CHAPTER IV.
_THORNS AMONG THE ROSES._
For a time every thing went smoothly, and Rose was a happy girl; forthe world seemed a beautiful and friendly place, and the fulfilment ofher brightest dreams appeared to be a possibility. Of course, thiscould not last, and disappointment was inevitable; because young eyeslook for a Paradise, and weep when they find a work-a-day world, whichseems full of care and trouble, till one learns to gladden and glorifyit with high thoughts and holy living.
Those who loved her waited anxiously for the dis-illusion which mustcome in spite of all their cherishing; for, till now, Rose had been sobusy with her studies, travels, and home duties, that she knew verylittle of the triumphs, trials, and temptations of fashionable life.Birth and fortune placed her where she could not well escape some ofthem; and Doctor Alec, knowing that experience is the best teacher,wisely left her to learn this lesson as she must many another,devoutly hoping that it would not be a hard one.
October and November passed rapidly; and Christmas was at hand, withall its merry mysteries, home-gatherings, and good wishes.
Rose sat in her own little sanctum, opening from the parlor, busilypreparing gifts for the dear five hundred friends who seemed to growfonder and fonder as the holidays drew near. The drawers of hercommode stood open, giving glimpses of dainty trifles, which she wastying up with bright ribbons.
A young girl's face at such moments is apt to be a happy one; butRose's was very grave as she worked, and now and then she threw aparcel into the drawer with a careless toss, as if no love made thegift precious. So unusual was this expression that it struck Dr. Alecas he came in, and brought an anxious look to his eyes; for any cloudon that other countenance dropped its shadow over his.
"Can you spare a minute from your pretty work to take a stitch in myold glove?" he asked, coming up to the table strewn with ribbon, lace,and colored papers.
"Yes, uncle, as many as you please."
The face brightened with sudden sunshine; both hands were put out toreceive the shabby driving-glove; and the voice was full of thataffectionate alacrity which makes the smallest service sweet.
"My Lady Bountiful is hard at work, I see. Can I help in any way?" heasked, glancing at the display before him.
"No, thank you; unless you can make me as full of interest andpleasure in these things as I used to be. Don't you think preparingpresents a great bore, except for those you love, and who love you?"she added, in a tone which had a slight tremor in it as she utteredthe last words.
"I don't give to people whom I care nothing for. Can't do it;especially at Christmas, when good-will should go into every thing onedoes. If all these 'pretties' are for dear friends, you must have agreat many."
"I thought they were friends; but I find many of them are not, andthat's the trouble, sir."
"Tell me all about it, dear, and let the old glove go," he said,sitting down beside her with his most sympathetic air.
But she held the glove fast, saying eagerly, "No, no, I love to dothis! I don't feel as if I could look at you while I tell what a bad,suspicious girl I am," she added, keeping her eyes upon her work.
"Very well, I'm ready for confessions of any iniquity, and glad to getthem; for sometimes lately I've seen a cloud in my girl's eyes, andcaught a worried tone in her voice. Is there a bitter drop in the cupthat promised to be so sweet, Rose?"
"Yes, uncle. I've tried to think there was not; but it _is_ there, andI don't like it. I'm ashamed to tell; and yet I want to, because youwill show me how to make it sweet, or assure me that I shall be thebetter for it, as you used to do when I took medicine."
She paused a minute, sewing swiftly; then out came the trouble all inone burst of girlish grief and chagrin.
"Uncle, half the people who are so kind to me don't care a bit for me,but for what I can give them; and that makes me unhappy, because I wasso glad and proud to be liked. I do wish I hadn't a penny in theworld, then I should know who my true friends were."
"Poor little lass! she has found out that all that glitters is notgold, and the dis-illusion has begun," said the doctor to himself,adding aloud, smiling yet pitiful, "And so all the pleasure is goneout of the pretty gifts, and Christmas is a failure?"
"Oh, no! not for those whom nothing can make me doubt. It is sweeterthan ever to make _these_ things, because my heart is in every stitch;and I know that, poor as they are, they will be dear to you, AuntyPlen, Aunt Jessie, Phebe, and the boys."
She opened a drawer where lay a pile of pretty gifts, wrought withloving care by her own hands; touching them tenderly as she spoke, andpatting the sailor's knot of blue ribbon on one fat parcel with asmile that told how unshakable her faith in some one was. "But_these_," she said, pulling open another drawer, and tossing over itsgay contents with an air half sad, half scornful, "these I _bought_and give because they are expected. _These_ people only care for arich gift, not one bit for the giver, whom they will secretly abuse ifshe is not as generous as they expect. How _can_ I enjoy that sort ofthing, uncle?"
"You cannot; but perhaps you do some of them injustice, my dear. Don'tlet the envy or selfishness of a few poison your faith in all. Are yousure that none of these girls care for you?" he asked, reading a namehere and there on the parcels scattered about.
"I'm afraid I am. You see I heard several talking together the otherevening at Annabel's, only a few words, but it hurt me very much; fornearly every one was speculating on what I would give them, and hopingit would be something fine. 'She's so rich she ought to be generous,'said one. 'I've been perfectly devoted to her for weeks, and hope shewon't forget it,' said another. 'If she doesn't give me some of hergloves, I shall think she's very mean; for she has heaps, and I triedon a pair in fun so she could see they fitted and take a hint,' addeda third. I did take the hint, you see;" and Rose opened a handsome boxin which lay several pairs of her best gloves, with buttons enough tosatisfy the heart of the most covetous.
"Plenty of silver paper and perfume, but not much love went into_that_ bundle, I fancy?" and Dr. Alec could not help smiling at thedisdainful little gesture with which Rose pushed away the box.
"Not a particle, nor in most of these. I have given them what theywanted, and taken back the confidence and respect they didn't carefor. It is wrong, I know; but I can't bear to think all the seeminggood-will and friendliness I've been enjoying was insincere and for apurpose. That's not the way _I_ treat people."
"I am sure of it. Take things for what they are worth, dear, and tryto find the wheat among the tares; for there is plenty if one knowshow to look. Is that all the trouble?"
"No, sir, that is the lightest part of it. I shall soon get over mydisappointment in those girls, and take them for what they are worthas you advise; but being deceived in them makes me suspicious ofothers, and that is hateful. If I cannot trust people, I'd rather keepby myself and be happy. I do detest manoeuvring and underhand plotsand plans!"
Rose spoke petulantly, and twitched her silk till it broke; whileregret seemed to give place to anger as she spoke.
"There is evidently another thorn pricking. Let us have it out, andthen 'I'll kiss the place to make it well,' as I used to do when Itook the splinters from the fingers you are pricking so unmercifully,"said the doctor, anxious to relieve his pet patient as soon aspossible.
Rose laughed, but the color deepened in her cheeks, as she answeredwith a pretty mixture of maidenly shyness and natural candor.
"Aunt Clara worries me by warning me against half the young men Imeet, and insisting that they only want my money. Now that isdreadful, and I won't listen: but I can't help thinking of itsometimes; for they _are_ very kind to me, and I'm not vain enough tothink it is my beauty. I suppose I am foolish, but I do like to feelthat I am something beside an heiress."
The little quiver was in Rose's voice again as she ended; and Dr. Alecgave a quick sigh as he looked at the downcast face so full of theperplexity ingenuous spirits feel when doubt first mars their faith,and dims the innocent beliefs still
left from childhood. He had beenexpecting this, and knew that what the girl just began to perceive andtry modestly to tell, had long ago been plain to worldlier eyes. Theheiress _was_ the attraction to most of the young men whom she met.Good fellows enough, but educated, as nearly all are now-a-days, tobelieve that girls with beauty or money are brought to market to sellor buy as the case may be.
Rose could purchase any thing she liked, as she combined bothadvantages; and was soon surrounded by many admirers, each striving tosecure the prize. Not being trained to believe that the only end andaim of a woman's life was a good match, she was a little disturbed,when the first pleasing excitement was over, to discover that herfortune was her chief attraction.
It was impossible for her to help seeing, hearing, guessing this froma significant glance, a stray word, a slight hint here and there; andthe quick instinct of a woman felt even before it understood theself-interest which chilled for her so many opening friendships. Inher eyes love was a very sacred thing, hardly to be thought of till itcame, reverently received, and cherished faithfully to the end.Therefore, it is not strange that she shrunk from hearing itflippantly discussed, and marriage treated as a bargain to be haggledover, with little thought of its high duties, great responsibilities,and tender joys. Many things perplexed her, and sometimes a doubt ofall that till now she had believed and trusted made her feel as if atsea without a compass; for the new world was so unlike the one she hadbeen living in that it bewildered while it charmed the novice.
Dr. Alec understood the mood in which he found her, and did his bestto warn without saddening by too much worldly wisdom.
"You are something besides an heiress to those who know and love you;so take heart, my girl, and hold fast to the faith that is in you.There is a touchstone for all these things, and whatever does not ringtrue doubt and avoid. Test and try men and women as they come along;and I am sure conscience, instinct, and experience will keep you fromany dire mistake," he said, with a protecting arm about her, and atrustful look that was very comforting.
After a moment's pause she answered, while a sudden smile dimpledround her mouth, and the big glove went up to half hide her tell-talecheeks,--
"Uncle, if I must have lovers, I do wish they'd be more interesting.How can I like or respect men who go on as some of them do, and thenimagine women _can_ feel honored by the offer of their hands? heartsare out of fashion, so they don't say much about them."
"Ah, ha! that is the trouble is it? and we begin to have delicatedistresses do we?" said Dr. Alec, glad to see her brightening, andfull of interest in the new topic; for he _was_ a romantic old fellow,as he confessed to his brother.
Rose put down the glove, and looked up with a droll mixture ofamusement and disgust in her face. "Uncle, it is perfectlydisgraceful! I've wanted to tell you, but I was ashamed, because Inever could boast of such things as some girls do; and they were soabsurd I couldn't feel as if they were worth repeating even to you.Perhaps I ought, though; for you may think proper to command me tomake a good match, and of course I should have to obey," she added,trying to look meek.
"Tell, by all means. Don't I always keep your secrets, and give youthe best advice, like a model guardian? You must have a confidant, andwhere find a better one than here?" he asked, tapping his waistcoatwith an inviting gesture.
"Nowhere: so I'll tell all but the names. I'd best be prudent; for I'mafraid you may get a little fierce: you do sometimes when people vexme," began Rose, rather liking the prospect of a confidential chatwith uncle; for he had kept himself a good deal in the backgroundlately.
"You know our ideas are old-fashioned; so I was not prepared to havemen propose at all times and places, with no warning but a few smilesand soft speeches. I expected things of that sort would be veryinteresting and proper, not to say thrilling, on my part: but they arenot; and I find myself laughing instead of crying, feeling angryinstead of glad, and forgetting all about it very soon. Why, uncle,one absurd boy proposed when we'd only met half a dozen times. But hewas dreadfully in debt, so that accounted for it perhaps," and Rosedusted her fingers, as if she had soiled them.
"I know him, and I thought he'd do it," observed the doctor with ashrug.
"You see and know every thing; so there's no need of going on, isthere?"
"Do, do! who else? I won't even guess."
"Well, another went down upon his knees in Mrs. Van's greenhouse andpoured forth his passion manfully, with a great cactus pricking hispoor legs all the while. Kitty found him there, and it was impossibleto keep sober; so he has hated me ever since."
The doctor's "Ha! ha!" was good to hear, and Rose joined him; for itwas impossible to regard these episodes seriously, since no truesentiment redeemed them from absurdity.
"Another one sent me reams of poetry, and went on so Byronically, thatI began to wish I had red hair and my name was Betsey Ann. I burnt allthe verses: so don't expect to see them; and he, poor fellow, isconsoling himself with Emma. But the worst of all was the one whowould make love in public, and insisted on proposing in the middle ofa dance. I seldom dance round dances except with our boys; but thatnight I did, because the girls laughed at me for being so 'prudish,'as they called it. I don't mind them now; for I found I _was_ right,and felt that I deserved my fate."
"Is that all?" asked her uncle, looking "fierce," as she predicted, atthe idea of his beloved girl obliged to listen to a declaration,twirling about on the arm of a lover.
"One more: but him I shall not tell about; for I know _he_ was inearnest and really suffered, though I was as kind as I knew how to be.I'm young in these things yet, so I grieved for him, and treat hislove with the tenderest respect."
Rose's voice sunk almost to a whisper as she ended; and Dr. Alec benthis head, as if involuntarily saluting a comrade in misfortune. Thenhe got up, saying with a keen look into the face he lifted by a fingerunder the chin,--
"Do you want another three months of this?"
"I'll tell you on New Year's day, uncle."
"Very well: try to keep a straight course, my little captain; and, ifyou see dirty weather ahead, call on your first mate."
"Ay, ay, sir; I'll remember."