"She's from Token Creek," Sabrina said. "But I'm still thinking on it. I still want to help her. I just haven't found a way yet." "We'll think on it too," Chas said.
"You seem different this week," Miranda said when there was a lull. "More at peace, Bri. Did something happen?"
"I think it did. Rylan and I talked on Friday about the cross, and I realized some things. The cross is huge, and I had completely forgotten about grace. God's grace toward us, certainly, but also grace in Rylan's heart that he isn't offended or angry with me about my past."
"Are you offended about your past?" Chas asked. "How are you doing on forgiving yourself?"
Sabrina had to think about this. After a time she admitted, "I'm still working on that. I have so many regrets. I don't know if that's not forgiving myself or not."
"We do have to be careful with regrets," Rylan took this, having continued to think on their conversation from the ranch. "We're forgiven, for one thing, but beyond that, God is sovereign."
"Which means what?"
"God is absolutely in control of all things at all times," Rylan said, and then watched Sabrina nod rather slowly.
"I'm thinking of Paul right now," Rylan continued. "In Philippians he lists all the things he had, all the position and religious training, but then he says it counts for nothing. He saw it all as worthless after the cross. I don't sense any regret in him. I don't think that's the point. But he knew that his old life, even things that might have been considered fine, were all worthless. So we don't have to have regrets about sins we have repented of. We can be as logical as Paul was and see them for what they are: worthless outside of Christ. In the same way, we have to see how worthless life was before Christ, but without regrets."
Sabrina took some moments to let this soak in. She realized she
252 wasn't forgiving herself when she spoke of regrets. And it was worse than that. She was actually saying that God hadn't been watching, that He should have been more aware and had her in a different place.
"Did that make sense?" Chas asked her.
"Yes, and I have some changing to do. I've been viewing God on my level, as though He's a little bit helpless."
Both Chas and Miranda shared about the times they had seen this in their own lives before the evening continued. As before, Sabrina left with a great sense of hope and knowing Rylan Jarvik just a little bit more.
"What happened to you?" Sabrina asked the moment Crystal opened her door and she saw the mark on her face.
That woman didn't answer but turned away. Sabrina walked in and shut the door behind her. She watched Crystal fill a glass with amber liquid and went to the kitchen to start coffee, grabbing the bottle as she went. She worked swiftly, but it took some time for the coffeepot to boil. Thankfully Crystal had not finished the glass when she came with a steaming cup.
"Here," Sabrina said quietly, "trade me."
Crystal gave up the glass after taking one more swallow, and Sabrina set it out of reach. The other woman was steady with the coffee cup, but the slight glaze in her eyes and the bruise that sat high on one cheek gave her a drunken look.
"Tell me who hit you."
"The same one who always does. He uses his badge to get in, and then he never pays."
Sabrina's heart sank, but she didn't comment.
"Most times I can cover it, but this one got purple right away." "What's his name?"
"Varner!" she spat. "He makes me sick. Can't stand the sight of anyone from Willow Street but certainly wants our favors!"
253 "Drink your coffee," Sabrina said, getting the pot to give her more.
Coffee or not, it didn't take long for Crystal to look sleepy. Sabrina made her comfortable where she was on the sofa and checked to make sure the stove was closed up. Crystal was dozing when she let herself out, telling herself she would be back. She hadn't been able to tell Crystal about praying in Jesus' name, but she was determined to do that.
te
Rylan was finished with supper and working on the dishes when he heard the knock at the door. He'd been praying for Brad and another man, Daryl Rathman, because they were serious about becoming elders.
"Sabrina!" Rylan said, glad to see her and immediately going onto the porch. "How are you?"
"I'm all right, but I have something to tell you."
Rylan didn't interrupt while she explained Crystal's story, but he had an immediate answer for what she should do with the information.
"Leave it to me. I'll see Nate myself."
"Will he believe you?"
"Yes."
"What if Deputy Varner is there?"
"I'll decide what to do about that when I get there."
Sabrina nodded, but she had a new look on her face, one that Rylan hadn't seen before. He naturally asked her what she was thinking.
"I just realized what you go through when I go to Willow Street and you worry about me."
Rylan's head went back with his laughter. Sabrina smiled at his obvious enjoyment before saying, "Will you walk me home?" "On one condition."
"What's that?"
254 "I get to hold your hand."
Sabrina could not define the feeling of pleasure that spiraled through her. Feeling shy for the first time in years, she nodded, feeling utterly breathless when Rylan took her hand.
"No one's ever held my hand before," she admitted as they walked.
"Mine either," Rylan said, still getting used to the pain that no one had ever cherished her.
"There's something else I want to tell you too. I don't know much about kissing."
Rylan turned to look at her but could only see her black hair because she didn't look up.
"How does that work?" he asked gently.
, "I wouldn't let men kiss me. I didn't like it." Sabrina shook her head. "It sounds ridiculous when something far worse was going on, but I still wouldn't let them."
The admission made Rylan want to hold her on the spot. Her voice was so vulnerable, her heart so bare. Instead he only tightened his grip on her hand.
"I'm glad you told me."
"Me too," Sabrina agreed, glad to hear him sounding so normal. For some reason it had been important for him to know. She'd almost dreaded telling him. It seemed silly now but the relief she felt was amazing.
Rylan could feel it in her. One more thing disclosed. One more step closer. Sabrina's steps had changed, and she even squeezed his hand back. As he left her at Jeanette's front door, he knew with confidence that they were going to get through this. Of this he was certain.
"She told Sabrina this?"
"Yes. She saw the bruise on Crystal's cheek."
Nate sat down at his desk, looking well past his 46 years.
255 "I saw him coming from Crystal's on Sunday night. It never occurred to me that he hit her."
"Crystal said he gets in with his badge and never pays."
"I have to be done with him. I wanted to give him every opportunity, but I can't have him acting like that."
Rylan didn't speak, but he was reminded once again of how much he appreciated this man. He could so easily feel as Varner did, that the folks on Willow Street were lower-class people, but he wasn't like that. He came as swiftly to a call down there as he did uptown.
"Thanks, Rylan," the sheriff said, coming to his feet.
"Sure, Nate. I'll see you later," Rylan said briefly and went on his way, sensing that the other man did not need or want his company any longer.
"How did it go?" Meg asked, meeting Brad at the door. Both he and Daryl had met with the elders this night, and Meg had prayed for them all the while.
"It went well. They are a great group of men. They asked us lots of questions and gave us some things to think about and discuss with our wives. We ended with prayer," Brad said, not able to fully explain what he'd seen and heard. To hear the elders pray for the church family was a very special thing. It made him want the office even more and excited him to keep on in the good work.
"I prayed for you," Meg said, and Brad put his
arms around her. He was too emotional to speak, so he just thanked her and held her close. In time he hoped he would be able to explain what it had been like, the humility and joy, the serious moments and the moments when they laughed and teased one another.
And he had not felt like an outsider. The elders were excited to have him and Daryl with them. In truth, he couldn't remember the last time he was so encouraged.
256 Brad suddenly told Meg his thoughts, and that sweet woman, asking all the right questions, learned about the whole evening. They didn't get to bed for almost two hours.
"Stay close to the bank, Franklin," Sabrina cautioned on Thursday night. Chas and Miranda had gone out to supper, and Sabrina was on a walk with the children. Naturally they had ended up at the creek.
Parker, who was coming down with a cold, had not left Sabrina's side, and Nellie was happy on the quilt, stuffing a toy block into her mouth and drooling all over it.
"Bri!" Heidi had run up, panting with excitement. "I saw a fish."
"Di d you? Let's go and look, Parker. Come on. I'll hold your hand."
"Where's Papa?" the little boy asked.
-He and Mama are still out to supper. They'll be back very
soon.
"It's Pastor Rylan," Franklin suddenly shouted. "Are you coming to get wet, Pastor Rylan?"
"I think I just might," he said, having come right up to the little boy, his eyes taking in the group and not missing a thing about Sabrina. She was in a pale blue skirt and a pink blouse, that gorgeo us mass of black hair hanging down her back and shoulders. She had pulled it off her face, and the effect was more than a little eye-catching. Rylan knew better than to stare, but it was tempting.
"Pastor Rylan." Heidi was there, tugging on his pant leg. "Come down."
Rylan hunkered down to her level, his eyes on her adorable little face.
"Ma ma is eating with Papa, and we're with Bri."
"I see that. Are you having fun?"
257 Heidi nodded, her blue eyes big.
"I wish I had my fishing pole," Franklin said next.
"That would be fun. Although, if my memory serves, Sabrina doesn't know how to fish."
"That's true," Sabrina admitted, smiling at Franklin's surprised face.
Rylan took Parker in his arms at that point, and Sabrina smiled at the sight. The six of them sat on the bank, Franklin and Heidi brave enough to get wet and everyone laughing at Rylan's gentle teasing of the youngest boy.
"Can you breathe like a fish?" Rylan asked, doing things with his face that made Parker giggle and forget about his cold. "You try it."
They laughed uproariously at Parker's attempts, and that little guy relaxed enough to join his siblings by the water. With only Nellie beside them, Sabrina asked Rylan how he was.
"Missing you for some reason," Rylan answered honestly.
"I know why," Sabrina said, and Rylan waited. "We held hands. I think it makes for more awareness."
Rylan had not thought of this but knew she was right. That, along with the fact that he knew he loved her. It was interesting to see how his feelings for her were growing stronger, and as positive as that was, it was also going to bring about more challenges.
"What are you thinking?" Sabrina asked, not forgetting the children nearby.
Rylan smiled, "Just about you and me and how fun and challenging a relationship is."
Sabrina had to smile as well, not at all surprised to hear him view it this way. She was sure they would talk on it some more, but Franklin was looking for Rylan's attention. That man went to the creek bank, but not before he reached out and cupped Sabrina's cheek, his eyes telling her how much she was loved.
258
"WHERE ARE WE GOING?" Sabrina asked, Rylan leading the way but not saying much.
"You'll see."
It was a gorgeous Sunday afternoon, warm but not hot, and Rylan had shown up at Jeanette's looking for Sabrina. He'd been cryptic about the fact that he was glad to see she'd changed her dress, and then asked her to come along. Too curious not to, Sabrina trailed him, laughing at his pleased smile and trying to get information from the first step.
"Your legs are too long," Sabrina complained at one point, causing Rylan to slow a bit, but Sabrina wasn't done. "Honestly, you're as excited as Franklin when he thinks he's going to fish."
The words were no more out of Sabrina's mouth than she came to dead halt. Rylan stopped with her.
"Come along, Sabrina," Rylan coaxed.
"That's it, isn't it?"
"What?" Rylan asked, working not to smile.
"You're going to teach me to fish."
"Maybe."
259 Sabrina laughed at the wide eyes he gave her and wasn't fooled at all.
"Do I have to touch worms, Rylan Jarvik? Because if that's the case, this little outing is going to be off to a bad start."
"No worms," he said.
Sabrina studied him to see if he was teasing and then slowly followed. He took her to a tree-lined section of creek, and she saw that he'd already been there. Fishing equipment was set up, as was a quilt to sit on. Sabrina saw a small basket and a jug of tea. She looked at Rylan, who was watching her, and smiled.
"This is very nice."
"What exactly?"
"Well, it looks as though you made a little picnic."
"Just the tea," he said. "The basket is full of worms."
Sabrina laughed as he hoped she would, and the next thing she knew he was showing her how to fish. He took care of the worms, and Sabrina looked the part in fairly short order, but Rylan was the only one to catch anything. An hour passed, and she still had no fish. Eventually they washed their hands in the creek and sat and ate the food Rylan had brought, Sabrina peppering him with questions all the while.
"When did you learn to fish?"
"I can't remember exactly, maybe when I was five or six." "Who taught you?"
"My father and oldest brother."
"I thought you only had one brother."
"No I have two older brothers and an older sister."
"You're the baby? I thought your sister was younger." "No, I'm the baby."
"When was the last time you saw them?"
"Two years ago."
"But you all write to each other."
"I hear from my father or mother every week, and from my sister at least once a month."
260 "Your brothers?"
"Usually their wives."
Sabrina nodded, trying to picture them all and wondering what kind of people they were to produce a son like Rylan. She stared at the water rippling along the creek for a while, watching the way it skipped along the rocks, and then looked back at Rylan.
"Does Sybil look like you?" Rylan asked.
"You can tell we're sisters, but her skin is very fair and her eyes are a darker blue."
"Who's taller?"
"She is. She's almost six feet. I think I heard you say you're the tallest?"
"Yes," Rylan smiled. "They still call me their big little brother." Sabrina smiled, wishing she could meet his family, especially his mother and father.
"I never knew you would be beautiful," Rylan suddenly said. "What do you mean?"
"I was fairly certain God would bring you along, but I didn't know what you would look like. Your looks weren't important. But here you are, with just the right heart, and beautiful too."
"Just the right heart?"
Rylan nodded but didn't try to explain. He didn't know if he could, and Sabrina didn't seem to need it. He put out his hand, and Sabrina reached as well. They sat in silence for awhile, giving Sabrina room for her thoughts.
If she'd been asked to describe Rylan before today, she would have said he was a big man with a handsome face and square jaw, dark brown hair and eyes, and a wonderful smile and heart. But now she would have to amend that. He didn't have just any heart, it was the right heart. She thought such a statement would be far truer of him than herself.
Sabrina looked down, realizing that he was not just
holding her hand but touching her fingers. She watched him finger each one, brushing his fingers along her smooth nails.
261 "I didn't know anyone could have such perfect hands," Rylan said almost to himself.
"They're a little smaller than yours," Sabrina teased gently.
"Overall, but your fingers are long!" he said, pressing their palms together with studied concentration. With the bottoms of their hands lined up, Rylan could still curl his fingers over the tops of Sabrina's by almost an inch.
While Sabrina was still watching, he pressed a kiss into her palm and folded her fingers over it. He then looked into her eyes.
"I think you're going to have to kiss me, my sweet Sabrina. When the time is right."
"Why is that?"
"I'm not trying to force you into leading, and we have to be careful with our thoughts and actions before we're married, but I want our kissing to be something you're comfortable with."
"What about you? What will make you comfortable?" "Knowing you're comfortable," he said, and saw that the answer frustrated her.
"Rylan, stop taking care of me."
"But that's my job, to take care of you, and because we're not starting in the same place, both knowing nothing, I have to tread a little carefully here."
Sabrina was quiet, and Rylan took her hand again.
"This is not going to be easy. We're going to be finding our way for a longtime. Even after we're married, things will come up that neither of us thought of. And that's all right. We'll handle it as it comes."
"I understand that, but why must I kiss you?" Sabrina asked, finding the idea rather daunting.
"So I know you're ready for that. From that point forward, I'll take the lead."
Sabrina frowned, not sure how to say what she was thinking. "What did I say wrong?"
"Well, it's just that you make it sound like a future thing, as though I don't want to kiss you now."
262 "You wish we had already kissed?"
Sabrina nodded, and Rylan looked surprised but also pleased. "So you won't be afraid if I kiss you at some point?" he double- checked.
"I don't think so."
"But you're not sure?"
Sabrina wrestled the words in her mind for a moment, and then did her best to explain.
"Most of us avoided big men. Naturally they could do the most damage if they grew angry. Or if you wanted them to leave, you were helpless to do anything about it. Sometimes your size can be scary, even though I know you're not any of those men."