I exhaled a long breath and felt fear, frigid and chilling, curl around my spine and slither out of the darkness where it always lurked. That voice that reminded me what happened when I was around those I loved whispered ugly insinuations and taunts in my ear. That poison that infected the people I cared about was starting to seep out, and it had only been a handful of hours that I’d been home.
I looked at the young man who bore a striking resemblance to the image I looked at every day in the mirror. He was obviously years younger and favored Julian in ways I couldn’t, but there was no mistaking we were related. There wasn’t a single doubt in my mind that the guys that had put a beating on Dalen were looking for me and found him instead. The convenience store was one of the first stops in Lowry when you were coming into town. I bet they saw him standing outside of the building and thought they got a lucky break.
My little brother had taken a beating that was meant for me.
Ten years of peace and quiet.
Ten years of a fairly normal childhood minus the fact he’d lost more than one mother.
Ten years of security and serenity, things the poor kid deserved more than most, and it only took one day for the bad that always seemed to work its way into my life to blow it all to hell.
“They were more than likely looking for me, kid. It’s your bad luck that we happen to look so much alike.” I shook my head and lowered my gaze to the ground. “You took a beating that was meant for me. I’m sorry.” Sorry for the fact he was hurting. Sorry that it was my fault. Sorry that I brought ruthless things with me wherever I went.
He snorted, which had me lifting my head so that we were staring at each other. It was like looking at a better version of myself. Dalen had been through all the same horrors of love and loss that I had, but even though he was just a little boy at the time he’d handled everything that’d happened better than I had.
“I’m not sorry I look like you.” His bloody lip twitched as he tried to smile. The motion made it bleed and had him wincing in pain. He used the bandage on his hand to stem the flow of red and lifted his eyebrows at me. “When you weren’t around, sometimes looking at myself was the only reminder I had of you, Dash.” Right in the fucking heart. This kid was going to be the end of me with his truth bombs and unvarnished honesty. “Plus I can’t even handle all the girls that are up on me all the time. Looking like you has its advantages.”
I couldn’t hold back a chuckle, but the seriousness of the situation and of his words didn’t allow the levity to last very long. “When I left I didn’t plan on staying away. At first I couldn’t leave because of boot camp, and then I got shipped overseas and there was a whole learning curve there that kicked my ass. Eventually it was easier to keep some distance because I had a job to do and I couldn’t think about both staying alive and all the what-ifs happening back here.”
He narrowed his battered eyes at me and gave me a dirty look. “It was better for you, Dash. It was never better for us. Your country might have needed you, but so did your family.” He scoffed at me and pointed one of his wrapped fingers in my direction. “Do you have any idea how long I thought it was my fault you took off?”
That made me take a step back like he’d hit me in the face. “What? Why would you think that? You were five when I left, Dalen.”
“Yeah, you left because Caroline got sick. You loved her, but so did I, and losing her hurt me just as bad as losing Mom hurt you. Caroline was the only mom I ever knew, and I know she never would have met Dad if I hadn’t been born. I’m also smart enough to know neither one of you would have lost Mom if it hadn’t been for me. She wanted me so badly it cost her her life. I was the reason you lost Mom and the reason Caroline was around in the first place. That all leads to you leaving because of me. I used to cry about it to Dad. I missed you. Dad missed you. Elma Mae missed you but you were nowhere to be found and I blamed myself for that. It took years and years for him to convince me your choices had nothing to do with me and everything to do with you. He still tells me all the time that even though he lost Mom, he got me, and he got to have Caroline even if it wasn’t for very long. He always tells me that he gained as much as he lost.”
Thank God he’d had Jules to set him straight and to battle the blame and guilt that I’d allowed to suck me under. Dalen hadn’t been allowed to become a victim of all that grief and sorrow that tore apart my insides. “I left because I was a coward, Dalen. I can’t lie about that. I didn’t have it in me to hold Jules up under the weight of losing another woman he loved, even though I owed it to him to at least try. I was pathetic and I was pitiful . . . honestly, I still am because I should have been here. The army took me in, gave me purpose and regimentation. I was lost and they put me on a path that was easy to navigate after I felt like every move I made here pushed me closer to the edge of catastrophe. The army told me where to be, what to do, how to act, how to look. I didn’t have to think, all I had to do was follow orders and it worked for me. I knew if I came home all of that would go away, it already has.” I waved a hand at his face. “Look what happened to you not even a day after I got home, kid. Shit gets fucked up and I don’t even have to try . . .”
His swollen eyes widened and he took a step closer to me, which brought him off the curb and had us almost chest to chest and eye to eye. He was tall for his age, but I still had a solid three or four inches on him. That didn’t stop his anger from making him seem much larger and far older than he was. He poked me in the center of the chest and his voice raised as he spit furious words at me. “The people we’ve lost, the heartache we’ve suffered . . . none of that makes us unique or special. People lose loved ones all the time because bad stuff happens to good people every single day.”
I thought about Dixie’s dad and all the families I’d had to contact while I was overseas when one of their sons, husbands, or fathers had come to their end at the hands of our enemies. Good men dying while doing what they were trained to do. I thought about the bullet Rome took in the center of the chest when he was home because he made the wrong man mad during a bar fight. He could have easily died and left Cora and their daughter behind when he was supposed to be living a safe, quiet, civilian life. I couldn’t ignore the fact that my brother, young, innocent, and blameless, had simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time today and paid for it heavily. Bad things did happen to good people every single day because fate was a bitch and there was no controlling her, even if you desperately wanted to.
“You know what does make us special, what does make us unique?” He put both of his hands on the center of my chest and pushed. “That we had not one, but two moms that loved us unconditionally for as long as they could.” He pushed me back again and I caught his wrists so that he didn’t hurt himself more than he already was. “We have a dad that has never given up on us, never walked away. He lost just as much as we did, even more because he lost you, too, but he’s always been there and he always will be. He could take a bullet tomorrow while he’s on the job, Dash. He could be taken away just as easily as Mom and Caroline were, but I don’t think about that because he won’t let me. He wants me to appreciate the time we have together and not get lost in what could happen because if either of us did that we would stop living, stop caring about each other . . . just like you did. Do you know how lucky we are, Dash? You ran away from everything that you lost and totally turned your back on everything you still had. Maybe you had an excuse at first, because everything that happened with Caroline did suck, and it was scary and you never really got over losing Mom, but every time you chose not to come home after that, you chose wrong because we were still here.” He shook me loose and turned his back on me as he pulled his hood back up over his head. “You’re right. You are pathetic.”
I’d faced off with armed terrorists and insurgents wearing explosives. I’d gone toe to toe with extremists and militants. I’d brawled in bars and in close-quarters combat. I’d taken bullets and been sliced open by tactical knives. I’d been put through
the ringer by drill sergeants and the opposition but none of it had leveled me out and taken me down like my little brother just did. He’d just inflicted wounds that wouldn’t heal, but they were ones that were necessary in order for the poison inside to start to leak out. He’d lanced the infection that had lived inside of me so long by showing me what a man that had been through hell and back looked like when he just kept going. My brother and Jules kept walking no matter how high the flames got and no matter how hot the fire burned. I had stopped and let the heat consume me. I quit walking and gave up while everyone else marched on. It was time to get my ass in gear and catch up to the rest of my family.
I reached out and clasped his stiff shoulder. It took some work to get him turned towards me, but when he did I pulled him to me and wrapped him up in a hug he struggled to get out of. I wasn’t a hugger by nature, though I was getting used to the ones Dixie kept pulling me into, so it was awkward and uncomfortable, but I held on to Dalen until he realized I wasn’t going to let go.
“Everything you said is the truth. I did choose wrong many times over, but I swear on all that I love that I will work on it now that I’m home.”
I squeezed him until I felt some of the tension exit his tall frame. Hesitantly his arms lifted to return the hug. Because he was a teenager and because he had a reputation in the town, I got a very stiff pounding on the back like we were bros instead of brothers. It made me chuckle but I would take it. I let him go and gave him a serious look. “I’m serious. I owe you and Jules the world that I worked my ass off to make a better place. I will show up, Dalen, and I’ll keep showing up. I will be here.”
I could see he didn’t believe me fully, and I didn’t blame him. I’d been lying to everyone for so long about so many things it was hard for him to know if I was actually being truthful.
“We’ll see. That girl you brought home with you is hot. When she goes I bet you run after her.” We both turned our heads as a patrol car pulled into the lot and stopped next to my Harley. Even from this distance it was easy to see Jules was not a happy parent or police officer.
“She is hot, but she’s not mine to keep.” Even if the idea of a guy showing up to give her everything she wanted, that fuzzy future with all the trappings, made me feel murderous and alarmingly possessive. Jules got out of the car and slammed the door with enough force that the entire vehicle shook.
“You okay, son?” He walked right up to Dalen and grabbed him on either side of the face and turned his head this way and that while assessing the damage. “They got some good shots in didn’t they? Gonna take you to see the doc. I don’t like the look of that ding on the side of your head.”
Embarrassed, Dalen swatted Jules’s hands away. “I’m fine.”
Jules snorted and put his hands on his hips. “You might be fine but if you want to finish out your season we’re gonna make sure you don’t have a concussion. You think you learned your lesson about skipping school?”
My brother nodded and looked sheepish. “Yeah, Dad. It was dumb.”
“Need the names of the kids that were with you. I also need you to give me a description of the guys that attacked you and what they were driving. Don’t gimme no lip about keeping your buddies out of trouble. This is bigger than your next game, Dalen.”
I could see my little brother gearing up to argue, so I interrupted before things got too heated. “I’m going to stick my head inside and see if the cashier noticed anything. Maybe we’ll luck out and they’ll have video of the fight and the license plate of the truck.”
Jules nodded at me and waved me off with a hand. “Good thinking. I’ll be in right after you.”
I pushed through the glass doors and frowned when the girl behind the counter didn’t so much as look up as the electronic ding overhead rang to alert her to the fact she had someone in the store. She was propped on the counter, chin in hands as something played on her phone. She didn’t bother to look up as I approached either. The closer I got the more obvious it became she was oblivious to everything but what was happening on the tiny screen in front of her. I bet shoplifters had a field day on her shifts and if the owner didn’t have some kind of video surveillance in place then they were an idiot.
“Excuse me.” I tapped the counter in front of her until she rolled her heavily made-up eyes in my direction. At first she looked irritated but once she got a good look at me she perked up. I decided to use that to my advantage and gave her a flirtatious look and a half grin that was totally fake. “I was wondering if you noticed the commotion that just went down outside. Did you see anything?”
She grinned back at me and rose to her full height. She was probably about the same age as Dixie, but all that makeup and the unflattering red uniform shirt made her look older. She stuck her chest out as she tapped a manicured finger to her chin and I gave her the obligatory once-over. She was fine to look at, but I had zero interest in anything she was offering up. I wasn’t the right guy for Dixie, but that didn’t stop her from being the perfect girl for me.
“Naw. It’s quiet around here until noon when the school lets out for lunch. We get an occasional trucker and a couple of tourists passing through but nothing exciting usually happens in the morning. At least not until you walked in.” She batted spidery eyelashes at me and pursed her glossy lips. “Are you new in town? I definitely would remember seeing you around before.”
“I grew up here. My family is from around here. In fact, it was my little brother that was the one attacked outside your store.” My friendly tone got a whole lot less friendly when I started talking about Dalen getting attacked. “You weren’t paying attention. You didn’t call the cops when a teenager was being attacked by three racist adults. A teenager who happens to be the sheriff’s son. I’m sure you can see how this can end really badly for you.” I looked at her name tag through narrowed eyes. “Allison.”
“Shit. Dalen got beat up? That’s not good. My boyfriend likes to bet on the games and Dalen is the backbone of that team.” She put a nervous hand to her throat and looked at me out of wide eyes as she must’ve heard how callous her statement sounded. “Uh . . . I mean . . . is he okay?”
I didn’t respond to her fake concern for my brother’s well-being. “Tell me that you got cameras pointed at the parking lot.”
She rapidly nodded. “We do. Teenagers like to gas and dash, so the boss put them in a couple years ago. I’ll have to call him and ask permission to show them to you.”
“I already called since this is an official criminal investigation. Take us to the back and show us what we need.” I turned my head as Jules walked in and up to the counter next to me. He was in his no-nonsense police mode but I could tell that underneath he was one furious father that wanted payback for what had happened to his son.
We followed the cashier into the back and both of us stopped breathing as she enlarged the view from the camera we pointed out and started to roll back the feed until the scuffle appeared. It was hard to watch. The images had my hands curling into fists and Jules swearing every five seconds. The guys that attacked Dalen were no scrawny weaklings. They were burly backwoods boys that looked used to hard labor and hard living. I was glad there was no sound because not only would the noises of fists hitting flesh make it harder to take, I knew the things that they were saying to him, the names they were calling him, would push me over the edge. I already wanted to hurt them, but that kind of unjustified hate unleashed on a kid, well, that made me want to kill.
The footage was clear enough to get a plate number and Jules wasted no time in calling it in but it was the oblivious cashier who actually turned out to be the best source of information. After we watched the entire attack, twice, she nervously informed us that her boyfriend with the gambling problem went to a bar called Sassy’s a town over to place his bets with his bookie. Apparently the place was a dive that catered to yokels and hillbillies. She gave me a look when she said it that indicated it was a place where I would most definitely not be welcome.
“I’ve heard of it, but it’s out of my jurisdiction, so I’ve only ever driven by it.” Jules gave me a look that spoke volumes. We both knew where this was going and he didn’t want me to run off half-cocked. Well, he was in luck because I was fully cocked and more than willing to let the bastards that beat my brother find the person they were actually looking for.
“I’ve seen that truck in the parking lot. And the big guy who was driving, I think I’ve seen him at the door a time or two. I don’t ever go inside because it looks filthy and my boyfriend says it’s not safe, but yeah, I bet you can find those guys there.” She shifted her gaze between the two of us and tilted her head to the side. “So, do you think Dalen will be playing this weekend?”
I growled at her and went to take a step forward but was brought up short by Jules’s arm shooting out like a metal bar across the center of my chest. “Young lady, if you had been doing your job my son wouldn’t be in the shape he is in now. If you had called the police when those men pulled in with obvious ill intent, Dalen wouldn’t have had to fight three grown men while he was outnumbered. I’ll be speaking with your boss at length and you should mention to your boyfriend that he’ll need to find a new bookie because business at Sassy’s is about to get shut down.”