There was little I could do besides wash it off. My clothes were filthy, and even though I couldn’t smell anything—I swore my nose had frozen on the walk over—I was positive I stank. Suddenly I was even more worried about the shackles than I had been. God. Could Shaun smell me? Was the insult of having to pee in the same room as a hot guy not enough? I had to stink, too? This was karma. Payback for sucking face with the enemy.
My thoughts were interrupted when he bumped me aside and thrust his hands under the warm running water. I watched him out of the corner of my eye, and other than dirty clothing, he wasn’t as big a mess as I was. That made me even angrier. I looked dingier than he did—and worse than that, I cared. When had what I looked like started to matter? This was a fight for survival, not date night. I was shackled to a hunter—not a male model.
“You hungry?” he asked.
I was about to answer, but froze when he reached out to me. For an insane minute, I thought he was going to grab my face and pull me closer for another kiss. My heart kicked into overdrive and the air caught in my throat. Maybe I didn’t look as bad as I thought…
But instead of a lip lock, he brushed my hair aside and tucked in the tag of my T-shirt. Wonderful. Now every time he came close I was going to think about kissing him? It made me wonder if handing myself over to Jaffe’s men wasn’t such a bad idea.
Mortified and hoping he didn’t notice, I cleared my throat. “Starved. But let’s get food and go? We’re still too close to Gerald’s for my liking.”
“Works for me, but where are we going—and how are we getting there?”
As we exited the restroom, I glanced toward the cashier, who was too preoccupied with the latest issue of Penthouse to notice two people coming out of the bathroom together. I grabbed Shaun’s hand and made my way up and down the aisles. As I went, I grabbed toothpaste, a couple of toothbrushes, soap, and several candy bars. Then I steered him toward the counter, grabbing a flashlight from the rack as we passed. The cashier eyed me, annoyed, and reluctantly set aside his magazine.
I dumped it all on the counter and fished out the cash, then nudged Shaun’s arm. “Didn’t you see what was next door to the truck stop?”
“No?”
“It was a camper sales lot.” I handed the cashier a ten, not bothering to wait for the change. “And there’s a fast food place on the other side.”
Shaun still didn’t get it. “Okay…?”
“Mom and I once lived in a demo on a sales lot for a week. Those things are all rigged up. Electric, plumbing—some even have food in the fridge. There’s usually at least one per lot.”
Shaun glanced up at the clock above the register. It was almost four in the morning. He took the bag from me and nodded to the door. “Sounds like a plan to me.”
Ten minutes later, there was a bag of burgers and chicken fingers in my hand, and we were on our way through the open field between the truck stop and the sales lot.
“There,” I said as we approached the fence surrounding the lot. “We can climb over.”
“What about security?” He hitched a thumb over his left shoulder. “There’s a camera right there!”
“It’s not hooked up. Look at the side. See that small blue wire sticking out? It’s there for show. To scare people like you.”
“You’d make a pretty awesome hunter. Pat would trade me for you any day, I bet.” He stepped up and grabbed the fence. “Gonna have to do this together. Ready?”
I came up beside him and nodded. We scaled the fence in unison, one link at a time. When we reached the top, we each brought a leg over and started down the same way. Once at the bottom, I asked, “Why would you say that? About Patrick trading you in, I mean?”
Weaving in and out of the wide rows of campers, we started searching for the demo. The lot wasn’t too crowded, so it wouldn’t be hard to find.
“Eh, like you’ve pointed out, I’m not really hunter material. I wanna be—but I tend to get…distracted. Plus, I have an insanely short fuse. It causes problems…”
He sounded upset by the admission, and I found that I felt bad for him. Plus, I could totally sympathize. “I’m sure that’s not true. I bet you’re a decent hunter—you just need more practice. At least you can get better. Learn. There was never any hope for me.”
We rounded the next row. Still no demo.
“Hope for you? What are you talking about?”
“Are you kidding? I’ve broken so many of the rules it’s not even funny. My mom? She’d have found a way out of these cuffs and been in Mexico by now.”
He tried one of the camper doors as we passed. Locked. “You don’t know that.”
“Sure I do. Mom was epic. She could talk her way out of anything. And if she couldn’t talk her way out of it, she could charm her way out. The woman was a legend. I’m okay. I mean, I’ve managed, but I don’t have a quarter of the skill she had in her little toe. She would never have gotten snagged at the cabin like I did…”
He sighed and tried another door. “I think we’re probably looking at things the wrong way, ya know?
“How do you mean?” We rounded the next corner and I saw a large sign at the end that said demo. Tugging Shaun forward, I exclaimed, “Hah! Look.”
We hurried down the row and I pulled up on the handle. It was open!
I made a move to climb inside, but Shaun stopped me. His expression was serious. “We’re both trying so hard to be what our parents wanted to make us that we have no idea who we are. Who we want to be.” He lifted his cuffed hand. “I’m starting to think this was the best thing that could have happened to me.”
I knew he meant the cuffs giving him some clarity, but the way he was looking at me, added to the full moon and the beautiful clear sky with stars streaming down overhead… It almost made me think I wanted to kiss him again. How easy it would be to just lean forward. A single, blissful brush of my lips over his. Would he kiss me back? Wrap strong arms around me and drag me close?
“The best thing?” I whispered, moving forward a bit. Our faces were close now. Nearly touching. A part of me screamed, do it! Push forward that last fraction of an inch and just do it. Another part of me wanted desperately for him to be the one to close the distance.
It was just a kiss…
It was his words from the roadside that stopped me. If he wanted to kiss me again, he would do it. Could do it. I was standing here, waiting. He had the perfect opportunity. But he didn’t.
“We should get inside before someone sees us,” he said, voice slightly hoarse. It shattered the spell and brought me crashing back to the here and now. It also reminded me that it was freezing outside. Funny how I’d forgotten about that while he was looking at me…
I didn’t answer. There was nothing to say. Instead, I climbed the three small stairs and stepped into the camper. The small light above the kitchenette sink was on, illuminating the place with a soft, subtle glow. The table was set for two with a fake rose in the center and two wineglasses full of what looked like wine. I picked one up. It was heavy and filled with some kind of solid gel.
Beyond the small table was a couch with a coffee table and game of chess set up to look like it was in progress. Black was beating white.
“Is someone living in this thing already?” Shaun whispered.
“Nah. This is what they do. They set it up to look homey. This way when people come to check it out, they can see all the ‘fun possibilities.’”
“That’s a little creepy,” he said, picking up one of the glasses. He tapped it lightly against the table. The clinking sound echoed through the camper. “All it needs is a few mannequins to complete the creep factor.”
“Yeah. No doubt.” I set the food bag down on the table. “Let’s eat before the food turns arctic.”
We settled at the table and ate in relative silence. Shaun inhaled his burger in three large bites, and after I took my first bite, I had to wonder if he’d stuffed it down just to get it over with. The meat was rubbery and had an o
dd metallic taste. Like they’d tried to marinate it and the experiment had gone horribly wrong. I managed four small bites and pushed it aside, diving for the fries instead. Those weren’t as bad.
“So this is what it’s always been like for you? Running from place to place? Even before Melissa died?”
There was an odd look on his face. A mixture of horror and judgment. It bothered me. “It wasn’t as bad as you’re making it sound. Yeah, we bounced a lot. But we also lived.”
“What was the longest you ever stayed in one place? How did you even go to school?”
“I think our longest was six months.” I remembered the place like it was yesterday. We’d been in a small town in Virginia. I was on the verge of competing in the school science fair, and had almost made a friend or two, and then boom. Mom woke me up in the middle of the night, bags in hand, and whisked me out the door. “I bounced from school to school—we forged the papers—I never actually finished a grade, though. But it was safer that way.”
“Safer? Safer than what?”
I had a pretty good idea of where he was going with this and it made my muscles tense. “I guess it was safer than letting these people find her—and me.”
“But they did find her,” he said softly. “For all the hiding she did, and all the places she dragged you to, it didn’t do any good. She kept you from living a normal life, and in the end it was all for nothing.”
I felt like he’d slapped me. And worse than that, slapped Mom. I knew my life had been far from perfect, but Mom had kept me safe. She’d done what needed to be done. “She did the best she could with what she had.”
“No, Kayla. She didn’t. If she had information that could have put this person away and she didn’t do anything, then she didn’t do the best with what she had.”
“You don’t have any idea what you’re talking about,” I said. It was a struggle to control my voice. He didn’t know. All the things Mom had done. Everything she’d sacrificed so we could stay together. “What should she have done? Turn herself in so I could grow up in the foster care system?”
“That’s not what—”
“Or maybe she should never have even had me?”
His eyes went wide. “What—no! That’s not that I meant, and I think you know it.”
And I did know. He wasn’t dissing Mom or her parenting skills, he was just stating the truth—and that’s why I was so mad. Why I’d gotten so defensive when he’d hinted at it back at the laundry room after we ran from the hotel, and again in the tunnel. Because deep down, in the quiet, shady parts of my heart, a big part of me agreed with him.
If Mom had gone to the police with the information she had, sure, she might be in jail, but she’d be alive. Safe. She would have gotten out eventually and we could have had the rest of our lives together. Instead she ran. She ran, and dragged me with her. It just wasn’t far or fast enough to get away.
And now that she was gone, it was all on me. I loved her, but I couldn’t help feeling just a smidge bitter about it all. I had to deal with her problem. Her mistake. One I didn’t even understand. She’d left me holding the bag and never told me what was inside. It wasn’t fair, and I didn’t feel like I deserved it.
But what was done was done. Right now all I cared about was a shower. They usually had the water turned on in these things. It wasn’t always hot, but at this point, that didn’t matter. I was gross. My biggest hurdle would be sucking it up enough to do it with Shaun literally inches away.
I cleared my throat and stood. “I’m going to take a shower,” I announced. Did it without my voice wobbling, too. It was impressive, considering the knot in the pit of my stomach about the size of Texas.
“O-okay,” Shaun said, standing as well. His lips split with a grin that both terrified and excited me. His hands dropped to his waist, and he undid the button on his pants and winked. “Shall we?”
Oh my God. How the hell was I going to do this?
“How about this,” I said, leading him toward the bathroom. “You be a gentleman—I know, I know, it’s a stretch—and stand with your back to me, then I’ll do the same. Nice and easy. Nothing to be nervous about.”
“Nervous,” he said with a waggle of his brow. “Who’s nervous? Excited, maybe.”
“Can we—” I took a deep breath. “Can we just do this and not make a big deal out of it?”
He sobered, throwing his hands up. “Sorry. I promise, no peeking. Not unless you ask.” Eyes smoldering, he added, “You know, in case you need someone to wash your…back?”
I snorted and turned on the water. Thank God it worked. “Unlikely.”
Shaun turned his back to me, and after a moment of hesitation, I pulled off my borrowed sweatpants and underwear, then yanked the T-shirt over my head. The most I could do with it was slide the material down the chain, away from the spray of water, and hope for the best. I did the same with my bra.
I was in and out as fast as possible, partially because it was unnerving to shower while chained to one of the hottest guys I’d ever seen, and partially because I’d been right. There was no hot water. It was tepid at best, which was still slightly better than being smelly and chained to another person. I rinsed out my underwear and slipped the sweatpants back on.
“My arm is starting to hurt,” I complained once Shaun had been under the water for a few minutes. The way I had to hold it, stretched and twisted behind me, was starting to cause pins and needles. His T-shirt hung from my end of the cuffs, since, like mine, without ripping it, there was no way to get it on and off, and his jeans were in a pile on the floor to my left.
A moment later, the water turned off, and I heard the thin curtain move aside, along with rustling fabric. Luckily the dealership had gone all out, decking the demo with all the comforts of home. Two matching towels and a small container of shampoo, right along with a tiny yellow rubber ducky sitting on the sink. “Feel free to turn around,” he said.
So I did, thinking he’d finished getting dressed. And he had—sort of.
His hands were at the waist of his jeans, doing up the button. They were just a bit too big, and hung from narrow hips in a way that accentuated the definition of his muscles. And holy shit, were those muscles defined.
His shirt still hung from the chain, and with the better quality of light than in the feed store, I could finally see his ink clearly. There was a black phoenix rising from a river of fire on the upper right-hand corner of his chest, spilling onto his shoulder and neck. That’s the one I’d caught a glimpse of when he’d first come into the cabin. Then, in addition to that, there were two different Chinese symbols, one over his heart, and another above his navel. The one above his navel was slightly warped, though. The ink around the top edge seemed distorted, but without a closer look, I couldn’t tell why.
“Survival and strength,” he said quietly, setting the towel down. He pulled the T-shirt up along the chain and stretched across to run the sleeve under the water. It was splattered with blood from his wound.
He knew I was watching, and I should have turned away, but I couldn’t do it. Obviously he was nice to look at, but there was something about the way he spoke, a pitch in his voice that drew me closer. “Survival,” I repeated, eyes dropping to the tattoo above his navel. “That one, right?”
“Yeah,” he answered.
Yeah. Survival. That was all my life was about. Go here. Hide there. Rinse, repeat. I hated it. I deserved more than that. Even if it was just this once.
The words came out before I could think. “Back on the road, you kissed me,” I said.
“Yeah,” he replied, voice slightly hoarse.
My heart threatened to beat right from my chest, pulse making it nearly impossible to catch my breath. Every moment in my life from here on counted tenfold. I had no idea what tomorrow would bring. “Do you want to do it again?”
Silence.
My heart went from erratic to still in half a beat, and I felt the rush of warmth, embarrassed beyond words that I’d
actually said it out loud. I started to turn away, but something warm closed over my forearm.
“That is the stupidest fucking question anyone has ever asked me,” Shaun said, maneuvering himself to stand in front of me. “I wanna do it again. I really wanna do it again.”
I could be dead in eight hours, or behind bars in twelve. The only thing I had, without a shadow of a doubt, was right now. This moment. “Then do it,” I demanded. “Kiss me.”
A war raged behind his eyes. He made a move, then froze, fingers gripping the edge of the sink. “It’s not that simple, Kayla.”
I didn’t respond.
He slammed his hand against the sink, then took a deep breath. “You’re—we’re chained together.” One good shake of his fist and the shackle chains rattled and clinked. “You’re vulnerable and not thinking clearly. This isn’t what you want.”
A wave of boldness washed over me. I lifted my hand and traced the outline of the tattoo above his navel, then trailed a finger upward, across the center of his chest, and wrapped my hand around the back of his neck.
“It’s just a kiss,” I said, repeating his words from earlier. They’d bothered me then, but now seemed insignificant. Petty. Since getting shackled to Shaun, I’d been forced to take things minute by minute. Less planning and more reacting. I liked it. I liked living in the moment. Needed it. There was a chance this would be the only freedom I would ever experience. I wasn’t about to let it slip away without taking full advantage. “Unless, you know, you didn’t like it.”
His eyes widened. “Didn’t—are you nuts?”
“Then what’s stopping you? I’m giving you my permission. Kiss me,” I demanded. An electric sensation coursed through me. A feeling of control in an otherwise random world.
“I can’t. We—” He squeezed his eyes closed, then opened them, hands coming up to grip my shoulders. Eyes on mine, he stayed like that for the longest time, just looking. Breathing. I saw his resolve breaking apart. Watched the wall crumble, brick by brick, until there was nothing left between us but what we both obviously wanted. “Fuck it.”