Lucian gets to his feet and perches in the place Max recently vacated. He pulls me into his arms and hugs me tightly. “Lia and I are here for you. You’re family to both of us.”
“That’s good,” I say huskily, “because I might need somewhere to stay. I’m kind of homeless right now, and my parents aren’t likely to welcome me back anytime soon after this bit of trashy behavior.” I bite my lip as I realize that I’ve so much as admitted that my romance with Max was a sham. He’d certainly never believe his friend would kick me out on the street or dump me in my time of need. Other than a slight, knowing smile, he doesn’t question me on my slip of the tongue.
Lucian winces as he ruffles my hair. “No offense, Rose, but they’re kind of assholes. I’m not sure how you turned out so well coming from those two.” I roll my eyes, thinking his comment about me turning out well might be a little far-fetched given I’m sitting in a hospital bed after cutting myself. “Anyway, I took the liberty of making you an appointment with Joanna for tomorrow afternoon at four. I’ll pick you up at your office around three-thirty.”
“Wait … what?” I stutter out. “You’re going with me?”
Lucian looks surprised by my question. “Well, of course. I know how hard taking the first step can be. I wasn’t kidding when I said we’re going to be with you, Rose. And you’re more than welcome to stay with us, although I have a feeling Max will be opposed to that idea.”
“You know we’re not actually involved,” I point out. “I don’t think you ever believed that we were.”
Lucian stands and straightens his clothing before acknowledging my statement. “Maybe not officially, but something has been there since almost the first. I’ve never known Max to be rattled by anything or anyone until he met you. It may take you both some time to figure it all out, but he’s crazy about you and I believe you feel the same.” Lia has certainly worked her magic softening this man.
I’m still mulling his words when the door opens and a rumpled Max walks in. He looks briefly at Lucian before running his eyes over me as if checking for any new injuries.
And it’s there, in a hospital room wearing an ill-fitted gown with no makeup on and hair that feels like a rat’s nest, that it hits me.
I’m in love with Max Decker.
I’ve been in lust with him for a while, and I’ve hoped that someday he would have feelings for me. But a part of me never dared to hope that anything would ever come of it. To become involved with him would mean that he would know my secret and I’m not certain I could have let that happen. Now, I’ve been laid bare for all to see, and he’s still here. Oh God, he hasn’t left me. In fact, he’s looking at me in a way that gives me hope that Lucian’s right. Could he feel the same? Before I can stop myself, I extend a hand, needing to feel his skin against mine. I wonder if he knows that there is nothing simple about the gesture. I’ve given him the power to bring more pain into my life than I’ve ever inflicted. For I thought at one time I had loved Jake, but now, I realize that he only ever had a small part of me. I know instinctively that Max would never allow me to hide. A love between us would burn so hot that we’d either be consumed by the flame or welded together so tightly that one simply could not exist without the other. Even as fear fills me at the thought, I thread my fingers through his—anchoring my destiny to the one man I fear I can’t survive without.
11
Max
I study Rose in relief, thankful she hasn’t thrown me out of her room yet. Even though I knew I needed to be the one to initiate the intervention—and to involve Lia, Lucian, and her family—I still feel like I betrayed her. Hell, she’d screamed that very thing at me not even an hour earlier. Now, though, she seems calmer—almost serene. Fuck, Luc is good. I’d been surprised when Lucian had insisted on talking with her alone. A part of me had wanted to object even. But it made sense. They’re both battling demons, and I was willing to try anything if it helped. Looking at her now, I believe that whatever he said was something she needed to hear.
I wrap my other hand around the nape of her neck and pull her near, dropping a kiss on her forehead then lightly across her lips. “I’m so damn sorry, sweetheart. I don’t know if you can ever forgive me, but I didn’t feel that I had a choice. You might hate me, but I’d do it again if it meant that you were still here, even if it’s not with me.”
She uses our connection to pull me closer until my upper body is lying on hers. Our faces are just inches apart as we stare at each other. “I’m not going to lie, counselor. I was beyond hurt and pissed at you—a part of me still is. But after talking to Luc, I also realize that I never needed to hide from my friends.” She toys with the hem of my shirt as she continues. “He’s made me an appointment already with his therapist, and he’s also going with me the first time.”
As her eyes mist over, I feel a tug of jealousy that my friend is the one she’s leaning on then immediately call myself ten kinds of asshole. I want her to get better, no matter what. Who gives a damn if Lucian is in a better position to understand what she’s going through? I should be grateful for his help. It’s for damn certain there is nothing romantic involved. Lia owns him, and he’d be the first to admit it. “That’s great, baby,” I say softly and mean it. “We’re all here for anything that you need—even if it’s just someone to go target practicing with.”
She snorts out a surprised laugh. “You’re never going to let me forget shooting Jake’s car up, are you?”
“Hell, no,” I rasp out as she licks her lips. My cock jumps to attention as it does every time she so much as breathes in my direction. Down boy—so not a good time for that, I groan inwardly as I take a deep breath. “Seeing you sitting so demurely in that police station with those pearls on after you’d just taken a gun and a shovel to that bastard’s car was about the sexiest thing I’d ever seen,” I admit.
Her eyes widen as if riveted by my confession. “Really? I assumed you thought I was crazy. You were so pissed off at having to bail me out.”
Unable to resist, I nuzzle the curve of her neck, inhaling her familiar smell, despite the hospital scent now clinging to her. “It’s called frustration, sweetheart,” I murmur as I drop a kiss on the shell of her ear. “When you climbed on my lap in the car, I wanted nothing more than to spank your ass for teasing me, and then bury myself balls deep in your sweet pussy.” Smooth—talking dirty to a woman lying in a hospital bed while molesting her neck. You’ll be lucky if she doesn’t call security. “Sorry, honey, my timing is shit. I shouldn’t be saying this stuff right now,” I apologize while trying to bring my body back under control.
“Are you kidding?” she groans, “that’s the hottest thing anyone’s ever said to me. I know it’s probably messed up to admit this, but I’m so horny I want to explode.”
I gape at her, wondering if I imagined what she just said. “We did not hear that!” My head swivels to the side, and I wince in embarrassment as Lucian and Lia smirk at us. Actually, Luc is doing most of the smirking. Lia’s face is red, but her lips are curved in a smile. I realize that I’m covering Rose like a blanket and touch her cheek in apology before putting some space between us. “So,” Lia says, “we just wanted to come in and let you know that Dr. Foster is discharging you today as soon as the paperwork is ready. The spare bedroom is all set for you. Luc will pick your stuff up from Max’s house, and we can buy anything else you need.”
“She’s staying with me,” I bark out, startling everyone in the room. Fuck, I sound like a psycho. I run a hand through my hair, attempting to compose myself before I scare Rose away with my possessiveness. “Sorry, didn’t mean to shout.” I put a hand on her leg and rub it reassuringly before continuing. “I don’t want you to go, but I can’t make you stay. I want to continue holding you in my arms at night when you can’t sleep and be there in the morning when you’re adjusting to yet another new outfit. I also need someone to burn dinner because that doesn’t happen nearly enough for me.”
“Don’t you need a break?”
she asks me uncertainly. “You probably haven’t gotten more than a couple of hours of sleep since I’ve been there.”
I drop a kiss on her upturned nose. “I’m fine, sweetheart.”
“In that case, I’d love to stay,” she says softly. “I’m sure my parents will be thrilled.” Looking around, she asks, “Where are they, by the way?” She rolls her eyes, and for a moment, I see understandable insecurity in her expression. As if not willing to allow herself to grieve, she takes a deep breath and erects what looks like a wall of indifference. “Standing in the hallway with dark glasses on so that no one recognizes them?”
“Er … they left,” Lia answers tensely. It’s obvious what her opinion of Rose’s parents’ defection is. After my telephone conversation with Rose’s father, then the near argument we’d had in the hallway, I was more than happy to see them go. I could hardly fathom how the man could essentially render his daughter penniless and homeless, then have the nerve to complain about her “antics” embarrassing them yet again. I’d wanted to punch the bastard in the mouth. It may well have come to that had Lia not stepped between us and defused the situation somewhat. There was no way I’m telling Rose what was said, though. She needs support right now, not more disapproval.
“Ah, well, good riddance, right?” Rose says brightly, but I can see the hurt behind the words. No matter what they’ve done to her recently, she still wants their love and approval. I’m not sure they’re capable of the first, and the second seems like a real long shot. After just a few minutes in their company, it had become clear to me why she felt so much pressure to be perfect. They were snobbish pricks that I’d instantly disliked. How in the world Rose turned out to be such a funny and unique person is nothing short of a miracle.
“I’m sure they’ll be begging us to join them for dinner soon.” I laugh to lighten the mood. Matt comes through the door a short while later with Rose’s discharge papers, and Lia offers to help Rose dress in the clothes she brought for her. Lucian motions for me to follow him out into the hallway. “What’s up?” I ask, thinking it was something work related.
“Rose said something to me when we were talking that made me a little uneasy. Has she said anything to you about the recurrent dream that she’s had for years?”
I shake my head. “No, she hasn’t mentioned it. I know she has problems sleeping at night, but I assumed it was a form of insomnia brought on by the issues with her parents. Did she go into detail about it?” Lucian fills me in, and like him, I’m also unnerved. It’s not the type of dream I can imagine spanning years. “You think it might be a memory, don’t you?”
He rubs a hand over his jaw before shrugging. “In my experience, only memories stay with you for that long. She may have been too young to remember the actual event, but her subconscious could be trying to tell her something. As you know, I’ve already had a background check run on her. I’m not having anyone that close to my family without it,” he adds without apology. For a man with Lucian’s money and power, it never hurts to be cautious. I would almost bet that Lee Jacks has also looked into Rose’s background. He would be wary of those in his daughter’s life. “There was nothing there that we don’t already know, so I think we should dig a little deeper. Have the investigator that we’ve used before go all the way back to her birth and look carefully through those early years.” Lucian glances at Rose’s door before looking back at me. “I have a gut feeling that something’s not right. I realize that her parents have verbally abused her for years, which in itself would be enough to damage her, but maybe there’s more that Rose herself isn’t consciously aware of.”
I slump back against the wall as my mind reels from the possibilities. What in the hell has happened to her in the past? Could both Lucian and I be making something out of nothing? “I’ve heard of people experiencing traumatic events only to block them out completely for years. Then something happens to open that door and all hell breaks loose.”
“It could be what was behind the attempts to take her own life and then the cutting. Even she admitted to me that she didn’t understand why she felt the way that she did. She couldn’t pinpoint a single event out of the ordinary that led her to it.”
“Just a couple of assholes for parents who tore her down at every opportunity. I’m guessing that was a normal day for her and she wouldn’t see that as unusual,” I retort.
Lucian gives me an appraising look that begins to make me uncomfortable. Finally, he asks, “What made you decide to let her in? You’ve been in denial for months, but now, you’re practically ordering her to stay with you. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve thought you two belonged together for a while, and I’ve had to almost sit on Lia to keep her from meddling. But what changed? If anything, I would be afraid that all of this would make you run.”
I want to ignore his question. Lucian and I aren’t exactly the type of men to discuss our feelings, and it seems as if we’ve done nothing but that since Lia walked into his life. In a way, it’s brought our friendship closer than it’s ever been. We’re more open with each other now. Before, he and Aidan were like brothers and I was more of a cousin. Now, the bond between us has tightened, and I’m grateful. Therefore, instead of walking away, I answer him honestly. “I could have lost her—that’s what changed. Nothing that I did could save the last woman I loved. No amount of money, modern medicine, or religion could stop her from fading just a little more each day. But with Rose, I have a chance. I can save her—I will save her,” I add fiercely as my hands clench into fists.
Lucian looks at me in surprise, and I wonder how he could not know about Melly. There’s no way he hired me without the same background check that he ran on Rose. Could that part have possibly been left out? I’ve never discussed her with him before, but I don’t think he’s acting right now. He clears his throat before saying, “I won’t ask you to tell me any more while we’re here, but one day, I hope you’ll be comfortable enough to talk to me about her.” He gives me a side hug, before patting me on the shoulder. “Lia and I are going to head home. If you need time off or would rather work from home for a while, then just let me know. Rose is our priority and everything else can be worked around. Oh, and I had someone swing by to take care of the door at your house. They’ve installed a temporary one and will order an exact replacement of the one that you had.” I’d mentioned the emergency responders having to break-in to reach us in the bathroom, and Luc, as always, never missed a detail.
“Thanks, Luc,” I say around the sudden lump in my throat. One of the best decisions of my life was to take a job with Quinn Software. I never expected the family that came along with it, but I’m beyond grateful for them. Especially since I so rarely see my own parents; they are usually more than content with the occasional email form of communication.
Lia stops to hug me on the way out, and Lucian jokes about his wife spending too much time hugging other men. I grin because I know a part of him isn’t joking. If he had his way, she’d never be in the same room with another man again. He’s a possessive bastard, and I fully understand. I’m coming to feel the same way about the auburn beauty smiling sleepily at me now. I make a silent promise that nothing will take her from me. I’ve been given a second chance, and no matter what it takes, this time, I’ll hold on with everything I have. God wouldn’t be cruel enough to let me find love again, only to rip it away.
12
Rose
“Holy hell, I’m free! The warden finally let me out of prison for good behavior today.” I pump my fist in the air before forming a V for victory with my fingers. “I didn’t think I’d ever be plotting ways to escape from a hot piece of man candy like Max, but crap, he found some crazy reason every day for two whole weeks as to why he needed to work at home every day. This, of course, was code for, ‘Rose, you’re staying home with me.’ I tried to tell him that you were going to fire me if I didn’t get back to work, but he wouldn’t listen.” I frown at Lia, who simply smiles in return. “Couldn’t you have been a little more of a
hard ass? Maybe demanded that I return immediately, instead of saying, ‘Take all the time you need, your job will be waiting for you.’ What employer says shit like that? McDonald’s would have given me the boot after the first day.”
When I finally run out of steam, I drop into the chair in front of her desk and she pushes a cup of coffee in front of me. “Are you finished now?” She smirks.
I pretend to sulk for a moment. “Oh, I guess so.”
Changing the subject, she asks, “How was your last session with Joanna? Lucian said that you really liked her.”
“She’s great,” I say and mean it. I’ve been seeing Lucian’s therapist twice a week, and so far, it’s been nothing like what I’d feared. Her office is more like a well-worn living room, complete with comfortable, overstuffed sofas and a fireplace. Joanna dresses like a new age hippie, and more often than not, she isn’t wearing shoes when she opens the door. That one small thing always relaxes me. She’s not intrusive and doesn’t try to put words in my mouth. Best of all, I’ve never felt that she’s judging me. There’s just something about her that makes me want to open up and I have. She warned me on my first visit that she couldn’t wave a magic wand and make the urge to cut go away. Her desire is to help me identify my triggers and figure out ways to recognize and deal with them in ways that don’t involve cutting. Essentially, I need to retrain my brain. “My parents are completely opposed to it, but luckily, they haven’t canceled my health insurance—probably just because they haven’t thought about it.”
“We can get you covered here,” Lia offers. “I’m so happy that you like Joanna. Lucian was really resistant to seeing her, but after his first appointment, he admitted he felt hopeful for the first time that he could beat his addiction for good.” Trying to act nonchalant, she asks, “How are things going with Max? Any new developments between you two?”