“You don’t necessarily have to be married to be committed to someone,” I remind him.
“My job is really hard on relationships, Sam. Trust is hard to maintain, on both sides. I’m gone a lot.” He shrugs and looks sad for a second, but covers it up with a grin. “Why are you single?”
I just had to go there, didn’t I?
“Never been even close to marriage, and don’t intend to be.” I withdraw automatically, school my features, and give him a bland look.
And piss him the fuck off.
“You’re lying.” His gray eyes heat.
“No, I’m not.” I shake my head and focus on tracing the letters on his chest.
“Why did you just pull away?” He asks, watching me closely. I continue to trace the ink on his chest, and he stills me by gripping my hand in his.
“I’m sorry I asked,” I whisper.
“Sam, we’re just having a conversation.” I shake my head, but he leans in and kisses me softly and I relax instinctively.
He calms me, and that makes me nervous.
“I was in a relationship that ended very badly,” I whisper. “I don’t trust people easily, and don’t see myself ever trusting anyone enough to commit to them like that.”
“Look at me.”
Instead, I lean in and rest my forehead against his sternum.
“Look at me, sunshine.” His voice is almost light and I risk a peek.
He’s smiling.
“Am I funny?” I ask and give him a mock glare.
“Actually, yes, you can be.” He continues to grin, and I just want to lean in and grip that piercing in my teeth and tug. “This might sound selfish, but I’m glad it didn’t work out with the other guy because then I wouldn’t be here with you, and I’ve never enjoyed myself more.”
I feel my mouth drop and eyes widen. That might be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.
How pathetic am I?
“But I also want to kick the shit out of him for hurting you.”
“Maybe I hurt him,” I reply with a smirk.
He watches me closely and then exhales as he shakes his head. “No, he hurt you.” He pulls me against him and wraps his arms around me tightly. “Did he ever hit you?” He asks, his voice just a whisper.
“No,” I respond immediately. “And I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Okay.”
“So, who’s your favorite band?” He asks, making me laugh.
“Who’s your favorite band?” I ask.
“I asked you first.”
I squint my eyes like I’m thinking really hard. “U2.”
“You are so gonna pay for that.” He attacks me with tickles, and I shriek with laughter, and then moan in pleasure as his hands roam over my body.
“I think I like this payment system you have.”
“I’m just getting started, sunshine.”
Chapter Five
I’m a moron. What the fuck was I thinking? Since when do I let my loins make the decisions?
Because that’s exactly what happened yesterday. And last night.
And again this morning.
I shift uncomfortably in the drivers seat of my car, the soreness between my legs reminding me exactly where Leo spent the majority of the past twenty-four hours.
The man is just sex on a stick.
So much for not getting involved. I’d been doing so well all week, keeping him at a distance. And then he had to go and look so right there in my apartment, and I just couldn’t keep my hands off of him.
But not again. No, for the sake of my sanity, and keeping my family relatively drama-free, last night was a one-time deal.
I’ll find another fuck buddy to play with once in a while and things will go back to normal.
So why does the thought of that make me sick to my stomach?
I park outside the coffee shop near Alki beach in West Seattle. We decided to meet near Nat and Luke’s place this time, which suits me just fine. The view here is amazing, even on a dark, gloomy day like today.
I wrap my black scarf around my neck and move quickly through the wind and rain to the café and immediately spot Nat, Jules and Meg at a table near the back.
“Hey!” I wave at them and order a chai tea and then join them.
“How’s it going?” Jules asks and sips her latte.
“Good. How are you guys?” I ask and take a seat.
“We’re good, we’re talking about Nat and Luke’s big move.” Meg replies and points to Natalie.
“What big move?” I ask and sip my tea.
“We’re moving.” Natalie responds and bites her lip.
“What?” What the fuck? “Where the hell are you moving to? If you say L.A., I’ll kick your ass.”
“No.” She waves me off and shakes her head, a wide grin on her pretty face. “We’re just moving to a bigger house.”
“When?” Jules asks and takes a bite of a scone. How can she eat like that and stay thin? I think I hate her.
“We just started looking. I don’t know.” Nat shrugs. “I’m hoping before the new baby comes because I won’t want to deal with it after it’s born.”
We all nod in agreement and sip our drinks.
“I’ll help you look, if you want,” I offer. “I like to shop for anything.”
“Me too!” Jules agrees happily.
“Not me.” Meg shakes her head. “I love you guys, but I hate looking at houses. It’s like buying a car. Boring as hell.”
“I’ll let you guys know when and if there’s something to look at. So far Luke hasn’t found anything he likes, so he’s making noises about having something built.”
“Sounds like my brother,” I mutter with a chuckle. “He’ll build you guys something fabulous.”
“Yeah, but I want to move in the next six months, so we’ll see how that goes.” Nat shifts in her chair and pushes her muffin away without taking a bite. “Enough about that, it makes me nervous. Meg, how’s Leo settling in? Luke mentioned he’s staying at your old place?”
Great, my turn to be nervous.
I take another sip of my tea and keep my face blank. I’m so not telling my friends what Leo and I have been up to.
No way.
“He’s good,” Meg replies and then frowns. “But he’s been really moody the past week or so.”
“Broody musician?” Jules asks with a wink.
“Not usually.” Meg shrugs. “He usually acts this way when he’s stuck on a girl. But he’s even more moody than usual. If he is seeing someone, and I meet her, I’m gonna kick her ass for making him so grouchy.”
I choke on my drink, sputtering and coughing, and Nat leans over to smack my back.
“You okay?” She asks.
“Fine,” I choke out and take another sip. “Sorry, just went down wrong.”
“So, you think he’s seeing someone?” Nat asks Meg.
Please, God, change the subject!
“I don’t know, he won’t tell me. So, I told him to stop being a moody asshole.” Meg smiles smugly.
“I think that you might be the only person on the planet who can tell Leo Nash to stop being an asshole,” Jules remarks.
“He’s my brother. Sam can relate.” She smiles at me and I nod, trying to push down the guilt.
Why the fuck do I feel guilty?
Okay, maybe because I just let her brother fuck my brains out and I’m not gonna tell her.
This only confirms for me that not seeing Leo any more is the best decision for everyone.
“It’s different when it’s your brother.”
“Do you ever tell Luke to stop being an asshole?” Nat asks me, her green eyes laughing.
“All the time.” I salute her with my cup and take a drink and we all laugh.
“How long is he in town for?” Jules asks.
“A while.” Meg shrugs and smiles. “I like having him here again. He’s staying at my townhouse for now. We actually started working on a song together last week.??
?
“That’s awesome, I’m so happy for you.” Nat pats Meg on the shoulder.
“Jules, how’s Nate?” I ask and effectively change the subject.
“Sexy,” she replies and flips her blonde hair back over her shoulder.
“That we knew.” Meg rolls her eyes.
“We’re good. Busy.” Jules shrugs. “Nothing really to report.”
During the next hour we gossip about mutual friends and catch up with each other, and I’m relieved that the conversation stays clear of Leo.
I don’t like lying to my closest friends, and by not telling them about Leo, I’m lying. It doesn’t sit well with me.
“Sam, how’s your job?” Meg asks.
Oh good, another lie to feel guilty about.
“Fine. The usual.” I shrug nonchalantly and smile.
I am so going to hell for lying to my family.
***
“Hi, baby, did you guys have fun?” Luke asks Nat as we come through their front door and greets her with a kiss, Livie perched on his hip. Livie squeals in delight and reaches for her mama, and I can’t help but smile as I watch their little family.
They’re adorable.
Nat showers her daughter with kisses and then passes her along to me and then Luke dips her low and plants a big one on her.
I have a very Jules-like compulsion to gag.
“Ew, don’t watch that, Livie. You’re too young.” I carry her to the kitchen, put her in her chair and she immediately reaches for the Cheerios spread on her tray.
“Mmm,” she grins as she sticks a Cheerio in her mouth.
“Mmm,” I agree.
God, she’s adorable.
“Did you put the pretty pink bow in her hair?” I ask Luke with a smirk.
“Uh, no.”
“I did before I left.” Nat laughs and kisses her baby on the head as she walks past. “Did you two have fun?”
“Always.” Luke smiles. It’s good to see him smile so much.
He didn’t for far too long.
“Nat invited me for dinner.” I plop in a chair next to Olivia and push her cereal around on the tray.
“Cool. We’re having liver and onions.”
“I’m leaving.” I brace my hand on the table to stand and Natalie smacks Luke on the arm.
“If we are, I’m leaving with her.”
“What are you making?” I ask and give him the big blue-eyed look he can’t resist.
“I guess I’m making alfredo.” He sighs, knowing it’s my favorite.
“Yes!” I pump my fist in the air and offer Olivia a high five, but she just giggles at me.
“So, what do you know?” He asks me like he always does and leans on his elbows on his countertop.
“I know you’re a pain in the ass,” I reply with a grin.
“Why did you invite her?” He asks Natalie.
“I like her.” She shrugs and winks at me.
“She likes me more than she likes you,” I tell him smugly.
“No, I guarantee that isn’t true, is it baby?” Luke grabs her from behind and nuzzles his nose in her neck and pushes his pelvis against her ass and this time I do gag.
“God, stop it. There’s a baby present.” I shake my head. “You’re disgusting.”
“He can’t keep his hands off me.” Natalie laughs and points at her still-flat belly. “Hence, baby number two.”
“You do know what causes that, right?” I ask.
“What?” Luke asks innocently.
“I’m so not having this conversation with you.” I shudder violently. “Gross.”
He laughs and we settle into a happy, relaxed evening of good food and conversation. I love my brother more than just about anyone else in the world. I trust him. I can be myself with him, and he loves me back.
And I’ve grown to feel the same about Nat.
I needed this tonight.
When dinner is cleaned up, Nat takes Olivia upstairs for a bath and bed, and Luke hands me a glass of white wine. We’re sitting at the breakfast bar of their really impressive kitchen.
He’s so damn spoiled.
“So, what’s up with you?” he asks.
“Nothing.” I take a sip of the crisp, sweet wine. “What’s up with you?”
I’m not fooling him. He just stares at me for a minute and then takes a sip of his own wine. He runs a hand through his always-messy blonde hair and scratches his head.
“Don’t wanna talk about it?” He asks.
I hate it when he can see through me.
Dumb brother.
And I want to tell him, so badly, about my job and Leo, because I know he’ll understand and listen, but I just can’t.
“Nothing to talk about.”
“Do you need help?” He asks softly, the blue eyes that match mine serious and worried.
“Nope.” I repeat and shake my head.
“You worry me, you know.”
“I thought I was the older sibling.” I wrinkle my nose at him and pat his back. “I’m fine.”
“Okay. I’m here.” He exhales and tugs my ear and then takes another sip of his wine.
“I know.” I’m mortified to feel tears trying to gather in the corners of my eyes, so I quickly change the subject. “So you guys are moving?”
“Yeah, if I can find a place that doesn’t suck.”
“Which means if you can find a place you love more than this one,” I respond with a smirk. “I know you love this house.”
“I do.” He nods thoughtfully and then his eyes turn to the top of the stairs. “I love them more, and we’ll out-grow this house soon.”
“I’m not helping you move. You have too much shit.” I finish my wine and laugh at his scowl.
“Well, it’s a good thing I can afford a moving company.”
“Good thing.” I agree and smile smugly. “But I’ll babysit.”
“You’re just using me for my kid.” He laughs and refills his wine. “Want more?”
“No, I have to go.”
“You’re leaving?” Nat asks as she jogs down the stairs.
“Yeah, your husband is boring me.” I wink at her and pull my jacket and scarf on.
“You’re so charming,” Luke mutters.
“I know.”
I hug them both and head out to my car and feel my phone vibrate in my pocket.
My heart rate picks up at the sight of a text from Leo and I have to remind myself that I don’t get to keep him.
He’s not mine.
I climb in my car, start the ignition and buckle my belt before I check the text, just to prove to myself that I’m not dying to see him again.
Because I am.
Where are you, sunshine?
God, I love it when he calls me sunshine.
I’m out.
Maybe, if I’m less than warm and friendly, he’ll go away.
Can I see you tonight?
Or not.
I do not want to be mean to him, but I can’t see him again. The longer I let a physical relationship progress, the harder it will be to stop seeing him later.
I don’t know how long I’ll be out. I may not come home tonight. You know how it is.
I take a deep breath and shift the car into drive and head toward home. Did I seriously just insinuate that I was with another man while I can still feel the after-effects of having him inside me every time I move?
When I can still practically smell him?
I am not that girl.
My phone chirps with another text and I raise the phone in my shaking hand.
I’ll wait.
He’ll wait?
Okay, if he wants a fight, I’ll give him a fight. Who the hell does he think he is, anyway?
I feel better with my anger simmering to the surface and make the drive home in record time. I park under the building in my spot and take the elevator up to my floor and find Leo leaning against the wall next to my door, his legs crossed at the ankles, reading something on his phone.
>
He has a plastic bag full of take-out.
“How long have you been here?” I ask as I move past him and unlock my door.
“Not long,” he answers, his voice calm. I refuse to look him in the face.
“Why are you here?” I hate how cold my voice sounds.
“I thought I’d bring you dinner.” He follows me inside my apartment and closes the door behind him, sets the bag of food on the coffee table and turns to me, shoves his hands in his pockets and rocks back on his heels.
“You should have called earlier. I already had a dinner date.” I swallow and look everywhere but at him, my stomach rolling.
“Look at me.”
“Leo…”
“Look at me, damn it.” My eyes find his and my knees almost buckle at the pain in his stormy gray gaze.
Fuck.
“What do you want from me?” I ask and plant my hands on my hips. “I don’t recall making any promises last night.”
“What’s up with the ice queen act?” His voice is stone hard now. Anger is good. I can work with anger.
“This is just who I am, Leo.” I smirk and turn away and he stomps after me.
Just leave!
“Bullshit.” He grabs my arm and spins me around to face him. “Talk to me.”
“What is there to say?” I pull my arm out of his grip and back away from him. The more distance the better. “Last night was a one time deal, Leo.”
“What?” He frowns at me, not believing what I’m telling him.
“Did you think we were starting a relationship?” I smirk at him. “You don’t do relationships, remember?”
“You’re pissing me off, Samantha.” His hands ball into fists at his sides and his eyes are shooting daggers at me and I have to mentally square my shoulders to keep from sinking to the floor.
“I don’t know what to tell you,” I wave him off like he doesn’t matter. “You knew the score. It was just sex. Really good sex,” I concede, “But just sex. I finally fucked a rock star. Thanks.”
I wink at him and quickly turn away so he can’t see how badly it hurts to talk to him like this, to put that hurt his is amazing gray eyes. I pull a bottle of wine out of the fridge and pop off the stopper in the neck, but am suddenly spun around to face him. His eyes are feral, his breath coming in harsh pants, and his hands are gripping my shoulders hard.
“You wanna fuck a rock star, sugar?” Before I can react, he plunges his fingers in my hair and pulls me to him. He kisses me hard, demanding me to open my lips and accept his tongue. He licks and sucks my mouth, bites my lips, and takes some more, and I push on his chest, trying to shove him away, but he holds firm. His hands slide down to cup my face and he pins me with my back against the fridge.