He had every reason to grow up hard and jaded, but though he was dangerous to others, and a badass, he was always tender and encouraging with her. Perfect match. He’d talked about her light making his shadows smaller, but his shadows gave her backbone. They gave her the grit she’d been missing before. She would’ve never stuck up for herself today without Roman encouraging her to own her wolf, own her life, take her pride back.
They blasted through a tree line and into a clearing with low-lying shrubs and brush. Already Gentry and Asher were zigzagging trails all through there, doing donuts, barely missing each other. Mila sped to join them, wearing a smile that matched the others’. Her heart was in her throat as she joined in the dance. They made tracks on every untouched stretches of snow in that clearing before Gentry pulled over and cut the engine to his machine. Blaire was holding her stomach, and her face looked pained.
When a snarl ripped out of her, her teeth were sharper, her face paler. Good. Maybe it would be a quick Change for her. Mila dragged her off the snow machine and told the boys, “Give us some privacy, yeah?”
Roman was already removing his shirt, and Gentry and Asher were kicking out of their boots. Gentry’s eyes lingered on Blaire, but he nodded.
Blaire barely made it to the trees before she buckled in on herself. Crap. Mila had to rush to take off her scarf, winter hat, jacket, sweater. The jeans tripped her up. Her boots had to be unlaced first, and her pants were tight like leggings, but the White Wolf of Winter’s Edge ripped out of Blaire’s skin before she could get them off. The wolf fell hard, turned around, and snapped at Mila, but she understood. There was fear in the white wolf’s eyes. She’d almost died, almost been snuffed out of existence, and this was her first time claiming the body again. Mila’s wolf was scared all the time after the black magic, so Blaire’s experience would’ve traumatized her. Mila exposed her neck and sat there in the middle of the pile of clothes, waiting for Blaire to attack. She didn’t, though. A few seconds later, there was a whine and then a soft lick on Mila’s cheek.
She huffed a sigh of relief and began undressing herself. Her Change was fast, only a moment of blinding agony before she was fully furred and four-legged. She shook out her fur. She was much smaller than Blaire’s wolf, but that was okay. Blaire wasn’t making her feel that familiar stomach ache that dominants often did when they were trying to put her in her place. In fact, Blaire was pacing toward the clearing and back, bushy white tail swishing in a slow wag, tongue lolled out to the side. She yipped, but it turned into a sound like a yodel, and then to a hoarse howl.
That sound dragged a howl from Mila’s throat, too. She couldn’t stop herself even if she tried. And really, she didn’t want to. The Striker’s joined, and there was Roman’s voice. God, she loved it. She’d been so happy the first time she’d heard it again, the night the Bone-Rippers had gone after Gentry and Blaire. When he and Asher had gone to howling, calling out the pack, calling them to war, she’d drawn up, frozen, unable to move because she was terrified and so damn happy all at once. She’d just known Roman would help fix what Rhett was doing to Rangeley.
His howl was her sanctuary.
Mila let the note die slowly in her throat, and then there was a loaded moment where she locked gazes with Blaire before they took off at a dead run for the boys.
Roman was there, his gray and brown wolf massive, his eyes blazing gold, his chest deep like a barrel, and his front end muscular. His tail was curved up, and he held his head high. She lowered to her belly and wagged her tail in greeting as she scooted across the snow to him. Roman made a sneezing noise that made her want to laugh if she had the ability. She made it to his front paws at last and rolled over on her back, tongue hanging out in a wolfish grin. Hi, boyfriend.
Roman lowered to his chest in the snow like he wanted to play, and he snuffled his nose loudly against the scruff of her neck. Suddenly, he took off, but skidded to a stop ten yards away, circled back, and stared at her with his head cocked. Now it was Mila who was excitedly yipping because she could see the others behind him. Gentry’s charcoal gray wolf with Blaire stumbling around him like she was either drunk on happiness or trying to remember how to use her animal body. Through the trees stood an enormous black wolf with eyes such a light silver they looked white. His hackles were raised, making him look aggressive, and his head was lowered, eyes locked on hers. Asher looked terrifying now, unlike when he was a kid. His wolf had always been dark, but more chocolate brown than black. And his eyes hadn’t been so light, or his body so huge. And he’d never, ever felt this heavy. Already the weight of him pressed against her shoulders. Roman was one of the most dominant wolves she’d ever encountered, but Asher was a monster like the legendary werewolves. As if he could hear her thoughts, he peeled back his black lips over bright white, razor sharp teeth and snarled a terrifying sound. That was impossible, though. Still, she was going to stick like glue to her mate. Roman would protect her from the demon wolf.
Blaire looked up suddenly, and Mila followed her gaze to a single fat snowflake that drifted slowly toward the ground. Another touched Mila’s ear, and she twitched it to get rid of the itch. And suddenly, the gray clouds above opened up with the gentle snow. Blaire went nuts, running around so fast her butt was tucked under her as she ducked and dodged the snowflakes. Mila wanted to play, so she ran after her, chasing her around in zigzags through the trees until the boys trotted off toward the sharp incline that led up the mountain. Mila loved everything about today!
She and Blaire took off after the Strikers, and Mila nipped at Roman’s back leg when she passed. He went from a trot to a sprint and chased her. When he caught her, she wasn’t even afraid, just happy. Happy, happy, happy. No one in this mismatched rogue family would hurt her. Except for maybe Asher. She did not want to play with him. And he seemed to feel the same because he ignored all their antics and trotted steadily upward, as if he didn’t care if they followed or not. Gentry was ducking in and out now, nipping at them, biting Roman, wrestling too hard, so Mila and Blaire disengaged from the wolf fight and loped beside each other through the trees, snapping at the snowflakes, and giving big wolf grins whenever they caught one.
Roman and Gentry were snarling loudly behind them, ripping each other up and down the hill, but they wouldn’t kill each other. Probably. Still, Mila skidded to a stop and waited for them to stop bleeding each other. Asher had disappeared into the thick brush up the hill, but she could trail him just fine. His scent, his dominance, and the fresh wolf tracks in the snow were all easy to follow, like a map. Roman joined her again, his ear and leg bleeding, but otherwise he seemed fine. Crazy boys, always brawling like that. Blaire was licking a bite mark on the side of Gentry’s face. It looked awful but would probably heal by tomorrow.
The others took off like a shot, and Mila barked and took off, too. She didn’t sense the dark magic until she’d blasted into the invisible barrier. She was flung backward, and with a yelp of pain, she slid on her side through the snow with the force of it.
Roman was right there, whining, his nose buried against her ribs, her neck, her ear. Mila felt sick from the dump of magic into her system. Stupid Odine. This was as far as she could go. Mila’s disappointment was infinite. Roman cast a quick glance to where the others had disappeared, but when he looked back at her, his eyes were softer. Sympathetic. He nudged her upward and trotted back down the trail. Feeling gutted, she followed him, her tail tucked between her legs. When the others came out of the brush toward the west ten minutes later, Mila felt even worse. Her being bound to this territory by Odine meant she was changing the course of their adventure today.
Roman was playing, ducking in and out, nipping at her, encouraging her to run with him. She knew he was just trying to make her feel better, but it wouldn’t work. Not right now. This was supposed to be a fun day of running the wildlife sanctuary with her friends, not thinking about the grit that had overtaken her life. She was holding Roman back.
She would always hold him back.
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It wasn’t fair.
Roman was her freedom, but she was a snare, one that would wrap tighter and tighter around his throat the longer he stayed.
Love wasn’t supposed to be like that. It wasn’t shackles and traps. It wasn’t pulling the man who cared for her into quicksand along with her just to avoid the loneliness while she sank.
Mila wanted the world for herself, but something had changed within her over the last few weeks.
Now, she also wanted the world for Roman.
Chapter Twelve
Mila startled awake, and for a moment, couldn’t remember where she was. This place smelled so familiar, but it wasn’t home.
She was in ten-ten with Roman. It was so dark she had to blink several times to try to adjust her vision to the room. There was a dark figure standing at the end of the bed. Roman.
Mila sat up slowly and rubbed her eyes, then squinted into the darkness. “What’s wrong?”
“He won’t answer you,” Roman said from behind her. He was standing in the open doorway with a half empty glass of water in his hands. He wore nothing but a pair of teal briefs and a frown.
Chills rippled up her arms as she dragged her gaze back to the figure standing at the end of the bed. It wasn’t Roman at all, but someone who looked like him. Someone who had Roman’s face and eyes. It was Noah.
“H-how can I see him?”
“I told you. I didn’t want my darkness rubbing off on you. The longer you’re with me, the worse it’ll get.” His teeth flashed white in the dark in a quick snarl. “I’m poison.”
“Come here,” she whispered, daring to give her back to the ghost.
Roman pushed off the frame and sauntered over to the bed, then sat down, much too far away from her. Mila crawled over to him and straddled his lap, wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and buried her face in his neck. He smelled stressed, and there was a soft growl rattling his throat. Mila pressed her fingertips against the vibration. “Why?”
“Because I don’t like him this close to you. Because I’m angry that you can see him. Because I’m still angry at him. Asher and Gentry got to escape. They got closure. Dump the ashes, they’re done. I get to see him everywhere. I get to remember how it was. He wears the same dead look he used to give me when I was a kid. I get to see it for eternity.”
Mila kissed his neck gently, then sucked, licked him softly, sucked, rolled her hips against his. “Can you see him now?” she whispered against his skin.
Roman turned his head toward where Noah had stood. “No. Can you?”
Mila eased away enough to scan the room and shook her head. “No.” Thank God. She’d never seen a ghost before and gooseflesh still covered her body.
Roman rubbed his warm hands up and down her arms. “You don’t have to be scared. They never do anything. They’re just there. Especially in Rangeley. Something about this place makes it worse.”
Mila’s heart hurt so bad because, in this moment, she knew she would never ask him to become her alpha. She was stuck here, but if Roman was stuck here with her, he would be tortured by the ghost of his father, and whatever else he saw that often made his eyes go vacant. Roman was hers, but not for always, and something about that slashed poignant pain through her chest, as if her heart were being ripped from the cavity and handed to Roman. He would hold it gently while he was here in their hometown, she knew he would, but when he left, he would take her heart with him, and she would be left to always walk this earth empty, just like the ghosts.
Her eyes prickled with tears, and she squeezed them tightly closed to keep them inside. Swimming in her pain, she kissed him, soft lips on soft lips.
“What’s wrong?” he murmured cupping her cheeks and pushing her back so he could look into her eyes. His were glowing gold.
“Nothing.”
“Lie. I swear the ghosts won’t hurt you, Mila. I wouldn’t let anything hurt you.”
“Can we…can we just get lost for a while? In each other?” She wanted to forget about the hurt and just enjoy the time she did have with Roman. Her Roman.
With a wicked smile, he said, “Woman, I can’t get lost in you. Your pussy is as tight as a—”
“Roman!”
“It’s like the size of a pencil sharpener,” he muttered, easing her onto her back on the mattress. “I barely fit. I mean, it feels good, but damn you must’ve had some little-dicked boyfriends before I came along.”
Mila covered her blazing cheeks with her hands. “None of this is appropriate talk if you are trying to seduce me.”
Roman snorted. “I don’t have to try. You smell like you want sex every time I look at you.”
“I do not! Oooooh,” she moaned as he buried his face between her legs. Mila gripped his hair and rocked her hips upward.
The little teaser, Roman was kissing her gently, one inner thigh, and the other, then right at her clit, then back to the thighs, his beard scratching her sensitive skin. And with each pass, he clamped down a little harder. When he ran his tongue up her slit, she was done for, begging him for more, rolling her hips toward him in desperation.
She spread her knees wider and arched her back as Roman plunged his tongue deep inside her. How was he so good at this? He sucked on her clit and slid into her again and again until she was boneless, mindless…until nothing existed except for the body-shattering sensation of his tongue pleasing and teasing her. She was right on the edge, right there, right on the verge when he lifted up and pulled himself up her body and slid his dick into her in one smooth motion. His teeth were on her neck, and all Mila could do as he gave her thrust after controlled, deep thrust was cradle his head, nails in his scalp. She moaned each time they connected at the hips.
He clamped down, hard, but not hard enough to break her skin, and she wanted to beg him to do it. Bite her. But she couldn’t risk it, couldn’t risk him becoming her alpha, couldn’t risk her wolf bonding to his, so she stayed quiet. Her body was on fire where he touched her. His hard chest and abs flexed as he bucked into her. Teeth on her sensitive neck, his beard rasping against her skin, his cock so big he stretched her with every entry. Roman pulled her knee up, drove deeper, and she was done. Orgasm blasted through her, and she cried out mindlessly. Teeth, teeth. Please. Please no. Please yes.
Roman pushed into her so deep she gasped at the shock of it. He huffed a groan and spilled warmth into her, reared back, and did it again and again. “I love you,” he ground out as he slowed. “Fuck. I should’ve waited. I love you.”
Roman eased up. There was no smile, no joking on his face. Just gold, serious eyes that beheld her like she was beautiful. Like she was everything. A tear slid from the corner of her eye, but Roman leaned over and licked it with the tip of his tongue. With anyone else, that would’ve been strange, but not with him. Roman wasn’t like other men. He wasn’t even like other werewolves. He was more. Never had he made her feel ashamed of her submissiveness, her body. Never had he made her feel weak. And now he was cleaning her tears the way his animal demanded, and she adored him for it. Adored him, adored his wolf. They were both hers.
Roman’s hand slipped gently behind her neck. He lifted her chin up as he pressed his lips to hers. There was no rush to disconnect, no hurry to leave her in bed. He seemed to only want to touch her, and now she wanted to cry harder. He loved her? He loved her.
Mila slid her hand to his wrist to hold his touch at the back of her neck, and she parted her lips slightly to allow his tongue inside. Shallow strokes. He brushed his tongue against hers like he was tasting something for the first time. Maybe minutes passed. Maybe hours. Time meant nothing when she was all tangled up with him like this. When at last Roman pecked her with a soft smack and rolled them to their sides, facing each other, the gold had faded from his eyes. They stayed like that, lost in each other’s gazes as the early dawn light filtered through the bedroom window. It felt as if they were speaking without words. She fancied she could see his soul in the sky blue of his eyes, and maybe he could see hers
, too. Their legs were tangled, and their fingers explored the lines of each other’s bodies. Mila memorized him. The tattoos she would trace later when she wasn’t lost in the blue, but she had the feel of him, of his musculature, the exact texture of his skin, his scent, everything committed to memory that she would hold onto for always.
“Roman?” she said on a breath, at last breaking the beautiful silence.
He lifted her knuckles to his lips and smiled as he laid a gentle kiss there. “I know. I can feel it.”
“But I want to say it.”
He pulled her hand to his chest, right over his heart. “Feel what happens when you do.”
She offered him a slow smile and splayed her hand against his chest. “I love you, too.”
His heart thumped harder, faster, and her smile stretched wider across her face. He watched her lips with awe in his eyes. It felt so good to smile this much now. Roman had done that for her. He’d given her happiness again. He’d given her hope.
Even if that hope was going to end up destroying her, it was worth it for this moment right here.
Roman’s smile dipped from his face, and his eyes jerked to the window, his body instantly tense.
“What is it?” she asked, but now she could hear it, too. Or perhaps she could feel the rumble of the truck engine. It was so faint, but familiar, and dread dumped into her system.
Roman snarled and slid from bed. She did the same in a panic and began searching for her clothes as Roman flipped the light on.
They were both dressed by the first flash of blue and red lights. Roman didn’t say a word, only pulled her jacket from the coat rack and held it open for her to slide her arms into. He was strung as tight as a bow string and smelled of fury. It was hard to meet his gaze. Her wolf wanted to run from him and be closer to him at the same time. A whine worked its way up her throat, but Roman kissed her forehead and settled the sound. And then he took her hand and pulled her behind him to meet the trouble that was parking in the snowy lot in a big police truck, flanked by two cruisers. Rhett had brought the humans on his force. Fuck.