But for tonight, I choose not to call her. Instead, I send her a quick text that Ruby's doing fine and I'm going to catch some sleep. She immediately responds back. Okay, please let me know if there's anything I can do for you.
I have no clue what to even say to that, so I just turn off my phone and close my eyes for a bit.
Chapter 16
Gray
I hate this.
Absolutely, fucking hate this.
I throw my overnight bag into the back of my SUV and slam the tailgate shut. It's but a quick trip out of the airport parking deck where I connect to I-540 and head east toward the edge of the city limits where Ryker lives. I know I should be going south toward the arena because I have a ton of work to get caught up on, but I can't do it.
My hatred and frustration over this situation is driving me east. To the man that I've come to care so much about over the past month and a half, and yet I can't fully touch him.
I know he's at home with Ruby because he texted me early this morning when she was released. I haven't heard anything further, and I debated on the entire flight what I should do. Keep my distance or show support.
I chose support, and hoped by daring to do so I wouldn't put myself or Ryker in jeopardy.
When I pull into his driveway, my nerves start becoming jangled because I'm suddenly unsure if he wants me here. He didn't ask for my help and even went so far as to avoid one of my calls yesterday when I tried to reach out. I know this because he had told me by text he couldn't answer because Sutton was sitting next to him.
It seems that at every turn another wall is shoved between us.
I get out of my vehicle, wipe my damp palms on my jeans, and lug my huge purse out behind me. After slinging it over my shoulder, I take a deep breath, let it out, and then head up to his front door.
It only takes a few moments for him to open up after I ring the doorbell, and a pure jolt of physical attraction surges through me when I see him. It happens every single time, and I wonder if that will ever wane.
I doubt it.
Ryker's eyes light up when he sees me and his lips curve into a slow grin. His eyes rake up and down me quickly, finally coming back to rest on me with appreciation. "Hey."
"Came to see how you and Ruby were doing," I tell him.
Even though he steps back to invite me in, he leans toward me and murmurs, "You probably shouldn't have."
My head snaps toward him with surprise, and he says, "Hensley's here."
"Oh," I whisper, even though I continue walking into his house. I should be turning and running, because this is a bit awkward, but damn...I want to be here. I need to be here and show Ryker that I care.
Ryker shuts the door behind me and turns toward the living room. As we round the corner, I see Ruby propped up on the couch with pillows behind her upper back, and another under her arm, which has a huge bandaged splint, were I can see two tiny metal pins sticking out mid forearm. Ryker's soon-to-be ex-wife but for the judge's signature sits with her hip resting on the couch beside Ruby, feeding her some scrambled eggs by the looks of it. Violet sits on the end of the couch, reading a book.
Hensley's head turns toward me and it's difficult to read her. She immediately recognizes me, and I have to assume that's from the news. She gives me a welcoming smile, but it stops short of being fully genuine. I can see her surprise that the general manager of the Cold Fury is standing in Ryker's house.
I walk up to her confidently, because I'm a damn professional, and stick my hand out to her. "Hi, Hensley. I'm Gray Brannon."
She puts the fork down on the plate and reaches her hand over to give me an awkward shake. "It's nice to meet you."
Her gaze cuts over to Ryker's and it says, Why the fuck is your boss here?
I ignore her and Ryker and look down at Ruby. I'm so not good with kids, but for some reason, I know exactly what to say to her. "Hi, Ruby. I'm Gray. I work with your daddy and I had heard you were hurt. I wanted to come by and see how you were doing."
And see how your father was doing. Perhaps give him a hard hug because I know he needs it, but damn if I can do that in front of you, your sister, or your mom.
Ruby smiles shyly at me, revealing a missing tooth on the bottom. She's the spitting image of Ryker with her dark hair and silver eyes, looking so vulnerable lying there.
I reach into my huge purse and pull out two tiny stuffed teddy bears I picked up at the Raleigh airport after we landed. I squat down beside her and say, "I got you a little something. I hope it makes you feel better."
Ruby gives me a tentative smile as she takes one of the bears with her good hand.
I turn to Violet and hand her the other bear. "I got you one too, cutie."
Violet takes it and says, "Thank you."
"What do you say, Ruby?" This from Ryker and not Hensley.
"Thank you," she says with another coy look at me.
I grin at her. "I need to tell you one other thing. You know when hockey players get injured, they're treated really special. And I figure since you're a hockey player's daughter, you should get the same treatment, don't you think?"
I cut a glance at Ryker. He's standing with his hands crossed over his chest, looking down at me with almost a look of appreciative wonder on his face. Hensley just looks confused.
Ruby nods at me, her eyes wide. "What kind of special treatment?"
"Well, they get to eat whatever they want and your dad told me you really like chocolate ice cream. So when you want some, you just make sure you tell your mom and dad, and they'll get it for you."
"For how long?" she asks for clarification, in a voice full of excitement.
"For three whole days. But you also have to eat your regular meals too. You need to get strong again and you can't do that on ice cream alone. Understand?"
She nods and then turns to her mom. "After I finish the eggs, can I have some ice cream?"
And it's at this point that I realize I just may have given a terrible idea to this child that maybe her parents wouldn't agree with. What the hell was I thinking in telling her that? I'm so not good with kids.
I'm relieved when Hensley smiles down at Ruby. "Of course you can."
Phew! Almost fucked that one up.
I stand up and give Ruby another smile. "You take care and get better, okay?"
"Okay," she says, and then she cuts her eyes back to the teddy bear she's still holding.
"It was nice meeting you, Hensley," I say with a warm smile. It's not hard to give, even though I know she cheated on Ryker. I see her now as only a worried mother. I go into full public image mode for the Cold Fury. "I know this is a stressful time. You need to let us know if you need anything while Ruby is recuperating."
"Thank you," she says softly, and I think I've won her over. At least I don't think she understands that my motives here are purely selfish. That although I am worried about Ruby, I really, really just needed to see Ryker.
Turning to him, I say, "I need to talk to you about the starting goalie slot if you have a few minutes."
I don't, of course, because it's not my call, but I need just a few minutes of private time with him. I need to know how he's doing.
"Sure," he says with mild surprise. "I'll walk you back out to your car."
I say goodbye to Ruby and Hensley, who has gone back to feeding her daughter eggs, and I walk out silently with Ryker. When we get to my car, I throw caution to the wind and give him a hug. I step right up into him, wrap my arms around his waist, and press my cheek to his chest. It startles him for only a moment, and then his arms come around me securely.
"How are you holding up?" I ask.
"I'm fine," he says, giving me a quick squeeze and then releasing me. When he steps back, I know he does this for my benefit in case Hensley happens to look out at us.
"I'm so sorry I just dropped by like this unannounced. I knew there was a chance you could have company, but I figured I could play it off as just a concerned boss."
Ryker grim
aces over my explanation. I see a tinge of sadness in his eyes. "Yeah...I'm sure Hensley doesn't suspect anything."
"I fucking hate this," I blurt out with rancor, and Ryker blinks at me in surprise. "I hate that we have to be worried if someone suspects something about us. I hate I can't just give you a fucking hug if I want to, and I just fucking hate all of this."
He doesn't make a move to touch me, but I see sympathy on his face. "I know. I hate it too."
I lean back against my car door dejectedly, wrapping my arms around my stomach. "I'm sorry. This is all so new to me. I didn't expect such a rush of worry for you and Ruby. I really handled it badly by coming here."
"No," he says quickly, takes a quick peek at the house, and then reaches out to snag one of my hands. He brings it up quickly to his mouth, kisses my knuckles, and releases it just as quickly. "It means a lot that you came. More than you could possibly know."
Stolen touches. That's what we're about.
It depresses me because this is my first relationship and I'm not getting to experience it the way I should. This is an epic journey in my life, and I'm not able to fully embrace it.
"Do you need more time off?" I ask him, because contrary to the way Frank thinks, my father and I believe in the importance of family. If Ryker doesn't want to leave Ruby for our game in Chicago on Sunday, we don't have a problem with that.
"I'm good," he says as he rubs the back of his neck. He looks so tired. "Hensley's going to stay for a few days and can handle the girls while I'm gone."
I wonder about Hensley and her involvement. Ryker has told me that she's been absent from them emotionally and physically the last several months, but maybe this has been a bit of a wakeup call for her. I hope so, because as someone who didn't have a mom growing up, I wouldn't want Ruby and Violet to miss out on that.
"How bent out of shape is Frank?" Ryker asks, getting us back onto professional ground.
"Not at all," I tell him with a wry smile. "Max did fantastic last night and Frank thinks that opens the door to oust you. I had an email from him first thing this morning where he copied Coach Pretore, stating his opinion that Max should start on Sunday."
"Of course he does," Ryker says with a laugh.
I tilt my head to the side. "Doesn't that bother you?"
"Nope. Not in the slightest."
"Because you trust Coach Pretore," I guess.
"Exactly. And I also trust you to stay out of it, because you know it's not your place, and you also know it will just inflame Frank more."
I nod with a grimace. "Yeah...doesn't take much to set him off. I responded to the email that I had no opinion and that it was Coach Pretore's call. But I know he's going to start you."
Now it's Ryker who cocks his head in curiosity. "How's that?"
"Because Coach knows what you and I also know, because we're goalies...you never mess with one that's hot. Every success focuses you even more. Makes you sharper. Frank doesn't know that because his experience has all been behind the scenes."
"If I haven't said it before," Ryker says, his eyes shining with respect, "let me say it now. You are going to be a legend as a general manager. Trust me on that."
A surge of emotion overwhelms me and my eyes sting. My voice quavers. "Thank you."
He hears it. He hears the vulnerability and doubt that I never let anyone else see. Not one single person has ever seen that I'm scared of screwing this up. He sees it and it touches him that I just shared it.
Ryker grabs me by the shoulders, pulls me off my car and into a warm embrace. He squeezes me hard...his lips brush against my hair. "You got this, Gray. I know you do."
I swallow past a tight throat, squeeze my eyes shut briefly to dispel the tears, and then pull away from him. Just as his arms drop away from me, we both hear the crunch of tires turning onto concrete.
"Shit," I mutter, taking a step back from Ryker, my heart about ready to burst out of my chest.
A car pulls into Ryker's double-car driveway, moving past mine before coming to a stop. A surge of adrenaline had shot through me the minute I saw the car, thinking that this was the end. This was the moment I was outed as having a relationship with one of my players. By tomorrow, the shit will have hit the fan and there will be national debate over my professionalism. That will call into question my dedication. It will make everyone question the decisions I've made and will continue to make, because just even a hint of impropriety or bias on my part will forever kill my reputation.
"It's Zack and Kate," Ryker says, and his voice sounds nonchalant. I look over at him but he's staring at their car. "Just relax. They didn't see anything."
That notion is totally disproved when they step out of the car and I see Zack's gaze flicking back and forth between me and Ryker with suspicion. Kate's mouth is hanging slightly open, so she knows. I can see it in her eyes too.
For a moment, I think about throwing my shoulders back, sticking my chin out, and owning up to it. I think about claiming Ryker right then and there, and letting the world know starting with these two.
Instead, I give a smile and nod to them. "Zack. Kate. Good to see you both."
Zack merely acknowledges me by a nod of his head. "Miss Brannon."
Kate gives me a brilliant smile.
Turning to Ryker, I say in my most professional voice. "Well, I'm glad everything is fine with Ruby. If you or Hensley need anything, the organization is here for you."
I swear I see a flicker of disappointment in his eyes and I want to hang my head in shame.
"Thanks for stopping by," he says. "We'll call if we need anything."
I get into my car, slowly back out of the driveway, and put it in Drive. I glance over to see Ryker, Zack, and Kate walking in the front door without a backward look toward me.
And I feel worse now than I did before I came over.
Chapter 17
Ryker
"Do you have something going on with Gray Brannon?" Zack asks with a concerned look. Hensley and Kate are getting Ruby settled upstairs in her bed, and Violet's helping. She's worried to death about her little sister and hasn't left her side since we got home.
"Don't be stupid," I say irritably as I pick up the plate that held Ruby's eggs and take it into the kitchen. I used to be the type that would just dump it into the sink and when it overflowed, I'd bother to put it all in the dishwasher. But I've learned that with two very rambunctious and active children, it's too much of a time suck and it's better to just handle it right then.
As I open the dishwasher, Zack is confident when he says, "You're totally boning our boss."
"Well, you were boning your nanny," I mutter harshly as I slam the dish into the rack and shut the door.
Zack raises his hands up defensively. "Hey, best thing I ever did was bone the nanny. No censure from me here."
I blow out a frustrated breath and lean against the counter. I pin him with my gaze. "You cannot tell anyone."
He nods at me in understanding. "I get it, man. I know all about keeping stuff like that secret."
Christ...I'm following down the same exact path Zack did with his attraction to Kate. He started messing with her, kept it a secret, denying to the world and Kate his real feelings. It almost destroyed them.
"So, when did this start?" he asks curiously.
I can hear the creaking of floorboards above, and know we have a few private moments. I keep my voice low so it doesn't carry. "Month and a half ago, I guess."
"Is it more than just sex?" Zack asks this because he knows more than anyone the perils of thinking you can ever be happy by denying a relationship where intimacy is a key component.
"It's more."
"Is it love?"
"I don't know, Dear Abby," I grumble to him. "It's complicated."
"You're not shitting," he commiserates. "And you're not even divorced yet."
I roll my eyes at him. "It's all done except for the judge to sign off on it."
"So how's Hensley handling this?" Zack's voice i
s a little cool when he mentions her. He does not like my ex-wife. Or soon-to-be ex-wife. Whatever the fuck she is. As a single father, Zack is very judgmental when it comes to the way people are with their children. He thinks she pretty much abandoned Ruby and Violet, and yeah...technically that may be true, but I have a hard time even being mad at that since I'm the one who's benefiting by having full custody now.
"She's worried," I say. "She's been a little withdrawn, and I guess it's seeing Ruby like that. She hasn't even said one word about Sutter, and usually she can't stop talking about the little twerp."
"Maybe she's finally understanding the importance of motherhood," Zack mutters.
"Lay off her," I chastise him. "She's here now and that's what matters."
He shrugs dismissively and changes subjects on me. "So have you seen the paper this morning?"
When I shake my head, Zack fills me in. "Huge article about the game and whether or not Max should stay in as starting goalie."
"Well, figured that was coming."
"Yup," Zack says. "Twitter's gone crazy."
"What's the consensus?" I ask, admittedly just a tiny bit curious as to what the public thinks.
"Most think you should stay in. Your experience and the fact you're at the top of the league."
"So I'm forgiven for not stopping that penalty shot last season that knocked us out of the playoffs?" I ask with a smirk.
"Yeah, I think you're forgiven. The fans see we have a legitimate chance this year and they don't want to mess with a good thing."
"Well, I trust Coach, so whatever he decides," I tell him.
Zack leans in and grins at me. "Or, you could have your girlfriend pull strings."
"Knock it the fuck off," I growl menacingly at him. "That's exactly why you can't tell anyone. People will think the worst if we're outed, and things are too precarious for her right now. Her credibility would be ruined and that would destroy her."
"Whoa," Zack says as he leans back in surprise. "Dude...you have it bad for her."
Yeah...he heard it. In my voice. The depth of my feelings for Gray, which are all turbulent and confused, and yet in some ways so rock solid. If I didn't care about her so much, these decisions wouldn't affect me the way they do. The fact I do care for her so much is what is making this an impossible situation half the time.