When I got home, I knew I had to use one of those healthy ways while Carly was at one of her spa things, or I’d be expressing myself in a decidedly unhealthy manner by the time she got back. Fortunately for me, I didn’t encounter any of the other guys on my way to the gym, or I might’ve done something stupid.
A hundred laps in the pool didn’t do a thing, so I tried for two hundred, trying to lose myself in the rhythm of my arms cutting through the water. By the time I finished, I was a worn-out, exhausted mess, but still the fury and fear had me in knots, so I leaned against the side of the pool and let my muscles rest for a while before dragging myself to my feet.
I toweled off and switched to a pair of dry shorts. I didn’t bother with a shower, not when I planned on sweating off the chlorine in the state-of-the-art weight room Carly had put in. I’d never seen anything like it until I’d come here, but I’d almost gotten used to it.
Forty-five minutes on the weights didn’t wash that note from my mind, and I had to accept that nothing was going to do it. After wiping down the station, I went to the sauna where I sat down and put my face in my hands, my heart a heavy, black knot.
Whoever he was, he was threatening Carly now, and I no longer cared whether or not they were empty words or a true threat. I could blow off whatever this asshole sent toward me. Bringing Carly into it...that was unforgivable.
I wanted to break something.
Tear something.
Destroy something.
Except I’d already done that, and it was the reason Carly was in danger to begin with.
Leave.
The answer was a soft, gentle voice in the back of my mind. I didn’t want to, but I thought maybe that was exactly what I needed to do. I even had a place to go now. I could go to the house Jake left me and figure out what to do next. I had money now. Since I didn’t really have a lot of bills to pay or anything, I could get by okay as I tried to find something new.
Here, hopefully. I didn’t want to go back to Kentucky. There was nothing waiting for me there, nothing to go back to.
If I was lucky, I could get a job as a mechanic out here. That might pay halfway decent, and since I had a car of my own, and a place, my cost of living wouldn’t have to be sky-high. I knew how to live on a small budget, despite how damn expensive it was to live here.
A noise caught my attention and I looked up. The sight of Ridley moving across the gym, just beyond the sauna doors, had my lip curling. Something about him just rubbed me the wrong way. I started to stand up and the room spun. Slapping a hand against the heated wood, I steadied myself. How long had I been in there?
No telling. I’d lost track of time.
I opened the door and stepped out, taking my time with it as Ridley’s gaze swung toward me. I gave him a level look as I moved over to the nearby refrigerator. He said nothing. Neither did I. I grabbed a bottle of water and downed it. I was still thirsty, and my head was starting to pound. The lightheaded feeling hadn’t gone away either, but I’d gone hungry more than once in my life. I knew how to handle being dizzy. I’d just spent too much time in the dry heat, so as long as I moved slow, I’d be fine.
I was nearly to the door when Ridley finally spoke, “Your parole officer has been talking to everybody. Guess she doesn’t like how your meetings are going if she’s checking up on you. How much longer until she sends your hillbilly ass back to Kentucky, Bobby-boy?”
In response, I flipped him off over my shoulder. Not exactly mature, I knew, but it was better than what I really wanted to do.
He chuckled. “I guess today didn’t go that well for you, did it? Not surprising though. You may’ve had Jake fooled, but I knew the rest of us would start to see through you soon enough.”
Ignoring him, I moved through the door. I needed to get some food in my belly, and I needed to think. One thing was certain. The exertion and the overlong stint in the sauna had done precisely what I’d wanted. The temper had drained out of me.
Yeah, Carly had kept her letters from me and I was still pissed about that, but maybe what I needed to do was clear out. Get some space.
The knock at my door came late.
I couldn’t say I was surprised by it. Normally, most of us gathered in the estate’s kitchen to eat dinner, but that time had come and gone, and I hadn’t left my little house. My suitcases were spread out across my room. The clothes I’d paid for with my own money were packed.
The rest of them – and that was the majority – were neatly folded or left hanging in the closet.
The knock came a second time, and I ignored it a second time. But after the third knock, I moved through the maze of suitcases and boxes I’d accumulated over the past few months, and made my way to the living room.
I yanked the door open just as Ryan started to knock a fourth time. “What?”
“You know,” he said, speaking with deliberate slowness. “When you’re home, it’s considered polite to answer the door.”
“I’m not polite. Deal with it.” I tried to shut the door, but Ryan slammed a hand against it.
I sighed and stepped aside. I didn’t see the point in fighting with him. It would save me the trouble of hunting him down tomorrow. I’d rather tell him than Carly anyway. He looked surprised at my easy capitulation, his expression wary as he came inside.
“She had no right telling you like that.”
I turned away. “Like what?”
“Julia called me after you left and told me what she’d done. It wasn’t from me. She called a detective she knew on the force, was able to find out that Carly had been getting letters too. Got a copy. She had no right dropping it on you like that.”
There was a funny slapping sound, and saw that he’d set a file folder down on a nearby table. I stared at it, felt a funny little twist in my gut.
It didn’t take a genius to figure out what was in there, but it didn’t matter. Grabbing the envelope from my desk, I held it out. “Here.”
He barely spared the envelope a look. “Look, Bobby. You didn’t want...” His voice trailed off as he suddenly realized he was holding something important. “What the fuck is this?”
“You’re a smart man, Ry. If you put your brain to it, I think you can figure out what’s going on in here,” I said. I kicked one of the boxes I’d torn apart out of the way and grabbed another one. I figured four boxes – no, make that six – boxes should hold most of the books I’d bought. I just hoped Jake’s library would have enough room for them.
“Why are you packing?” he asked, his voice rough.
“If you’d read the letter I gave you, you’d already have that answer.”
I heard a ripping sound as I picked up a stack of books. It was silent behind me for a minute, and then I heard another ripping sound.
“No.”
I didn’t look up. How did I end up with two copies of City of Ghosts? I tossed both inside.
“Did you hear what I said, hard-ass? I said no!”
I looked back at Ryan. The minute I did, he threw a wadded-up ball of paper at me. I batted it aside before it could smack me in the face. “I’m pretty sure it’s still a free country, hard-ass.”
His lip curled. “Free country, sure. But you’re a contract employee. You’re required to give a thirty-day notice, pretty boy. Remember that paperwork we went over?”
Shit. Now that he mentioned it, I did remember. “You don’t need me around here for another thirty fucking days,” I said.
“You signed the contract.” He closed the distance and jabbed me in the chest, hard. “You’ll work the damn thirty fucking days.”
Then, while I was trying to figure out what else to say, he bent and grabbed the paper from the floor, then slammed it against my chest. “And guess what, Bobby. I’m not going to do your dirty work. You want to break Carly’s heart like this? Then you tell her.”
“It’s not gonna break her damn heart. She hardly even talks to me anymore.” The words came out far more sulky than I liked. I sounded more like
some kid mooning over his first crush than an adult trying to be practical.
“Yeah? I noticed. Funny, though. She sure as hell still stares at you. The same way you stare at her when you don’t think she’s looking.”
I shot him a look, but he was already on his way out the door.
Two days later, I still hadn’t figured out how to tell Carly.
Ryan left the file of letters in my house, and I’d combed through them over and over while telling myself, over and over, that leaving was the best thing to do.
On the third day, Carly broke the wide circle we usually gave each other and stopped in the middle of the hall.
“Okay,” she said, folding her arms over her chest. “That’s it. I’m done. This stops.”
I jammed my hands in my pockets and went with my usual go-to response. “What...you’re actually going to talk to me now?”
“I don’t know.” She smiled sweetly at me. “Are you going to stop pretending that I’m a leper?”
“I never–”
“Oh, kiss my ass, Cantrell,” she snapped. “I was there for your whole six month speech and I know you’re telling yourself that you’re honoring Jake’s wishes, but you’re just being a fucking bastard. So when you’re finally ready to man up and admit what you want, let me know.”
As I tried to pick my jaw up off the ground, she shifted her attention to a shocked-looking Ryan.
“You. Talk.”
That tone might have worked on Ridley or Cameo. Probably even Ace. But it didn’t work on Ryan. When she slid her narrowed eyes my way, I just jerked a shoulder in a shrug and looked away.
“What’s the matter?” She fluttered her lashes at me. “Are you two breaking up?”
I half-choked on my water. “What?”
“Carly...” Ryan sounded exasperated, but not surprised.
She snorted, ignoring him as she smirked at me. “Oh, didn’t you hear? That’s the latest rumor going around. I’m keeping you on hand because you’re having an affair with my head of security.”
Running my tongue over my teeth, I moved over to the sidebar and grabbed a bottle of water. “I guess there’s no point in pointing out that both of us are straight, right?”
“Nah. They don’t care about the truth.” Carly shrugged and headed for the kitchen.
I couldn’t stop myself from watching her ass as I followed her. It was just after her morning workout, so she was still wearing a pair of form-fitting pants that made all of the blood in my body run straight south.
“Tell me what’s going on,” she said quietly.
Ryan shook his head and shot me a not-so-friendly look. “It’s not up to me, Carly. You’ll have to wait for pretty-boy to tell you.”
I glared at his back as he left the two of us in the kitchen. I could feel Carly watching me, but took my time looking back at her.
She crossed her arms and leaned back against the counter. “Well?”
I can’t stay here.
I quit.
15
The words stuck in my throat.
16
I couldn’t imagine being somewhere I couldn’t see her every day.
Fuck.
I’d gone and done the stupidest damn thing.
I’d fallen in love with her.
The best thing to do would be to leave. It would keep her safe.
It was also now the hardest thing imaginable.
“Tell me about the letters,” I said, my voice rusty. I had to get myself under control.
Carly’s eyes widened, and then fell away from my face. “I...” She pushed a few damp strands of hair from her face. “Bobby, you don’t need to worry about any of that. It’s just...hell, it’s bullshit. I get threats all the time. This is just some loon out there. This one’s fixated on both of us this time. That’s all.”
“That’s all?”
She gave me a nervous smile. “What else could it be?”
Instead of saying anything, I just stood up and left.
I needed to think, and I couldn’t do that with her around.
Just like the other night, when the knock came, I ignored it.
I hadn’t unpacked. The only thing I’d done was push boxes and suitcases out of the way so I didn’t trip over them if I had to get up in the middle of the night to take a leak.
Then I’d sprawled on top of my bed and stared at the ceiling.
The knock came again and I shot a look at the clock. It was nearly eleven. If Ryan was here to chew my ass again, I just might pound on his.
Kicking my legs over the edge of the bed, I moved through the house without hitting the lights. I’d spent a lot of years making do in poor lighting, and my eyes adjusted to the faint lights that streamed in through the blinds.
There was another knock, softer...hesitant.
I frowned. That wouldn’t be Ryan. Instinct told me to be careful, so I glanced through the blinds.
Light fell on pale hair, turning it silver.
I jerked open the door just as Carly started to turn away. She spun around, staring at me. I opened my mouth to talk, but she beat me to it.
“You hid stuff from me too!”
I’d spent half a year with Carly at this point, and I knew almost all of her moods. If I was being honest though, I could spend a hundred years with her and not know all of them. That both awed and aggravated me. Sometimes it felt like she invented a new mood just to fuck with me.
But this wasn’t one of her new moods.
This was an old one. The first one of hers I’d gotten to know. Pure, pissed-off woman.
There was only one way to handle this sort of thing. I snapped my mouth shut and shoved my hands into my pockets. In the dim light, she advanced on me and drilled a finger into my chest.
“What...don’t you have anything to say about that?”
I looked down at her index finger. Her nail was painted white with little black flowers on it. I didn’t understand how women could do that, or why they’d want to. But she was about ready to splatter that little black flower with red if she drilled that finger any deeper into my chest. I didn’t touch her though.
“Are you trying to poke a hole in me?”
She made a growling noise deep in her throat.
“You are such an ass, Bobby Cantrell!”
“I know.”
“Don’t agree with me, dammit!” she shouted. She shoved me.
I let her. In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have because it ended up with us both inside my house.
“Are you going to argue with me or not?” Her eyes were snapping, brilliant.
“It seems to me like you’re perfectly happy to handle all the arguing yourself,” I pointed out.
Her eyes narrowed and I almost took a step back.
“You bastard!” Her breasts rose and fell as she stood there, glaring at me.
It was insanely distracting because all I wanted to do was cup those sweet curves in my hand and taste her, feel her, push her up against the wall and fill her with my cock. Comfort her. Fuck her.
All I knew for sure is that I wanted her.
“You pushed me away as soon as Jake got hurt and then he...and I needed somebody...”
Her voice cracked, and my heart did too.
“I didn’t push you away.” Helpless to stop myself, I lifted a hand.
She smacked it away. “The hell you didn’t. Any time I tried to touch you, you backed away.”
I gritted my teeth and gave her the truth. “That’s because I can’t have you touching me without wanting you naked.”
“I don’t have a problem with that!” She jabbed me with her finger again, or tried to.
This time, I caught her wrist. “I made a promise to Jake. And he wasn’t wrong to ask me.”
She jerked on her hand.
I could’ve said that the devil made me do it, but in reality, it was just plain need. I jerked back and she ended up sprawled against my chest.
I didn’t know which one of us moved fi
rst, but in the next second, our mouths were fused together, and it was like the past six months hadn’t happened.
Or maybe they had. Those months had served to make me want her more, need her more, and if the way she was tearing at my jeans was any indication, the same could be said for her. Her passion fueled mine and I had her naked in no time. My clothes quickly followed, and then it was skin against skin.
Even as my tongue explored her mouth, her hand closed around my dick, dragging it up and down in a fast, heavy rhythm. My sac drew tight up against me.
I tore my mouth away from hers. My voice was hoarse, rough with need. “If you keep that up, I’m going to come all over you.”
“Do it,” she said, the words low and husky. “I don’t care.”
I all but went to my knees, whimpering. Some day I’d take her up on that, but there was something else I wanted more. I crowded her up against the back of the couch until she ended up sprawled over the long flat surface. Grabbing her knees, I pushed them high and wide.
“I’d rather have you come all over me,” I said, kissing my way down her torso.
Her voice tripped as she said, “Bobby...no.”
I looked up. Memory hit me. She’d stopped me before. I looked up, but didn’t move. “Why?”
“I don’t...I don’t like that.” Her entire body flushed.
I kissed her navel. “Why not?”
“I just...” Her breath skittered out of her when I traced my finger around the wet entrance of her pussy. “I’ve never liked...”
I smiled at her. “But you’ve never had me do it.”
Her lashes fluttered when I pushed my finger inside. “No.”
“Let me try?” I asked. I kissed her hipbone. Part of me needed to try. I didn’t know who had given her the bad experience, but I mentally cursed him. Even if he hadn’t known what he was doing, if he’d loved her, he would’ve made it right. “If you don’t like it, just tell me to stop and I will.”
The hands she’d fisted against my shoulders relaxed, just a little. “Promise?”
I turned my head and kissed her knuckles. “Cross my heart.”