off Callistus's back, saying, "This is as far as you go."
"I can still help you."
She started to get off too, but I shook my head. "No, you can't help me now. And you won't."
"If you're alone with all those Praetors --"
"I'd rather be alone than try to figure out how to protect you."
"Protect me? How many times have I saved you from them?"
"Far too many. If you do it one more time, I will be in so much debt to you that I'll never be able to pay it back. So please, stay here. Please, Aurelia."
Brutus wasn't that far ahead, and when he heard our argument, he looked back at Aurelia. "Nicolas goes on with us alone."
Aurelia glared at me, even though I could've continued the argument with another dozen reasons why I was saving her life.
I gave Callistus a pat on his neck and said, "Don't let anything happen to her."
Callistus tossed his head in agreement, but I knew even an animal of the gods could not stop Aurelia from doing as she wanted.
"Leave now," I said to them both, then turned my back to walk the rest of the way to Valerius's field.
It was empty when we arrived, and with every step I took toward the ruined temple, Atroxia's tearful voice seeped into my mind. Diana had saved her from death, but saving her had also cursed her, much as saving me from Caesar's cave had cursed me with the bulla. And I understood now what the curse had done to Atroxia. It gave a simple vestalis the title of Mistress, and for reasons I doubted Radulf fully knew, he was convinced that she must remain asleep.
If she really was asleep. No sleeping person I'd ever heard could cry like this. Then again, I'd never heard anyone who could cry for such a long time either. If Valerius was right about Atroxia, then she had been buried here shortly after Caesar's death almost three hundred years ago. This had to be a memory of her tears, and nothing more.
Brutus dismounted and walked up to face me. He cocked his head as a reminder that he had won, but I kept my expression blank. I didn't want him to read anything from me.
Brutus had his hand on the bulla still around his neck, but not in the obsessive way I always seemed to hold it. He just wanted me to be aware that it was in his control right now, and that I had to cooperate to get it back. I didn't need to cooperate -- a burst of magic from the Divine Star would get it back for me. But that wouldn't solve anything. I needed to open the door.
"Before I do this, I want to see my mother," I said.
"I had the very same idea." Brutus motioned for a couple of men behind him to do as I had demanded. When his attention returned to me, he asked, "What is it like, to care so intensely about others that you forget yourself? It makes you such an easy target, do you know that? Whatever I want from you, all I have to do is choose from those you love, and I know you will give in."
"And I might ask what it's like to care for nobody but yourself. Is your world cold? Your heart nothing but a crusty rock and your soul a bitter wind? It makes you such an easy target, because the only person I have to go after is you."
He leaned in. "I care nothing for other people, that is true. But I will serve the goddess Diana forever, even into the afterlife."
"Be careful," I warned. "You may get there sooner than you think."
"Nicolas?"
The Praetors were escorting my mother into the field. She had been cleaned up since I saw her last; she looked tired, but still healthy and strong. There were no chains on her wrists, and though her feet were bare, her clothes were nicer than most slave women wore. She looked much improved from when I'd seen her in the caged wagon.
I nodded at her and she smiled back, but with an audience around us now, I couldn't think of any words to say. There was so much to tell her. It felt like a hundred lifetimes since I had spoken privately to her in that cage. How could I describe everything that had happened in only a few words? Years ago, before the mines, I could have communicated every thought in my head from only one look between us. But I had changed since then, and maybe she had too. Though I loved her and remembered how it had once been to have a mother I could depend on, I just didn't know her anymore. And so I didn't know what to say.
"Nicolas," she whisper
ed again. "My son." And that told me enough of the emotions in her heart. Her love for me, her fear, and her worries that I was making a great mistake now.
I started toward her, but Brutus stepped between us. "Open the door first."
I looked back to my mother, who shook her head at me.
"I'm sorry," I said to her. "But I have to do this." Then I reached out my hand for the bulla, and it lifted from his chest in obedience to my call.
Brutus took hold of it. "No tricks, Nicolas. Do not risk your mother's life."
"The risk is yours if you continue to threaten her," I countered. "Now give me that bulla, and let's finish with this."
He handed it to me, and I put it back over my head. I was already anxious enough that when the magic flooded into me, I gasped with the pressure inside.
"Are you all right?" Brutus asked.
"Hush, or you'll get your answer." I walked to the pile of rubble, closed my eyes as I knelt before it, and called the wolf.
There was a reaction when the Praetors saw the wolf of Mars. For many of them, it was probably the first time they'd seen the wolf here, and this one was larger and fiercer than those in the wild. If I had asked him to attack, he would have, and probably could do far more damage than I'd ever done with my magic. But that wasn't my purpose.
The wolf came to sit beside me, and I put a hand on the back of his neck. Above the sound of Atroxia's tears, Mars's voice came into my head.
"You've come again to open this temple."
"I've come to see it again," I silently replied. "But to open it for the first time."
"Very well."
"I can hear the Mistress. Is she awake?"
"No," Mars said. "And if you are wise, you will not disturb her."
That would be a problem. Because if I'd learned anything over the past several days, it was that I lacked wisdom, or any good sense, for that matter.
"Do you have the key?" Mars asked.
I nodded, and under my breath whispered, "A caelo usque ad centrum." It was the last thing Horatio had said to me before he sent me into the amphitheater, and what Crispus had said in memory of his father.
From heaven to the center of earth. That was the meaning of the words. When Horatio had spoken them, I had thought he was beginning to understand that his life was in danger, and it was a sort of prayer to the gods. Maybe it was, in his own way, but it was also the key. The power of the gods came from the heavens and much of it had been stored at the center of earth: in Caesar's cave in the mines, and here, in the catacombs of a former vestalis.
Crispus had reminded me of it last night, when Livia and I talked with him in his fields.
And upon my words, a light formed in front of me. Whereas before, only I could see the temple, this time I knew it was visible to the Praetors because they gasped and fell on their knees.
When I stood, a door appeared directly in front of me. There was no handle, but it was open, beckoning me inside.
No, I was not going in there. The Praetors would, while I got my mother to safety. Then I would use magic to destroy the temple, sealing the Mistress inside the tomb forever.
I turned to Brutus, who had come near me, his jaw open wide as he gazed over the temple and its beckoning door. "Release my mother," I said. "Now."
"Your mother has one last job to do," he said. "As my slave, I order her into the temple to get the Malice. When she brings it out and puts it in my hands, then she may go."
"No, I will not agree to that," I said. As long as he controlled my mother, he controlled me. I was willing to risk my own safety, but never hers.
"I don't need you to agree," Brutus said. "Those are my orders, and she will obey them."
"No, she won't." I glanced over at her, but she was too far away to hear us or to have any idea of the danger she was still in.
"Are you challenging my authority, slave?" he asked. "Because if I recall, the last time you started a fight with us, we nearly killed that sewer girl. The time before that, we did kill Valerius. Do you doubt that I will harm your mother, if necessary?"
"I'm not challenging your authority," I said. "I'm denying that you have any authority, at least over me. I will go in my mother's place. I will go into the temple."
And collapse it from within. And hope to survive.
He smiled. "I thought you would offer that. And I accept, though I don't trust you, no more than you trust me. So you will not go in alone."
"You want to come in with me?" I said. Fine, he could remain in that temple forever, keep the Mistress company while the walls crashed in on them both.
"Yes, I will come." Brutus nodded to the men still holding my mother. "And so will she."
"No!" I raised a hand, and then heard Crispus running toward us, completely out of breath and calling my name. He must've left the circus the moment I disappeared.
"I need to speak with Nic!" Crispus said. "In private, before anything else happens."
"Whatever you have to say should be for everyone," Brutus said.
Crispus turned to him, almost violently. "You murdered my father and dare to stand on my land! I will have my revenge on you, Decimas Brutus. You and Nic are not on the same side of this quest, and so if I want to speak to him in private, then I will!"
Brutus chuckled, giving off every impression that he was unconcerned, but the look in his eyes said something else entirely. He knew with one hand on my flesh, he could stop me. But Crispus was a judge now within the empire. He had ways of stopping Brutus that were far beyond what I could do.
Brutus nodded, and Crispus pulled me aside. I had no doubt that it was important -- the tense expression on his face told me that. But with my mother only a short distance away and magic filling me, his timing couldn't have been worse.
"What is it?" I hissed when we were alone. Not alone really, but at least we were out of earshot from any of the Praetors.
"The temple was here all the time?"
"Did you come here to chat? Because I'd rather do this later."
"No, I came to help you. I owe it to my father to fight them."
"Not this time. I'm either about to end a war on this earth or start one in the heavens. Whichever it is, I don't want you here."
"It's my property!"
"This land belongs to the gods! They've let you stay here, that's all. You have to leave while you still can."
"I can, but I won't," Crispus said. "Not yet anyway. Aurelia is here, hiding in the vines. You can't see her from the field, but she has another bow."
I cursed and didn't care if the gods heard it. "Again?" Was there an entire storehouse of bows in Crispus's fields that I didn't know about? "Where could she possibly have gotten a bow?"
"From Radulf, I assume. He's hiding there with her."
So he would keep her safe, which would've been comforting except that if he gave her a weapon, then he was expecting her to use it.
I made a turn, pretending to survey the Praetors just as Crispus had done, but my eyes were searching elsewhere. I didn't see Aurelia or Radulf, though I had no doubt they were here. But what I did see made my heart lurch into my throat.
Livia was hiding beneath some bushes with tears streaming down her face. By now, she was supposed to be miles away from this place. But she was here, and obviously terrified of being found. I couldn't let that happen, not at any price.
"What are we going to do?" Crispus asked.
"You're going to get out of here with Aurelia. And Livia. You'll see her hiding behind us." I was less clear about my own plans. I couldn't destroy the temple with my mother inside.
"Let me come in there with you. I can help."
"You can help by getting my sister out of here. That's going to be hard enough."
"I'll try, Nic."
"Let's go." Brutus had my mother by the arm. "Give me the Malice, and then you will have your mother."
"Just give him the Malice," Crispus whispered. "It's not worth the risk."
I nodded, but it only deepened the
pit in my gut. I could not give Brutus the Malice, even if I wanted to, for it was no longer inside the temple.
The Malice was with Livia. I had given her the key before the race, just as Horatio had given it to me. Then today, while I raced and put up a trick of light to make it appear that she was in the circus watching me, she had come back here and entered the temple, something which, until now, only she and I would have been able to see.
But she was supposed to have been back at Radulf's house by now, not hiding beneath a bush. The Malice was easily within the Praetors' grasp and not one of them knew it.
I needed the Malice to get my mother back. But revealing where it truly was would cost me my sister.
I walked past Brutus to enter the temple, but stopped long enough to give my mother a kiss on her cheek. She touched my shoulder when I did, her fingers digging into the skin with worry, which made it even harder to pull away and walk toward the temple. They would follow behind me.
Before we entered, Brutus called out orders for his Praetors to remain exactly where they were until we returned. I glanced back at Crispus, motioning with my eyes to where Livia was hiding, but I wasn't sure if he understood. Even if he did, I doubted there was any way for him to get to her without the Praetors noticing. Still, if there was a way, I trusted Crispus to find it.
Strange emotions rushed through me when I entered the door of the temple. It was different from how I'd felt when Aurelia and I had taken refuge in Caesar's temple in the forums. Back then, I had felt the guilt of being a thief who'd stolen the bulla from his cave, and the unworthiness of being an escaped slave. Now I considered the bulla mine and no longer thought of myself as an escaped slave. Instead, I felt a belonging in this temple, as if I had earned the right to stand here.
Which was a good thing. Feeling acceptable in this temple gave me courage to step forward. And right now, I needed courage more than ever before.
The temple was far larger than what it appeared to be on the outside. Indeed, from what I'd seen outside, it should have only barely fit me and Brutus, but then two Praetors stepped inside with my mother between them, and a dozen more Praetors could have followed and stood comfortably with us. Not that I wanted them here. I didn't even want Brutus here, and especially not my mother. This would've been much easier if I were alone.
Just as Livia had done this, alone. And I took extra courage from that.