“Because I didn’t know what was going on, Dixie. I love Wheeler, I really do. I love the life I have with him, but I met Roni and . . . sparks. Seriously, sis, I felt like I’d been living in black and white and she flipped the switch and everything was suddenly in color. I didn’t want to hurt Wheeler but I couldn’t say no to something that felt so right either.”
Good people usually have a reason for doing bad things. Church’s words hammered into my head as I gave another sigh.
“You have to tell Wheeler, and you need to be honest with Mom and Dad.” That would go a long way towards making this situation more understandable.
“I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I went to talk to Wheeler today and I saw him with that girl and I realized everything I was going to lose and panicked. I don’t know how to live a different kind of life than the one I’ve always lived.”
She was wrong. “That’s not true. We all learned how to live different lives when Dad was hurt. It takes some time and it isn’t easy but eventually you figure it out. We’ll all figure it out as family just like we did before. Obviously the experience you had with this Roni was worth everything you might lose. Don’t diminish that because you’re scared of the fallout that comes from such a major change.”
“It’s scary, Dixie. I don’t want to lose anyone’s love.” She sounded like a scared little girl.
“You won’t lose it, Kallie. Love doesn’t go away because the person it’s attached to has changed. It simply changes with them. I’m sorry I’m not there to give you a hug. It sounds like you could really use one.”
She gave a dry laugh, and I could clearly picture her pulling herself up. “I could use a hug, but I guess it’s time I put on my big-girl panties and try and fix the mess I made. Telling you the truth was a huge step, and it didn’t hurt half as bad as I thought it was going to. You’re right, you know.” She blew out a breath. “The experience with Roni was worth losing everything. I had to have it in order to know that what I had with Wheeler was never going to work out in the long run. I did it the wrong way, but it was the right choice to make. I miss you. I hope you’re coming home soon.”
“Soon enough. I’m just a phone call away if you need me.” We chatted for a few more minutes and when I hung up I was exhausted and felt like I had been emotionally drained. I made my way back into the house, and sent a silent thank-you towards the ceiling when the bathroom was empty and waiting for me. There was a folded-up T-shirt on the edge of the sink that Church had left for me and it felt so good to strip out of my tank top and jeans that I had to take a minute to stretch out all my tired limbs. The sexual tension and stiffness from being on the back of the bike was rigid in my muscles and tendons. I couldn’t wait to stand under the hot water and loosen up.
I scrubbed my hair with shampoo that smelled like mint and rubbed my body down with something that smelled like it was designed to cover up teenaged-boy stink. It made me laugh and when I got out and dried off I laughed even harder when I noticed that the shirt Church left for me appeared to be a jersey from when he was younger. It was an unflattering mustard yellow with maroon writing on the back that spelled out his last name and had the number twenty-one. Clearly he had always been giant-sized because the hem fell almost to my knees and made the fact that I was sans underwear more tolerable as I bolted across the hallway and into his room.
I figured Church would be in the living room watching TV or even better talking to his dad but he was standing in front of the mirror that had the pictures tucked into it. His expression was wistful and far away but the second his eyes locked on me they flared to life with an internal heat that was hot enough to scald my damp skin.
“Go team.” I meant for it to be funny and lighthearted but the words came out breathless and laced with an invitation I wasn’t a hundred percent sure I was ready to extend.
His eyes took a leisurely perusal over my wet hair and down to my bare toes. When he was done his lips twitched so hard that the smile trapped there almost broke free. “I played for a few years. Nothing serious like Dalen is involved in. I liked the cheerleaders, and it was easier to talk them out of their skirts if I had a jersey on.” His lips twitched again and this time his teeth flashed as well. It was a sorry excuse for a grin but it was a grin just the same. “I guess I’ve always had a thing for girls that have spirit and pep.” He reached out a finger and hooked it in the neck of the jersey. He gave the fabric a tug. I took a step towards him knowing that he was getting a pretty nice view down the shirt. It made my skin pebble up and had my breath catching in my lungs. “I used to try and sneak girls in here all the time. When your old man is a cop that doesn’t work so well. Gotta say the one I finally got in here puts all the others to shame. You look good wrapped up in my memories, Dixie.”
He made it so hard to resist him. He made the space that I knew I needed feel useless and painful. He made the way I wanted him and the way he admitted to needing me seem like the beginning and ending of everything that existed between us. We were nothing more than two entities that craved one another, that lived to satisfy and to surrender to the other. Desire made the fact that he was the wrong Mr. Right seem inconsequential and insignificant.
“You look good when you let your memories make you happy, Church.” I gasped a little as his fingers skated over my collarbone and over the top curve of my breast. His jersey was giving him easy access to all the things I should be keeping out of his reach. My nipples pulled tight and beaded into hard points as he reached past my head and shut the door with a definitive click.
“You’re a memory that will always make me think about good things, pretty girl. I’m not so sure you will be able to say the same thing about me.” His hand lifted and curled around the side of my throat. His thumb pressed against the line of my jaw so that I had to tilt my head back and look up at him. His eyes swirled with too many feelings to put names to but the lighter colors at the center lit up and I felt the warmth from that like a touch on every single part of my exposed skin. “Your Mr. Right will come along and you’ll forget about me but I will always, and I do mean always, remember every single second we spent together.”
I was going to give in to him because I was tired of trying to fight against something I wanted so desperately anyways. I had to have him, whatever part of himself he was willing to give me because I couldn’t not have it when he was the one offering it. Happy for now was all we were going to get and that was going to have to be enough. I was going to have to accept my own version of the fairy tale, including the ending that didn’t have me getting everything I wanted. There would be no cute story or shared smiles to hand down to my own kids because whatever and whoever came after Church wasn’t going to be the one my heart recognized as its own. There would never be any forgetting him, there would simply be loving him differently after he broke my heart. The poor, fractured thing would never work the same once he was done with it.
I lifted my hand up and circled his wrist. I smiled up at him and took a step closer. I felt my thighs clench and the center of my body throb the closer I got to him. His chest rose and fell, rubbing against the silky finish of the jersey and dragging the slick fabric across my puckered nipples.
He dipped his head and his extraordinarily long lashes dropped to shade his vibrant eyes. “I tried really hard to do the friend thing, Dixie. The second you put my dick in your mouth you made that impossible. I never wanted to let anyone else in, but every time I give you another piece of the past I feel you there . . . all the way in.”
His words send a fiery trail of delight zapping down my spine. I wanted to be in because he was all the way in with me. In under my skin. In, buried between each erratic beat of my heart. In deep within all the places that throbbed and ached at nothing more than the sound of his honeyed drawl. It hurt that he didn’t look thrilled about the fact I was getting to him the way he got to me, but I was all about taking what I could get when it came to him. “I want to make you smile. Focus on the good instea
d of the bad and remember how to smile, Church.”
I wanted that almost as much as I wanted him to love me back.
I let out a strangled yelp as one of his hands snaked around my back and slipped under the bottom of the jersey. His palm landed on a lot of naked ass as he jerked me to him, the front of his jeans digging into my stomach and letting me know he was ready, willing, able to make good on his promise to give me better than I ever had before.
“Give me something good to smile about and I’ll see what I can do for you, pretty girl.”
Challenge accepted.
I lifted up on my toes and planted my lips over his as his hand worked its way over my backside and up along my spine, taking his jersey with it. In a matter of seconds, I was naked in front of him and being devoured by his hungry gaze. He took a step towards me, which forced me to take a step back. He leered at me the entire time he advanced and I got the distinct feeling that I was being herded and hunted towards the exact spot where he wanted me. There was something infinitely arousing about being pursued by a man that you knew very rarely had to work for his prey. I liked the idea of being a challenge, especially considering how much work it had been for me to get even the smallest peek into those shadows that obscured who he really was.
The back of my knees hit the bed and down I went. Before I could catch my breath he was on his knees between my spread legs, using his wide shoulders as leverage to keep me open and exposed. He used his hands to pull me to the very edge of the bed and bent his head so that he could rub the scruff on his chin along the super sensitive skin of my inner thigh. It made me tingle. It made my core clench and my tummy muscles tighten. He was staring at me like he wanted to eat me up and couldn’t decide which part of me he wanted to put his mouth on first.
“You are without a doubt the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen, Dixie.” He trailed a rough fingertip around the side of my knee and up the inside of my thigh until he reached the damp folds that were slick and glistening with anticipation. My entire body jolted at the light touch and I practically came up off the bed as that dangerous digit took a sudden detour and slipped inside my aching center. “And you feel like a fucking dream. So hot. So tight. So goddamn wet and ready for me. If I’d known you felt this good there’s no way I would have wasted my first shot at having you by fucking that smart mouth of yours. You’re good with your mouth but this pussy is as close to heaven as I’ve ever been.”
I blinked because I wasn’t used to hearing him say so much and I definitely wasn’t used to having him say such delightfully dirty things to me. The way his drawl dragged the words out and made them roll across my already overly stimulated skin had my hands curling in the covers and hips canting upwards chasing each syllable and breath.
“I liked having you in my mouth.” I was panting and breathing in a choppy rhythm that made talking hard. He added another finger to my now drenched opening and used the pad of his thumb to circle that little hidden nub of pleasure that was swollen and reaching for his attention.
“Good. Because I plan on being there as much as possible in the next few days, that is when I’m not buried in all this sweetness you have waiting for me right here.” His fingers pumped in and out, trailing moisture in their wake and making me squirm. It was a simple caress but coming from him it felt like the first time I had ever been touched. “Been a lot of places over the last few years. Never found one where I wanted to stay.” His thumb pressed down on my throbbing clit and it made me want to scream. Acutely aware that his brother and father were somewhere not too far away I balled up a fist and shoved it in my mouth. My teeth sank into the skin hard enough to leave impressions, which made him chuckle. “I could stay right here, right where you are so pretty and pink forever. You can’t control the way you want me and that makes me feel like king of everything. I could convince myself that I belong between your legs, Dixie.”
My whole body was quaking as he felt me up and used his fingers to fuck me. He was watching everything, every little tick and movement. I’d never been under such intimate and intense scrutiny before. It made my blood feel too thick for my veins and it had all of my muscles quivering as my nerve endings popped and fizzled with awareness. He was driving me towards the edge relentlessly and he wanted to watch as he shoved me over. He was ushering me towards an orgasm that we both knew was going to be unforgettable and he had no plans to stop before I reached the breaking point.
With a fist still in my mouth and my legs shifting restlessly where they were propped up on his shoulders I couldn’t control my other hand from finding the tender tip of one of my breasts. My nipples were beaded little points that were starving for some kind of attention. I caught the turgid peak between my fingers and gave it a little tug. I felt the response all the way down to my toes and I heard Church growl low in his throat when the slippery channel he was torturing with his skilled touch spasmed and pulsed around his moving fingers. Clearly he liked that and wanted to see for himself what my pleasure tasted like.
Those thick, questing fingers disappeared only to be replaced by a probing and swirling tongue. I gasped into my hand as my fingers lost their ability to play under the onslaught of sensation that followed his first lick. My back arched up and my thighs clamped down around the sides of his head. His teeth grazed my clit with the softest bite I had ever felt and everything inside my body became nothing more than points of light that sparked and flickered where he touched and tasted. I was going to do exactly the same thing he claimed he regretted and waste my first shot at having him by coming in his very talented mouth. He seemed determined to even the playing field but I wanted him inside me, I wanted my body surrounding every inch of that impressive erection that was straining the front of his pants the first time he dropped me over the edge and into oblivion.
He was using the tip of his tongue to rapidly flick the distended flesh of my clit, so I had a hard time making words work when I told him to stop. Immediately his head lifted and he pulled back so that my legs fell off of his shoulders. I knew I had to move quickly before he got the wrong idea, so I gathered strength I didn’t have and stumbled from missing coordination as I slid off the edge of the bed and onto his lap. We stared at each other with chests heaving and I grabbed at his shirt and tried to get it off over his head. I sighed in delight when he did that thing that only guys seemed able to do by grabbing it in one hand at the back of his collar and yanking it off. My hands tingled in excitement as all that golden, perfectly imperfect flesh was bared to my greedy touch.
I lowered my head and grazed my lips over a particularly nasty scar that ran along the line of his collarbone.
“I want my first shot at having you to be me and you together. I want you inside of me. I want to know how we feel when we’re together.”
He made a noise that might have been a laugh, but then he put a hand on the side of my face and leaned in so that he could kiss me. All the desire I had for him was there on his lips. The way he made me want and the way he made me need slid across my mouth as he kissed me deep. My back was against the bed and the mattress moved with our weight as he pressed closer into me and reached for his leather jacket. I kissed him back as he fumbled around in the pockets and took my fill of tracing across all his bunching and flexing muscles as he held me on his lap and frantically looked for something in the dark.
The metallic wrapper of a condom glinted dimly but the flash of teeth as Church grinned at me shone like a thousand-watt bulb. It wasn’t a full smile, but it was something. There was no mistaking that this moment between us had him forgetting that he wasn’t the type of guy that grinned.
“I knew these would come in handy. Always pays off to be battle ready.” I wasn’t sure that I appreciated having sex with me compared to combat but I was too busy getting his pants undone and pulling out his rigid cock to engage in a war of words.
His erection pulsed heavy and hard in my hand. The head already slick with precum and pointing at me like it knew I had the perfect place for it t
o go. I circled the rounded flesh with my thumb and bit my bottom lip as it kicked eagerly in my hands. Church handed me the condom and I could see the golden part of his eyes gleaming at me. There was no going back to pretending that I was nothing more than his friend after this, not that I had done such a great job at pretending before I had his dick in my hands.
I ripped the foil packet open with my teeth and took the time to cover his considerable length. I was glad he was prepared because safe sex hadn’t even crossed my mind when I decided to jump into the oncoming disaster feetfirst. I’d like to think I had enough common sense that when it came to sealing the deal I would have held off until both of us were safe but he went to my head faster than a shot of tequila, so who’s to say I wouldn’t have made this already terrible decision even worse by not being able to say no even when I really, really needed to.
The denim of his jeans was rough against my thighs when he lifted me up a little and dragged me closer to his proudly erect cock. There was something a little sensual about being totally naked and uncovered while he still had the majority of his clothes on. It was kind of reflective of how we both approached our relationship. I’d been transparent and uncovered with the way I felt about him from the beginning and while he was starting to reveal parts of himself to me, there were still big portions that he kept covered up.
The tip of his cock dragged enticingly through my wet folds. The thick head nudged playfully against my still-sensitive clit and it made my eyes roll back in my head. He repeated the motion a couple of times as I wrapped an arm around his shoulders and rocked my hips into the teasing caress. My body was begging for him and he seemed to like torturing it. I mewed in desperation and dug my fingers into the back of his neck. I kissed him hard and let my teeth drag across his plush bottom lip.