Wren formed an ice cube and slapped it onto her forehead. “It’s so hot!” she whined. The air-conditioning in the Cave was on the fritz, and Lydia sat beside her in the game room, fanning herself. She held out her hand and Wren passed her a new ice cube. It was cool and refreshing as it melted fast onto Lydia’s cheeks and neck.
So far, Rick’s last report had been normal, and that had been when Lydia woke up. The heat killed her initiative to track anyone today, much less move. Instead, she had spent the morning debating with Jando, Aidan, Wren, and Donny about, of all things, which was better: cakes or pies?
Donny had sided with both her and Wren in favor of cakes. “They have multiple layers and frosting.” He slapped a hand into his palm for emphasis.
“Pie goes great with ice cream,” Jando said.
“So does cake,” Wren countered. “And there’s so many kinds of cake.”
“There’s more flavors of pie—and better ones,” Aidan said.
Lydia shook her head. “Pies suck. You know why people throw pies in comedies? Because they’re upset they didn’t get cake instead. ‘Get rid of this nasty pie and get me cake!’” She pretended to throw one, and the debate fizzled into an agree-to-disagree. They were left hot and hungry. Aidan wandered off in search of food, and Jando and Donny returned to their rooms. Lydia lazed about and watched a cartoon with Wren, half chuckling every once in a while.
Wren let her ice melt and dribble down her face to her lips, and she lapped it up. Lydia held out her wet hand again, and Wren created another cube and tossed it to her. She did the same, sticking the ice cube on her forehead, and the cold on her brow was immediately refreshing. “Thanks,” she said, with a groggy mumble.
“No problem.”
Jando burst in with far too much energy for the heat. “And how are my two favorite ladies? Sweltering?” he asked, running his fingers through Lydia’s hair plastered to her forehead. She brushed him off.
“What’s got you in such a good mood?” Lydia asked.
“Relaxing in the dorms with the just-fixed and working AC.” In the blink of an eye, Wren dashed off to the dorm. Lydia stretched and couldn’t wait to be under a cool vent again herself.
“Thanks for letting us know.”
Jando helped her up. “Got anything planned today?”
“Not really. Veg out in bed. Why?”
He shrugged. “Well, I figure as long as you’re vegging, we could make up for not having the movie night last night.”
She tilted her head. “You sure you’re up to it? If you’re still queasy, we can do it later.”
“I’m all right.”
“Then yeah,” she said. Might as well bite the bullet now. “Let’s go.”
They headed to his room this time, as Lydia didn’t want Wren walking in on them like before. Jando had already picked out a drama and popped in the DVD. He sat beside Lydia on his bed and before the opening credits even finished, he was already going in for a kiss.
“Jando,” she said, ducking underneath a pass, “we need to talk.”
“About what?”
“About this,” she said. She paused the movie and held his forehead still. She took a deep breath, already preparing for the backlash to follow. How did she say this to that innocent expression and shatter it to pieces? Despite all the expectation for this conversation, she had not thought of a good way to broach the subject. “I haven’t been honest with you,” she said, treading lightly. “About us dating.” His playful smile drooped as the meaning dawned on him, and already a hole pierced her chest. Going soft wasn’t working and she panicked, dumping out the rest in a frenzy. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t think you’d actually take this seriously. It’s just—I figured you’d break up with me and move on after a couple of weeks.” She dropped her hand and he sat there, stunned and silent. “Sorry.”
The air-conditioning blew in its quiet corner, building into a fierce hurricane, and the television’s buzzing was like angry bees, welling in the pit of Lydia’s stomach and caught up in the commotion as she watched Jando’s face. His bewildered eyes flicked from side to side, lost in thought and surely a mix of emotions like hers. His shoulders sagged and Lydia’s throat felt dry. He was broken. She had seriously hurt him. She offered another tentative apology. “I’m sorry.” He raised his head to her. “I really am. I never meant to hurt you. I didn’t want to.” She couldn’t bear to look at him anymore and hung her own head.
Much to her surprise, he lifted her chin and wore a small half grin. “I’m glad you said it,” he said. “If you didn’t, I was going to.”
Her mind froze in place and she gawked at him. “What?”
“I didn’t think this was working out,” he said. “It’s not you. You’re great. I’m just not feeling any spark, you know? I thought there was something at first. Now, nothing really. But I didn’t want to say anything and hurt you.”
“Wait, so you’re not mad?”
“Oh, I’m mad,” he said, huffing and crossing his arms. “I don’t like being used and I expect you to make up for it.”
“Fair enough,” she said. “I will.”
“But,” he patted her hand and held tight, “at the same time, I’m relieved. I’ve been thinking nonstop of how to let you down gently and couldn’t bring myself to do it.”
“Why?” she asked. “Not like you haven’t done it to other girls.”
He rubbed his neck and looked at the ceiling. “True, but it’s not the same with you. You’re different.”
“How?”
He pursed his lips and puffed out short breaths for several moments. “Dating you was special,” he said. “It was better than with other girls. I like spending time with you, even if it’s not something more. It felt like we were close and not, at the same time. Am I making sense?”
“Yeah,” she said. “It’s like dating a good friend.”
“Exactly,” he said. “Which you are. But when we kissed, the spark wasn’t there. Not that you’re a bad kisser,” he added, “but I didn’t feel a connection. It was one half of a perfect combination. All I need is the spark, the fire.”
“Well, maybe if you weren’t so frivolous with your relationships,” she said.
He pushed her. “Hey, I do think long and hard about who I date.”
She raised a skeptical eyebrow. “I mean beyond who looks good in tight jeans.”
“Jean appearance is very important,” he said and his smile returned. “You must ensure the end justifies the jeans.” She bit down a laugh, snorting instead, and he added, “But I do seriously consider who I date.”
“And you’ve never experienced that closeness before?”
He bobbed his head side to side. “Once. Back in Brazil, I was with a girl when I was small. We were really close friends and liked one another. It was heading toward more. When I moved here, things kind of broke off. I was upset, but looking back on it, it was better for the both of us. We still keep in touch, and she’s found a guy she really loves.” He shrugged. “Guess after what happened with that, my dad, and all this time, I kind of forgot how nice it was to be close to someone like that.”
“Sounds like you’re ready to settle down,” she said.
He blew a raspberry at the notion. “There’s still plenty of miles on this engine.” He flexed his arms and flashed a charming set of teeth. “Although I might put more thought into which station I pull into and which passengers I let board…and this metaphor went bad real quick.”
She laughed. “You could say it went off the rails.”
“Oh, look at you. Quite the wit,” he said, shoving her lightly. “Anyway, if you know any girls that are interested—of course, all of them are interested— okay, any single girls, would you—”
“Tell them to keep their distance? Of course,” she said.
He clutched his chest and hissed, standing and swaggering about the room. “I poured my heart out to you, laid it bare. Why do you pierce it so with your thorny wor
ds? This is the least you can do for me! I thought you were going to make it up to me.”
She laughed and grabbed his hand, pulling him to her. “Okay, okay. If I think of someone, I will. You be sure to treat her right though.”
He held his hand over his chest. “On my honor.” Then a curious look grew in his eyes. “By the way, who’s the guy?”
“What guy?”
He rolled his eyes. “Who do you think you’re talking to? I know this game. If you were pretending to like me, you were trying to make someone jealous.” He crouched and stared her down, rubbing his chin. “Aidan?” Before she opened her mouth, he clapped his hands. “It is, isn’t it? I had a feeling about you two.”
How does everyone know? she wondered.
“It’s written all over your face,” he said, reading her thoughts. She cursed the heat rising to her cheeks, determined to work on a better poker face, while Jando continued on. “Oh, so you’re who he asked out a while ago. I remember he dragged himself in like he was rejected hard, but he wouldn’t say by who.” Then he returned to Lydia’s deception. “What was the plan? Make him jealous? Have him leave Dariela?”
“Not exactly,” she said. She explained her suspicions about Dariela and Aidan. “Something doesn’t add up about the whole thing.”
“Yeah,” he said. “She doesn’t seem his type. Then again, I wouldn’t peg him as your type.”
“That’s because you think you’re every woman’s type.”
“I’m not necessarily not their type,” he said. “Oh well. The heart wants what the heart wants, I guess.”
“You’re his roommate,” she said. “Do you know anything about them? Anything that could give me a clue? Where the letters they send each other are? In some hidden drawer in the nightstand or in a secret hiding place?”
He held his chin in his palm and glanced around the room. It was much like Lydia and Wren’s room with a fine line drawn between Jando’s and Aidan’s belongings on either side. “He’s really secretive about them. I think he’s usually reading them late at night with a penlight when he thinks I’m asleep. I’ve caught him a couple of times and he always says he’s doing homework, but homework under his sheets? Pretty lame excuse.” Jando looked to Aidan’s bed on the right and snapped his fingers. “Wait, I may have an idea,” he said.
He lifted the blanket and top sheet of Aidan’s bed. “He changes his sheets regularly,” he said, lifting each sheet except the fitted sheet. He swept his arm up to his shoulder along its length, reaching deep into the fitted sheet. “I thought he was a germ freak or drank too much water before bed, but maybe— A-ha!” His hand grasped something and he produced a small collection of letters addressed to Aidan from Dariela.
Lydia snatched the letters and held them up in triumph. “I could kiss you.”
“I wouldn’t mind.” He offered his cheek. “A breakup kiss?” She pecked his cheek and hugged him. “And one more for the road?”
“You’re incorrigible,” she said. Then she sat on his bed and opened the first letter while he straightened Aidan’s sheets, making them nice and tidy.
She skimmed through the casual conversation, reading silently to herself Dariela’s talk about life outside the Cave, her obsession with their abilities, and how she missed Aidan. “No car equals nowhere to go. I’m bored here and it’s hot. I wish I was there with you.” Lydia jumped to the next paragraph. “Are there any people with really weird superpowers?” Dariela asked. “Like vomit cannons or people who can remove their eyes?” At the bottom, she signed, “I’ll visit soon. Love ya. Dariela.”
Lydia flipped the paper over, searching for more. She held it up, peering through the letter. No instructions, no hidden messages about Lydia, nothing. Was there another method for a secret message? “You said he always reads these at night with a light?”
“Yeah,” he said.
Turning off the lights and shutting the blinds, she fished out Aidan’s penlight from his dresser and shined it over the letter. No good. “Kind of dark in here,” Jando said in a suggestive tone.
“Shut up,” she said, smirking and flipping on the lights. She opened the next letter and it was more of the same. Talk between two people in a long-distance relationship. “Once you’re an agent, do you get vacation time? Can you visit whenever you want? Since they don’t give you a gun, do you get a taser or something until then?”
“Find anything?” Jando asked, picking up the first letter.
“No,” she said, turning to the last envelope. She prayed this one held something. But like the other two, there was nothing hinting at subterfuge. The only mention of Lydia was, “We’re coming to see Lydia and you soon.” She dropped the letter in her lap and searched the envelope and dumped anything else out. A small torn corner of another paper floated out. Picking it up and peering closely at it, she couldn’t identify the bit of paper. Wax paper? A dryer sheet? That was all there was in the envelope. She rested her forehead on a balled fist. They had to be corresponding with each other, sending secret messages about how to manipulate her.
How though?
Maybe this little paper corner held a clue? Or maybe not. How else did they plan their deception so well? It had to have relied on constant communication beyond the monthly visits. No phone, no email, nothing except the letters. There had to be something private, some hidden method they used to talk to each other through the letters.
How though?
As she studied the letters again and again, she frowned, and a pang of guilt welled up. She had already hurt people close to her in her chase to prove the false relationship. Here she was, having already rummaged through his belongings, and now she was pushing further and skulking behind Aidan’s back, reading his private letters, abusing his trust. She wasn’t even sure her suspicions were right anymore. Jealousy and obsession had clouded her thinking thus far, and she had not one solid piece of evidence to show for her efforts. What if only one of them were behind this idea of their dating, stringing the other along like she had with Jando? It certainly reeked of Dariela’s plan, but she couldn’t be sure if it was. And what about Aidan? Did he willingly go along with the deception?
Or were they both authentic with their dating? It had been a while since Lydia first entered the Cave and when she saw her friend. Maybe Dariela changed. As for Aidan? A rebound? Or perhaps he experienced a better match with Dariela that rapidly evolved, compared to his attraction to Lydia.
She stopped Jando from browsing through the letters and stuffed them into their envelopes. “Put them back,” she said.
“Why? Did you find something?”
She shook her head. “No.” He gave her a strange look. “And that’s the point. I haven’t found anything concrete. All I have are suspicions.” She fanned the envelopes. “And this was the last option.” She let them fall through her hand. “I guess what they have is real.” It was hard to admit it out loud.
Jando set the letters aside and pulled her head to his chest. No subtle pinches, no wandering hands, only a warm embrace. “I should’ve gone after him when I had the chance,” she said. “I was stupid.”
“Hey, these things are complicated,” Jando said. “Live and learn.” He rubbed her back, which soothed her distressed thoughts. She leaned into his warmth and turned to look up at him.
“I should at least let him know,” she said. “He deserves that much.”
Jando grimaced and scrunched his face. “I don’t know about that. If Dariela and him are serious, that’ll interfere with them and put all of you at odds.” He was right, of course. It wasn’t fair to either of them, and the revelation didn’t have her thinking straight. But she didn’t want to bear the weight of an affection realized too late by herself. As if he read her mind, he added, “It’s not easy, but it’s right.”
She nodded and pulled away from the gentle comfort. Right now, she wanted to be alone. “Thanks,” she said and shuffled to the door.
“Hey,” he said. She looked over her shoulder and he s
ighed. “Take care. I’ll be here if, you know, you need anything.”
“Thanks,” she said again and left the room and dormitories. She ambled to the Center, heading for a training room. She needed to escape her mind for a while, focus on something easy to handle. Else she would be trapped with herself pulled in two different directions. One dreading to bottle her feelings and desperate to tell all to Aidan, and the other, reasonable side that knew Jando’s words rang true.
The first envisioned harbored regret down the road for not expressing herself. Unhappily, she would watch Aidan and Dariela and wonder what could have been.
The second side dispelled such fear-mongering nonsense and encouraged her that time would heal her heartache. However much pain would result, she would pull through. And she had help if she needed it. It was also the best option for her friends. She owed them that and she should put their happiness first.
As she opened a training room door, Aidan waved to her from down the hall. “Hey,” he said. “Been looking for you.”
“I was with Jando,” she said. She thought his mouth twitched and for a moment, imagined jealousy hiding beneath his straight lips. She shook the notion away. No more chasing shadows. “What’s up?”
“I need to, well,” he said, looking to the ceiling and scratching his scalp, “can I ask something?”
“Sure.” As he stood there trying to begin his question, she had the strongest desire to confess to him and considered telling all that had happened.
As the words clung to the tip of her tongue, reaching for her lips, the intercoms in the hall crackled to life. “This is an emergency alert. All activities for the day are suspended until further notice. All BEPs are to return to their rooms. This is not a drill. Would Lydia Penner please report to Arthur Staffe’s office. This is an emergency alert.”