Notable Recent Winners:
The Bonsai Brigade (1985) - A punk rock band consisting of Bonsai trees, they wooed the audience and the judges with their eclectic style and multi-coloured bark. As their music is transmitted on a completely different level of consciousness, the listener is required to wear specially-adapted transducer leaves (one for each ear to get the true stereo effect).
Sid Skiffle and his Crooning Spider (1980) - After emigrating from Scouseland to Denbigh, Sid hooked up with Sammy the Spider and a legendary act was born. Sid’s banjo playing was a perfect accompaniment to Sammy’s dulcet tones, and they were clear winners on all of the judge’s scorecards. They went on to record three hit albums and would have surely recorded more, if not for Sammy’s unfortunate accident with an open plug hole and running cold water bath tap.
Melanie Fleecetickler (1975) - The first sheep to ever win the tournament, Melanie delighted everyone with her angelic baaing and dexterity on the acoustic guitar. She has since retired from music and now manages a successful chain of Shearing Salons.
Barnaby Humpypoke (1970) - Much was made of the rivalry between Barnaby and Tam James, and indeed the pair had come to blows in a trouser-tightness competition the year before. Despite barely being able to hear Barnaby’s singing due to the screams of ladies in the audience, the judges were unanimous in their verdict, with extra points being awarded for multiple pant-splitting.
Tam James (1968) - ‘The Singing Dwarf’ was already a star in his native South Wales and his entry into the tournament was considered by many to be controversial and inappropriate. However, Tam argued that wearing pants as tight as his gave the other contestants an advantage. On the night, his brilliant rendition of ‘Delia’s Deli’ was performed without any pant-splitting and received top marks from all the judges.
Felicity Floss and the Dentists (1967) - Considered to be one of the tournament’s most unusual winners, with their mixture of flowery pop and rhythmical drilling not being to everyone’s tastes, the group nevertheless had a massive hit with ‘Open Wide Now’. Although the original line-up broke up in 1972, Felicity retained the rights to the name and re-launched the band in 1974. They still perform to this day, with their spectacular live shows including robotic dentist’s chairs and multiple root-canal surgery.
Charlie Cobbler’s Sole Brothers (1964) - With their intoxicating brand of soul music with hobnail boot tap dancing, it’s safe to say that Charlie Cobbler’s Sole Brothers were one of the most popular winners ever. They also further endeared themselves to the audience by throwing out ‘two-for-one’ shoe repair vouchers at the end of their act.
Chucky Plum and the Gooseberries (1956) - Drawing upon the rock ‘n’ roll revolution of the 50s, Chucky dazzled the crowd and judges with his all-energy show, including his now-famous ‘Pigeon Strut’. His sheer presence and astounding guitar playing on ‘Ta Ta Jimmy’ had the audience dancing in the aisles. Chucky went on to have an extremely colourful career and has served as a guest judge on the panel many times, even after being pronounced acutely deaf.
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Thank you for reading my book. If you enjoyed it, please take a moment to leave me a review at your favorite retailer?
May Odin bless your wind!
Andy Coffey
About the Author – by Oldfart Olafson
Andy Coffey has been called many things; short, bald, barking mad, cute, a creative genius (… actually, I think he calls himself that). But, it is true to say that without Andy, Sacred Wind may never have made it into your particular reality. And we thank him for that.
After a brief foray into music journalism, and an attempt at rock superstardom in the late eighties, Andy eventually carved out a successful career in something called 'IT' for the best part of twenty years, attaining a Senior Management position in a company dealing with software production and IT service management. He tells me that he was a bit of a guru, by all accounts.
However, the music bug never really left him, and in fact he recorded two albums with his band, 'The Quest', in the nineties (he tells me that the second one was really good). Oh, he plays drums, and apparently his drum kit is nearly as big as Agnar's.
He also developed an interest in music technology and composition. This initially caused him some confusion as he had to learn to play keyboards, discovering that hitting them with drumsticks didn't really achieve the desired results… and was more expensive.
We first managed to cross the dimensional barrier to communicate with Andy about Sacred Wind in late 2010 (your time). Having voices in his head was a bit of a shock for him at first, but he soon got used to it. So, after working with him closely for over two years, he's now produced the Sacred Wind books and debut album, for reading and listening pleasure in your reality.
He lives with his partner, Jo, and their cat (Theo) in a little town called Frodsham, in the UK. Apparently they can fart whenever and wherever they like. He has a son, Adam; a step-daughter, Zoë, and a step-son, Johnny.
He's a good lad but he needs a bigger weapon… (that pocket knife will never do).
Yours fartily,
Oldfart Olafson (Manager - Sacred Wind)
Other books by Andy Coffey
Sacred Wind: Book 1
Sacred Wind: Book 2
Sacred Wind: Book 3
Sacred Wind: The Complete Trilogy
Sacred Wind: Songbook
Sacred Wind – The Album
Possibly the finest debut album by a Welsh Viking Flatulence Rock band from an alternative reality… Available at all good download stores!
www.sacredwind.co.uk
Contact Sacred Wind
Web: https://www.sacredwind.co.uk/
Email:
[email protected] Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Sacred-Wind/136135083263791
Twitter: https://twitter.com/SacredWindBand
Soundcloud: https://soundcloud/sacredwind
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