Gray gives me a shrewd, skeptical look. "How?"
"We could do a double date with Zack and Kate," I suggest. "I mean...maybe just go over to their house for dinner. Eat, drink some beers, hang out."
"A double date," she murmurs, as if it's the most miraculous thing in the world.
"Or," I drawl suggestively. "You could come over for dinner here one night with me and the girls. They know you as my boss, and I could have you over in that capacity. Let them start to get to know you."
Again, her eyes swirl with turbulence. "What if they don't like me?"
"Not possible."
"It is too possible. Anything's possible," she says gently. "Statistically, that is."
"For once, screw your statistics," I tell her firmly. "I know my daughters. I know you. They will like you. Come to adore you like I do, I would bet money."
"It's too soon," she throws out, trying to seek every excuse in the book to assuage her fear of rejection by them. "You and Hensley aren't even divorced."
"Just waiting on the signed paper," I tell her, which it seems I'm saying that a lot. I'd called my attorney to find out what the fuck is taking so long for the judge to sign the decree, and I'm hoping that moves things along. "But you have to remember, Hensley and I have been separated for over a year, so I don't think it's too soon to introduce them to someone I'm interested in. For Christ's sake, Hensley had Patric around them all the time, so they understand the concept of their parents moving on."
She tries one last time to succumb to her fear. "But what if they told someone? Like Hensley?"
Okay, that actually is an honest concern. But then an idea strikes me. "Not if you just come as a 'friend' to a get together. We'll do something at Kate and Zack's. The girls love going over there and playing with Ben. You come and solidify that you're Daddy's, Kate's, and Zack's friend. It's low pressure and so natural they'd never even think to say something about it, and even if they did, we can say you were invited by Kate and Zack."
"It's a whole lot of lies," she points out to me, but for the first time I can see her entertaining this.
"For the greater good," I assure her. "And besides, we are friends, are we not?"
"You couldn't touch me in front of the girls or let them know in any way we're--"
She stumbles, doesn't quite know what to call us.
"Fucking?" I provide.
"Dating," she corrects in a schoolmarm-type way, peering down at me with censure.
"Except we're not dating," I tell her with a grin. "We do a whole lot of fucking."
And as if to prove my point, I release her hands and slide my own over the insides of her thighs. I watch as my fingers inch inward, starting to get hard over the thought of pushing them through that blue silk.
Her hands lock around my wrists and my gaze rises. She looks worried. "We do more than fuck."
"I know we do," I reassure her. "I was just kidding."
"I'd like to be around you even if you didn't do magical things to me with your penis."
"And my hands and mouth," I remind her.
She nods and lets my wrists go. "We'd have to be very careful how we act around each other in front of the girls."
"Agreed. But doesn't mean I won't try to steal a kiss or cop a feel when their backs are turned." I shoot her a mischievous wink.
"God, you're so bad," she says with a laugh.
"I wanna be bad right now," I tell her with a low, husky growl, and slide one hand all the way home. She purrs deep in her throat and rotates her hips against me. "Want me to be bad?"
She moans and I take that as a yes.
Chapter 22
Gray
One other time I remember feeling this level of nervousness and the two experiences are apples and oranges, yet producing the same anxiety. Here I am getting ready to knock on Zack Grantham's door, to hang out with him, his fiancee, and my illicit lover, all carefully calculated so that I can spend some low-pressure time with Ryker's girls.
My heart is racing, my hands are sweaty, and my stomach is flipping.
It's exactly how I felt just before the puck dropped in my first Olympic game.
Crazy, right?
I push the doorbell, hear footsteps from inside, see a shadow pass in front of the frosted glass panes, and then Kate is opening the door. She gives me a warm smile and the scent of tomatoes and garlic hit me full on.
"Gray," she says as she steps back and welcomes me inside. "I'm so glad to have you here."
I swallow hard, feeling very awkward about finally being around someone who knows about Ryker and me. It's unsettling because I have no clue how Zack and Kate feel about this. Ryker said they were supportive, but what do I know? They're not my friends but his, so I have no choice but to roll with it.
"Thanks for having me," I say as I hand over a bottle of wine. "I picked this up on the way here. It's a red but I wasn't sure what you were having for dinner."
Kate takes the bottle and surprises me with a hug. "Oh, that's so sweet. And hey...all wine is good, right?"
I laugh as she pulls away, feeling slightly better. "All wine is definitely good."
Kate turns and heads through the living room, where I can hear Ryker and Zack talking in the kitchen. My pulse is thumping, almost as if my heart recognizes it's getting closer to the source of its excitement.
"The kids are upstairs playing," Kate says as we enter the kitchen, and then says to the guys, "Look who I found dawdling on the front porch."
Zack gives me a smile that's not quite as welcoming as Kate's and maybe is even a little skeptical. Still, he sticks to good manners and says, "Welcome, Miss Brannon."
"Gray," I say automatically. "And thank you for having me. Your home is beautiful."
Zack shrugs his shoulders, and then my eyes slide over to Ryker's. He's looking at me as if I was the last ray of sunshine before a dark storm. His eyes sparkle and he gives me a sinful smile as he swaggers toward me.
He surprises the shit out of me when slides his hand around my neck and pulls me to him for a kiss. My first inclination is to push him away, because I'm on pins and needles over not only meeting his kids, but giving any signs of PDA. It's been so ingrained in me that this is wrong, and yet, the minute his tongue hits mine, I'm lost.
So I kiss him back and I don't care that Kate and Zack are watching.
When he pulls away, I'm left dazed and confused. He kisses me on the tip of my nose and whispers, "Told you I was going to try steal a kiss when the girls weren't around."
All I can do is nod as he chuckles and releases me. I blink my eyes clear as Kate gives a romantic sigh and turns to the oven where she pulls out some garlic bread.
"Want some wine?" Ryker asks.
"Sure." I know it will ease my nerves.
While Ryker busies himself with my wine, an awkward silence fills the room. Kate stirs some pasta boiling and checks a red sauce in another pot. Zack stares at me and I stare at Ryker. I can faintly hear the kids upstairs.
"Am I the only one that finds this a little weird?" Zack finally asks.
Kate turns her head over her shoulder. "What's weird?"
"That our boss, Gray Brannon, is standing in our kitchen. Having a secret affair with our buddy Ryker," he tells his fiancee, then turns to look at me. "Because I have to say, I'm a little intimidated."
I steal a glance at Ryker, who is struggling not to laugh.
"Well, I'm not intimidated," Kate says as she turns toward us, wiping her hands on a towel. "Gray's just a person like us. Right, Gray?"
"Right," I agree confidently. "Just a person. Tonight just a friend."
"And secret lover," Ryker tacks on probably just to embarrass both Zack and me.
My cheeks do burn a little over that, but I tell Zack, "I swear I don't bite, nor will I discuss business. I just want to hang out with some people who are willing to front for us so Ryker and I can feel a bit normal for a change."
Zack's eyes immediately soften. "I imagine it's tough."
>
"You have no idea," I tell him as Ryker leans over and gives me a glass of wine. "But you don't get to choose who you fall for."
He smiles at me and laughs. "You know, Ryker told me that same exact thing that day we busted you two over at his house."
"Well, let's just forget all about the outside world and have a nice evening," Kate says as she turns off the burners under the pasta and sauce. "Ryker...want to go get the kids?"
"Sure," he says, and jerks his head over his shoulders toward the staircase that separates the living room from the kitchen. "Come on, Gray. They can be a little wild to wrangle so I could use your help."
My pulse starts hammering again, more nerves over talking to children. What if I say the wrong thing? What if I let an F-bomb slip? What if Ruby and Violet hate me?
I set my wineglass down, wishing I could just slam its contents back, and follow Ryker up the stairs.
When we get halfway up, I can hear the kids' voices more clearly, which ratchets up my nervousness, but before I know it, Ryker has me pinned up against the wall. He presses his body into mine, caging me in with his palms resting on either side of my head. He kisses me quickly but doesn't pull away. I can feel his mouth form into a smile against my own. With his lips still touching mine, he murmurs, "I feel like it's been forever since I've seen you."
I want to just melt right into him. His words are low and sexy, the heat off his body calling out to me. And it does seem like forever. It's been two weeks since Valentine's Day and we've managed to see each other a grand total of three times, one of which was just Ryker popping into a yoga class with Max.
It's been tough the last two weeks, either because of my work schedule, the hockey schedule, or Ryker's obligations to the girls. All of our intimacy has come in the form of late-night phone calls where we'll talk forever, sometimes about dirty stuff, but most often it's just our own deep interest in the other person getting assuaged as we learn each other's histories.
"The girls are going to sleep over here tonight," he says with his lips still resting against mine. "Come home with me?"
I lean in, press my mouth to his harder, and he accepts a deep kiss from me. But I pull away just as quickly because I don't want to take the chance of the girls seeing us like this.
"Okay," I tell him on a breathy sigh.
He drops his hands, leans back from me, and gives me the most charming smile he's ever bestowed upon me. It makes the dim staircase seem to sizzle with brightness and I feel my heart tugging toward him in a way that it never has. I want to freeze this moment...this look he's giving me like he's a man who just realized that all was right in his world. It's a humbling feeling knowing that I think I just gave that to him, and makes me feel truly needed for the first time in my life outside of my father.
Ryker turns and heads up the stairs. I follow behind, repeating silently to myself, Do not cuss, do not cuss, do not cuss.
At the top of the stairs, we turn left and head down to what appears to be a bonus room over the garage...at least from what I can remember of the layout of the house from where I parked. Inside, Violet and Ruby are sitting at a little table that appears to be where Ben does art projects. They're pretending to have a tea party, but because this is Ben's playroom and not the girls', they don't have the necessary implements. Instead, they're holding imaginary cups in their hands as they talk. Ben is sitting in the corner, playing with Legos.
"You kids about ready for some spaghetti?" Ryker says, and they all three turn their heads toward us. Ben jumps up and yells, "Yay! Pah-sketti...my favorite."
He jets by both of us and I can hear the echo of his feet as he tramples down the stairs.
Ruby jumps up from the table, surprisingly nimble despite the big splint still on her arm. She runs over to me and my heart gives a tiny knock inside my chest when I see she's carrying the little teddy bear I had given her. "I brought my teddy bear that you gave me. See?"
She holds it out to me with her good arm, and I reach out with numb fingers to take it. "I see," I tell her with a smile, and damn if my voice isn't raspy from a serious case of nervous dry throat. "He looks like you've been hugging on him hard."
I hand it back to her and she nods happily. "He sleeps in bed with me along with Ollie."
"Who's Ollie?" I ask.
"That's her stuffed octopus," Violet says as she comes up to us.
"You remember Miss Brannon?" Ryker asks Violet.
She nods shyly and casts her eyes downward. I want to make a connection with her, so I search through my nearly eidetic memory for all of the things that Ryker has told me about his little girl who has stars in her eyes half the time. Usually shy but easy to coax out of her shell, if you spark her vivid imagination into play.
"That's quite the tea party you had going on over there," I say to Violet, and her eyes raise up to mine. "I particularly like the pattern on your china."
I walk over to the table, look down at the imaginary kettle and cups, and tilt my head to the side. "Are those little purple flowers on the cups?"
When I look back at Violet, her eyes are bright and she's nodding her head enthusiastically. "Ruby's cup has pink roses, but I have violets on my cup."
I slap my palm to my forehead. "Of course, now I see. Violets just like you...Violet."
She grins and comes up to me, tugging me by the hand. "Want to have a tea party with us?"
Before I can answer, Ryker's stepping in. "Not now, Violet. Dinner's ready, but after we can come up and play for a little bit before you have to go to bed."
Violet looks disappointed, but Ryker also told me she's the most obedient child in the world. She never thinks to push back at her father and his rules, whereas Ruby questions everything. In fact, Ruby likes to argue and try to get him to concede every point. Ryker admitted to me one night that Ruby sometimes can talk circles around him, and at least eight times out of ten, he ultimately has to trump her with, "Because I'm your father and I said so."
Ryker turns his body sideways and holds out his hand, indicating to us that we need to go. Ruby scampers out the door, seemingly undisturbed by her broken arm, and Violet follows. I go next, and as I pass by Ryker, he palms my ass with his large hand. I jerk in surprise, shoot a glare over my shoulder at him, and then hear him on a low laugh. "Told you I'd cop a feel too when they weren't looking."
--
Much, much later, I lie in Ryker's bed with his arms wrapped around me tight.
Spooning me.
It's only the third time in the nearly three months since we started seeing each other--fucking, whatever--that we've stayed all night in the same bed together. The first time was Christmas and the second time was Valentine's Day. Special occasions for sure, and I think then I was caught up within swirling romance and newbie jitters.
But tonight I'm contented.
Settled.
Pacified.
Just lying here like this, exhausted from good food, wine, and sex; high off my victory with Ruby and Violet, who apparently adore the way I put on an imaginary tea party. They actually like me.
I mean, really like me as in they didn't want to go to bed but wanted to stay up and play with me. But for the sizzling looks that Ryker had been giving me all night, I would have readily agreed to a sleepover party with them. I knew, however, that Ryker needed me more. Our moments are always stolen, so very fleeting, that I couldn't pass up a chance to spend as much time with him as I possibly can.
When we got to his house, he made love to me...so very slowly. Just rocked against me, holding my hands, kissing me softly. I loved every single, romantic, gentle, and soft moment of it. I had never had it before. I wanted it again immediately after he came inside me.
I can't lie to myself any longer. Whatever this is between us, it's now beyond a what-if. When I look at my future, it's not hazy anymore where Ryker's concerned. I know that I need him in it, and I only pray that it comes to fruition sooner rather than later.
It seems, with Ryker, I'm saying this a l
ot.
For the first time in my life...
For the first time in my life, I feel interest in something other than my career.
I feel needed.
I feel happy.
I feel cherished.
I. Feel. Everything.
And I don't want to let it go.
For the first time in my life, I feel love for a man other than my father.
Chapter 23
Ryker
There haven't been many things that I've truly desired in my life, and I can probably count them on one hand. I mean things that would make me happy and fulfilled, give me peace of mind, and satiate me from the inside out.
One: Ruby forgetting the pain of her broken arm. She was terrified when it happened and it was gruesome. I hope that memory dulls quickly for my little girl, because it kills me to remember her crying in that emergency room bed.
Two: winning my first Stanley Cup. I wanted it so bad I swear I could taste it. It was metallic and tangy, exactly the way I imagined the actual cup would taste when I kissed it.
Three: wanting both of my daughters to be healthy and happy in their lives. I want them to grow up to be confident, successful, and find the love of good men who will adore them like the princesses I know them to be inside and out.
Four: having Gray sit at my kitchen table every morning from here on out. Her hair mussy, wearing one of my T-shirts and a pair of black-framed glasses while she reads the newspaper, which make her appear even more of a genius. She looks freshly fucked, which I know to be true, and ready to crawl back into bed with me if I just crook my finger. Or perhaps we'll both just sit in the morning sunlight--her in a tee, me in just my pajama bottoms--and play footsies under the table while we talk over coffee.
Yeah, I want that pretty damn bad.
It's all I seem to think about lately, but after last night, watching her with my little girls, I just know it could be perfect for us if we had the freedom to really dive into this relationship with each other.
The paper crinkles as Gray folds it down to peer at me. Her eyes are unusually large and green this morning, or have they always been like that and I'm just seeing them through new filters this morning? Regardless, they are pinned on me curiously.
"What are you thinking?" she asks me with a smile.
"Lots of things."
"Like what?"
"Well," I say with a quick flick of my eyes to the newspaper. "I find it weird someone as progressive as you reads the news in paper form versus digital."