“I have no desire to be your wife.” Her voice was a hiss, but she kept it low, because she didn’t want to have people talking about her.
He dropped his lips down to her ear. “But you are my wife, and you will behave like it. You are not a spoiled brat, which is what you’re behaving like right now. You will sit beside me and pretend you love me just as much as you thought you did yesterday.”
“Let go of me!” she hissed. “I want to be with my family.” She tried to tear her arm from his, but he wouldn’t let her.
“We’ve been married for less than twenty-four hours. You will stay with me.” He pushed her to her bottom in the pew he had chosen and sat beside her.
“I hate you!” she whispered venomously. Why wouldn’t he even allow her to sit with her family? Was he so lacking in love as that?
He shrugged. “You’re still sitting with me.”
She sat beside him through the singing of hymns and the long sermon. After the service was over, people gathered around them. Her uncle Max reached out to shake hands with Shawn. “I’m surprised to see you two here today. We figured you’d take your one whole day off before you go back to work to be together.”
Shawn shrugged. “I’d planned on it, but she wanted to stick to our normal routine.” He smiled down at Rose as if there was nothing amiss between them.
Max nodded, his eyes shifting between the newlywed couple. “That makes sense to me.”
Harriett stood beside her husband holding their son. Her eyes searched Rose’s. “Why don’t you come over for lunch at my place tomorrow? Around noon?”
Rose nodded gratefully. She did need to talk to her aunt. “I’d like that, Aunt Harriett.” If no one else in the world understood how badly she was being treated, her aunt would. She was grateful to have her in her life.
Shawn slipped his arm around her shoulders as if there were nothing wrong between them and gave Harriett his best smile. “I’m sure she’s going to get lonely without her family to surround her.”
Harriett nodded solemnly. “I had a hard time when I was first married, because I felt like there was nothing for me to do.”
Shawn nodded. “I’ll try to make sure she’s always got something to occupy her time.”
Mary rushed over and hugged Rose tightly. “It felt strange not having all my chicks at home last night. You should come for a visit tomorrow. Do you want to have lunch with us?”
Rose laughed softly. “I’m having lunch with Aunt Harriett. Why don’t I come to your house for tea?” She would need to explain to her mother why she was leaving Shawn before the news got out.
Mary nodded. “Sounds good.” They didn’t always do an afternoon tea in the house Rose had grown up in, but they did when they’d have company. She looked at Shawn. “Would the two of you like to come over for luncheon today?”
Shawn shook his head, giving Rose a loving look. “I’d rather spend the day alone with my new wife, if that’s okay. Maybe next Sunday?”
“Of course. I should have thought.” She gave Rose another quick hug. “I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon.”
Once they’d left the church and were on their way home, Rose looked at Shawn. “Why did you act like everything is fine between us, when you know it’s not?” She couldn’t seem to control the bitterness in her voice when she spoke to him.
Shawn shrugged. “No man wants to admit his wife is already angry with him when they haven’t been married a full day.” How could she not understand something as simple as that?
“Because he doesn’t want to admit he deserves to have his wife angry with him when they haven’t even been married a full day?”
“That’s part of it. Mostly, though, it’s just a pride issue. It makes it look like I couldn’t satisfy you in bed, when we both know that wasn’t the case.” He watched her face carefully for a reaction to his words.
She stopped walking and stared at him in shock. “I can’t believe you’d throw that back in my face. I thought you loved me!” Deep inside, she wondered if she’d have reacted the same way to his touch if she had known he didn’t love her. She really didn’t want to think about it.
He shrugged. “Love or not, you liked what we did together.” He walked toward their house, now within sight, without waiting for her. He grinned as soon as he knew she wouldn’t be able to see it.
“I’m not going to stay with you. You’re an insufferable oaf and don’t deserve someone like me to marry. I should have married Steven Johnson. He’s been in love with me for years!” She half ran to keep up with him as they walked up to the house.
“Maybe you should have. Obviously you didn’t want a husband; you wanted a lap dog. Someone who would follow you around telling you how much he loved you on an hourly basis.” He opened the door and walked inside. One of the maids was waiting just inside. He handed her his hat and coat. “Do you know if lunch is ready yet?”
She nodded. “Yes, Dr. Shawn. It’s ready to serve.”
“Good.” He walked into the dining room without Rose, leaving her to trail behind him. He was seething with anger over her plan to sit with her family at church. If she loved him like she said she did, why did she want to humiliate him like that in front of all of Seattle?
He took his spot at the head of the table and wasn’t surprised when she sat at the foot of it. The long expanse of table between them would make conversation impossible. He didn’t care. He was so angry, he knew it was best if nothing was said between them for a while.
Rose ate her roast beef in silence. The meal was excellent, but she could barely taste it. She couldn’t believe he’d forced her to behave how he’d wanted at church. The man was a cad through and through, and she couldn’t wait to get out of his house. She was sure once her aunt heard how he was treating her, she’d be invited to move right in. Or her mother. And if neither of them wanted her, she’d move to the battered women’s house. Surely the way he was treating her qualified for living there.
She hid her secret smile from him. He would get home from work to discover her gone. She wished she could be a fly on the wall to see his face, but she knew it wasn’t possible.
Oh well, just so she was gone and treated better was all that mattered to her. Life would be back to normal once she got her divorce. She shuddered as she thought the word. Surely her parents would understand the need for a divorce in these circumstances. She was a battered woman just like all the others. Of course, they would support her. She needed all the love she could get after what she’d gone through as Shawn’s wife. The man was impossible to live with, and frankly, impossible to love. She ignored the little voice that told her she still loved him.
*****
During the short walk to Max and Harriett’s house late the following morning, Rose practiced what she’d tell her aunt. She needed to make her understand just how bad things were at her house. She needed her aunt to want to give her a home, and she needed Harriett to feel guilt over what had happened with Shawn.
She knocked on the door when she arrived, and one of the maids took her into Harriett’s parlor where she was holding her son, Simon.
Rose sat in the chair perpendicular to the sofa where her aunt sat and sighed heavily. She waited a moment for her aunt to ask what was wrong, but when she didn’t, she sighed again more loudly. Surely she’d get the hint this time.
“Is there something troubling you, Rose?” Aunt Harriett’s voice sounded almost amused.
Rose nodded. “Shawn doesn’t love me.” She said the words as dramatically as she could, hoping her aunt would understand how deeply the lack of love was affecting her.
“No, I never thought he did.”
Rose turned to her in shock. “But you let me marry him!” How could Harriett do this to her? She’d ruined her life and she didn’t even care?
Harriett shook her head. “You told me it was him or no one. You said you loved him.
My job was to make certain he didn’t have a history of abusing women and to make sure he didn’t need money and wasn’t marrying you for your wealth. I did that. I never claimed he loved you. Did he tell you he loved you?”
Rose shook her head. “Well, no, but he acted like he did!”
Harriett shrugged. “Of course, he acted like he did. He wanted you to be his wife.”
“But he deceived me!” Why didn’t Aunt Harriett understand?
“No, he didn’t. He courted you. There’s a big difference.”
“Well, yesterday he wouldn’t even let me sit with my family at church. He physically stopped me from doing it by grabbing my arm. Surely you can see that’s wrong.”
Harriett eyed Rose. “What are you trying to say, Rose?”
“He’s hurting me. Just like the women in the battered women’s house have been hurt.” She folded her arms across her chest. “I can’t stay with him. May I move in here with you and Uncle Max?”
Harriett’s face turned a dark shade of red. Rose was surprised, because she had never seen her aunt look so angry. Good. She was taking her words seriously. “Rose, the women in the battered women’s house have been hurt by their husbands. Physically hurt. Your feelings and pride have been slightly bruised. There’s a big difference.”
Rose shook her head. “Why can’t you see it’s the same?”
Harriett studied her for a moment before taking a deep breath. “You’ve heard the abuse stories of some of the women there, and you dare to compare them to your own story of having a man not love you like you think he should?”
Rose blinked a few times, only then realizing that Harriett was angry with her. “What do you mean?” Was Aunt Harriett really not going to take her side?
Harriett saw the baby’s nurse in the hall and called her in. “Take him up to his room now, please, Lucy.” She turned on the sofa to fully face Rose. “You’re complaining because he doesn’t fall at your feet like the other young men you’ve known. There’s a big difference between not falling in love with you and abuse.” She breathed deeply a few times, obviously trying to keep her temper in check before speaking again. “On my wedding night with my first husband, he used his belt on my back over my wedding dress because I hadn’t worn the correct type of shoes for the ceremony. He beat me almost daily. He pushed me down a flight of stairs when I was five months pregnant with our child and caused me to miscarry and I will limp every day of my life as a result. I still mourn the baby that never had a chance to draw his first breath.” She paused, looking at Rose with flashing eyes. “You tell me what you have experienced with Shawn is abuse because he wouldn’t let you sit with your parents at church and he told you he doesn’t love you? You know nothing of true abuse, and I hope you never do.”
Rose stared at her aunt in horror. She’d known that her first husband had been cruel to her, but she’d never imagined how cruel. “I’m sorry, Aunt Harriett.”
Harriett shook her head. “You have always lived the life of a cossetted child. You were the firstborn, and the boys all loved you. It’s time for you to grow up and face the consequences of your actions. I warned you that I didn’t think Shawn felt about you the way you felt about him, and I know your father did the same. And here you are complaining to me that we didn’t tell you? That we allowed you to be treated unkindly and didn’t do our job correctly?” She stood up, walking toward the door to the parlor. “You’re a spoiled little girl, Rose. Grow up.”
Rose stared after her aunt for a moment, realizing she’d just way overstepped her bounds. She wasn’t going to be allowed to stay with Aunt Harriett or in the battered women’s home; that much was clear. She sighed. She hoped her aunt would forgive her for her words. She certainly hadn’t meant to upset her.
She went into the dining room and saw her aunt sitting down to a nice table without her. “I’m really sorry, Aunt Harriett.” And she was. She was sorry she’d compared what she was going through to anything her aunt had experienced. She could see the hurt in her aunt’s eyes, and she knew she’d done everything she could to prevent her headstrong niece from marrying a man who wouldn’t be good for her. It had been her own doing, at least in Harriett’s eyes.
Harriett nodded abruptly. “Sit down and have lunch with me, Rose.”
Rose took her seat, and they prayed together. When they were finished, Rose carefully changed the topic. “How are you feeling?”
Harriett smiled slightly at the reference to her pregnancy. “Much better. The first trimester is over, so I’m no longer feeling nauseated all the time. Soon, I’ll be as big as a watermelon again.”
They both laughed slightly at the comment. When Harriett had been close to her time with Simon, Iris had gotten extremely angry with her. She’d gone up to Harriett and crooked her finger so Harriett would bend down to listen to her, and she’d demanded to know why Harriett hadn’t shared the watermelon. “You know I love watermelons,” the little girl had insisted.
Harriett had shaken her head, not understanding. “Of course, but what makes you think I didn’t share a watermelon?”
Iris had gestured to her belly. “You not only ate a watermelon, but you must have swallowed it whole!”
They’d all laughed at the little girl’s outrage. Harriett had been big enough that she had looked like she must have swallowed a watermelon, so she hadn’t taken offense.
Rose looked at Harriett again, her eyes wide. “What am I going to do, Aunt Harriett?”
Harriett shrugged and shook her head. “You’re going to be married to a man who doesn’t love you yet, and you’re going to hope that someday he learns to love you. You chose the path you’re on, and you’ll have to live with it.”
Rose looked down at the food on her plate, pushing it around with her fork, suddenly not at all hungry. “You don’t think I should leave?”
“I don’t think any woman should leave her husband unless he is hurting her. I think the fact that you’re even thinking about it shows you have a whole lot of growing up to do. I’m so glad you didn’t marry at sixteen like you wanted. You’d already have children now, and still be struggling to figure out how to grow up. That wouldn’t have been good for you or your child.”
Rose nodded. “I guess you’re right. I can’t run away from my problems my whole life. It’s time I face them for a change.” She sighed heavily. “I sure wish I’d listened to you and Papa instead of deciding I knew what was best for myself.”
“I do too. I tried to warn you, but you had your heart set on marrying your dentist. Now you’re married to him, it’s time to make the best of it. Be the best wife you can be, and maybe he’ll fall in love with you. Many marriages begin without love. It’s what happens after the wedding that builds the foundation for your life together.”
*****
It started drizzling while Rose was on her way to her mother’s house, but having grown up in Seattle, she didn’t mind the rain. A light drizzle actually felt good on a warm summer day.
She thought about what Harriett had said on the way, and knew she was going to make one last effort with her mother, but she was pretty sure she was just going to have to make things work out with Shawn, which meant moving back into his bedroom from the room she’d spent the last two nights in and doing her best to be a good wife. He wanted children, and children wouldn’t come if she slept in another room.
She’d enjoyed their one time together, other than the fight that had come after, of course. But if she was careful not to tell him she loved him again, she wouldn’t expect the words in return, and that would keep them from having another fight like that one.
She knocked on the door of her old house, feeling odd not just going in, but knowing it was the polite thing to do. When Iris opened the door, she looked at her as if she hadn’t seen her in months, and Rose prepared herself for the warm welcome she knew was coming.
Iris opened the door wide. “I thoug
ht you were married and we didn’t have to see you anymore.” She turned and walked away.
Rose stared after her younger sister in shock. What had that been about? She wasn’t even happy to see her? Did her family like having her gone?
She wandered through the house looking for her mother and found her sitting in the parlor with Amaryllis on the floor, sprawled out reading a book as usual. She stepped over her sister as she took a seat on the sofa beside her mother, who was carefully untangling a mess someone had made with her embroidery. She idly wondered which sister had done it, but didn’t ask.
Finally, her mother looked up and smiled at her. “Oh, you’ve come for tea.” It was obvious by her tone she’d forgotten she’d invited Rose.
“You did ask me,” Rose pointed out, heartbroken. Did no one care for her anymore?
“I know I did.” She put down the embroidery, and nudged Amaryllis with her foot. “Go and ask for tea and cookies, please.”
Amaryllis finished her paragraph and marked her page carefully. “We’re not going to start acting like Rose is special company, are we? I mean, she is our sister.”
“Amaryllis. The tea?”
Amaryllis sighed and got to her feet. “Tea. Fine. I’ll get the stupid tea.” She stalked from the room, obviously annoyed to be asked to put her book down.
Mary turned to Rose. “How’s married life?”
At her mother’s question, Rose broke into tears. She knew her life wasn’t as bad as Aunt Harriett’s had been, and she really had no room for complaint, but she still hated how things had turned out for her. “He doesn’t love me!”
Mary put her arms around her daughter and held her close. It was what Fred had been afraid of, but Mary felt like it was what Rose needed to grow up a bit and realize she wasn’t the center of everyone’s universe. “What happened?”
Rose sniffled. “Well, I told him I loved him, and he didn’t respond. So I prompted him, and he still didn’t respond. Finally, I asked him point blank if he loved me, and he said he didn’t.” The tears rolled down her cheeks as she explained her plight. “I’ve had so many boys say they love me over the years that I kind of thought they all loved me, and there was no way one wouldn’t love me, but Shawn says he likes me, and he just needed a wife and there aren’t many women in the area, so he married me.” Rose said it all without taking a breath, needing to get the words out.