“I can’t.”
“You can,” he called over his shoulder.
“No, you don’t understand. I am under an order to stay away from you!”
Roman loaded Blair into the back of his Jeep and then turned a furious gaze on Mila. “Fight it.”
And she wanted to. She wanted to find her inner badass and cut her heart from the pack. She wanted to take a knife to the ropes that tethered her to Rhett. She wanted to be strong like Roman. But her stomach already hurt so bad, and she felt so weak she couldn’t imagine riding in a car with Roman right now. “I’m sorry,” she murmured.
Roman’s lips twitched into a sad smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Me, too.”
And then he got into his Jeep, shut the door, and pulled away.
Chapter Six
Roman rubbed the chills from his arms and shook his head for the tenth time since he’d sat his butt on the bottom step of Odine’s cabin. Whatever she was doing inside had sucked the warmth from him. He’d rarely been cold in his life, but she was draining him. He felt like shit, and the longer he sat here, the worse it got.
“She needs it,” Asher murmured as Roman stood to go pace the yard. “Don’t burn energy right now.”
When Roman looked up to the top step of the porch, Asher looked like death warmed over and was slumped against the railing.
“Son of a fucknugget,” Roman gritted out. “Is she gonna kill us all?”
“She won’t kill us.”
“Yeah, and how do you know that?”
Asher didn’t answer, and Roman hated him a little more for all his damned secrets. Always defending the black witch, and for what?
“Because she saved Blaire once, asshole. She didn’t have to, and it hurt her to do it, but she did it anyway. And if you think she isn’t draining herself in there trying to bring back Blaire and Gentry, you’re wrong. She’s shaving years off her life for them.”
“You reading minds now, Asher? Is that what dancing with the devil earns you? Stay out of my head.” Roman concentrated really hard on a cartoon dick dancing the Macarena, but Asher didn’t react. Maybe he was full of bullshit like everyone else in Roman’s life. “What kind of animals did you bring her this time?” Roman asked snarkily. Hell yeah, he was judging Asher for trading life for life. He’d brought Blaire here thinking Odine could do a chant or feed her a magic potion, or hell, anything other than round two of raising her wolf.
“I brought her healthy ones, like I should’ve done the first time. It’s probably your fault Blaire’s wolf didn’t take in the first place.”
“You really are evil.”
“Fuck you, Roman. I do what I have to do to protect the people I care about.”
“And Gentry is one of those people? You’ve spent your whole life hating him.”
“Yeah, well,” Asher said softly as he stared off into the evening woods. “Not everything is as I thought. And it’s not just Gentry either. Blaire’s important.”
Another wave of dark power pulsed from the house and made Roman want to yack in the snow.
Mila had looked scared earlier, and her cheeks were red like she’d been running. Maybe she had overexerted herself carrying Blaire through the woods, but Mila’s mom—her ghost mom—had warned him that Mila was in trouble. She’d been standing right beside him outside of Jack’s while Roman watched Rhett shove Mila into his truck. And then a vision of Mila walking through the Winter’s Edge woods carrying Blaire had flashed across his mind, and her ghost mom had smiled sadly at him. That had never happened before, getting a vision of the future from a ghost. Rangeley wasn’t good for avoiding his abilities. Being here was making them stronger. He needed to leave soon and get on with real, semi-normal life, but the thought of being separated from Mila made his wolf want to dig his claws in and stay.
“Roman,” Asher said low. He jerked his chin toward the woods.
Roman followed his gaze to a gray-mottled wolf with white paws. She was lanky, petite, with a darker gray saddle and a black nose, and those beautiful champagne-colored eyes. Mila.
“What’s a Bone-Ripper doing here?” Asher asked.
“She’s fighting an order.” Nope, he couldn’t help the pride in his voice right now. Mila, submissive, bottom of one scary-ass pack, was here in wolf form, giving two silent middle fingers to Fuckface Rhett.
The door flew open behind them, and Odine’s onyx-colored eyes trained immediately on the wolf. When she jammed a finger at Mila, she hunched down, flattening herself in the snow. Roman moved to stand between them, but Odine clipped out, “Sit and stay, Roman. I need her, too. Draw her closer, and we can fix this tonight. She’s good. Good like Gentry. Blaire needs her.” She spun to go back inside, but stopped, and turned suspicious eyes on the wolf, then cast her glance down to Roman. “You’re making her sick.”
Indeed, Mila was pacing back and forth, hackles flat, eyes empty, limping like her body hurt.
“I can take her bond from the pack,” Odine said, arching a black eyebrow in question to Roman.
Mila ran into the woods and cowered there, just on the line of trees surrounding the clearing. Clearly, she wanted nothing to do with whatever Odine was offering.
Roman stood and blocked the witch’s view of Mila. “Fuck with her, and I’ll gut you, Psychodine. I’ll be the one fixing her bonds if she wants that.”
A curious and bone-chilling grin took Odine’s face. “I believe you, Young Blood.” She tapped her temple and winked. And then she turned and bustled into her cabin. Inside, she made her way to a table where Blaire and Gentry were laid beside each other like two corpses. Without anyone touching it, the door slammed closed.
When he turned around, Mila was right there, just a few feet away from him, shaking, belly low in the snow, smelling like pain, but she wasn’t running anymore.
She was here, close to him, even though it made her sick to disobey a direct order just so she could help Blaire.
Odine was right. She was good. Mila was so much more than he’d ever realized.
Roman wanted to pet her to see if her fur was as soft as it looked, or if was coarse like his own. Being closer to her would hurt her, though, so he climbed up to the top step beside Asher and leaned his back on the door. The draw of energy was so much worse here, but it was worth it if he could make Mila a fraction more comfortable.
And inside him, a big realization was happening.
As he stared at the wolf lying in the snow, he knew with certainty he would do anything to make her life easier. This was huge. Mila was the only person whose well-being he’d worried about over his own.
He was a survivor. Survivors were concerned with their own safety first, but not this time. He would take a bullet if it kept her safe from the reach of Rhett and the Bone-Rippers.
A storm is coming, the woods whispered. It was Odine’s voice he heard, but a quick glance at Asher’s passive face said it was all in Roman’s head.
Lucky Mila. She’d earned the fealty of a psychopath.
The door opened so suddenly Roman fell backward. Since he felt like shit, he stayed there on the floor, arms spread like a starfish. Odine stood above him. “Is Blaire okay?” he asked.
“They both are.”
“Good, I’m glad Mila wasn’t here for that long.” What had possessed him to say that out loud?
Odine rested her hands on her hips and angled her face as she stared down at him. “She’s been lending me power for two hours Roman. Where was your head at?”
Roman sat straight up. “No, she just got here.” Surely, he didn’t just stare at her pretty wolf for two fucking hours.
Odine arched one eyebrow. “I’m tired, and you all need to eat and get some rest. Take your brother and the white wolf and go. She’ll need to Change as soon as she feels strong enough.”
“And Gentry?” Asher asked. He was hunched over weakly, his face hollow.
Odine stood to the side and gestured to Gentry, standing on his own two feet, lifting his mate off the ta
ble. He cradled her close to his chest and rocked her gently, murmuring something too low for Roman to make out. It was such an intimate moment that Roman wanted to look away, but couldn’t. Gentry really loved her. The real kind of love Roman hadn’t believed in until now. Until his own heart had started beating the moment Mila had told him, “You’re going to get me hurt,” in the Four Horsemen. It was the moment she flipped it on him. It was the moment she’d made the game real, because his protective instincts over her had reared up and urged him to burn the Bone-Rippers to ashes just because they scared her.
Mila stood weakly and limped off to the edge of the woods, and there she stayed, watching Roman like he was everything. Like she couldn’t look away from him. What was happening to them? To him?
Roman ripped his gaze away from her. “Asher, you look like a corpse.”
“I need meat,” his oldest brother said in a hoarse voice as he stood, clutching the railing.
“That’s what she said,” Roman muttered. Geez he must’ve been drained. He didn’t even feel like laughing at his own joke right now.
With Blaire folded in his arms, Gentry stepped around Roman, and wordlessly, he made his way to the Jeep. At the edge of the forest, Mila cried out. She’d Changed back, but apparently not on purpose. She had no clothes, and Roman could see the gooseflesh all over her skin from here. God, even bowed into herself she was beautiful. Flawless, pale skin, perfect curves, hair wild in the wind.
He was already running toward her. When Gentry tossed him the blanket from the floorboard in his jeep, Roman caught it without missing a step.
“I don’t feel good,” Mila said helplessly, but he was already wrapping her up in the blanket.
“It’s okay. I’m gonna make it better.”
“H-how?”
“Do you trust me?”
She wrapped her arms around her stomach and whispered, “I shouldn’t.”
****
Mila had hurt him with those words. She could tell, but it had come from an honest place. He had left her without saying goodbye and hurt her deeply. There wasn’t an apology for abandoning her to this life without an explanation. There was no closure. Roman could disappear in a moment, just like the ghosts she was pretty sure he could see.
Roman’s frown was completely at odds with his normally smiling face as he walked her to the car, tossed Asher the keys, and pulled her onto his lap in the passenger’s seat.
Her stomach hurt so bad, as if she’d drunk a gallon of gasoline and swallowed a burning match. Being in the car with all three Strikers made it even worse, but she drew comfort from Roman’s strong arms around her. He pointed the heater vents right at her. He was colder than normal, but he was giving her all the warmth he could.
The trip to the Hunter Cove Inn was a silent one. Roman wouldn’t look at her, but instead kept his gaze fixated on the white woods that blurred by outside. She wished she could say something witty like he always did. Something to make him laugh and ease the tension she’d caused with her admission.
Asher pulled to a stop in the frozen parking lot between the three cabins that made up Hunter Cove Inn. Gentry pulled Blaire from the back seat and carried her toward one of the smaller cabins. Asher made his way to the smallest, dilapidated cabin, and without a word, Roman slammed the jeep door behind him and carried Mila toward Noah Striker’s old cabin—the one he used to refer to as ten-ten. Noah had always said there was magic in the number, but she’d always thought he was full of it. It was just an address. Good magic didn’t exist.
“You live here now?”
Roman made a tick sound behind his teeth like he was frustrated. “Gentry, that dick muffin, made me take it after he moved into Blaire’s cabin. He said it didn’t feel right living in Dad’s old cabin, so I got it by default. Lucky me.”
Weakly, Mila smiled. “Noah always said the cabin was magic.”
“Yeah well, magic just sucked like twenty years off all our lives, so I’m not a fan of otherworldly mojo, if you catch my drift. Mila, why shouldn’t you trust me?” he asked suddenly.
So she had hurt him. “Because you’re a leaver, Roman Striker. And thanks to Odine, I will always be a stayer.”
Roman shook his head and gritted his teeth hard as he set her on her feet inside and closed the door behind him. It was warmer in here, but Mila still felt as cold as ice. She couldn’t stop shivering.
Roman turned, and he was on her fast. His hand cupped her neck as he leaned down. His lips were urgent against hers, but she was so shocked she just stood there frozen. The sickness in her middle eased, but that made no sense. She was closer to Roman than ever. How many times had she dreamed of this moment when she was younger? How many times had she wished more than anything that Roman would kiss her like this? Mila softened her mouth and sucked on his bottom lip. A long, low growl rattled from Roman’s throat. It should’ve terrified her, made her inner wolf cower, but right now, the fire that had been burning up her middle had transformed into a different kind of heat. Roman brushed his tongue against her lips, and she opened for him. The second his tongue touched hers, she let off a helpless whimper in desperation for more. Mila opened up the blanket and wrapped her arms around him.
His hand was strong and steady against the side of her neck, his thumb stroking her cheek as though she was precious. Nothing in the world had ever felt this right. Roman leaned down and lifted her up, wrapped her legs around his waist, then strode to the couch and settled on it. She thought he would grind up against her and start pushing for more. She wanted that, too, but he did something more profound. He slowed their kisses, slowed their pace, and ran his hands gently up and down her spine, trailing heat with his touch until she stopped shivering. He tasted so good. Smelled like cologne. She was so exhausted, she felt drunk with it, and her usual nerves were suffocated by the fatigue. She simply didn’t have the energy to overthink this.
Roman shortened his kisses, made them softer, gave her tiny, sweet pecks until he eased away from her mouth and immediately pulled her against him. And they just sat like that, all wrapped up in the blanket together, their heartbeats racing, sharing warmth, as he massaged the back of her neck and pulled her hair gently as he petted her.
“Don’t call me a leaver again,” he murmured low. “I’m sorry I left before, but I’m not the same person I was back then. I was hurt, angry, and you scared me that night.”
“What night?”
“At Jack’s. I was already planning on leaving, and you were making me want to stay in that empty life. Stuck in a small town, unable to join the pack, always being on the outside. I couldn’t do it, Mila. And Asher was offering me a way out. He was kicked out, too, was leaving town, was starting from scratch, and it wasn’t so scary because I wouldn’t be alone. But if I stayed with you, figured out how important you were to me, to my wolf, all of it, you were going to realize what a fuck up I was, and I would be alone anyway. I had a chance to make a life, and I took it.”
“You could’ve said goodbye.”
“No, I couldn’t. Mila, you don’t understand. I couldn’t. Saying goodbye wasn’t an option. Another second with you, and I wouldn’t have been able to leave. And what life could I give you? I was forced to be rogue, but you had a shot at the pack where you could be safe under my dad. You were loyal. Even at sixteen, you were so damn loyal, and I could see our future. You wouldn’t pledge to the pack because you would worry for me. Leaving without that goodbye was the only gift I could give you.”
“You didn’t save me from anything, Roman. You were my friend. You and Asher and Gentry. After you all left, Rhett was watching me, always. Hunting me always.”
“Why did Odine bind you to Rangeley?”
Mila’s eyes burned, and she nuzzled her face against his throat to stop herself from crying. “I went to her to fix my wolf.”
“What do you mean fix her?”
“I thought Odine could make me dominant. I hate being at the bottom of the pack, Roman. I hate it. Even the nice members
don’t realize how they treat me. It’s like I’m this pathetic little girl who always needs to be taken care of. They talk to me like I’m stupid, or naïve. And Rhett had started the bullying already. I could see he was going to be alpha someday. Why wouldn’t he be? He was brutal, and his wolf was Monster. And you Strikers had left this town unprotected. Your dad couldn’t hold the pack forever. He was getting older, and Rhett was making me kiss him just to prove points. I asked the witch to fix me, and she bound me to Rangeley instead. It hurt, and it took three days. I couldn’t get away from what she was doing, and now when I try to leave these mountains, I feel like I’m dying. I’ve tried every road out of here, every trail through the woods. I’m stuck. Stuck here, stuck in this life, stuck with Rhett always watching me, always hunting me. Roman,” she whispered, easing back to cup his bearded jaw between her palms, “Rhett is going to make me alpha female.”
Roman’s eyes flashed gold. “Mila, you can’t. You shouldn’t. Never mind that Rhett will break you, the submissive wolf inside of you will buckle. There will be nothing left of you in six months.”
“It’s not up to me.”
“Yes it is. You can say no.”
“I did say no, Roman! I got out of his truck and ran from him. Ran into the woods. But how long do you think he will be patient with the hunt before he deems me expendable and ends me? He’s done it before.”
“What do you mean?”
She’d wanted to tell the Strikers the second she’d seen Gentry in town. She’d wanted to, but she’d been chicken, just like Roman always called her. He didn’t know how accurate that nickname really was. “Your dad,” she whispered.
Roman jerked his face out of her hands, but then pulled her palm to his lips and bit her gently as he stared at the wall. He shook his head slightly. With a soft kiss against her wrist, he growled out, “Rhett killed Dad in an alpha challenge.”