I heard a few test shots fire. “It’s okay. You won’t need shoes for this shoot.”
That was a first. I’d take it though. I was used to shoving my feet into uncomfortable shoes that were usually two sizes too small. Barefoot for a photo shoot was like being told I’d be given a massage at the same time.
“So jeans and tank then? Hair in a ponytail?” I was already gathering my hair up, a twisty tie between my teeth, when Ellis cleared his throat.
“This is a nude photo shoot, Hayden. I’m keeping it simple for you. You can decide if you want your hair up or down.”
The twisty tie fell out of my mouth. “A . . .”
“Nude. You heard me right the first time. This company’s headquarters are in Paris. They view nudity differently than us Americans.” Ellis paused. “Trust me. I know what I’m doing.”
“Okey-dokey,” I replied, feeling the opposite of confident as I reached for the hem of my camisole.
Some models had staunch views on nudity, but I floated somewhere in the middle. I wasn’t so in love with the idea of it that I traipsed around my apartment in my birthday suit, but I wasn’t so against it I’d signed some moral code in my own blood, swearing I’d never get naked in front of a camera. This wasn’t Playboy. This was fashion. Tasteful nudity.
If that made any sense.
As I worked my jeans down my legs, I realized it wasn’t the fact I was doing a nude shoot that had me panicked—it was that I was doing the shoot with Ellis. Alone.
He was Ellis Lawson though. He’d probably seen thousands of naked women—in photos, in front of his camera, and beneath him in bed. He was probably so used to naked women, they were no different to him than the clothed ones.
That was what I told myself as I finished sliding out of my underwear and bra. I left the twisty tie on the floor. At least having my hair down provided some coverage.
“Are you ready?” My voice was high. Because I was nervous. Because I was about to emerge naked from a dressing room in front of my agent and his camera. They didn’t prepare Nebraska girls for this kind of a situation.
“I’ve been ready,” he replied, sounding like he was fighting off a yawn.
If nothing else, the fact that he was on the verge of a yawn when a woman was about to pose naked in front of him gave me the courage I needed to emerge from the dressing room.
He didn’t even glance my way as I shuffled across the room, fighting the instinct to cover my chest or my something else with my hands. “Where do you want me?”
He was messing with the dials of his camera, totally focused on that. “Up front. Start posing however you want—I’ll guide you from there if we’re not getting the right shot.”
My eyes flickered to my purse, where my phone was. Soren. Why was I thinking about him right now? Why did I want to call him and talk to him or have him come here to be with me right now? I was working. I was naked. This was exactly not the time to call him.
“What did you do last night after the party? You must have left early.” Ellis was still making some adjustments on his camera; he hadn’t once looked up.
“We just went back to the apartment. Sorry I left without saying good-bye. It was a good party.” I moved in front of all of the lights, feeling the heat of them breaking down on my skin. Talk about feeling exposed. Every light in the room was aimed my way.
“That boy. Your roommate?” Ellis finally looked up. His eyes strayed nowhere but mine. “He likes you.”
My throat moved as I swallowed. “Soren? No. He’s just protective. He looks after me.”
“He’s protective because he likes you. He looks after you for the same reason.”
Being naked, I wasn’t feeling at the height of my debating best. I elected to keep my mouth shut and hoped he’d get the shoot started.
“Have you slept with him?” Ellis’s gaze found me again, but this one strayed slightly.
“No.” I made a face to sell my disgust. “Definitely not.”
Ellis lifted the camera, so I could no longer see his eyes. He still could have been looking at my eyes. He could have just as easily as been zeroed in on my chest.
“He wants you. If you don’t feel the same, you might consider moving out. I’d hate to see him take advantage of the situation. If he ever tried forcing himself on you . . .”
“Soren would never do that.” My tone had a defensive edge. Why?
Ellis chuckled, the camera flash firing. I hadn’t been ready. “You might find men will do just about anything when it comes to serving the interests of their cocks, Hayden.”
Ellis’s blunt words lingered in my mind when the next flash fired. Crap. We weren’t going to get one good shot if I didn’t get my head right. “Can we please not talk about Soren anymore?”
“What would you like to talk about?” Ellis lowered the camera to inspect the images and made a few dial adjustments.
“Nothing,” I said, sitting on the floor and angling my body so my chest and nether region weren’t showing. “I just want to focus on the shoot.”
Ellis lifted the camera, firing another shot after crouching in front of me. “Works for me.”
He checked this image too, then scooted forward a few feet before taking another shot. He kept shooting as I made small adjustments to my face and neck.
“Why don’t you lie back?” he suggested a few shots later. “So it’s like you’re lying down in bed?”
Except I wasn’t in pajamas and I didn’t have blankets to cover me.
Rolling back, I stretched my spine across the floor, letting my legs swing to the side, bent and zippered shut. I hung my arms above my head, looking at the camera dead-on as Ellis appeared above me. There. European.
“Yes. Perfect.” He leaned over me, his camera firing as I held each pose for a few shots before making a small change to my face or hands. “They’re going to book you the minute they see these shots. You’re exactly what they’re looking for.”
Ellis floated around my side, lifting his leg over me so he was directly above me. My neck suddenly felt stiff, the rest of my body following. Nowhere was Ellis’s body touching mine. Nowhere. But the stance, the way I was stretching out between his legs as he towered above me, his camera aimed at my exposed body . . . the instincts Soren had been suggesting I hone started to fire.
“Are we almost done?” I blinked, the heat coming from the lights stifling.
“A few more shots, just to make sure we’ve got it.” Ellis crouched over me, the camera still snapping, but in his new position, I noticed something.
It was impossible not to notice.
My eyes sealed shut for a moment, as I was unsure what to say or do. He was a man working in close proximity with a naked woman. Sporting wood wasn’t way off base given the situation—I’d seen men get hard from far less.
It wasn’t like he was acting on it. He wasn’t saying anything inappropriate or touching me or giving me creepy looks. He was my agent. My photographer at the present moment. He had a boner. No big deal.
I replayed that in my head ten times, but it wouldn’t take root.
It felt like a big deal. That he’d called me in on a Sunday at the last minute, that we were the only two people here, that he was photographing me nude, hovering above me, while his hard-on bulged through his tight slacks felt dangerous.
“I’m done,” I announced suddenly, sliding out from beneath him. “I can’t do this.”
Ellis made no move to stop me. He just rose back up, lowered his camera, and gave me a confused look as my hands scattered to cover myself. “Are you uncomfortable posing nude? Your file didn’t list any hesitations over it . . .”
“No, I’m not uncomfortable with it.” The more I tried to cover myself, the sillier I felt. Giving up, I got up and powered toward the dressing area. “It’s just, today . . .” I didn’t know what I was trying to say. Was this because of Ellis? Was it because of Soren?
Was it because of me?
I wasn’t sure why I was a
cting so unsure—I just knew I couldn’t lie below that camera for another shot.
“Today’s just been one of those days,” I settled on as I got redressed as fast as I could.
“Can I interest you in dinner then? I made reservations at one of the best places in the city, but the person who was supposed to go with me can’t make it. People usually have to make reservations months in advance—it’s exactly the type of place I go to when I’m having one of ‘those days.’” Ellis sounded like he was moving around the room, switching off the lights.
“Thanks for the invite, but I’ve already got plans.” So it was kind of a lie, but not totally. I did have plans. To be alone so I could figure out what I was going to tell my roommate when I saw him again.
“These plans rate higher than dining at a five-star restaurant with me?”
My finger stopped tying my sneakers. Was Ellis implying he was so great? Or the restaurant was? The combination was? However he meant what he’d said, it made the offer that much less appealing.
“Sorry. I can’t cancel them,” I said, tugging on my jacket before emerging from the dressing area.
“Too bad more women aren’t like you.” The room was dark now, just a wash of light diffusing in from the outside windows lining the office.
“Aren’t like me?” I said, moving toward the door.
Ellis shoved off the wall, following me. “The type who don’t cancel once they’ve committed. Hardworking.” Ellis’s hand made it to the door handle before mine. He held it there for a minute, but the door stayed closed.
He was staring down at me—I could feel it, but I didn’t look back. Something about this whole afternoon was off. Wrong.
“Intoxicating,” he added, leaning in and taking a slow breath.
“I really have to go or else I’ll be late.” My voice gave away nothing, but everything inside me felt like it was trembling.
“You have plans with him tonight, don’t you?” There was a bite to his words, something unsettling. I didn’t have time to answer before he opened the door, adding, “Don’t waste everything you’re about to become on a nothing like him.”
I didn’t say anything else as I moved through the agency toward the elevators. Ellis didn’t follow, but the adrenaline charging inside made me feel like I was being chased.
What in the hell was that about? That shoot had to qualify as the single, most creepy experience of my life. I wasn’t sure if Ellis’s dinner invitation had been intended as a date or as a business meeting. I wasn’t sure what his whole cryptic act and words had been about either. He seemed almost jealous of whatever relationship he assumed Soren and I had. But he was Ellis Lawson. What did he have to be jealous about when it came to two young kids?
The men of the world seemed determined to screw with my head.
First Soren. Now Ellis. Although, in fairness, I was responsible for the whole mess with Soren. If I’d just kept my mouth closed the way I’d been doing for weeks, we’d still be on a roommate basis instead of a roommate-plus-question-mark one.
By the time I’d left the agency and was moving down sidewalks, my head started to clear, and by the time I’d found a hotel to stay in for the night, I’d convinced myself I was making a way bigger deal out of the Ellis encounter than I needed to. He was quirky, mysterious, different . . . just like the majority of other people in this industry.
Once I’d slid into the comfy hotel bed and thrown the covers over my head to block out the world for a few hours, I felt much better about the Ellis cluster.
The Soren one I felt exponentially worse about though. Especially when I’d fired on my phone for a few minutes—to make sure I hadn’t missed any emergency calls from my family or the agency—only to find I’d missed dozens of calls and texts. All from him. I powered off the phone before I read or listened to a single one.
Tomorrow, I’d confront Soren.
Tonight, I was happy to play ignorant to the whole mess I was responsible for creating.
My mess was waiting for me just inside the doors of the K&M building the next morning.
I didn’t see him until I’d already whisked through the revolving door. The moment I did, I froze, one foot wanting to carry me backward, the other wanting to propel me forward.
My decision was made for me when Soren’s gaze fell on me. His shoulders fell as a heavy breath spilled from his mouth. He looked . . . relieved.
Why was he relieved?
Why did it look like he was about to throw his arms around me as he dashed toward me?
“You’re okay. Thank god.” He dropped his backpack and baseball bag on the floor when he stopped in front of me, his arms going around my back as he pulled me into his chest.
My arms were frozen at my sides as he held me a few moments before letting go. His eyes roamed me when he stepped back. He looked exhausted, like he hadn’t slept. Bloodshot whites of the eyes, dark hollows, a couple days of scruff dotting his face. Even his shirt was on inside out.
“What happened? Where have you been? Are you okay?” His eyes did another careful sweep, checking me over again.
“Soren, I’m fine,” I said after swallowing the ball in my throat.
He’d been worried about me last night. I should have called or shot him a quick text to let him know I was okay and spending the night with Jane and Ariel or something.
“Where were you? You never came home last night. I tried calling you a million times.” He rolled his neck, making it pop a few times.
“Can we talk about this later? I’ve got a meeting in a few minutes.”
He slid in front of me when I tried to move around him. “What the hell is going on?” His hand drilled into my stomach when I tried moving by again. “I was up all night, losing my shit that something had happened to you, and here you are this morning, just fine, and aren’t going to give me any kind of an explanation?” He moved his head so it was in front of mine. “You owe the guy who called every hospital and minor emergency clinic in this city an explanation.”
The ball was lodged right back in my throat. I guessed it wouldn’t go away for a while. “You called hospitals? Soren, I was fine.”
“But how in the hell was I supposed to know that? I get home last night, knowing we were supposed to have a serious discussion, and you’re not there. I try calling you, probably more times than one guy has ever tried calling a girl in a twelve-hour period. You don’t answer. I freak the hell out. What else am I supposed to do besides start calling every friend, family member, and hospital I can get a hold of?”
I couldn’t look him in the eyes. I thought that was making him more upset than my unwillingness to explain what had happened last night.
“No one knew where you were. No one had a fucking clue. Do you know what I went through last night?”
Something he’d said caught up to me. “Did you say my family?”
Soren’s head moved. “Yeah. I called them.”
“You called my family to ask if they knew where I was?” My voice elevated. “How did you get their number?”
“I looked up a Hastings, Nebraska, phone book online. It wasn’t hard.”
My hand shoved into my purse, searching for my phone to turn it on. My mom was already under the impression New York was full of thieves and murderers. “They’re probably freaking out.”
“Yeah, they probably are. That’s what people do when people they care about suddenly disappear.” Soren’s voice had risen as well, his face flushing from what I assumed was anger.
When my phone powered up, I found I’d missed a bunch of calls from my mom. I needed to call her to let her know I was okay—I wouldn’t put it past her to be on her way now, ready to search every dumpster and back alley if need be.
“Why did you do that?” I asked, feeling my own pulse of anger.
He blinked at me, his expression suggesting I couldn’t be seriously asking that. “Because you didn’t come home last night. Because I couldn’t get a hold of you. Because I fucking care.??
?
When I glanced at the time on my phone, I knew he was missing his first class of the day. He’d probably miss the second too. He’d gotten no sleep. He’d called hospitals, friends, and family trying to find me. He looked like he’d journeyed through the depths of hell and just made it out, barely alive.
Guilt poured over me. An endless stream of scalding, petrifying goop.
I hadn’t just made a mess. I’d crafted a catastrophe.
“We can talk later,” I said, pushing his hand away and trying for the elevators again.
I didn’t make it far. Soren’s hand formed around my wrist, stilling me. “Like we were supposed to talk last night?”
My chest ached, imagining what last night could have been. Then I forced myself to harden, encasing myself in impenetrable armor. “You were planning on something else last night.” My voice was poison in vocal form.
His jaw worked, his hold around my wrist staying strong. “I was planning on whatever you needed last night.”
I knew that. But I couldn’t admit that when I was trying to push him away. “Obviously, I needed to be alone,” I stated slowly. “That should answer your question.”
“And what about everything you said? Everything you admitted? What was that? Make-believe? Something I just conjured up in my imagination?”
People were staring at us as they moved by, but I didn’t care that we had an audience. Maybe a public setting was better than being alone with him because being alone with Soren was a bad idea. For so many reasons.
I stopped pulling against him, twisting around so I was directly facing him. Then I gathered up whatever wits I had left to get out the next part. “I was drunk.” My shoulders lifted as I crossed my arms. “That’s why I said all of that. And . . . did all of that.”
The corners of Soren’s eyes creased, his feet carrying him a few steps back. “You were drunk?”
Biting the inside of my cheek, I nodded.
“You had two glasses of champagne over the course of a few hours. That’s not drunk.” His hand went behind his head, adjusting the ball cap lower on his head. “Your inhibitions were lowered. You said and did exactly what you wanted to do. Exactly what you’d been too scared to say or do for weeks.”