I was tired. After being up all night with Rowdy and the emotional toll he took on me as well as the showdown with Sayer, I was ready to spend my afternoon off taking a nap. I didn’t know how long a hike in the mountains was going to take but I figured I had enough time to grab a burrito at Illegal Pete’s and catch a few z’s before Rowdy showed back up with the puppy and both of them wanted to play. I got distracted window shopping and saw a really cute minidress that had my mind spinning with ideas of how to turn it into something I could use at the store, and before I knew it I had squandered away an hour and was hustling back to my apartment just in case I missed Rowdy coming in shirtless and sweaty . . . yum.
I was juggling my keys and trying to text him to see where he was at as well as trying not to drop the last part of my burrito that I was still holding on to, so I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going or what I was doing. I almost tripped over the long legs stretched out in front of my doorway and succeeded in using every swearword I knew as my very tasty lunch flew out of my hands. My purse and my keys followed my burrito to the hallway floor of my building as I took in my sister’s black-and-blue face.
Both of her light brown eyes were ringed in ugly black bruises. Her bottom lip was split open, as was the ridge of one of her high cheekbones. She had an Ace bandage around her wrist that she was cradling against her chest and she was looking up at me from her position on the floor like I was going to kick her with the toe of my high heel. Shiny tears glittered in her gaze and her busted lip trembled as she told me, “Your neighbor let me in. She offered to let me wait in her apartment until you got home but . . .” She trailed off and one fat tear slid across her inky lashes and fell along her battered cheek.
“Poppy.” I said her name quietly and crouched down so I could put a hand on her knee. I swore silently as she flinched away from me. I scooped up my keys and offered her a hand.
It made my heart squeeze so hard that it hurt when she hesitated a full minute before grasping it so I could help her up with her uninjured arm. I didn’t miss that she didn’t put any of her weight on her left foot. I reached out and pushed some of her honey-colored hair off of her shoulder and hissed out a furious breath at the sight of very clear yellow and green fingerprints left around the side of her throat.
She was crying in earnest now and all I could think was I had to get her inside and take care of her. I had the keys in the door and was pushing it open when I heard a familiar bark and suddenly had big puppy paws on the back of my knees.
I looked over my shoulder and had I not been holding on to my battered and abused little sister, there was a good chance I would’ve orgasmed on the spot. Rowdy had on low-hanging jeans worn white in all the best places. His T-shirt was tucked into the back of his pants like he liked to do and he was indeed sweaty and dirty. None of that was what did it, though. Even though all the moisture-dampened ink covering his torso made me want to drool, what had me ready to howl at the moon like some kind of unleashed sexual werewolf was the fact that he had an old straw cowboy hat on his head and was peering out from under the rim with a sexy grin. It was a look that worked well for him, beyond well, and he knew it. I felt my back teeth clench together as his grin slid away when he saw I wasn’t alone.
Recognition crested like waves in a storm as his eyes shifted from happy blue to blustery navy in between blinks.
“Poppy?” His tone was anything but welcoming, and sharp with emotions I couldn’t identify. He didn’t seem happy to see her and his gaze got even darker when he took in her battered appearance.
“Rowdy?” She breathed the noise out and he pushed the hat up a little farther on his forehead.
Jimbo had no idea what was going on, so he was running around in circles between the two of us, obviously concerned why his humans were just standing around like statues.
“What happened to you?” His voice was hard, and even though there was a lot of anger in it I didn’t think any of it was directed at my now-shivering sister.
I blew out a breath and it sent some of my dark hair dancing on my forehead. “We haven’t exactly gotten that far yet. She just showed up and I just got home.”
His thunderous gaze shifted from me back to her and stayed on her as she gaped at him in a mix of shock and something else that looked an awful lot like shame. It didn’t exactly make me want to jump for joy that he was practically ignoring me during their tense standoff.
Sick of the awkwardness and alive with rage that anyone had dared to put their hands on my little sister in such a violent way, I reached out and shoved the door open. Jimbo darted inside and I snapped at Rowdy, “Are you going to come in?”
He finally looked at me and his mouth pulled down hard in a frown. “No. Call me later.”
He pulled his shirt out of the back of his jeans and yanked the hat off his head in a bunch of stiff and jerky movements. He pulled the fabric on over his broad chest and looked at my sister with blustery eyes. “I can’t believe you’re back in this same place again, Poppy.”
He turned on his heel and disappeared down the hallway without a backward glance at me or at Poppy. I locked my teeth together and gently guided my sister into the apartment and then took a minute to clean up the mess I had left in front of my doorway. I wanted to jump Poppy’s shit for just showing up out of the blue. I wanted to tear her a new one for not letting me know what had been going on and I wanted to cuddle her up and kiss her forehead because she just looked so beat down and mistreated. My first instinct was to call Saint and have her come look my sister over to make sure she was okay, but Poppy looked like she was about to break apart, so that was going to have to wait.
Poppy drifted over to the couch and just sort of folded in on herself as she sat down. I went to the freezer and dug out a few ice cubes that I wrapped in a dish towel. I gave her the makeshift ice pack and took a seat on the coffee table across from her.
Poppy’s coloring all around was lighter than mine and the way the bruises darkened her complexion and shadowed her eyes made me taste murder on the tip of my tongue.
“How did you get here?” I figured I would start out easy with her since she seemed so spooked.
“I drove. Oliver wouldn’t let me go to the hospital and I knew my wrist was really messed up. This time he went too far.”
I sucked in a breath so fast it whistled through my teeth. “This time?” They had been married for a couple of years now. I didn’t even want to guess how long this had been going on. I felt like I should have known better when Poppy started to pull away from me.
She just shrugged. “I called Dad and told him how bad I was hurt and that I needed help. He told me I must have done something to bring Oliver’s treatment upon myself.” She started shaking and crying again and the hand that wasn’t holding the ice to her face curled into a fist on her leg. “After all, Oliver is a deacon in the church and he’s a good, God-fearing man, so the fault must lie with me.”
“Dad knows this guy has been hitting you and is blaming you for it?” My voice was unsteady with rage.
She just nodded and groaned, as the motion obviously hurt her. “I waited until Oliver left for work, packed a bag, and left. I drove and drove. I had no idea where I was going. I just knew I hurt and felt sick and that the last place I wanted to be was Loveless. It wasn’t until I stopped to get gas at the border that I realized I was headed to you.”
I reached out and took her hand. “Why didn’t you ask me for help? I would’ve come and rescued you.”
She just shook her head and kept on crying. “I’m not a little kid anymore. I knew what was happening was wrong. He has been hitting me in places that no one could see for years. It wasn’t until recently he started losing control and I ended up looking like this. It’s just gotten worse and worse.”
“Poppy . . .”
She barked out a laugh that was so broken and sharp I literally felt it scratch across my skin and leave marks.
“We were discussing having kids. I didn’t wan
t to, not with someone like him. Not with a life like this.” She tore her hand free and waved it in front of her battered face. “This was the result of me saying no.”
“Jesus.”
She laughed again. “Jesus has nothing to do with this.”
I tucked some of my hair behind my ears and just stared at her in shock for a minute. “I can’t believe I had no idea any of this was going on.”
She lifted a shoulder and let it fall. “It’s not exactly something I’m proud of. I should be able to do what you did and walk away. I’ve known since the first time Oliver raised his hand to me that I was in a bad situation. I’ve been there before and I just didn’t learn my lesson.”
“Is that what Rowdy was talking about when he saw you?”
“I can’t believe he didn’t tell you all the gory details, considering you two are obviously way closer now than you were back when we were kids.”
“He told me that it was your story to tell.”
A tiny smile that actually had some life in it flirted with her broken mouth. “He always did have more integrity than any other man I ever met.”
“He told me he asked you to marry him and you turned him down.” I sounded like the words had to fight their way out because they bothered me so much to say them.
“No, Salem, he didn’t ask me—he offered. That is very different. I was pregnant with the quarterback’s baby and the guy told me to get rid of it so that I wouldn’t ruin his shot at going pro or ruin his reputation as a squeaky-clean All-American. When I refused to end the pregnancy the guy smacked me around. Rowdy was the only person I felt I could tell about it, and he couldn’t miss the black eyes. There was no way I could take him up on the offer—he didn’t really love me or want to marry me—so I told him no, that I loved him like a brother, and then he went and almost murdered the baby’s dad and took off. He was trying to save me from myself. A week after he was gone I had a miscarriage and the quarterback never even so much as looked at me again.”
Who was this girl? I felt like I was looking at a stranger in my sister’s body.
“Dad was devastated by the breakup with the football star. He loved the idea of me hitching my wagon to a famous athlete.” She made a face. “He always said it would help repair the stain that you left on the family name. I was an idiot. I never even liked the guy. I was just doing what I always did and going through the motions because that was what was expected of me. That’s how I ended up back in a situation with a man that thinks it’s okay to hurt a woman he supposedly loves. I can’t do it anymore. I had to break the chains. It was long past time.”
“You broke Rowdy’s heart, Poppy.” I couldn’t help but sound a little accusatory.
“Oh, come on, Salem. Don’t be ridiculous. Rowdy never loved me. He deluded himself into thinking I was his perfect girl because I was never going to be you. There was no grand adventure waiting for me. There was no risk. No unpredictability. He couldn’t have loved me because he was in love with you. Still is from the looks of things.”
“What?” I was dumbfounded to hear her say it like it was so obvious.
“He never acted like himself with me. He was always the ‘church’ version of Rowdy around me. With you he was carefree, he was open, and he let himself have a moment where he wasn’t always worrying about what was going to happen next. And then you left.”
I let my head hang down for a second.
“And then I left.” And left a disaster in my wake for the two people I loved the most.
“But you came back.”
“I’m not sure how much that matters. The leaving seems to be the thing that sticks.” I sighed and got to my feet. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re here and I will help you shed the chains and anything else you need in order to get away from your life in Loveless, Poppy. No one deserves this.” She let me bend over and hug her without flinching, so I thought it was time to press my luck. “I have a friend that’s a nurse. You should let me call her and have a look at you.” I was going to ask her about filing criminal charges once I was sure she was strong enough to have that conversation. She sighed and pushed some of her hair out of her face without giving me an answer. I don’t think she wanted anyone else to see her like this. The shame she was feeling was practically palpable.
“I’m glad I’m here, too, and I think it’s awesome that you found your way back to Rowdy even if it took a really long time.”
It was funny she used the word “found,” because all of a sudden I felt more lost than I ever had been. I didn’t know how I had missed my sister being abused and my dad being a tyrant to the point he could ignore the fact that his child was being hurt. I don’t know how I had missed that whatever was percolating between me and Rowdy when we were younger was something more important and went so far beyond kinship and camaraderie than I ever thought. And maybe most importantly I didn’t know exactly how I felt about the fact that the ghost that was always hovering between Rowdy and me was here in the flesh and going to be impossible to ignore, for both of us.
CHAPTER 13
Rowdy
I NEEDED TO GO home and take a shower and wash the sweat and sunshine off of my skin, but I wasn’t in the mood to be alone, and the one person I wanted to be with was currently accompanied by the one person I never thought I would see again. That being the case, I headed to the one place where I knew there would be someone I could commiserate with and would feed me booze even on a mellow Monday afternoon.
The Bar was actually pretty busy considering it was still an hour or so before happy hour and Mondays weren’t generally big crowd days. The regulars were all lined up in their usual spots at the bar but there was also a group of younger guys gathered around the pool tables in the back that were being loud and ridiculously boisterous. Asa was watching them with careful eyes as I made a place for myself among the grizzled war vets that sat sentinel at the scarred bar top.
“They seem fun.” The sarcasm was heavy in my voice as Asa set a beer in front of me and narrowed his eyes even further as a chorus of hoots and hollers went up as Dixie dropped off a trayful of drinks.
“I don’t know where they wandered in from but I wish they would find their way back there.”
“You need a bouncer to keep the peace.”
“Rome used to handle most of the rowdies.” He snorted as I lifted my eyebrow at the twist on my name. “But with the baby and Cora, he isn’t here as much as he was before. I don’t have any problem cracking a head here or there, but I have a record, so I have to watch myself.”
“Hire someone to do it if Rome isn’t able to.”
He moved down the bar to make a round of drinks that Dixie called for and came back wiping his hands on the back of his jeans.
“Rome mentioned some guy he was in the army with. I guess the guy is getting discharged soon and talking about heading here. I think he’s holding the spot for him. You know Rome won’t pass up a chance to help a fellow soldier out if he can.”
I nodded and picked at the label on my beer with a fingernail. “He brought the baby hiking today when we rolled up into the mountains. You shoulda seen him. This giant, burly soldier that looks like he could move the entire mountain range with his bare hands toting around this little pink bundle all wrapped up in bows and sweetness. She’s so small in his hands and he holds her like she’s glass. They’re a good team and it’s obvious RJ has her daddy wrapped around her finger.”
“Rome’s a lucky man. He deserves every bit of good that comes his way after everything he sacrificed in his life.”
I pushed the edge of my hat up and looked at him because I really wanted to know his answer to the question I was about to ask.
“Is that what it takes to be rewarded by fate, to find real happiness in life? Sacrifice?”
Asa’s gold eyes shined speculatively. “I don’t know. Maybe. I know I’ve never lived a life where I ever put anyone or anything before myself. I can’t see a way that I deserve to have the kind of life Rome
has or even the kind of real thing Ayden has with Jet. And you know what . . . ?” He leaned on the back of the bar across from me and crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m good with that. I’ve never done anything to deserve what they have.”
“What about turning it around? Being here now and helping Rome out, cleaning up your act so that Ayden doesn’t have to live her life wondering what’s going to happen to you or what kind of trouble you’re going to drop on her doorstep? That doesn’t equal repentance and a chance at real happiness and goodness for you?”
I hated to think the past was going to forever define the future for anyone. For Asa especially, because under all his easy charm and reckless demeanor I thought he was a really good dude.
“I’ve said it before, just because I can act right and be an upstanding guy doesn’t mean that’s what my default setting is. It’s work every day to remind myself what I have to lose if I fall back into old habits, but it’s always there—the temptation to take the easy way—the desire to think only of myself. That isn’t the kind of man that deserves anything good and real in his life. Pretty sure that if I ever got my hands on something that looked like it was meant to be, I would probably destroy it. Just ask Ayden. I always manage to destroy the good in my life.”
I sighed and took another slug of beer. “Well, shit. I stopped by hoping you were going to put me in a better mood.”
He pushed off the bar as glass broke in the back and he scowled as Dixie moved over in the direction to help clean it up only to be subjected to a series of derogatory catcalls.
“You did look a little riled up when you walked in. What’s up?”
And that was why Asa was so freaking good behind a bar. He could talk about anything. He was brutally honest about who he was and what he had done, which often made the guys that frequented this place feel way better about the things they were battling themselves, and he always seemed like he had an answer for whatever burden was laid on the bar in front of him. Even if most of the advice he doled out was bullshit, it still sounded good when it came with a cocksure smile and was laced with a southern twang.