Chapter Twelve – New Year’s Rocking Eve
With one of the best Christmases behind me ever, I glanced at my notebook that remained open to the page I wrote the morning after Christmas Day. The read over the love note I wrote as I pulled a tissue from the box to wipe my eyes several times.
Rand:
In so long, for so many years I cannot remember my holidays ever being as special as they were this year. I can only hope that in the years to come that possibly we will make many great memories. If we do not make it as a couple then I will forever treasure the holidays we shared and store them in my head, like tucking your favorite things in an attic. I will pull those memories when I need to go to my happy place. Besides the gift of you in my life, there has been no greater gift than that of you bringing my mother to reunite with me. I am so filled with joy of having her and my uncle back close to me. I hope that she will come to love you as I do and get to know you, remember I will be at the same time getting to know her all over again. Sometimes in life the best things are new beginnings.
You are my new start and I am ready to begin to move forward and take many steps with you. I think there is a reason for most happenings in life and I believe there was one that pulled us together.
I am sure there is a cheering section in the heavens pulling for you and me. I am so blessed to have you every day.
I hope I keep you challenged and hope I keep you intrigued and know you will build my confidence and make me a much stronger person.
As the fireplace burns and mesmerizes me with its formations, I am just as captivated by you. Your warmth surrounds me and it feels like home. I feel the comfort of having a glass of milk and holiday sprinkled cookies. Happy Holidays to you my love. Maybe one day I will call you my love out loud.
Maddy xo
With Christmas day behind me, I had a full next few days. First, I had to do damage control and return one of the many voicemails that Thomas left me after I abruptly left his condo Christmas day. I inhaled deeply and dialed his cell phone. Mentally I was praying for his voicemail. Thomas answered his phone before the second ring started; he could see it was me calling in.
“Madison, it is about time you called, I left you so many messages and thought that I did something wrong that made you run. I only wanted to make your day special.”
“Thomas you didn’t deserve me fleeing the condo, but I felt panicked and needed to get air and there was someplace else my heart had to be.”
“Did you run to Rand’s? Never mind, I already know the answer, but tell me, don’t you think you ran to the wrong arms as his will never keep you safe? Madison he will never love you like I do, he will not stay true to you, he could never. I know how he is; you will come back to me when he fails you.”
“Thomas wasn’t it you that left me, failed me?” Thomas’ outburst shocked me but I continued anyway. I knew I didn’t need to share any of this with him but I did. I told him all about all of the things that made my holiday great. “I met my mother again thanks to Rand. I don’t know what lies ahead for Rand and me, or if there even is a Rand and me, but I need to be with him now and see where this is heading.”
“I didn’t mean to upset you, I just thought we’d always be together, I guess you have plans for New Years too?”
“Well, I’ll be spending time with my mother for the next several days, and I have New Years plans and plans to move my life forward. Happy New Year Thomas, you should crack that bottle of port wine open and enjoy.”
“Madison you and Rand will not last, you will fade like the lights after his concerts,” he had to get in the last word. I did not respond. I knew I had to breakaway and step forward without him and I knew that I had grown and would definitely survive. I focused on what brought me inner strength and a smile, it was seeing my mother again after so many years and having Rand in my life. “Goodbye Thomas,” was all I could give him to close our conversation.
My mother and Uncle Jake wanted to stay at the hotel that Rand had set them up in to not cramp my style even after I repeatedly asked them to join me at my home since we left Rand’s on Christmas night. They did come over and stay for the entire day yesterday and then I had to return them to the hotel. I knew I would be busy this week as they were staying for a few days and wanted to visit my father’s gravesite. I wanted Rand to know just how special all this was but knew he was planning a huge party for New Year’s Eve and was busy with that. I offered to help him but he said he had it all under control. I sent him a quick message –
Rand, hey, I’m thinking of you. I’m spending such good new moments with my mother and uncle. I plan to visit my father’s resting place with them tomorrow and then having lunch. I want to thank you for the BEST holiday I can remember. See you New Year’s. I have to think of a great resolution. Let me know yours.
Miss you and by the way, my mother is now a fan of yours, she adores you. See you have a pull with the older women too.
He replied –
My heart is smiling for you all. This has been a long time coming. Let me know if you want me with you at the cemetery. Plus since your mom likes me so much I would get another time to see her. Hey, the New Year’s gig is going to be awesome. A lot of people are bringing more people, it keeps growing. By the way, Russ from Bejeweled is flying in for the party and hopes to do some New Year’s inks. Is there anything you want tattooed by him?
I remember my body piercing and that shiver of excitement and rush of sensations, but that was hard enough for me to get through, I sent him –
Don’t you recall my body piercing fright? Multiply that by 100 and that would be how I’d be with a tattoo. I’ll pass. How about you? Getting anything new added to your stunning collection? And yes, please come along tomorrow. I will text you the address of the gravesite and the time later as I have to check it with my mother. That is really weird writing to you saying my mother…Miss you.
Perhaps Rand was missing having his family, his mom, his sister and his dad so I didn’t want to cut him out of tomorrow with my family. My phone sounded –
I don’t have anything new to ink on this body just yet. Hey that will be my New Year’s resolution to have the next tattoo I put on my body in the New Year to be the best one ever drawn and the last one applied. See you tomorrow. Thanks for letting me come along.
It was an odd feeling meeting at the cemetery. I picked up my mother and my uncle and we rode over together. I had sent Rand a message telling him when we would be there so he could join us. As we drove the skies were grey and the clouds were looking heavy and there was that distinct smell in the air of snow. My mother was here with me, this was so hard to believe. I thought after so many years had passed that we would never know one another again. I was so thankful in my heart that Rand brought us together.
I glanced at her as I drove and saw myself in her as she spoke to me and my uncle. Her mannerisms were similar to mine in her laughing and speaking. I smiled at her and took her hand in mine as I drove with my other. She told me on the drive that she never meant to hurt me or my father, but she loved my Uncle Jake so much and could not stop their connection. She told me that people told her that the age difference between her and my uncle which was about the same as my age difference with Rand would not work out. I guess she proved them all wrong as they have been together for so long. I see in my uncle too how he hangs on her every word and is always by her side. I have seen him kiss her and hold her hand and it just flows out of them, the love they have. And all these years they have never married.
She talked about Rand and his kindness, she kept calling him Max which is his real name, but I don’t hear anyone call him that but his fans. As we turned into the cemetery I saw the first snowflake dance down and land on my windshield. I saw Rand in the parking lot looking as handsome as ever. He held in his hands a bouquet of crème roses. My heart twisted inside my chest.
It was a short walk to my father’s resting place. The snow had begun to swirl about more but with the ligh
test touch to our hair and face. We stood and said our silent thoughts to my father and Rand held onto my hand. Rand then knelt down in front of my father’s headstone and spoke.
“I promise I will watch over her now.”
I got tears in my eyes. My mother was crying and my Uncle Jake spoke, “Brother Mick, I will miss you always, I have for so long. I am so sorry I hurt you and Madison for the love of Grace, but please know I love her so much and will always take care of her.”
My mother reached and hugged my uncle and we all turned to leave and the flakes started to become more steady and thicker. My mother and uncle got into my car and I walked Rand over to his Hummer. We stood there and looked into one another’s eyes and kissed in between the snow flakes that appeared glistening on our faces. I tilted my head to the side and Rand found an exposed part of my neck, just above the collar of my coat. He gently flicked his tongue on my skin tasting the wetness of the fallen, melted fleck. I wanted him to keep licking and I felt my breathing increase. I tilted my head back further and stuck out my tongue to catch the flakes. Rand came toward the edge of my tongue and met it with his and then took in my lips only to stop and tell me, “Hey we aren’t alone, let’s get them to lunch. Madison you know what’s ironic?”
“What’s ironic is kissing here at the cemetery getting a rise from the dead?” I smiled.
“No, not that, I don’t think there is going to be much snow coming but it started snowing the moment we arrived. I think your father knew we were all here.”
“If you believe that then I’m glad he knows you were here and he saw you kissing me. If he is watching us from above then he surely must know how happy you make me.” We left there not with sadness but smiles in our hearts.
We had a wonderful lunch that followed and I noted mentally how much my mother was interested in Rand’s music and she carried on so much conversation with him. He felt very comfortable with her. My uncle talked about so many things he hoped we would be able to do going forward. We discussed me coming to visit them in Texas and of course they would come back up here to see me. After lunch Rand had to leave us as he had too much to do at his home for New Year’s preparations. He hugged my mother closely and kissed her cheek. She seemed star struck; I saw it in her eyes. He shook Jake’s hand firmly and took him in for a man hug. As for me, I felt his breath skim past my face and the heat of a quick kiss that sparked something inside of me. He said goodbye and he’d see me in a few days. My mother said she knew he liked me. She knew she liked him for me, in fact she believed he could be in love with me. She said Rand looked at me as my Uncle Jake looked at her. After all these years my mother finally meets a man that I want in my life, she missed out on my entire married life with Thomas.
As quickly as Rand said goodbye, it seemed like I was telling my mother and uncle goodbye again as they were heading to the airport to fly back to Texas. I refused to cry at their departure. I knew we would keep in touch and I felt so happy for the time we had just spent. As I waved and turned I reached for my phone that had an incoming message. Rand sent –
Hope they got off safely and hope you are not crying, be happy that you saw them and I enjoyed getting to know them. I know when you age you will always be beautiful as your mother is still such a lovely woman. See you soon.
I replied –
I was about to cry but didn’t, I was a big girl. As for my mother, watch it as I know you like us older women. Besides she thinks you are so yummy, I say hot, she said yummy. I caught her gazing at you several times. Anyway don’t get me started on thoughts of gazing at you, I have to drive home on the expressway, I cannot be sexting… so I will see you at this grand party real soon.
I knew he would respond for sure and then it came –
Oh Madison please do some sexting, it has been way too long for us to not have had a long uninterrupted moment. Please send me something sexy and hot. Make me think of you more until the party. Please.
I cannot believe he was begging…I took my phone lifted up my shirt, snapped a photo and sent it to him. His response was quick –
My secret music note belly gem, nice, not entirely what I had in mind, but it will have to do and I will be thinking of what I will be doing around this little gem when I see you. Drive safe, no photo taking on the road.
My ride home from the airport was mixed with emotions that I hadn’t felt in so long. I had a love that poured into my heart for my mother and I accepting one another and I also had a yearning desire for Rand to have him give me love if he could. Yes, he was always playful with me and kind, but was that all he would ever offer to my heart? I wanted him so, but so much more of him that I wasn’t sure was there.
My mind was busy the next two days getting ready for this party, and making certain I called and talked to my mother and uncle once they got back to Texas. I had made yet another pile outside my closet on the floor trying to put together the perfect New Year’s Eve outfit. I think I finally found something that would work. I selected a long black skirt that actually was completely sheer from the thigh down. I decided on a shimmering silver halter top and that way my heart cuff bracelet would stand out on my wrist. I chose heels even though the weather was still a little icy out from a recent dusting of snow.
As I laid my outfit on the corner of my bed, and was beginning to dress, I remember playing dress up as a child with my mother’s wardrobe. “Mommy does this look good on me?” I would ask her as I was too small to fill out her high heel shoes and her necklaces hung to my young little hips. I do remember some of the early memories of her and I. She would come over to me at the mirror where I stood admiring myself in her accessories and she would apply simple lip gloss saying, “There, this completes the outfit.” I would smile brightly into the mirror all dressed up like a big girl. Like my mother would look. I did look up to her. I really had missed her for so many years, too many. I am so glad she is back in my life and now.
New Years Eve was finally here. I was thinking about how much fun I would have tonight with everyone. I was also thinking about my resolution since I hadn’t decided on one that I thought I could stick with. So many of us state a resolution and succumb to failure of it only days into the new year. As I was placing the finishing touches to my makeup which I usually wear very lightly, my phone sounded. I glanced down it was Jillian, she wrote –
Hey girl, wow you’ve had a whirlwind week with your Mom here and gone and if I know you, you are right now knee deep in clothes getting ready, see you tonight, Raeford is picking me up shortly. This is going to be fun! Who would have thought that we all would be celebrating this New Year’s with new men in our lives. Raeford talked to Kent and he’s back in town from visiting his family and he’ll be getting Cecile there tonight. I guess since you’re driving yourself that you will surely stay the night at Rand’s. What a great way to start your New Year. By the way Thomas called me this week and left a message, I’m glad I missed his actual call. He said he’s worried you’re acting on a whim. He said you’re trying to get back at him with Rand by falling for this young, attractive guy when in the end it will never work out. He asked me to talk to you to make you see reason. I know that you care about Rand and I see Rand cares about you. Who knows where this will lead, but I just wanted to be honest with you that Thomas is still not giving up on you two. See you in a bit.
I wanted to keep getting ready so I sent her a quick see you soon too response. And then I thought about what she had just told me, I wanted Thomas to understand that I felt love for Rand that did not feel like the love I had felt for him in our marriage. I know that sounds strange, but I didn’t want to hurt Thomas as he hurt me and throw that at him. I would just stay friends with him and hope in the New Year that we could remain just that. As for tonight I had to get moving. I decided to drive myself in case I wanted to get home without having to rely on anyone. I didn’t want to assume that Rand and I would stay together in the late night hours, but just in case I wanted to be prepared.
I pulled
out a nicely wrapped bundle from my lingerie drawer. As I undid the tissue I held up the sexiest black lace panties and matching bra. There wasn’t much material to either piece. As I slipped these onto my naked body I felt aroused just thinking about Rand looking at me in these. I pictured him sliding his hands over each piece and then his tongue over me and eventually stripping these from my body and taking me over. My phone sounded again breaking my new heated thoughts. It was Rand –
Looking forward to seeing you tonight, the barn is decorated and looks like Times Square. The event planners did a great job. Sorry I didn’t get to spend time with you the past few days, but I thought you needed some private time with your family. Hope you’re wearing something sexy for me and I know you will be the most beautiful girl at the party tonight. Let me know if you change your mind I can come get you, although if I come for you, we may never make it back to this party.
I replied to Rand’s message, I always found myself instantly replying to any of his messages. I wanted to always stay connected with him –
Funny I just had thoughts of you and I will be wearing something very sexy, you will have to imagine what it looks like as it will be under my outfit all evening. I will drive myself and if you let me finish getting ready I will be over shortly.
Rand’s response was heated in his wording and came fast –
I’m looking forward to having you, all of you this entire night. And you’re killing me Madison as I stand here with a house filling of guests I have to duck behind the bar area to block my hard on that’s growing in my jeans. I guess I will help out the bartender with the ice to cool my self down. Get here soon.
Wow, is what I thought as I pulled up to the barn. Rand had a valet service set up to park. I guess with the amount of cars, it is important to do it right. There was plenty of room as his property was large, but he didn’t miss a beat in the planning of this evening. The young valet attendant was very nice when I pulled in and as I got out of my car, he actually left my car and took my hand into his and helped my walk carefully across the parking area to the sidewalk of the barn so I did not slip on the surface. He smiled at me in our short walk and just when I was about to thank him and release my hand, Rand was in front of us, taking my hand into his and telling the valet that he could take me from here. The valet nodded at Rand and it made me wonder if Rand set this up and telling the young man to walk me to the door. The other guests came and I didn’t see any other valet person assisting them. My heart pinged at this notion.
Rand looked so amazing this evening. He had on a black slim fitted shirt with fancy cuffs flipped up and black pants that hugged his body well. I saw the black cross cuff on his wrist that looked so fine with his outfit. Rand leaned into me before we crossed the front doors and kissed my lips briefly, too briefly, he just skirted over them and then he nibbled at my ear.
“I just calmed my body down, but I can feel I’m already in trouble again.”
I pulled him into my body and although it was so cold outside, I only wore a wrap jacket as I was only going from the car to the barn. I felt the heat from his body at that moment and as others passed us to enter the barn, I felt like we were alone in the moment; I felt his hardness press into my hip. I reached up and pulled his head into my face and released a lust filled kiss that parted our lips, swirled our moist tongues and sent shivers through my body settling at points much lower than where my mouth touched his. This was going to be an amazing evening if this was the start of it.
The barn was transformed incredibly, as it had skyscraper buildings done with illuminating lights across the stage where they rehearsed. There was an actual mock skyscraper on the stage with a sparkling ball ready to drop at midnight on a set countdown timer. There were so many people, many I had never met. Rand pulled me from one person to another introducing me as Madison Tierney who was writing about their band. I felt like his girlfriend, but he never introduced me like that at all, he remained very professional as we shifted from one person to another.
I was pulled off guard and it was Cecile that hugged me tightly and she looked so cute. She was wearing a shiny deep purple dress although it was so short it could have been a long top, but Kent didn’t seem to mind as his hand rested right on her shoulder. I received a big solid hug from him. I paused to talk with them as they were the first familiar faces I saw. Kent said he had a nice holiday at home but missed Cecile. She just looked at him and beamed. Then Rand tugged my fingers and took hold of just one finger and led me to some of Maxwell’s friends that were there. They were older but any friends of Maxwell’s were surely good people and I got into some conversation with them and Maxwell brought over some drinks for them and joined in small talk for a bit.
Isaac I saw off to the front of the stage surrounded by a few young, very skimpily dressed ladies. He seemed to be in his element talking to each one and putting his arms around one then another. Rand tipped into my hair and nuzzled there breathing me in and then he said he would be back he was going to bring us a drink. When he left me standing there in the midst of this cluster of people I stood nervously for a moment and then I saw a head of red hair and followed that direction to reach my Jillian.
As I found her I felt more comfortable and we hugged and Raeford was right by her side. I smiled up to him. I really liked Raeford. Better yet I liked him with my best friend. They made a nice couple. Jillian had shared with me recently that they slept together many times already and that he was such a romantic always taking slow care of her in the bedroom. I could visualize this as he was always such a gentleman. I hoped this New Year would bring goodness for them both, actually for all of us. I felt that shiver from Rand’s touch as he passed a drink into my fingers. We clanked our glasses and sipped the drinks. I know I was thinking of where I wanted his lips and he looked at me and smirked as if he could read my mind.
Walking about the party and mingling, a familiar voice startled me, “Madison, great to see you again, will you be getting anything done?” Russ asked. Quickly I turned and shook my head no as I certainly was not getting drunk this evening nor was I getting any tattoo. He laughed back at me but did let me know he brought all his supplies should I change my mind. Rand chimed in that Russ would certainly be busy with some inks later tonight. Rand reached down in front of me and let his fingers grace the inside of my skirt’s waist band and he lightly fondled my belly piercing and he winked. I saw the glow in his eyes. I know my eyes reflected that same glow.
Ron came up behind us and he had Dahlia with him. She looked nervous just as I had once felt when I first met the band. But now I was feeling much more confident in my life and definitely around all of them. Surely, there were a lot of new people for her to meet. Ron told us he hoped we had a nice holiday and we all talked for a bit. I had to leave the conversation midway as I had to find the ladies room. Dahlia joined me. It was nice that she looked up to me enough that when we headed down the hall that she asked, “Madison, can I ask you how you handle all the fans?” She continued, “I really like Ron, but I have such fears that all these girls are so pretty and they throw themselves at the entire band. It worries me.”
I told her beautiful doubt filled eyes that I don’t handle it well at all. “I try to not watch it, not hear it and not get into it.” I shared with her the one fan made video of Rand while they were out west in the summer touring that was called Randevous. I told her it broke me up. I told her that this was real here with them and that what they do with the fans that is their performance, their job. Hopefully, she would be able to separate the two. “Dahlia, I know Ron cares about you, I remember when traveling with the band that he was crushing on you then. She smiled. We hugged and it was nice to share this moment with her. I felt older and wiser with her. I felt like I was looking out for her. There was probably an age difference of more than 12 years between us. I felt like an older sister. I knew at this moment I would always feel a bit protective over her as she hugged me tightly.
We returned to our men a little
later than we planned and they looked worried, like they were wondering what we had been talking about for so long. Women go off to the ladies room and can spend so long there striking up conversations over reapplying their lipstick. Men, they go in the bathroom, do their business and are out in a blink.
We all were having such a great evening. The music played loudly over the sound system which was incredible. I was certain after the ball was dropped on the stage at midnight the band would surely jump up and start playing songs. For now many were eating the catered food that was being served by a hired wait staff and the beverages were continuously being poured. Everyone was enjoying the celebration and dancing on the floor in front of their practice stage. Rand pulled me to the floor. I had never danced with Rand, I knew I could dance but never saw his moves except when he danced across that stage in a performance and those moves alone made my toes curl. As we took to the floor, the fast paced music got him started and it received many cheers and claps by his surrounding friends as he truly lead the dancing and danced circles around me. A few females tried to pull him in their directions and tried to get in between our bodies and not in a spiteful way, but they tried to include themselves in the fun, but Rand closed that gap between his body and mine. He was obviously responsible for the entire party playlist, and was familiar with it. Each time the tempo changed, he effortlessly matched it. His breaths that were fast one moment became controlled and he inhaled and exhaled, forcing his breathing to calm. He wrapped his arms around my body and kissed my cheek.
He pulled me over toward the corner of the dance floor, while there were still many people moving side to side and we stopped near another of the many decorated holiday trees. We remained there like we had our own private piece of the floor. As the music slowed and the lights dimmed, he right there on the dance floor, slid his hand down the back of my skirt. I felt his grazing touch searching my naked skin and he caught himself on the elastic of my black lace thong panties and tugged lightly. He pressed his lips to mine deeply and explored the depths of my mouth with his tongue. His firm hand explored my backside and traveled deeper. I could feel myself getting wet between my legs. Here we danced together and our bodies were having a moment of pure wanting and longing for one another while so many others still surrounded us. This just increased my excitement.
When the song stopped, and it seemed like the longest playing song, the lights came up brightly. We stood and parted our moist, kiss swollen lips and Rand glanced to the clock on the wall, it was eleven o’clock. He removed his hand from my rear and trailed it slowly to the center of my back. He said, “Let’s get out of here, and go someplace private, I think I know the perfect place. Do you trust me?” I smiled and did not say a word as I nodded. I knew my expression told him, that I not only trusted him but told him what my body wanted as well. I did not expect what happened next. He left me there briefly and talked to most of the band members quickly. He grabbed my wrap and put it around me and led me out the front door where the hired valet had his Hummer waiting all warmed and ready to go.
I only asked as we got into the Hummer, “Where are we heading to?”
“To your house for some uninterrupted privacy and if we time it right we should be there before the midnight countdown. Maxwell and the guys will handle the party outcome and make certain everyone gets home. If they can’t drive they’ll all be crashing in my house, even Russ is staying there tonight, so we wouldn’t have the chance to be alone.” He looked into my eyes and asked, “Are you okay with this last minute change of plans?” I nodded yes to him and parted my lips to take in his tongue before we drove off.
We made it to my house in record time. At each stop light along the way he placed his right hand into the front of my skirt and traveled down only to be stopped when the light changed. The roads were still a bit icy so he kept his focus on driving safely but also kept me excited with each anticipated touch. I was hoping all the lights would be red and stay on extended red as we approached them. Finally we were at my house. Rand stopped before we entered to remove from the back of his Hummer two bottles of chilled champagne. He didn’t miss a beat, as we hurried in from the winter’s cold.
I kicked off my heels and gathered two champagne glasses. We poured the champagne in very large pours overflowing the glasses and drank and refilled it immediately and drank some more. We laughed, we kissed each other playfully. Rand lifted me onto my kitchen counter, and hiked up my long skirt and positioned himself underneath like he was wearing a veil. I laughed as I poured another glass of the bubbly and drank. I felt his soft kisses and little nips press along the flesh of my inner thighs and I giggled. I felt his tongue continue to sweep the skin on my thighs and he licked the bottom of my lace panties. He removed his head from beneath the tented skirt and told me that he could not take this anymore and filled his glass and drank.
It was now that I blurted out to him, “I’m on the pill” and his response came to me with a smile.
“And you are telling me this why? Are you assuming something might happen between us?”
I responded, “I was hoping, finally…”
Rand looked at me with such intensity. “Good because I don’t want to have to wear a condom with you, I want nothing between us.” He carried the other bottle and our glasses, leading me as usual by one finger toward my bedroom. The clock was a moment from striking midnight. Setting the bottle and glasses next to the bed, he quickly gathered me and tossed me back to the bed. As the east coast was now counting down the time, Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven, he was pressing passionately into my lips, Six, Five, he was tearing at my top and unzipping my skirt, Four, Three, he was ripping off his shirt and pants and his shoes went flying toward my massive clothing pile on the floor. Two, One, Happy New Year, the rushed passion between us halted, he paused and looked at me and said, “Let’s take this slow, no one’s coming to interrupt us, we have all night.”
Rand dipped into the lower folds of my body. It was the slow, deliberate steps like one would take on the first day of the season at the beach where you gently touch the water’s edge, tentatively testing. Slowly inching in further. Rand took his time savoring me at the entrance of my body. Slowly, watching me and pausing a moment to breathe us in. Then he entered me deeper, pausing again and then he dove in and filled me completely with his length. We bobbed together and rocked back and forth like a traveling, forceful current in the ocean and waves of ecstasy rose up cascading through us. We made love to one another over and over until I was boneless and exhausted and smiled from my release and he was very, very tired.
I watched him drift as I was resting comfortably in his arms. I watched the rise and fall of his chest as he took each breath. I leaned on my side and I took the tip of my finger and traced the cross tattoo on his chest with the lightest touch. I crossed it over the heart and said in a whisper, “I love you Max Rand, I was never getting back with Thomas, because you Max Rand fill up my heart. I fell in love with you with you the very first night I met you.” I looked at his closed eyelids and I kissed his chest and he slept. As I drifted off I thought I heard—
“I am sorry, I have to leave you. I must leave now; I can’t tell you I love you…
Snow had started to fall outside lightly and I looked out my bedroom window taking in the beautiful virgin whiteness falling downward. I awoke to find Rand gone, and I believe what I heard while I slept was real, I hear it again in my head, I am sorry, I have to leave you, I must leave now. I can’t tell you I love you… I know it was his pattern, I should have seen this coming, and I was so stupid. I cannot believe I finally told him I loved him as he slept. I don’t think he heard my words and yet he slipped out this morning and left unable to face me. I wrapped a bed sheet around me and walked past my writing room and glanced in to see all the work I had written this year with the band in a different area than I had last placed it. Rand must have wandered in there as one his journals was an arms distance from my writings. Several pages of my written work was scattered on the floo
r. He had probably started to read Rock Notes, and Rand saw that at some point I began to write another piece titled Love Notes.
This other piece was my soul, my passion, my making it back to love again, and to love him. There were only a few of the love notes there but I had begun to write so many and they were actual love letters to him. Oh no, I freaked him out. I wish he hadn’t read how deeply into him I was and that I was ready to move on with him and make him feel loved. I poured my heart out in the love letters that he made me love once again and it was a real love, like none before. Oh I wish and hoped that he did not read my hidden secrets and feelings that I had not shared with him yet and wasn’t sure if I ever could. I blew it, I scared him, and he ran off as this was too much for him.
I got to the door like so long ago and slipped to the floor beneath me and wept…. Broken again, emptiness overcame my body and I broke down weeping for being so swept up and so naïve…repeating my life’s pattern. I laid and cried for some time. I thought Rand would have accepted me and that his passion and touches and kisses were evidence that he could let me in his heart or I could rebuild his heart. Especially after last night I believed that he could make love to me, really feel love for me and I knew I could love him, I had for so long. Oh how I prayed for last night to finally happen between us and just as I released my whole soul to him, he had to leave, leave me…
Hours have passed and the snow has piled outside now and somewhere in the pounding of my head from crying I hear a slight knock. It wasn’t really a knock on the door, but a fragile tap. I silenced my crying and slid to one side to open the door. Rand was standing, towering over me covered in glistening snow, with a very sad look on his face. I looked up in my pathetic frame of mind and wanted to replace all the doubt and fear that I just absorbed. But I didn’t know if he had come back to grab the remainder of his clothes on the bedroom floor and his journal and then leave. He slowly joined me on the floor, reaching over me and cradling me in his sturdy arms he knew without speaking, he knows that I thought he left for good, as I assumed he used to with all the other girls he met. I didn’t want to ask what he read; I figured he read it all, every page of my raw emotion.
We stayed together like that for so long and I kept running my fingers over his arm and didn’t want to speak or leave the floor. He lifted me up into his arms and carried me to the bedroom where we had just spent the night before of making amazing love and wonder. The night before was so powerful, from the moment I gave in and let him take me over completely, love me, want me and let me release what I’d felt for so long. He made me think that I could feel whole again and experience something so intense with him.
He now tenderly laid me flat on the bed and leaned up and brushed my bangs away and kissed my forehead. He lingered there for a moment only to then move from me to where he sat at the very edge of the bed and there he remained, silent. I thought he was just being compassionate in this awkward situation, I assumed he was feeling sorry for me and then he started to remove his shirt with his back facing me and slowly he pulled it up over his shoulders and head. My eyes were so sore from crying, still unsure if he was just changing his shirt that I had cried all over. Then I thought he would leave with a fresh shirt on. He turned to me briefly and in a low tone said, “Madison I am so very sorry” and turned back. “I went back home this morning because last night was too much for me, for us, I think something is missing.”
The words plunged into my stomach as this had been the same scenario with Thomas so long ago. I was frozen and unable to speak; I looked up at him as my eyes filled in the corners and seeped to the sheet below. He leaned further forward bending toward the floor in front of him reaching for his clothes and belongings. I leaned up slowly to look at him one last time. I started to stare at his perfectly fit shoulders, then my eyes traveled down his back, and then my eyes widened and fixed on a new tattoo. It was freshly inked with shiny ointment coating it. Under the sheen I saw a heart, severed in half. There were dark crimson blood droplets cascading downward. My eyes blurred. He had a broken heart tattooed and I was saddened. As I followed the path of the redness and each newly drawn drop, I then saw the long, green stem of a rose. It was a single long stem rose that was crème in color with and a trace of the deepest pink trim. It twined, and climbed like green ivy across the naked skin of his lower spine and reached to a large red solid heart. It was the words in the heart that stunned me……
Beautifully inked within that heart were two written words………Madison Rand.
He was not leaving me, he was committing himself to me, Max Rand was here with me now as I had never seen him, so certain of himself and us, he was inked with the permanence of his commitment. Rand turned slightly toward me and caught my tear filled eyes trying to focus on his back. He spoke lightly, “Madison, I’m so sorry, I never wanted you to doubt me. I should have known that you would think I left, but I had to take care of something first, but you can see what that was.”
I then raised, my body tired and weak from crying, and climbed across the bed toward him. I completely threw my messy crying self on his back actually hurting his newly inked tattoo. I say smiling into his eyes, “Yes, Yes, YYYYEEESSSS.” I said it over and over and over. I inched up to the rim of his jeans on his back and spoke aloud “Yes” to his skin and kissed it gently. Tears streamed from my eyes. Rand stood up and came down over me with the kind of smile he so often has and he wrapped his arms tightly around me, so tightly to not let me go. I think I saw a shine in his eye that was beginning to tear.
He whispered lightly in my ear, “Madison I love you, I’m not going anywhere” and then he continued, “I tried to meet you years ago when you wrote the column about our band, but I was stopped in my tracks when I was told you were happily married. I always kept your photograph and studied it and hoped and wished. When you contacted my uncle Maxwell to write about the band and you were never answered, it was because he brought your request to me. He had known that I had once tried to meet you. I knew you were married and that in some cosmic way I felt for you something intense without ever knowing you. It was like being a fan of an idol or movie star that you think of all the time. Please understand that I couldn’t reach out to you to offer you the opportunity to write for the band and have you so close to me when I was then suffering so much love lost in my life then. It was the wrong time. Then it was you, my eyes caught sight of as I entered the stage, in the front row of our Philly concert when you turned my world upside down, my empty heart pumped.”
“No it was you Rand that took my breath away as I watched you from that front row.”
“Well I’m glad I make you breathless, you made me completely love struck crazy. I became so consumed that very night to find out everything about you, I read on the internet gossip that you left the newspaper column at a high point in your career to write other things and I also read you had gotten divorced. I figured I had received my sign of hope.”
“Rand, I am so glad you looked for me, I mean into me, and about me. I often listened to your songs and thought of you singing them to me alone.”
“Well I tried so many times to get closer to you and get you alone while you were writing for the band, but there were too many times your ex-husband Thomas returned and I wasn’t sure where you were heading. He was at the concert all the way in Austin, Texas, then at the hospital when your father passed away; he was again at your house for your birthday. I actually met Thomas, it was at your home at your birthday party, I had flown in with Raeford, a last minute red eye flight decision, to surprise you for your birthday and Raeford to see Jillian for the night and I came to your house, not expecting a party to be going on. Raeford and I separated when we landed as he went to see Jillian and I went to buy you as many roses as I could find in short notice and at that late evening hour.”
“Rand all I thought of on my birthday was the wish that I would see you when Raeford told me you returned with him.”
“Madison, all I wanted was to see you, I wante
d to hold you so badly and Thomas answered your door and said he was throwing you a private birthday party. I could see he did not want me to cross the threshold and he even came out to the front step to talk to me. He made it crystal clear I was not welcome, he then asked me what I was to you; I told him my true feelings about you, I told him I was totally in love with you.”
“You told Thomas you loved me?”
“Yes and he didn’t take it well, Thomas said that I would hurt you and leave you, funny coming from the man that did just that. I knew then I would never leave you, I would find a way to you. I handed him all the different bouquets of roses, there was no note to any of them, as I intended to be speaking from my heart what I would have written on a card, and Thomas took the flowers and went back to your party and closed the door to me.”
“Rand I thought he had those flowers delivered to me, I never knew.”
“Well I will continue to bring you many more now that you’re mine.”
“I am yours, all yours.”
“Madison I also tried to get to see you on Thanksgiving Day, despite Maxwell getting ill and having to take him to the doctor, once he was out of the woods health wise, we flew in on the next flight we could get and I did get to your house and it was late and as I walked up the edge of your driveway to surprise you and feel that Thanksgiving warmth of you in my arms after such a long time away, I saw you and Thomas, you were pulling him into a tight embrace and into your front door. I stayed outside to see you both walk past your front window enjoying a glass of wine near your fireplace; again this time it was clearly not my place to intrude. I felt I let you down.”
“But, I never knew you were there,” I let out a shocked gasp. I was still was reeling from all that Rand was saying. Rand reached down and cupped my chin and said, “Madison, I have always felt something so deep for you, beyond the scope of love. I was so glad to see you the day after Thanksgiving; at least we got that time together. You had forgotten your scarf and it smelled like you. For days I would hold that scarf to my nose, inhaling your scent, closing my eyes and imagining that you were close. The scent faded but I still managed to get the feel that you were with me almost every day.”
“Now I know what you meant when you said you could smell me. I was wondering about that.”
“I know that many times that we were apart you assumed I was having sex with fans. I am sure you watched some of the video feeds from our travels that would surely imply that. Madison, I swear on my sister Ashley that I have never been intimate with another girl since I met you. The nights I never returned until dawn I was writing music, all about you, or thinking and dreaming only of you. Last night making love for the first time to you blew my mind, and as you told me you loved me and crossed my heart with your fingers, I knew your feelings were true. My heart began to feel again.”
“I thought you were sleeping, that’s why I confessed my love.”
“I heard your words and felt your gentle touch, the letters that spell love were simply not enough of a commitment for me to say back to you.”
“I had to leave, I had to find Russ back at my house, knowing he would be there from last night’s party. My New Year’s resolution was to give you a permanent proposal tattoo for all that you have given back to my heart. I thought I had no love left to give, and I don’t care who has been in your heart before, but you have given me so much more love than I could ever ask for. My heart aches for you. Madison will you please become Mrs. Madison Rand please marry me and stay with me…forever, always be in my front row, hell jump on my stage and stay with me by my side forever?”
I finally sobbed and caught my breath, nodding yes to Rand as I continued to shake. I was found and Rand had truly become my rock, my solstice, my world. I had written so many love notes for him with the hopes of this possibility of Rand and me falling in love. I was so complete and my love overflowing with the hopes and dreams now for our future together. He then began to climb up over me as I laid back on the bed. I think laying there on my bed on the fluffy white comforter, I had gone to heaven and as he came close to kiss me and I felt the heat between us.
I was left completely breathless. I let him take me over, he entered me. He filled me and completed me, and I realized he found love again, and we found love again in one another. It was much more powerful this time around. I rested my head on his upper body next to his cross tattoo and closed my eyes mentally thanking whatever force had brought us together, and I felt each and every heartbeat that played from within his chest.
Epilogue – Starting Line
We have crossed the starting line into a relationship between Rand and me. So much has begun since I kissed “YES” to his permanent proposal. We spend a lot of time at his home although I still visit my townhome sometimes. My mother and uncle occupy it now since they have relocated back to Philly from Galveston, Texas. My Rock Notes has been picked up by a publishing house thanks to the persistence of one little charming young lady, Cecile. My Love Notes I still continue to create with each new memory we make. It is all the love that pours into my heart that keeps me inspired. Rand remains firm that he has not read any of them but will want to someday when I am ready to share them with him. His love travels through my blood and pumps into my heart, a constant invigorating feeling.
I never did have my awesome writing desk delivered to my home as I occupy that corner of writing space at the rehearsal studio in the barn often. I have my own tiny brick space on The Wall, where the band and Rand has let me gather some of my own memorabilia. Most of which are Post-it notes for future writing pieces attached there and I have added a photo of his naked back with his marriage proposal tattoo.
Rand, he has been so busy with song writing and will hopefully soon release his first solo album. Maxwell has been a great coach to him, but told him it will happen but all good things take time. It is titled “Simply Mad” named after me, Madison. His cover is being created and he wants it to contain my original column photograph. His song playlist that he has written all the songs to and may add more, I have only heard him play two thus far.
New Album, “Simply Mad” for Madison
This is his song list:
• My Front Row
• Sweet Nervous One
• Secret Musical Note
• Simply Mad
• Empty Heart
• Always Interrupted
• Embrace Us
• Our Holiday
• Cross Your Heart
• Permanent Proposal
At the concert Thomas and I attended in Austin, Texas he had tearfully sang to me Empty Heart. And on the joyous holiday we all shared and the loving reunion of my mother and uncle with me he unveiled his song Our Holiday. I have peeked at his lyrics and new songs for the album. Here is one where it all started:
My Front Row
I feel you in the crowd,
Or am I just imagining?
Oh, I need you right now,
Or am, I just wishing?
I know where you have been,
I want to keep you near.
I am blessed you are my front row,
But without your love I fear.
You don’t know where I’ve been
You can’t see what’s ahead
You don’t know how I feel
You just look where you’re lead.
I’m so glad that you came
I have needed to understand you
You’re the vision from my front row
And I don’t know what to do.
You don’t know where I’ve been
You can’t see what’s ahead
You don’t know how I feel
You just look where you’re lead.
I want to find a hopeful place
Where I can lay you down
I want to be with you always
So amazed my heart’s been found.
You don’t know where I’ve been
You can’t see what’s ahead
You d
on’t know how I feel
You just look where you’re lead.
So, look at me,
Please, look to me,
From the front row,
I can see,
We will see,
What you don’t know.
Also here is another that warms me –
Embrace Us
Take hold of me in your arms
There is no place else for us to go.
Let’s move against one another
Hold tight and move nice and slow.
Embrace Me
And you will look no more
Embrace Me
And you will taste for more
Embrace Us, Embrace Us
Feel the passion in the air
Breathe in the love we have found.
Feel our heated energy ignite
Cling to strengthen our hold that we are bound.
Embrace Me
And you will look no more
Embrace Me
And you will taste for more
Embrace Us, Embrace Us
So hold tight, so pull me in,
No release, we are suddenly locked together.
This is right, so let’s begin,
Inhale, move in each others steps forever.
Embrace Me
And you will look no more
Embrace Me
And you will taste for more
Embrace Us
Embrace Us, Embrace Us
And finally I guess the song that started all his inspiration and that he was crazy in love with me as I am now with him –
Simply Mad – (For Madison)
I am Simply Mad
Without you.
I am Simply Mad
I turn to you.
As I break down,
You comfort me.
I cover my eyes,
You make me see.
Without you
I am Simply Mad.
I turn to you
When I am Simply Mad.
I am Crazy,
dancing in my head.
I am going crazy,
singing out your name.
I see you everywhere,
I hear your voice.
I see you everywhere,
I hear your voice.
I see you everywhere.
I am Simply Mad
Without you.
I am Simply Mad
I turn to you.
Without you
I become Simply Mad.
I run to you
When I am Simply Mad.
I see you everywhere,
I hear your voice.
I see you everywhere,
I hear your voice.
I see you everywhere.
Somewhere in our busy phases of creativity, Rand’s writing music and my writing about him. We both are going to need to carve out some real time because right now the most important thing is I’ve got a wedding to plan!
Author’s Notes
Readers:
I want to thank you for purchasing Rock Notes. I loved writing this novel and hope you enjoyed reading it. Please feel free to reach out to me with a comment.
My website is: www.reneeleefisher.com or email me at
[email protected] Also, note there are five books planned in the Heartbeat Series. The next to follow is Love Notes, coming fall 2013. Continue to follow the story of Madison and Rand who have now just became a couple and have committed themselves to one another, but will they take the next step, will there be a wedding? Will doubt still be there, and will they be able to forgive one another? Life can change in a moment. Accidents happen…what moments will alter their course? Will Madison and Rand ever get their happily ever after?
By: Renee Lee Fisher
Definitions
In geology, a Rock is a naturally occurring solid aggregate of one or more minerals.
Rock music is a genre of popular music.
My Rock, is often used in the phrase, you are my rock, meaning someone that can be relied on.
Notes are often study guides on various subjects.
In music, Notes are used as a notation to duration and pitch of a sound.
My Notes were something I had written down to assist my memory in the future.
By: Madison Tierney
Follow the “Heartbeat Series”
By Renee Lee Fisher:
ROCK NOTES (Book One)
LOVE NOTES (Book Two)
MUSIC NOTES (Book Three)
FIRST BEAT (Book Four)
FIRST BASS (Book Five)
Thank you for reading books on BookFrom.Net Share this book with friends