Chapter Nine – Turkey Day
It must be really hard to travel as much as the band does. Sleeping in another place every night, not your own comfy bed. As I sit here this evening, on my cozy bed, I am wondering where they are all sleeping at this hour. I am wondering especially about Rand. I am missing him, and as I am putting my book about the band, Rock Notes, in some order, I find every time I write his name I pause and a smile comes to my lips. I actually lick my lips to wet them, somehow entranced by him even now. I bite my lower lip hard to put to rest the feeling that is stirring in me for him. The band and Rand are still on the West Coast. I keep following them online, but I refuse to watch another fan made video.
The first holiday of the fall season will be here in just days, with the winter ones not far behind. Rand has been in touch with me since he returned to the West Coast but we haven’t spoken about any holiday plans. He will probably spend it with Maxwell, as he is his family. I don’t have any near. I had spoken to Jillian and she is heading to Atlanta to see her brother Jason. They invited me, but I like being a home body in the cooler months staying in, writing a lot and enjoying coffee or a great glass of wine near a burning fire.
Thomas has been in touch with me at least weekly to ask me to an impromptu dinner or to meet him for a drink. I haven’t really committed to any yet. He called this past week to ask me to join him and his family, which was once my extended family at his condo for Thanksgiving Day for an early dinner. When we were married I used to host the day and make all of the food and the men contributed by eating it all and watching the football games on Thomas’s sixty inch television. It was almost like being at the game without the weather element. I know he would not be making the dinner, I could only assume he was placing an order with one of the Philly restaurants for a pick up of an entire meal with all the trimmings.
As for the band and their plans, Raeford told Rand he was heading back for a visit in Decatur. Ron was taking the girl he was currently crushing on with him for a mini vacation to his family in Florida. Kent was heading up to upper Pennsylvania, Clarkes Summit, and offered to take Isaac if Isaac could be a little quieter around Kent’s family. I had been meaning to text Kent as Cecile has been developing a major crush on him. Cecile is really a cutie, and I could see them possibly dating as she is so perky and he is hysterical to be with. I will have to make myself a voice note on my recorder to text him. As for Rand and Maxwell, I heard they were going to be working on something for the band, probably promotional work right up to the day before Thanksgiving. I wasn’t sure what I was going to end up doing on that day, but settled in the comfort of my warm bed, I feel so very thankful for all that Rand has brought to me. I reached for my phone and sent –
Rand, please note this is definitely not sexting… but I wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you while I was all settled warmly in my bed. Not sure where you’re all at this evening but hoping everything is going well and your shows are as explosive there as they are here. I also just wanted to see what your Thanksgiving Day plans are?
I rested the phone on my chest and closed my eyes. My phone sounded an incoming message from Rand –
Madison, why no sexting? I could really use some from you right about now it has been a long time that we’ve been out on the road. It’s great just to hear from you tonight. I know we talk but the days drag out here, I swear the West Coast is on a slow moving pace for everything. Things are going well thus far and well everyone is heading in one direction or another for the Thanksgiving holiday. Maxwell and I have some band business first in Chicago, so we plan to leave Los Angeles and hit Chicago and hopefully get in late the night before Thanksgiving Day. That is our plan as of now, so I would really like if you and I could share a nibble of a turkey leg and pumpkin pie with plenty of whip cream on top. Maxwell, plans to head to my Aunt’s, I don’t go as my aunt loved my father, Paul, so I want to avoid that confrontation. Great news for you, when we get home, we’ll have a break until after the New Year. I think Maxwell is trying to line up one show in Philly a small venue during the first or second week of December. But a long rest is what we need. I know our time difference makes it much later for you, so I will let you go and sleep. I’m missing you. Oh, and if you change your mind on the sexting topic, feel free and make certain you press send. See you soon.
I was getting tired, but I sent him a reply –
I know you can cook, and I want you to know that I can as well so I will try to put something simple together for us. I am looking forward to the holiday season now. I was dreading it, but perhaps this will be a thankful one for us. I think I might take you into my dreams tonight, good night and Rand, I miss you.
I fell into a deep sleep and thought only of Rand and his coming back home, well back here. It was a wonderful dream, first I was only about a step away from the top landing of my confidence ladder and new I’d grown so much personally these months. Then I recall that I actually dreamed in color as I saw so clearly the pumpkin pie I was making in a dark orange and then I saw the red wine I was pouring in the glasses. I then was dreaming of snow, a light dusting of whiteness newly fallen that accumulated enough to make snowman. I saw Rand and me at Christmas which wasn’t getting too far ahead of me and I saw all the colorful presents.
I was awakened not by opening the beautiful presents that I saw all around the fully decorated tree, but by the presence of someone outside ringing my doorbell. I jumped up and threw on a sweatshirt over my cami top and still in my pajama pants I padded down toward my front door.
“Good morning Madison,” Thomas spoke as he leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. “I thought I could grab a fresh cup of coffee from you and see if you’ve made your plans for Thanksgiving yet.” I knew his stopping all the way out here was not for coffee as he passed many coffee places on the way, but he wanted me to feel guilty so I would go to his place for the holiday. I had not told Thomas anything that I was feeling for Rand, for all I know he just thought I was friends with them all.
“Actually I’ll make you a cup of coffee as I need one now. As for Thanksgiving, I am staying home and maybe having Rand over. It’s a day that he has no place to go to and I can go over some of my writings with him since I haven’t been in California traveling with him or the band.” I added, “It’s not a big holiday for me anymore so you enjoy your family and maybe we can do something another time.” I felt good about letting it be said like that to him.
“Madison, my family adores you and there would be no awkwardness as I told them you and I are very friendly lately and who knows where we’ll go.” His reply was obviously worded to get me to cave for him. But as I started to make the coffee, I just said, “Maybe the next holiday, don’t push Thomas.”
After Thomas left I felt renewed that I wasn’t going to be put through a day with ex-in-laws. I started to get out a few turkey day recipes to see what I could prepare. I hadn’t spoken to Jillian yet today and decided to catch up with her as well. When she answered my call I said “Hey girlfriend, how are you? I had a great talk with Rand last night only to open my front door to Thomas this morning. Thomas came in person to ask me to come to his place for Thanksgiving, but I’m staying home with Rand.”
“Good for you girl, I am proud of you for finally making a wise decision to be with Rand. Although I’ll be with my brother I invited Raeford but he said he had plans already back in Decatur. I don’t want to press it. He’s so quiet at times, that I’m not sure what he’s thinking. Hopefully he’ll be here over Christmas and we’ll have some private time then.”
“I hope you have fun visiting with Jason and give him a kiss from me too. I bet Raeford will be missing you as well.” She was quiet there for a moment.
“Madison, I really miss Raeford already, crazy huh? But so glad that he came back for that overnight. I’m trying to get him to open up to me, but it is really hard, he keeps everything inside. Not like us women that shout out everything we feel. Speaking of feelings, Thomas really is pushing
the envelope with you. I give him credit, he isn’t going away easy. You’re going to have to make it clear with him that you aren’t going back. I think he believes you will eventually.”
“Oh, that is so not going to happen. I still care about him, I can’t turn that off, but I care, really care for Rand. It is so different, I can’t explain it.”
“Maybe it’s love you’re feeling again. Listen, you have fun over the holiday and I will miss you, give Rand a big hug from me. Raeford says Rand is really into you. Raeford doesn’t tell me much, but he also said that you are so good for Rand. I’m flying to Atlanta tomorrow to beat the holiday rush and just staying the weekend. But I’m a phone call away if you need me. How about Monday, we’ll hit the gym after eating all the holiday food?”
“Yeah that sounds good, just how many calories do you think we’ll put on this holiday?
“Girlfriend probably way too many, but we could always burn some off with sex, so remember that while Rand is near!”
“I’ll try to take your advice, love you.” I blew her a kiss goodbye through the phone and told her to have a wonderful holiday, I was so thankful to have her in my life.
“Have a warm holiday Madison, you deserve it.”
The next few days were a bit hectic for me; I had to meet with Cecile to give her more chapters of my book for her to read through as I was on a timeline to finish. She had questioned what my dinner plans were for Turkey Day but I told her I had plans already and I think she was truly fishing for an invite but I didn’t want anyone to be with Rand and me. I know that sounds selfish but I hadn’t seen him in quite sometime and wanted to really spend a day of quality time with him. I was also busy with getting the ingredients on my list for my Thanksgiving Day dinner. I wanted it to be perfect. I felt that being on the road for so long that all Rand ate was meals out at the restaurants or room service or the buffets they brought in before the shows, and I wanted him to have some home cooking.
Wednesday night I was in the kitchen late, rolling the pie crust and making a flawless pumpkin pie. My house smelled like an autumn candle’s aroma, very warm and tasty. I was wondering what time Rand’s flight would be coming in from Chicago. I had put the news on and saw that there was some snow already in the Midwest, but not enough to cause flight cancelations. My phone sounded – it was Rand.
Madison I’m stuck with Maxwell, not that he isn’t a great guy but I would rather be lying with my arms around you. Our plane had mechanical failure and we’re grounded until further notice. Looks like we may not leave till the morning, which is if we can get on another flight on Thanksgiving Day. Everyone in the entire world is traveling now. I’ll get to you as soon as we land. I miss you.
I was so excited that he would be here tomorrow that I didn’t care when he would arrive. I replied –
I was actually watching the weather channel to make certain you weren’t hung up by snow. I’m looking forward to seeing you. Tell Maxwell Happy Thanksgiving and I will see him sometime soon too. I’m deep in flour and sugar baking pumpkin pies so you can take him one all for himself. I’m glad you are missing me.
Rand sent another text –
That sounds really sweet, you’re making my mouth water. I can’t wait to taste your pies, and taste you.
I blushed and almost dropped my phone in the bowl of pie crust. I had to regroup and then I continued to busy myself with my culinary endeavors. My skills were limited but I was determined not to have any of this meal go wrong. When I had finished all the prep work and cooking I could do at this late hour I turned in for the night and my thoughts took me away to Rand.
I woke up early enough to read a text from Rand that he and Maxwell were able to get seats on a flight midday today and he would see me later. I was thrilled. I had a spring in my step as I went to the kitchen to prep the turkey and get everything underway. Looking out from my kitchen window a few flurries swirled and stuck to the wooden planks and then evaporated. The sky was a swirl of grey, and the remaining few fall leaves were a pop of color to this ominous feeling day.
The middle of the day I looked at the kitchen clock and knew he was on a flight as he hadn’t sent me any messages changing that. I was a mess from cooking and decided to take a long bath and get all cleaned up and put something nice on with a hint of sexy for him.
I soaked in the water, enjoying the exciting scent of passion berry from a bath ball. I realized that I was here naked and wanting to feel Rand in the tub with me. I wanted to feel his desirable, sculpted body and take my hands up over his wet chest and carry my fingers to his dampened hair. I wanted to pull him into a passionate hot kiss and then watch him continue to move his lips down my body till he had his head between my thighs. I could feel myself getting all wet and aroused just by thinking of him. He will be here soon. With that thought, I slowly sank lower into the tub taking the warmth from the water into my body.
I lit the fireplace and some candles around my house to make the atmosphere warm and comfortable. I was dressed in a golden sheer sleeve short dress with a black leather belt resting low on my hips and black boots that came just above my knee. The belt complemented my leather cuff bracelet that I added to finish off my look. I glanced in my living room mirror as I walked past and for the first time in so long I liked the reflection that looked back. I had sent a text to Rand earlier –
Rand, hoping you got on that flight or another. Happy Thanksgiving. See you soon.
I began getting nervous as the hours ticked away and I had not heard from him. I was wondering why I hadn’t heard from Rand as I had already expected him hours ago. All the food cooled off as everything was ready earlier. I poured myself a glass of wine and was quite generous with the pour. My phone sounded –
Madison, hey, sorry I missed your message, we got delayed again. Maxwell had indigestion from something he ate here at the airport and got very sick. I took him to an urgent facility just outside the airport to be checked out and we had to pass up our earlier flight. We hope to catch a later flight. I’m sorry.
My phone sounded again only it was a call from Thomas – I answered it trying to be cheery and not let him notice that I was choking up from the message that just came in from Rand. I felt deflated that Rand may not make it here.
“Hello Maddy how was your day? I wanted to tell you the last of my guests have left and Thanksgiving was not the same. Your cooking was missed was the general consensus.”
It took me a minute to respond. I was trying to swallow the sad lump that formed in my throat as my day was not happy as I thought it would be.
“Maddy are you there? Are you okay?” Thomas pressed.
“I am fine, just a little let down. I was actually planning a dinner with Rand and he didn’t come.” There I said it to Thomas, I put it out there, whether he just thought Rand and I were friends or maybe something more, I actually said what I was feeling.
Thomas responded, “Maddy pour me some wine, I will see you soon, and you’ll have a wonderful Thanksgiving night. I am not letting you say no and you are not going to end this day alone.”
It took Thomas less than a half hour to get to my door from the city. There must have been no traffic on the roads as everyone was surely with their loved ones still enjoying the day or he drove really fast. When I opened the door to him, I was overtaken by his compassion. He opened his arms and I fell into them. I invited him in even though I had turned him down earlier this week to spend this day with him. I offered him a glass of wine and led him by his hand to sit fireside with me. I did offer him some of my dinner that was untouched and he made me feel proud that he actually said he wanted another complete dinner, so we dined late in the night together. Our conversation during our meal turned to my writing for the band.
Thomas asked, “I have to ask but you don’t have to tell me, but what are you to Rand? And before you answer me, I can see he hurt you today not showing up. I don’t think he will be able to be there for you for a lot of special days in the long run.”
> I felt his words deep in my belly. His words and the wine I was consuming had my head swirling about too. I didn’t want to tell Thomas the feelings I had for Rand. Sometimes, I felt like I was infatuated with this singer, but I knew it was so much more. The last person I wanted to share any of these feelings with was my ex-husband.
“Thomas, Rand and I are friends. I was just looking forward to spending time catching up with him and his uncle since I haven’t seen them in a long time.” I gave Thomas that shake off attitude like it was nothing. I just didn’t want to go into the whole story with Thomas. Although Thomas and I had become friends he didn’t need to know my true feelings for another. Thomas gathered up his plate and took mine from me and bent down and kissed my head and thanked me for dinner as he carried the dishes into my kitchen. It was a nice sight to see him taking care of me. I joined him in the kitchen and put the coffee on and offered up some pumpkin pie to him. I didn’t have to sell him on it saying it was homemade, as he knew I made pumpkin pie and he loved it.
It was uncanny and comfortable as we both made way to getting the dessert plates out and forks and making the coffee knowing how each other took theirs. This was a relaxed, familiar feeling. I felt calm and at ease with him here, although I longed for Rand and his touch. I doubted now with all the interruptions that kept occurring that Rand and I would ever progress as more than what we were.
Finishing up our desserts, I smiled at Thomas and he licked his lips with satisfaction. I saw something more in his gesture. I walked over to him and took his hand to my cheek and held it there and thanked him for being with me tonight and the past few months since my father’s passing. I was reflecting on my past with him looking into the flames of the fire that danced behind him in the fireplace hearth. I leaned into him and took his mouth into mine. I kissed Thomas hard and strong. I didn’t stop. I pressed his lips until he took mine back and as we opened and accepted each other’s tongues that tasted of coffee and pumpkin, it was so sweet. We traveled toward the sofa and curled up next to one another and kissed for a very long time. My phone sounded and I broke the moment abruptly – It was from Rand
Madison, I really tried to see you today, sorry we could not get together. Do know that I’m thinking about you.
After reading this, the moment with Thomas was broken. I knew it was wrong of me to ever have started to sway to that direction. I was so confused, I had this need and craving for Rand that I could not shake although so many times it has gone nowhere and then I have the safety net of Thomas always there always ready to reach for me and catch me and hold me. I didn’t know where my heart was heading. I told Thomas that I was so glad he came again to my rescue but I was tired and wanted to call it a night. He, like a gentleman, did not press me for anything more, and as I walked him to my door, he gently kissed me goodnight. I kissed him back actually wondering if I should explore romance with Thomas again. I shut the front door and rested against the back of it. Lost in my thoughts I went to answer Rand’s message. I was going to take the high road and not let him know it broke me up earlier and wasn’t going to tell him Thomas came to save me on this holiday.
Rand, I understand things happen. I hope Maxwell’s feeling better. I have plenty of leftovers if you’re around the next few days. I wish we could have been together, goodnight.
Rand sent back –
Tomorrow’s open how about you? I love cold turkey sandwiches and cold slices of stuffing. You better have saved me pie. Can you come by the rehearsal studio? I’ll be there all day. There’s so much to put in order from our California trip. Also Maxwell wants to stop to see me about doing a local concert next week in Philly.
Round two, here I go again, his pull is too much for me, I want to not be so reeled in by him and yet I jump at his words he sends. Rand, I can come by in the afternoon, we’ll do a post turkey day lunch.
His response seemed apologetic –
I’ll be here and I am looking forward to seeing you and holding you…near me.
That did it for me, just the thought of him holding me once more I weakened. I would actually prefer to not have another around us but then again I was too uncertain about being with him alone, I guess something was imbedded in my head telling me that Rand could possibly break my heart, just at Thomas suggested. But I had missed him and was looking forward to it being tomorrow already. As my head hit my pillow, not knowing where my life was heading again, I was feeling torn in my relationships. I drifted to endearing thoughts of Thomas and then to sexual thoughts of Rand and I; wet, hot sexual thoughts where I slept well, very well.
What a crazy afternoon and wow, traffic to all the malls was horrible as I drove and drove and tried to take back roads instead of the main ones to avoid the crazy shoppers on this unspoken holiday. So many women venture out all day to shop their hearts out for bargains for the kick off to the Christmas season. My arrival to the barn was filled with excitement as I did not see any other vehicles there except Rand’s Hummer. Checking myself in my car mirror once more before heading in to see him I adjusted my scarf around my neck. I had chosen to wear one this morning thinking about how he tied my wrists together the last time I wore one. Before I could get the handle, my door opened and it was like a vision, the sun glowed behind this truly awesome looking man. I was mesmerized by the way his hair hung messy and his blue eyes penetrated right through me.
“Madison, let me help you.” He spoke as he started to gather my bags of food in one of his strong hands. It looked like I was a food delivery person with an order he had placed. But before we even got past my car, he took hold of me with his empty hand and tilted my face up. He was smiling so blissfully right before he stole a kiss from my longing lips.
Without ever even getting out a hello to him we had placed the food carriers down and took over each other’s bodies, hands roaming everywhere. He licked at my lips, but obviously wanted more. We held onto each other so tightly that I could feel his heart beat even through his jacket. I could not believe I was here with him, this striking looking man of such physical perfection. I wanted to eat him up. I had such a desire to take his clothing off slowly, one piece at a time. I felt his tongue so deep into my mouth and my lips pressed against his not wanting to release. We could have stayed like this, but he broke apart from my lips and tossed his head back shaking his hair and said in a low tone, “I wanted this so bad and here you are. I have missed you.” My eyes started to tear in the corner as I leaned down and picked up the food bags.
“I missed you too, I missed not spending yesterday with you” I spoke but began to choke up and didn’t want him to see me cry. I was so afraid to scare him off and have him slip away.
“Did you really?” The way he asked made his doubt clear. I was wondering why I felt that way. I had so missed him yesterday, if he had only known how I longed for him.
We had laid out the food picnic style on the floor on a woven blanket in the rehearsal studio near The Wall. I took several of the pillows from the couches to the floor. Rand said all their music equipment was coming back here today and tomorrow from their trip and he had some business to handle with Maxwell. But just sitting with him now and enjoying his company, seeing his body in front of me was enough.
He caught me up on most of the West Coast trip. He told me funny stories about each of the band members’ crazy behavior. I took a few notes on a nearby notepad as he spoke wanting to capture some of the visuals of the band that he described. He told me about the place they stayed at in California that it was awesome and they had a great panoramic view of the ocean. Each morning he would rise, look at the view and think about me all the way here on the other side of the country. I smiled and my belly fluttered as he spoke and I found myself studying his features with every breath he released.
As he got up to go grab us a beer, I watched his back and just past him I caught a glimpse of something on The Wall. It was a new addition on Rand’s corner, there were many new photos of him with female fans from the California shows, each
one had written across it the city…but then there was a large photo of one woman in particular. A fan looking bright eyed at Rand from the very front row, she was staring at him, so consumed in her thoughts, so reined in, and lost in thought. It was a photo taken without the person knowing it and so it captured her raw and real and you could draw a dotted line exactly from her lips to Rand’s eyes on stage. There was no missing the smile on his singing face and the endearing look from hers. It was a picture of me. I don’t ever remember it being taken. How could I as it looked like I was in a trance, focusing on the stage? It had been taken on the very first night that I went to see them play in Philly.
“You look beautiful in that photo,” Rand said returning with his drink. “I wonder when I look at it what you were thinking at that moment.”
“Rand, I think maybe I was hoping this singer takes me on to write about him, and I am sure I was thinking about how that would be. Look at us now, who would have thought we would be like this…” I stopped speaking as I didn’t know what to call us. There was an undeniable passion but what else did we give to one another.
“Yeah look at us, hungry for food and one another,” he said as he sat down next to me and started to feed me.
After we ate the Thanksgiving leftovers, we settled in each other’s arms on the sofa for long nap as the turkey surely tired us out. Or was that just a myth? He was on the sofa and I was lying between his legs with my chest resting just across his stomach. I could feel my body rise and fall with his every breath. He played with my hair, twisting the strands and tugging softly at them and then he began to stroke the lightest touches across my throat with the pad of his thumb. He undid my scarf and slid it away from my neck exposing my skin further to his touch. Like an artist with a delicate paintbrush going over and over an area of the canvas, he continued to work his fingers sensually until he reached the edge of my sweater.
He slid his thumb down over my nipples going back and forth under my lace bra, over and over in an up and down motion. Rand releases an intense moan and it feels like he is playing air guitar across my nipples hardening under his touch. Without even moving I could feel his chest move as he sighed, and I could feel him hardening against my hip. Rand splayed his fingers out across my stomach. His hand pressed harder to my belly as it stimulated my every nerve ending. He passed his hand down over my music note charm and circled my belly button with his thumb, and then he lowered his hand into my jeans and pressed hard to my abdomen.
I moved with his rhythm, still lying on him but letting him continue to travel down my body, enjoying all this pleasure from the ride. His hand was now the lowest it had ever been on my body and I felt like I was going to explode just at the thought of him touching me. I wiggled turning onto my side, trying to encourage him to continue. I wanted to feel his fingers deeper. I was unbuttoning the fly of his jeans and slowly taking my hand to him to pleasure him as well. The door to the rehearsal studio flew open and we looked down to see a smiling and well feeling Maxwell.
I caught myself first wanting to scream as Rand was on the verge of taking my body further, and that again, we were interrupted. I hated that our timing was off and that we never completed what we started. I sat up fixing myself. I just wanted Rand to take me and finish touching me and release all this pent up lust I was carrying. I was frustrated to have this moment end. But then I was happy to see Maxwell, just wish it was an hour later. I shouted down an invite to him to come up and join us saying how much food I brought up here and made him feel comfortable as I told him I knew he would be joining us. Up in the loft area near The Wall, Maxwell was unable to see what moment in the making he had just cut short. We both sat up and held each other, arms and legs entwined as Maxwell climbed the stairs to us.
I enjoyed the rest of the afternoon with Maxwell and Rand. I had fed these two fine men and they enjoyed it. As much as I wanted their company, especially Rand’s, I could tell that they had some work to get to. I didn’t want to hold them up so I told Rand I would see him soon. He walked me to my car.
He said, “I hope, soon we will be alone together.” There was a moment of hesitation in his voice and I was uncertain what brought that on. I had hoped his words would come true. I only wished it was today and that I could feel him touching me again, finishing what we started. I pulled at his shirt collar to tip him toward my face and kissed his nose and then had to kiss his lips again and again.
As I drove away, I glanced in the rearview mirror and saw him returning to the studio. I watched every step of his walk until he wasn’t visible anymore, and then what I did see was my neck. It was red from his kisses and exposed as I had left my scarf on the sofa. I wasn’t cold though as a different kind of warmth tingled through my body like that of a furnace igniting. My heart burned and pumped and I knew this heat I felt was entirely caused by the memories of what was interrupted on that couch.