I opened my eyes at his call as he pressed deep.
“Yeah?” I whispered, wrapping my calves around his thighs.
“I like where you were goin’ with this but you’re still gonna talk,” he told me.
Eddie had me so figured out.
* * * * *
After, I was pressed up against his side, Eddie was on his back. He had his hand low on my hip and his fingers were moving absently.
My plan was to distract him from the talk, at least until the morning. In the bright light of day, I could figure out how to say what I wanted to say. There were other, better, more important parts to my plan.
It would give me one last time to be with Eddie. I needed it. I deserved it. To make love and sleep next to him, smell him in my nostrils and feel him against my skin. To make one last memory so I could keep it with me for a long, long time.
And we’d made a really good memory. I wrapped my arm around him and snuggled into his side.
His fingers curled on my hip.
“You think you got away with it,” he muttered and I could tell he found this amusing.
“No,” I said honestly, “But I’m hoping you’re feeling mellow enough to wait until the morning.”
“Jet…”
I pulled up and looked down on him.
“Eddie, please. Can I have this one night where we don’t argue? Please?”
He looked at me a beat, then his hand came up and slid in my hair and pulled my face down for a lip touch.
“One night,” he said against my mouth.
I smiled at him.
His hand moved to my jaw and his thumb traced my smile while his eyes watched.
“I’m hopin’, with your shit finished, I’ll see more of that smile.”
I dropped down and snuggled into him.
He wouldn’t be seeing any of my smile but where I’d be (that was, away from him and all his friends), I probably wouldn’t be smiling much anyway.
I could hear the ring tone from his phone. He dislodged me, leaned down, grabbed his jeans and pulled the cell out of the back pocket. He came back, brought me to him again and flipped the phone open one-handed.
“Yeah?”
He listened for a bit then I felt his body tense.
I came up on my elbow to look at him and his gaze locked on mine.
“You’re shittin’ me,” he said into the phone.
He listened more and then he took his arm from around me and wiped his eyes.
“Right. Yeah. Later.” Then he flipped the phone shut and threw it on the nightstand.
“What?”
He looked at me.
“They found Fratelli dead in his cell. Someone broke his neck.”
I sucked in breath.
“Dear Lord,” I said on an exhale.
His arms came around me and he rolled into me so we were both on our sides, front-to-front. “You okay?” he asked.
“How did that happen?”
“They don’t know. They’re investigating. He wasn’t in lock up, he was in a private cell. I made arrangements, I figured Marcus would renege on the deal.”
“Do you think he did?”
Eddie gave a single shoulder shrug.
“I don’t believe it,” I said and I didn’t. I didn’t want Vince dead. Maybe, if I was honest with myself, roughed up a bit, but not dead.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“It doesn’t matter to me. It’s just one more piece of shit washed away.”
But… Eddie was one of the good guys.
I stared.
Then I said, “Homicide is a bad thing.”
He rolled me to my back, coming over me, his body mostly pressed against mine.
“Yeah,” he said.
“The worst thing,” I told him.
His hands slid into the hair on either side of my head.
“You aren’t okay.”
“I don’t care about Vince. He told me he was going to rape me with a broken bottle.”
Eddie’s eyes changed, instead of partially wary and partially resigned, they became active, as in, scary active.
“He said that?”
I nodded.
“Then I really don’t give a shit that he’s dead.”
“But you’re a cop!”
“So?”
“Hank says you guys are the good guys, you play by the right set of rules and homicide is wrong, no matter who does it or why.”
He did a lip touch and then rolled again, taking me with him so that I was on top.
“Hank’s a different kind of cop than me. Some dickhead makes my woman’s life a living hell and threatens to rape her with a broken bottle, I’m not fuckin’ losin’ sleep over the fact he isn’t breathin’ anymore.”
“So, Hank plays by the rules and you see shades of gray,” I said.
His body moved with laughter.
“Hank plays by the rules,” he repeated this like it was funny.
“He doesn’t?”
“Chiquita, Hank’s got a rule book and I bet he studies it, but he’s also got a lot of shit scratched out and a fuck of a lot of notes in the margin.”
Hmm.
“Oh,” I said.
See, I was right. Hank was a scary good guy.
“Let’s talk about what Vince said to you.”
I sighed and pressed my face in his neck and shoved my arms around him.
“Let’s not.”
“You got to talk about it.”
“Why? It’s over. You deal. You move on. I’m fine, everyone I love is fine, except Dad and there’s hope he’ll be fine too. Vince was a jerk. Now he’s dead. The end.”
Eddie’s arms tightened around me and he said some stuff softly in Spanish.
My head came back up.
“What? I didn’t catch any of that.”
He did another roll, him getting on top again.
Then, he said, “You don’t wanna talk? We won’t talk.”
Then he kissed me.
Then, for the next hour, there were some words muttered, but you couldn’t really call them talking.
* * * * *
The alarm went off, Eddie touched a button and rolled into me, wrapping his arms around me and pulling my back to his front.
It was Saturday. Saturday meant there wasn’t even the need for the snooze button.
I nestled my bottom into his groin and started to drift back to sleep.
Then I heard Eddie say, “Wake up, Cariña, time for our talk.”
Shit, hell and damn.
“I want to sleep more,” I said.
“After our talk and after I make love to you, then you can sleep. First, the talk.”
My belly did a curl.
I ignored it.
“But I want to sleep more now.”
I was partly trying to avoid the talk, partly trying not to think of Eddie making love to me and partly, I really did want more sleep.
He moved away and rolled me onto my back. He was up on his elbow and looking down on me. “Later,” he said.
I threw an arm over my eyes. “I need coffee,” I said.
“Later.”
I wasn’t going to get out of it, I wasn’t going to delay it and I wasn’t going to get more sleep.
I took the arm away and looked at him.
It was a serious look, no attitude, no bullshit.
“I need coffee before we talk.”
He looked at me, registered the seriousness, then rolled out of bed and pulled me with him.
I put on one of Eddie’s flannel shirts (thinking I’d steal that too if I could get away with it) and a pair of panties and Eddie tugged on a pair of jeans.
We made coffee.
We used the delicious in-store bakery bread Blanca bought and made toast, breaking the seal on Eddie’s new toaster. We smeared it with real butter (that Blanca also bought) and grape jelly (again, that Blanca bought).
We sat at the dining room table with our coffee and toast. Eddie s
at back, his legs out in front of him and his feet crossed at the ankles. It wasn’t a good position because it was a good position and it was a new position.
I hadn’t had the opportunity to be around an Eddie who was relaxed, sitting back at his dining room table, wearing nothing but jeans. All I knew was Eddie at Fortnum’s, Eddie Action Man or at most, Eddie lounging on the couch holding me while watching a ballgame. Still, even lounging on the couch, there was something active about him, alert, aware, focused, whatever.
He was focused now but we’d had a lot of sex last night and I’d agreed to talk. Not to mention, I was sitting at his dining room table eating toast and wearing his shirt.
He was focused but laid-back. He looked really handsome and both were going to make things a lot harder for me.
He took a bite of toast and watched me.
“You’re gettin’ that about-ready-to-bolt look again,” he said when he swallowed and then he took a sip of coffee, all the while, his eyes on me.
“I didn’t really think you’d be mad that I moved out. I wasn’t really moved in. I was just staying here—” I started but he interrupted.
“You weren’t moved in, we’re not ready for moved in. Still, you could have told me and you could have stayed awhile. At least until your sister found a place to stay.”
“Mom gave up the apartment. She and Lottie are moving in with Trixie.”
His eyes didn’t leave me but they became active.
“That was fast. Where are you gonna live?”
“They found me an apartment. I’m quitting Fortnum’s and working at Smithie’s until the Credit Union has an opening. Then, I’m going back there.”
He still watched me.
“Prefer it to the other way around, you stay at Fortnum’s and quit Smithie’s.”
“Smithie’s is more money.”
“Then you are moving in until you can afford your own place.”
I shook my head.
“It wasn’t an offer, Chiquita. I don’t want you workin’ at Smithie’s.”
“Eddie,” I said, putting down my toast, “You don’t have much to say about it.”
His eyes started changing.
Uh-oh.
I leaned back, took a huge breath and then said it, straight out, “I’m breaking up with you.”
His eyes finished changing, quick as a flash.
“I’m sorry?” he asked quietly
“I’m breaking up with you,” I repeated.
Not only had his eyes changed but his body wasn’t laid-back anymore. He was still in the same position but he was back to alert and aware, very alert and aware.
“I…” I started, swallowed, then started again, “I want to thank you for all you’ve done for me, I have cookies in my car…”
“I don’t want your fuckin’ cookies.”
Hmm.
Not good.
Eddie liked my cookies. I made the peanut butter and Hershey’s square ones for him especially.
“Eddie…”
“What the fuck are you afraid of?” he asked.
I blinked. “Pardon?”
He stared at me a beat then said, “You’re fuckin’ unbelievably clueless.”
I straightened in my chair. “That’s not nice.”
“This is good,” he said.
“What’s good?”
“Us.”
I did a head jerk.
He was right. It was good. That was the point.
I stood up. “I think I should go.”
I started to walk to the bedroom, rethinking stealing his shirt. He was a little harder to break up with than Oscar, or Luis and Luis had asked me to marry him. At that juncture, I didn’t think Eddie would appreciate me stealing his clothes.
I got about three steps before my arm was grabbed and Eddie swung me around.
I started talking immediately, I didn’t want to hear what he had to say.
“I’m going to go, I’ll call Lottie, she can pick me up.”
“You’re not goin’ anywhere, we’re gonna talk this shit out.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“You fuckin’ better believe there is.”
“Eddie, please. Don’t.”
“Chiquita, you’re a pain in the ass, but you aren’t boring, you aren’t normal and you aren’t average. That’s the point. It would be cute that you don’t realize how fuckin’ pretty you are, except you get yourself kissed and end up with your head in other guy’s laps. You bein’ shy is sweet, but the attitude is better…”
“The attitude was all about Slick and Vince and now that they’re gone…”
“The attitude was latent, Slick and Vince and likely Indy and Ally brought it out.”
“Really, I don’t think…”
His arms came around me and he pulled me, hard, up against his body and his head tilted down to mine as I looked up.
“Eddie…”
“You aren’t breakin’ up with me and you aren’t leavin’. We’re gonna finish our toast and coffee and then I’m takin’ you into the bedroom and fuckin’ you so hard that idiot brain of yours won’t think of anything but me movin’ inside you. Then after that, we’re gonna have a normal, average day doing some normal, average shit before some other crisis blows us back into pandemonium.”
“There won’t be another crisis,” I said.
“There’s always another crisis.”
“Eddie, let me go.”
“That’s not gonna happen.”
I started panicking. It was a delayed reaction panic but I’d finally realized that this was not going well.
At all.
“Eddie, let me go!” I (kind of) shouted.
His arms tightened and he shook me a bit. “It’s not gonna happen!” he shouted back.
Okay, I was full-on panic at that point.
“You have to let me go!”
Definitely a shout.
“Why?”
“You just have to.”
Another shake.
“Why?”
I felt tears burn in my throat.
No, this was seriously not going well.
“Jet, talk to me.”
I shook my head and tried to pull away.
He brought me even closer.
“Eddie, let me go!”
“You like me, you don’t want to, but you do and this is total bullshit.”
“I don’t like you!” I yelled.
“You fucking well do!” he yelled back.
I gave a vicious yank and the tears burning my throat started to burn my eyes, I couldn’t swallow them down and they started flowing.
He caught me again and brought me back.
“Do I have to prove it to you?” His voice was back to quiet and it was far more scary then him shouting.
“I don’t like you.”
Another shake.
I pulled away again but stood in front of him and shouted, “I don’t like you! I love you. I’ve loved you since the minute I saw you. God!” I looked to the ceiling and swiped a hand across my face to wipe away the tears, “You’re a good guy, I could tell right off. You’re nice to your friends and they love you. You’re handsome and you stepped up for me, going all out to keep me safe and…and…” I faltered and then rallied, “you have a fancy truck!”
For a second he looked shocked, then the warmth came into his eyes and he reached out to me.
I whirled, totally panicked, beyond freaked out, straight to temporary insanity.
What was I thinking, blurting out that I loved him?
Totally temporary insanity.
I started to run but he caught me, swung me around again and walked me back until I was pressed against the wall, his body against mine.
“No!” I screamed, “We can’t have sex against the wall again, I have to go.”
“We’re not havin’ sex against the wall.”
I looked at him and shouldn’t have. The warmth was there but he was also amused, he thought
this was funny.
This was anything but funny.
“I have to go.”
“You aren’t goin’ anywhere.”
“Eddie…”
“Chiquita, calm down.”
I shook my head. Calm was not an option, my heart was beating so hard I thought I could hear it even though I couldn’t hear anything but the blood rushing to my ears.
“Why are you scared?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“Why do you want to break up with me?”
I shook my head again but answered.
And I answered honestly. “It isn’t going to work. I know it. I’d rather have it end now, when it’ll hurt but I don’t want it to end later, when it’ll tear me apart.”
I was struggling against him to get away but he pressed deeper and I could smell him and I stopped. I had to hold on to my reserves, I couldn’t burn out too fast, I had to keep enough energy to find a way to walk out of there.
“Why isn’t it going to work?” he asked.
“It never works.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. It just doesn’t. You can love someone a lot and treat them nice and do everything for them and then they just go. It happens. I saw it happen to my Mom and I don’t want it to happen to me. She came undone, it was like watching her unravel. And she was strong, is strong, and it destroyed her.”
I was talking to his throat, it was the only way to get it out. His body still pressed against mine, his hands came to my face and tilted it up, forcing me to look at him.
“Jet, I don’t know what’s gonna happen and I can’t promise anything but I do know I don’t want this to end. What we have is good, it’s so fuckin’ good, it’s great.”
“Eddie…”
“No ‘Eddie’, listen to me. You go, I follow and bring you back. You leave, I’ll do it again. You want to quit workin’ at Fortnum’s, do it. But I’ll be at Smithie’s every night to pick you up. I told you I’d wear you down and I thought I was gettin’ somewhere but it seems I got work to do.”
“Don’t,” I whispered.
“I know you love him, but your Dad’s an asshole.”
I shook my head but I was beginning to feel it, coming up, willy-nilly and uncontrollable.
The attitude.
No one called my Dad an asshole.
Okay, well, maybe Eddie could get away with it but not without a little ‘tude thrown at him.
“And your Mom has shit taste in men,” he went on.
I stopped shaking my head and stared at him.
He did a lip touch and my body froze.