didn't have the best voice but he had passion and that sad, raw thing going on. He was also an incredible writer. We started hanging out constantly even when there was no band practice. Mary loved him instantly so he became Satan, our kid. He didn't have many friends in that fancy high school you guys went to, which was great for your education and made you annoyingly smart but kids need rock and roll too.”
I smile at Kim's face watching Jesus, she's clearly filled with questions and will probably kill me for not telling her any of this before. Stewart brings us more drinks as Eletrelane’s Gone Under Sea starts. Squeeze. Still no sign of Satan. I take a deep breath as Joseph continues, “He turned eighteen around the time people started to really like us and all the little hipster girls wanted him. Some of the girls would literally throw themselves at him, older beautiful women too, and he just... Didn't care. The gang would tease him about it, partly jealous partly because it was weird, any teenager would surely take advantage of that situation. I tried to smooth it out, tell them to shut up, but even I started thinking something was up. Not even a crush, nothing.”
Helena looks like she's about to have a seizure but it's Nathan who says what the three of them are thinking, “That doesn't sound like Satan at all”.
It's true, it doesn't, but they didn't know him before his heart was broken. They didn't know him before me.
“Worry not, here comes the night that changed it all.” I can hear the fatherly disapproval in Joseph's voice. It hurts. “It was our last show of the summer, the last show of our band actually, and we had to end it here in Paraíso. Our bassist, Lydia, was moving out of the city and me and Mary had plans of doing the same. A lot of friends came, from all over the country. I was very, very moved. And drunk. We were terrible! I kept falling off my stool and laughing and just, you know, doing death metal worthy solos in the middle of the songs. Satan was laughing too, making up lyrics, drinking from a bottle with no t-shirt on while Lydia made disgusting tongue signs to her girlfriend. Suddenly he stopped singing. I kept playing, or whatever I was doing, until he froze completely. I shouted at him but he didn't turn. I was getting seriously worried when I saw Mary's eyes glowing with excitement glancing over the crowd and then at Satan, over and over again. I shouted for her and she shouted back one word.” He pauses to look directly at me “Girl.”
My friends follow his gaze expectantly. I shrug and take a long drag from my toasted Lucky Strike. There is no point in denying this, even if it wasn't exactly as they are painting it. Yes, Satan did stop singing when he saw me. And yes, I smiled back and he blushed and I smiled harder, but that doesn't mean he fell madly in love with me at first sight and I had the responsibility of making it all better for him. I couldn't be his savior when I needed to be saved. I simply wasn't the one, and I have to endure living with that. Tv On The Radio’s Love Dog bursts from the speakers, I shift my leg avoiding Mary's touch.
“I remember rushing out of the stage after the show and pulling Satan by the hand to talk to the girl that had caught his eye, dragging Mary with us on the way, I didn't even care if she was stupid or a fascist with no front teeth, I just wanted... I guess I just wanted to help him be happy. It was always my biggest wish, you know? To see that kid happy.” Joseph drinks the rest of his beer and Jesus holds his shoulder in a reassuring way.
“He is happy now.” He smiles fondly.
I look down at my boots and bite my tongue until I taste blood.
Stewart taps me on the head, I look up and he's holding a Submarine. A submarine is like a bucket of beer with an upside down shot inside and salt all around. No one ever drinks it because It's deadly disgusting. No one except... “That guy told me to give you this”. He lays it down on the table, points at the crowd behind me and walks away. The music is fading. Avon jumps on stage, the kids sound like hungry wolves howling for my flesh. He announces something. I'm drowning, icy water is filling my lungs, crushing my skull. This isn't real. This can't be real. Joseph gets up, hands coiled in fists. Squeeze. I hear Nathan, miles away, asking who the guy is. There's no answer. Jesus is no longer at the table. I'm pretty sure I'm having a panic attack. Satan is on stage. I have no idea how he got there or why he's holding a guitar. Or why he's looking at me like I'm the only thing he can, and wants, to see. I hear fireworks. Gunshots. My own voice. Am I talking? Squeeze. Satan's mouth is on the microphone. His titan eyes are still glued on mine. I watch him, frame by agonizing frame, until his expression changes completely. The crowd is begging for noise, spitting static. It explodes and then, absolute silence. Rough fingers on my neck. A ghostly pitch singing my name. Feverish lips kissing my temple. I don't look away from Satan. I stay put. When his eyes find mine again I murmur what I once promised I wouldn't even dare think. And then I vomit pepperoni, vodka, pineapple juice and a pathetic amount of misfortune onto Kim's shoes.
every time I sit around I find I'm shot
“No school, no Paraíso, no. I want a banana milkshake. With a therapist on the side.” I groan against a pillow.
Kim giggles and kicks me, “Let's go to the zoo!”.
“Uh, let's not!” I try to mimic her excitement.
She kicks me again, “We can't stay in bed all day, Aurora. Especially not listening to this fucking garbage.”
I jerk up, “You better wash that filthy mouth before you even think of talking about Tyler”
She points at the stereo, “He has been rapping about rape for the last thirty minutes! How can that make you feel any better?”
“So,” I stand up to turn the volume up “You don't like rape or necrophilia. Why are we friends again?”
She cracks up and rolls around the bed. The contrast of her bright red hair on my blue sheets is beautiful. She is beautiful, in her soft pink lace pajamas. I look around for my bathrobe, yelling with Kim the bits I know from Tina. She not only knows every single word but does the voices and the faces and this is exactly why we're friends — and how she hasn't asked me a thing or even mentioned last night. Ugh, last night. The image of my feet stumbling out of Paraíso and Kim's arm around my shoulders as we got into a cab flashes before my eyes.
When I come back from a much needed shower Kim is on the phone. She mouths “Nathan” I wave out of habit and remember to check my cellphone. Three missed calls and a voice mail. All from Paraíso. I sigh, turn off the stereo and press OK. There's no sound at first but then I hear it... A moan. Like, a sex moan. Or hardcore making out moans or oh, definitely some heavy breathing. My mouth is open, I'm gasping and Kim asks Nathan to hold on “What? What happened?”
“Someone called me from Paraíso while having sex.”
She doesn't blink, “Holy shit. That could not have been a mistake, I mean, they have those super old phones. It takes forever to dial a number.”
The moans stop. What are you doing? a girl giggles. Someone shushes her, another giggle, Julian's voice. I'm not your friend I never was. The girl moans his name, Satan's name. His real name. I close the phone, disgusted and disoriented. The room, the apartment, the building, the city is spinning. Kim's arms hold me, I try to fight her away but she crushes me into her.
“How could he be so heartless?” I cry. I cry for a long time.
“What am I going to do?”
She speaks so softly I can barely understand it, “Let him go”.
I'll explain everything to the geeks
We walk side by side to the vegetarian restaurant ten minutes from my house. I go straight down the stairs to the outside patio, which is empty, while Kim stays behind ordering our usuals.
“Fucking ass clown. Scum.”
I shake my head, as she sits in front of me, “He must have been wasted.”
“Don't you find excuses for him! Fucking asshole.”
“I'm not, I'm just... Dude, it hurts, okay? It hurts to think the guy I've shared my bed with for two years was conscious and calling me while fucking some girl to tell me, through a song mind you, that he has never been my friend.”
She ke
eps her arms folded and lips pursed in a straight line.
“I just want to understand his reasons,” I say, my voice weak, “I knew he would be pissed to see Hades but he should have known I had absolutely no idea he was even remotely near our area. Area as in country.”
Kim sighs desperately, “Who?”
“What?”
“Who is Hades? No, wait, scratch that. What is it with the fucking names?”
I manage a small, apologetic smile. “Hades is the guy who made me throw up last night. Okay, maybe the lack of food versus all the booze made me throw up. He is also my ex boyfriend and Satan's mortal enemy, what have you. He was Hades when I met him, just like Satan and Joseph and Mary. I already have the name of a goddess so they call me Deity. I started calling Anthony Jesus because he's Satan’s little brother and they are polar opposites. That was my fault. But I didn't start the thing.”
She looks like she's wearing those funny glasses with the hanging eyes, “Jesus is Satan's what?”
“Shit, I'm sorry. I forget,”
She cuts me off “See, this is what pisses me off. Aurora, I love you. I really, honestly do. But you won't let me be your friend! I don't care about any of those people, I don't care about their problems or motives or history. This is about you. I care about you.” She stops to take a deep