Shit.
* * * * *
Carl, Ally and Indy rode in Carl’s Pathfinder.
If you could believe this, Annette, Jason, Jet, Daisy and I followed in the back of Daisy’s limousine. Daisy’s bodyguard drove.
“I fucking love Denver,” Annette said, staring out the window and sprawling in the luxurious space, completely at home, as if she rode in the back of limousines every day.
“You gotta stay until Thursday, Sugar, come to my do. I’m having a fancy soiree,” Daisy invited.
“We… are… fucking… there,” Annette said.
Jason looked at me and closed his eyes in good-natured frustration. When he opened them I was smiling at him. We’d shared these looks a lot over the years.
Then I turned to Jet. “What’s Smithie’s?”
“Pardon?” she asked.
“Smithie’s. I overheard you say when you came into Fortnum’s the day I met you that you worked there.”
She grinned at me. “Well, officially, I don’t work there anymore.”
“You let Eddie win,” I said.
“Eddie wins a lot,” she told me.
I found this sobering information, considering the fact that I figured Eddie was a lot like Hank.
“What is it?” I asked.
“A strip club. I was a cocktail waitress there.”
“Cool!” Annette cried.
Jet smiled full out to Annette and we all sat in the limo dazzled for a moment by her smile.
“My sister is a stripper there,” Jet went on. “She debuts tomorrow night. You can all come if you want. I can get you VIP passes.”
“Sugar! That would be hot!” Daisy screeched with excitement, then did a glance sweeping around all of us. “Her sister is Lottie Mac.”
“Queen of the Corvette Calendar?” Jason asked, clearly intrigued.
“Fuckin’ A,” Daisy replied.
I stared around them. It was like they were talking in a different language.
“You want to come?” Jet asked me.
“Love to,” I answered.
She grabbed my hand and squeezed then let go. Through the hand squeeze I felt something pass between her and me. The hand squeeze wasn’t about me going to watch her sister strip; it was her giving me strength. I was reminded that just over a week ago she’d been through a trauma much like mine. She’d almost been raped and her Dad was still in the hospital. She knew my pain in many different ways, hers was nearly as fresh.
“I see you took my advice about Hank,” Daisy said, taking me out of my thoughts.
I looked to her. “No, I’m leaving as soon as they find Billy and all of this is over.”
The limo went deathly quiet.
“Come again?” Daisy said into the silence.
I sighed and looked out the window. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Try us,” Jason prompted softly.
I sighed again, this time, deeper and louder. I explained my Hank-deserves-better-than-me philosophy. After I stopped talking, there was more silence.
“Come again?” Daisy repeated.
“I knew you wouldn’t understand,” I returned.
“I understand,” Jet said.
I looked to her.
“Hank doesn’t see shades of gray,” she continued.
I blinked at her. “What?” I asked.
“You think he doesn’t see shades of gray. You think he sees black and white. Good and bad. Crime and justice. He doesn’t see shades of gray. You’re gray.”
I swallowed.
That was so it.
“Jet, Sugar Bunch, I don’t think Roxie’s gray,” Daisy put in gently.
“She’s gray. And you’re gray too,” Jet replied, just as gently.
Daisy was silent because Daisy was definitely gray.
I felt my nostrils start to burn, bit my lip and looked out the window. I was trying hard but I felt tears leak out the sides of my eyes.
“Roxie, you’re about as fucking gray as the fucking sun. I’m sorry, Jet, but I’ve known Roxie for years and she isn’t fucking gray,” Annette said.
“I’m not saying gray is bad or that Roxie’s gray. Just that I understand how she’s feeling and that she thinks Hank’ll think she’s gray.”
“She isn’t gray,” Annette repeated.
“I know that but she thinks Hank’ll think she is,” Jet returned.
“She isn’t fuckin’ gray,” Annette was getting heated.
“I know that!” Jet was getting heated right back.
“I’m going to have a talk with Hank,” Jason cut in and I could tell by his tone he meant to do it, and soon.
“Don’t you dare,” I said to Jason, my head swiveling to him.
“Are you crying, Sugar Bunch?” Daisy asked.
I shook my head even though I was.
“Oh God, I’m sorry. I just wanted you to know I understood,” Jet grabbed my hand again.
I wiped away my tears with my other hand. “It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean anything by it.”
“Roxie, look at me,” Jet urged.
I turned to her and tried to give her a smile, but it was weak. “It’s okay,” I repeated.
“I’m not very pretty,” she said suddenly.
I blinked at her. “Excuse me?” I asked.
“At least, that’s what I thought,” she carried on like I hadn’t said anything.
How could she think that? She was flat out pretty.
“Don’t you look in the mirror?” I asked, not meaning to be a bitch but… seriously.
“I thought, once Eddie saved me he’d lose interest in me because he’s so good-looking and I’m… not.”
“You’re loopy,” Annette told her.
I kept staring at her and her hand squeezed mine.
“Eddie saved me awhile ago,” she whispered.
I felt my throat close.
“Jet…” my voice was barely audible.
“Hank sees gray. You may think he doesn’t, he may act like he doesn’t, he may even say he doesn’t. But he does. I promise,” her voice was just as low.
“I’m still leaving,” I said.
She nodded, “I understand that too.”
“Thank you.”
“Though, you aren’t leaving,” she said.
“I am,” I said back.
“You think you are, but you aren’t.”
“I am!” I said, kinda loud.
She just shook her head.
I glanced between Jet and Daisy. They were both grinning at me.
“Denver people are nuts,” I told Annette and Jason.
“I know. Don’t cha love it?” Annette replied.
* * * * *
We were at the front of the line to the haunted trail, the doors to the trail in front of us, each side of the door held a flaming torch. A man wearing full ghoul makeup and a big, hooded black cloak was standing in front of the door, glaring at us, completely “in character”.
It was dark, it was cold and I was already scared out of my mind.
* * * * *
We’d had troubles from the start.
First, the haunted house was out in the middle of nowhere, the night was dark; only the haze of Denver lights could be seen in the distance. This totally freaked me out.
Then Daisy’s limo caused a sensation when we pulled into the parking lot. Then Daisy caused a sensation when she alighted from the limo. It wasn’t the thing to wear a skintight, rhinestone-encrusted jumpsuit with high-heeled, platform boots to a haunted house in the middle of the country. People stared. They didn’t know if she was Dolly Parton, if she was a Dolly Parton impersonator or of she was some other important personage. Someone even approached her and asked her for her autograph.
“Well, aren’t you sweet?” Daisy squealed on a tinkly bell laugh and signed the piece of paper and then, before handing it back she kissed it with her frosty pink lipstick.
Then, we found out there were no weapons allowed. They tried to confiscat
e not only the stun guns but also the full-blown gun Carl wore on his belt.
Then, when Carl flashed his badge—Carl was a police officer too—the big guy who seemed to be head of security got all policy on him. Carl got a hard look on his face, took him aside and they had words. Carl came back and said the worst eight words, for me, at that moment, in the English language. “We’re goin’ to the front of the line.”
We walked in front of everyone to the front of the line.
Due to our situation they were giving us a wide berth. Before letting us in, they were waiting longer between the party in front of us and keeping the party behind us well back.
Carl had explained my stun gun to me. I had it shoved in the back of my cords under Hank’s sweatshirt. It didn’t feel comfortable there but I found I liked having it, even though I doubted I’d use it.
Indy, Ally, Daisy and Jet all carried one. They’d had only one extra and without a word, Jason took it and gave Annette a look. She pouted for a second then pretended she didn’t care.
“All right, huddle,” Ally ordered.
We all went into a huddle.
“Everyone got a partner?” she asked.
Indy linked her arm with mine.
I looked at her and then my eyes swung, panicked, to Carl.
He gave me a “don’t worry” nod but I don’t think he got it. I wasn’t worried that bad guys would shoot me. No one in their right mind would attack me here. There were hundreds of people all over the place and very stringent security.
No, I was worried that Indy would go berserk on me.
I didn’t have time to switch partners as Ally kept talking. “No matter what, stay with your partner.”
Oh shit.
Shit, shit, shit.
“We all stick together. Someone gets caught or cornered, say by the hooded hangman or the crazy, bloody surgeon, we all go back and save them. Never leave a man behind. Got me?”
Oh shit!
Shit, shit, shit!
“Got me!” she shouted.
We all nodded.
“Repeat it.”
We all muttered, “Never leave a man behind.”
She nodded to us, “Good.”
Then she linked arms with Carl and said to the ghoul, “We’re ready.”
The doors creaked open and my heart started beating so hard, I could feel it in my throat.
Annette and Jason were partners, so were Daisy and Jet (with Daisy’s bodyguard trailing them). Indy was with me. Ally was with Carl. We entered in that order.
It was pretty cool; scary, but cool. They’d obviously put a lot of effort into it. Great monsters with fantastic makeup, good props, excellent scenery, eery, scary, dark and the monsters popped out just in time to give you a thrill. It wasn’t as bad as I thought. Indy and I were caught unawares a couple of times and we screamed, scooted forward, then giggled our asses off.
Then we hit the open area with hangman’s section and the character there swinging a noose in his hand like a lasso cottoned on immediately to the scaredy-cats in the bunch. He approached Indy and me and in a guttural voice whispered, “Ooo, I like these girlies.”
We both froze, standing stock-still and staring at him and then we both screamed at the tops of our lungs. Carl and Ally saved us, pushing us forward in front of them, Ally laughing herself silly.
We left some haunted caves and entered an open area that was a maze of cornfields.
“Oh shit,” I said, my heart starting to race again.
Indy had my arm in a vice-like hold and she was glancing around, ever vigilant, trying to prepare for the next scare (a wasted effort, these people knew what they were doing).
“What?” she asked.
“I don’t like cornfields.”
She stopped and stared at me.
“But you’re from Indiana,” she said.
Then, out of nowhere, the cornfields moved and Corn Husk Man jumped out at us. He swiped at us with hands made of dry, creepy husks. We both jumped back in sync, shrieked like raving lunatics and then Indy took off running, backwards, dragging me with her. We forged through Carl and Ally, knocking Ally on her ass. Indy was yelling at the top of her lungs and I started laughing so hard, I couldn’t control it. Not only at Indy, but Ally going down on her ass. I was bent over with it, running doubled and trying at the same time to pull Indy back.
A monster caught us on the retreat and came out growling, Indy and I stopped dead then screeched like mad women, right in his face. I whirled her around, our arms still locked and we went back the way we came.
We rocketed, still screaming, by Carl, who’d followed us, then by Ally who’d gotten up. I slammed into Ally on the run and she went down, flat on her ass again.
I was giggling, looking behind, Indy dragging me forward and I shouted breathlessly, “Sorry!”
We both skirted Corn Husk Man and ran flat out, giggling and screaming, to the end of the corn maze. We stopped, doubled over, trying to catch our breath, holding on to each other but still laughing. My ribs ached, just a little bit, but I didn’t care. I hadn’t laughed that hard in years and I didn’t remember the last time I’d had that much fun. We were in an open field, the front of our party was long gone. Ally and Carl would catch up, I was certain.
It couldn’t have been a second or maybe two later before we heard the chainsaw.
And I could say that there was nothing more terrifying, fake haunted trail or no, then being in an open field, in the dark, in the middle of nowhere and hearing the sound of a chainsaw.
Indy and I looked at each other, and, in unison, our heads moved and we looked over our shoulders at the chainsaw man who was coming toward us.
“Run!” I shouted.
At that point, it was every woman for herself.
Indy and I pushed off each other. She went to one side, I went to the other. I was watching her when I felt my feet hit something soft. The edges of the field were made out of foam rubber. I bounced off it and fell to my knees jarring my ribs, my breath still gone but nevertheless, I was twittering like an idiot. I got up and ran, hell bent, toward Indy.
She’d made it a lot further, but then a monster jumped in front of her. She went sideways to avoid him, hit another patch of rubber and bounced off it, went down rolling, straight into the monster.
He toppled over her and it looked like they started wrestling. Indy was out of control screaming and struggling, half-terrified, half-laughing. The monster was hindered by a big costume that was a lot of shredded material. They swiftly got all tangled up, a flurry of arms, legs and costume.
I stopped dead and bent over laughing, holding my stomach, giggling so hard I was pretty certain I was going to pee my pants. I should have helped but I couldn’t. It was simply too damned funny watching Indy and the monster rolling around in the dirt like that.
Then I was tackled.
I went down, hard.
I was stunned and winded, the fall jarred my ribs and it hurt. The arms around me were strong and not messing around. I couldn’t imagine the monsters were allowed to touch you, much less tackle you. Maybe we were in trouble for running around like crazy people. Maybe we were being ejected.
I struggled, turned and stilled at what I saw.
Billy had me.
Shit!
I screamed, not a giggly scream, a real one and it pierced the night, filled with genuine terror.
“Shut the fuck up,” he got up, yanking me with him.
No way.
No fucking way.
This wasn’t going to happen to me again.
And anyway, he’d screwed my chances with Hank. I wanted Hank. Hank was the best thing that had ever happened to me in my whole, stinking life.
Fuck Billy.
I reared back and punched him in the face.
It hurt my hand, like a lot but, when he staggered back, I didn’t hesitate.
I turned and ran.
Indy had come untangled with the monster but he was rolling around, still tied
up in his costume. Indy was on her hands and knees, looking up at me, face pale. She’d heard my scream.
She looked back toward where Billy was.
I skidded to a halt next to her.
“Billy!” I yelled, hauling her up. “Let’s go!”
We ran, together, holding hands. We got around a corner, another one, into another scene with some hay bales.
Billy caught up with us and did another flying tackle. We all went down and rolled around in bales, both Indy and I fighting, kicking, scratching.
“Hey! What’re you doing?” A monster came up and yanked Billy off of us.
Billy whirled around and nailed him in the nose.
“Hey!” the monster shouted again, but it was muffled as his hands went to his nose.
Indy didn’t wait, she tugged me along and I heard a scuffle behind us as the monster kept on Billy.
We ran through more trail, straight by monsters and entered a house. Billy caught up with us there. He pulled Indy away from me, threw her aside and she went flying. He picked me up, starting up some dark stairs, half-carrying me, half-pushing me.
When we were halfway up, Indy attacked him from behind. He took the blow of her body hitting him full force, his body jerking forward. He dropped me and I fell on the stairs, my lower back crashing against the edge of a stair, my elbows slamming into a stairwell.
Billy spun around and caught Indy with his arm. She fell back down the stairs and I watched her tumble down.
I got up, clawing at Billy to get around him to Indy.
“No!” I shouted.
He kept pushing me up the stairs.
We entered a scene at the top with strobe lights, a surgical table, fake blood everywhere, fake severed hands and legs dangling from the ceiling on chains and a man in a bloody lab coat. He came at us to scare us but stopped when I planted my feet and rushed Billy, catching him in the belly with my shoulder and sending him sprawling back against a wall. I pulled back and started pummelling him.
“You…” I hit him in the face, “Are…” I hit him with my other hand, “Not…” I hit him again, this time, in the body, “Gonna…” I hit him again, “Hurt…” I punched him in the jaw, “My friends!”
I was wild.
Billy was cowering to try and protect himself from my raining blows.
The bloody surgeon yanked me off him.
“What the heck…?” he started to say but didn’t finish.