A deep frown came to Derek’s face. “When was that?”
Meeting his friend’s gaze, Edward swallowed. “Two years ago.”
“Two years ago,” Derek repeated, shaking his head. “I was told you had fallen two years ago.” Not saying another word, Derek held his gaze, a clear question in them.
Edward drew in a deep breath. “I need to go.” There was no use in prolonging the inevitable.
“Go?” Derek frowned. “Where?”
Edward shrugged. “Back.”
Derek’s gaze narrowed, and a suspicious gleam came to his dark depth. “You do not plan on staying,” he accused, his voice hardening.
Edward shook his head. “I only came to…”
“To what?” Derek dared him, annoyance now clear in his voice. “Why did you come?”
Gritting his teeth, Edward met his friend’s accusing stare. “I was told you had come to…claim her,” he hissed, feeling his insides twist and turn at the memory.
Snorting, Derek shook his head. “I meant before. Why did you return to England if all you want to do is leave?”
Averting his gaze, Edward made to step past his friend, but Derek’s arm shot out, blocking his path. As he looked up, he found his oldest friend’s hard eyes on him.
“Do you truly think I will simply let you walk out of here?” Slowly, Derek shook his head. “Meagan deserves better than that.”
Edward nodded. “I agree, and that is exactly why I have to go.”
Their eyes remained locked as Derek’s gaze narrowed, his watchful eyes assessing, contemplating, searching. “What makes you say that?”
Edward sighed, exhaustion weighing heavily on his shoulders. It had been years since he had spoken to another soul the way he had in the past few minutes. Ever since he had arrived on the continent and he and Derek had gone their separate ways, assigned to different regiments, Edward had lived in his head mostly, carrying conversations with people who were not there.
“Talk to me,” Derek insisted, his gaze drilling into Edward’s as he came to stand before him, hands clasped on his friend’s shoulders, a clear sign that he had no intention of allowing him to simply walk away. “We’ve known each other all our lives, and I’ve never known you to give up. What changed?”
Edward swallowed, “I’m a different man now than I was then,” he began, attempting to put the turmoil in his heart into words. “Or maybe I’ve always been this man I am now, only it was the war that made me see it, realise it.” He shrugged, feeling his muscles strain slightly against the extra burden of his friend’s hands on his shoulders. “Whatever the reason, the truth remains.”
“What truth?”
Taking a deep breath, Edward steeled himself for the pain he knew would be his. “I’m a selfish man. First and foremost, I think only of myself, of what I want. Not even my family’s needs I was able to put before my own. I’m the lowest of men.”
Shaking his head, Derek stared at him thunderstruck. “Why would you say that? Why would you think that? Do you believe a woman like Meagan would ever love you if that were true?”
Edward’s heart skipped a beat at his friend’s words. “Maybe I misled her. Maybe she couldn’t see it because I couldn’t either.” He sighed, “But I do now, and I know that if I stay, she will suffer for it as she has suffered at my selfish decisions before.” Gritting his teeth, he shook his head. “The way she is suffering now. You asked me why I came back. Well, I had to see her. That’s the answer. And now she will have to face the consequences when I leave again. She mourned me once; now she will have to do it again.”
“Then stay!” Derek snapped, his shoulders tense, his gaze troubled. “Don’t put her through this!”
Edward shook his head. “I cannot.”
“Why?”
“Because I have no right to,” Edward snapped, his hand clenched around his cane, his muscles aching with the tension that held his body rigid. “When I left, I forfeited every right I might have once had to her. I gave up my family, the life we had. I sacrificed it all to…be someone, to distinguish myself.” Shaking his head, Edward groaned at the memory of his foolishness. “I have no right to reclaim them now.”
For a long moment, Derek remained silent, his watchful eyes gliding over Edward’s face. “And what about her? What about what she wants? Losing you nearly destroyed her. However, Meagan is not a woman to give up easily. She fought her way back into life. She still is.”
Edward nodded. “Believe me, I know how strong she is, and I’m sorry she had to be. But she will be better off without me.”
Derek shook his head. “She still loves you the way she’s always loved you. You have no right to do this to her all over again.” He scoffed, “I guess you were right. You shouldn’t have come. But you did, and now, you cannot simply leave.” Leaning back, a smirk came to Derek’s face as he held Edward’s gaze. “She won’t let you.”
Edward inhaled a slow breath, knowing only too well that his friend was right. If there ever had been a woman to fight with no regard for herself, it was Meagan. Always had she known with absolute certainty what she wanted, what was best for her family, and if she believed that what was best for them was him, then he would not get away.
The touch of a smile came to Edward’s face as he felt his resolve begin to waver.
And it terrified him more than anything ever had.
Chapter Six − Alive
Walking up the slope to the small mount from where she could gaze down at her new cottage, Meagan sighed. The repairs were well on their way, and only a few improvements remained. Soon, she and her children would be able to return home.
And Edward? Her mind whispered.
Shaking her head, Meagan rubbed her hands over her eyes, terrified that all this had merely been a dream, that she would wake up any moment and realise that he was truly gone.
How often had this happened before? How often had she dreamed of her husband’s return, only to awaken and find reality still as it had been before she had gone to sleep?
A few weeks after learning of his death, Meagan had begun to dream of him. At first, these dreams had only been small memories of him smiling at her or holding little Erin or carrying Matthew on his shoulders. Then over time, the dreams had grown into complex scenarios. It had almost been as though she had had two lives. One with her children during the day, and another one that included her husband during the night. After a while, Meagan had found herself unwilling to get up in the morning, wishing to return to the beautiful world the rising sun forced her to leave behind. It had been then that she had realised that she could not go on like this any longer.
She had to let him go.
And it had broken her heart to do so.
Swallowing, Meagan glanced over her shoulder at the manor house she had fled. Had it been a dream, or not? Was her husband truly in that house? Only a short walk away?
A soft breeze, still cold from the last memories of winter, brushed over her, chilling her skin and making her shiver. Wrapping her arms around herself, Meagan kept looking back and forth between her cottage and the manor house. It was as though she found herself at a crossroad.
If he was truly here, where would their future lie?
Remembering the hatred and disappointment in her husband’s eyes, Meagan cringed. At first, she had been too overwhelmed to understand why he would look at her thus. However, now, after repeatedly replaying the moment in the drawing room in her mind, Meagan finally understood.
My congratulations on your marriage, my lady.
Closing her eyes, Meagan inhaled a deep breath. He thought she had married his best friend. How could he think that of her? How could he assume−?
“You look cold.”
Spinning around, Meagan breathed a sigh of relief when she saw it was Madeline striding toward her, a warm coat draped over her arm.
“Here, take this,” Madeline said, holding out the coat to Meagan and helping her slip it on. “How do you feel?”
&nbs
p; Staring at her friend, Meagan felt her mouth open and close before she merely shook her head. “I cannot say.”
Madeline nodded. “I suppose I wouldn’t, either. I cannot imagine what it must be like seeing him again after believing him dead for so long.”
Pressing her lips into a tight line, Meagan felt tears run down her cheeks.
“This is not how you imagined the moment of your husband’s return, is it?”
Jerking her head sideways, Meagan stared at Madeline. “How do you know?” she asked, trying to remember if she had ever spoken to her friend about her dreams.
Madeline smiled. “If it had been Derek, I would have. Honestly, I cannot imagine anyone not doing so.”
Meagan sighed, realising how precious this new-found friendship was to her. “For a long time, I couldn’t close my eyes without seein’ him. He would come stridin’ toward me with a smile on his face and love shinin’ in his eyes, and he would sweep me into his arms and never let me go again.”
Madeline nodded, a soft smile curving up her lips. “That sounds wonderful.”
“It does.” Remembering the moment in the drawing room, Meagan felt her heart sink as her hopes and dreams perished.
“You’re disappointed,” Madeline observed.
Meagan scoffed, “Of course, I’m disappointed! How could I not be?” Spinning around, she stared at Madeline. “He’s alive! HE IS ALIVE! I keep sayin’ it but I still cannot believe it to be true.” Shaking her head, Meagan felt the world around her begin to spin as her heart began to break all over again. “It should all be so easy,” she mumbled, “but ‘tis not.” Then she looked up at Madeline. “He thought I was ye.”
Her friend nodded. “I noticed. After you left, I introduced myself.” She held Meagan’s gaze. “His knees buckled, and he sank to the floor.”
Meagan swallowed.
“He was relieved,” Madeline said, an encouraging smile on her face. “Like someone realising that his worst fear had not come to pass. He still loves you.”
Meagan shook her head, remembering the dark look in her husband’s eyes. “I do not know if that is true,” she whispered, trying to sort through the chaos in her head. “He seems different, not like the man I used to know.”
“Was that not to be expected?” Madeline asked. “After all he’s been through, we can hardly expect him to remain the same man. Life changes us; is that not so? Are you still the same woman you were when he left?”
Considering her friend’s words, Meagan shook her head. “I guess not.”
“Then speak to him,” Madeline urged. “Find out who he is now.”
A cold shiver ran down Meagan’s spine at the thought of meeting her husband. “What if…?”
“What if what?” Madeline asked, her kind eyes holding Meagan’s as she placed a hand on her friend’s, giving it a gentle squeeze.
“What if life has changed him so much that…that the man he is now is not the man I love?” Meagan whispered, feeling her heart constrict painfully at the thought. “What if he cannot love me any longer? At least not the woman I have become? What if findin’ out who he is now only serves to destroy the memory I have of my husband? What if we cannot find our way back to each other?”
Taking both of Meagan’s hands into her own, Madeline held her gaze, her own imploring. “I will not deny that there is a chance that might happen,” she admitted. “However, I fervently believe that both of you will regret it for the rest of your lives if you do not try. You love him. You’ve spent years dreaming of his return. And from the way he reacted earlier, I’m certain your husband did the same.”
An encouraging smile came to Madeline’s face, and Meagan could not help but allow herself to be swept away by her friend’s words.
“Now, you have a chance to get him back. The real him. The man of flesh and blood. Not only a memory. But if you do not try, then you will lose him for good.” Nodding, Madeline smiled. “The only question is: do you want him back?”
Holding her friend’s gaze, Meagan smiled, feeling her heart flood with an emotion she had thought lost to her.
“Then fight for him,” Madeline urged. “Don’t let him slip away.”
As tears streamed down her face, Meagan nodded. “The moment Derek told me of ye, I knew I’d like ye.”
Laughing, Madeline pulled her into her arms and held her tight, giving Meagan the strength she would need in the days to come.
Although she did not know her husband’s intentions in coming to Huntington House−after all, he had thought her married to his best friend−Meagan finally knew her own.
She wanted him back.
And damn him if he had other plans.
Chapter Seven − Remnants of an Old Life
Overwhelmed by the events of that day, Edward stared at his friend. “I know how determined she can be, but I cannot…I need to go. I will not put that decision on her. I−”
“No!” Stepping into his friend’s path, Derek shook his head, a touch of a smirk on his otherwise serious face. “She will skin me alive if I allow you to escape.”
The corners of Edward’s mouth tugged up before he could prevent it. “But−”
Children’s laughter echoed to his ears as a myriad of little footsteps stampeded down the hall.
Derek’s face stilled before a satisfied smile came to his lips.
Seeing his friend’s reaction, Edward froze, knowing exactly what it meant. Matthew. Erin. He mouthed.
In answer, his friend nodded before a moment later, three young children burst into the drawing room, two boys and a girl.
Edward’s heart stopped as he stared at the older boy, recognising the three-year-old he used to carry around on his shoulders. Only now he seemed more mature, grown into a boy with laughing eyes and a kind smile, reminding Edward of his wife. He moved with purpose, all the chubbiness of a little child replaced by strong limbs that ached for adventure and excitement. “Uncle Derek,” Matthew exclaimed, his eyes aglow with eagerness. “I found another tree. Will you come look?”
“I want to climb, too,” the small blond-haired girl pouted, her little arms crossed defiantly over her chest as her braids bounced up and down on her shoulders. “Matt said I’m too young, but I ain’t.”
Edward almost toppled over as he stared at her little face, her azure-coloured eyes narrowed in an accusing gaze. Erin, his heart whispered, trying to see the baby he had held in his arms in the little girl before him.
“Hold on a moment, Matthew,” Derek calmed, his gaze lifting to meet Edward’s. “There’s something−”
“Don’t!” Edward interrupted, panic seizing his heart.
Instantly, all three children spun around to stare at him, and his heart clenched painfully as his daughter shrank back, her little hand reaching for her brother’s.
“They deserve to know,” Derek replied, his voice determined as he held Edward’s gaze. “I know well the desire to run from something that utterly frightens one, but no matter what it is, it’s always a mistake.” Nodding for emphasis, he held Edward’s gaze a moment longer before turning back to the children. “Collin,” he addressed the other little boy about Erin’s age, “go and find your parents. I need to speak with Matt and Erin.”
Hesitating for a moment, Collin shrugged and then darted off toward the back of the house.
“What is it, Uncle Derek?” Matthew asked, eyeing Edward with apprehension, his hand wrapped protectively around his little sister’s.
Despite the tension, Edward’s heart swelled with pride. Meagan had done a marvellous job raising them. They were extraordinary, to say the least.
As Derek knelt, Edward thought his heart would jump out of his chest; so fast did it hammer inside his ribcage. “Listen,” Derek said, his voice gentle, “you remember how a while ago your mother was told that your father had died in battle, don’t you?”
Both their little heads bobbed up and down. “Mother said he is a hero,” Matthew announced proudly, and Edward felt himself cringe. If th
at was what his family thought, they were in for a harsh disappointment. He should never have come.
“Well,” Derek continued, “today we learnt that that was a mistake.”
Matthew’s little face puckered into a frown. “He was not a hero?”
Derek smiled. “He certainly was. No, the mistake was that…he did not die.” For a moment, he held Matthew’s gaze before looking at Erin, who stared back at him, confusion in her warm eyes. “He was injured and lost,” Derek continued before glancing up at Edward, “but he has finally found his way home.”
Holding his breath, Edward watched in horror as his children’s heads slowly turned toward him, their eyes wide as they stared at the stranger before them. More than ever, Edward was aware of his bedraggled appearance, and he wished he had taken the time to shave before rushing into Huntington House. What would his children think of him?
While Erin continued to stare, her soft eyes almost expressionless as her mind raced to make sense of what she had been told, Matthew’s gaze grew inquisitive. His eyes narrowed as they swept over Edward’s face, a spark of hope in their brown depths. Then he took a step closer, his hand still wrapped around his sister’s. “Father?” he whispered, a slight quirk coming to the left corner of his mouth.
Torn between running for the hills and crushing his children into his arms, Edward drew in a deep breath. Then he knelt as well, his left leg awkwardly stretched out before him, and brushed a hand over his bearded face, trying his best to smile as his emotions ran rampant. “Hello, Matthew. I’m truly happy to see ye,” he glanced at Erin, “both of ye. And I’m sorry if my appearance frightens ye. I’ve been travellin’ for a long while, and I didn’t have the time to change and shave.”
Matthew swallowed, “I’m not frightened.” Staring at his father a moment longer, his eyes suddenly cleared, and a smile came to his face as though he had come to a decision. “Why did people think ye were dead, Father? Why did ye not tell them ye were not?”