her the entire twelve years that had passed? Dear God, could he possibly want . . . forgiveness? Did he seek atonement for his sins? Did he feel guilty for what he’d done?
The thought that he would think for a minute that she could possibly forgive such a betrayal made bile rise in her throat, burning as she swallowed it back down.
And yet, he seemed so . . . haunted. No one could fake the pain she’d seen in his eyes nor the shadows present in them. He acted as though she had hurt him. And he seemed so sincere.
She shook her head. He was a consummate actor. Hadn’t he already proved that? She couldn’t allow herself to be sucked into his twisted world. If she ever doubted what he truly was, all she had to do was go back to that terrifying day when she’d been attacked, violated and discarded like trash.
More tears fell as she squeezed her eyes shut against the painful memories. They’d laughed at her. Told her how pathetic she was. That someone like her would never be good enough for Zack.
And God help her, when she’d been blasted by their thoughts, when they’d consumed her as if playing out in real time, she’d learned the horrifying and devastating truth.
Zack had instigated it all.
A forceful knock on the door startled her so much she nearly fell off the toilet.
“Gracie? Gracie, are you all right? What’s going on in there? Do you need my help?”
She hastily scrubbed at her face, but before she could respond, the door burst open and Zack filled the doorway, his expression grim and worried. Then he evidently saw what she’d tried hard to conceal and his entire face softened.
He knelt on the floor of the small, enclosed space and took her hands.
“Hey, are you all right?” he asked gently. “Are you hurting? Do you need help getting back to bed?”
She closed her eyes again, shutting out his image. He’d aged well, although his eyes had changed. They looked older, haunted, as though he’d endured hell. As though he had grieved—was still grieving. But why?
Her head pounded, and she ached, but it had nothing to do with her injuries and bruises. Some hurts went beyond the physical. Some ran soul-deep and did far more damage than those inflicted by her attackers.
Those injuries and hurts would heal, would go away and be gone as if they’d never occurred. But the hurt Zack had inflicted would never go away, would never cease to hurt, and she’d never recover from them.
“Gracie, talk to me.”
She opened her eyes to see his narrowed eyes blazing with concern. God, there was nothing she could do. No way for her to avoid him.
“I-I’m okay,” she stammered out.
“You don’t look okay,” he muttered.
“Look, Zack, this is hard for me. Can you blame me? After what you did? How can you sit there and look at me and expect me to act as though nothing ever happened? God, are you some kind of sociopath?”
She choked the last of her statement out and then angrily brushed at new tears that slipped down her cheeks. Damn it. She hated being so vulnerable in front of him, of him seeing her so weak. Hated that old wounds were once again raw and bleeding, as though they’d never truly healed. And she supposed they hadn’t. They never would. She could lie to herself, be firmly in denial just so she could endure each day, but in the end, nothing had changed. She could never get back all that she had lost.
His lips thinned and his jaw ticked. Anger blazed in his eyes and it looked very much like he wanted to say something but he remained silent. Then he rose to his feet and simply reached over and carefully picked her up.
Ignoring her surprised protests, he carried her back into the hospital room and laid her on the bed. Then he arranged and plumped her pillow, briskly fixing her bedding as if the incident in the bathroom hadn’t occurred.
When he was done, he pushed her hair from her face and forehead, his fingers lingering against her skin. His expression grew sad and distant. It looked very much like tears welled but she had to be imagining that.
He trailed a fingertip down her cheekbone as though he couldn’t resist touching her in some way. She should shrink away. She should be repulsed. And yet she closed her eyes, trying to keep her own tears at bay. Hadn’t she cried enough? At what point would the past cease to make her cry?
His touch took her to another time, a sweeter, happier time when they were together and she was convinced they’d be together forever. Before she lost everything that mattered to her. Before her life was destroyed and she’d been left to pick up the pieces alone and shattered.
But when he leaned down and pressed his lips to her forehead, it was simply too much. She turned away from him, the tears coming faster.
He let out a sound of pain, as though he were the one wounded. She wanted to laugh—or cry more—over the irony. He hadn’t suffered as she had.
“We’ll work this out, Gracie,” he said in a low, anguished voice. “Now that I’ve finally found you I’m not letting you go. If it takes the rest of my life I’m going to make you understand.”
Understand what? The question tugged relentlessly at her lips but she pressed them together to prevent the words from spilling out.
She didn’t want to understand why he’d done the unthinkable. She just wanted him to leave and never see him again.
Was that too much to ask?
NINETEEN
ANNA-GRACE had dozed off after a sleepless night when she was awakened by noise in her room. It had been impossible for her to sleep with Zack propped in a chair in the corner. She could feel his gaze on her even when she wasn’t looking at him.
Conversing with Wade had been impossible, and so the room had remained awkwardly silent until the two men had finally drifted off to sleep. She had spent the entire night agonizing over her situation and wondering if there was a way out.
From beneath slitted eyelids she watched as Zack tiredly rubbed his face and walked out of the room. Her heartbeat accelerated and she hurriedly glanced around to find Wade, who was awake and using his laptop by her bed.
“Wade,” she called softly.
His head yanked up, and his eyes narrowed in concern. “You okay, Anna-Grace? Do you need anything?”
“I need your help,” she whispered.
His brow furrowed and he got up and walked to her bedside, sitting on the edge so that he faced her. He picked up one of her hands and held it in a comforting manner.
“You know I’ll do anything I can,” he replied.
She licked her lips, nervously glancing at the door to make sure Zack hadn’t returned and would overhear her conversation.
“I need to get out of here. I mean now, before I’m discharged. He is insisting I leave with him, that I stay with him.”
She couldn’t even say Zack’s name and choked when she referenced him.
Consternation wrinkled Wade’s features and he sighed as he gripped Anna-Grace’s hand tighter.
“You should go with him, Anna-Grace,” he said in a low voice, shocking her with his response. Her mouth fell open but before she could respond—how did she respond to that?—he continued. “You’re in danger. Until the animals who attacked you are caught, you shouldn’t be alone. Zack can protect you. It’s what he and his associates do. He has the resources necessary to ensure your safety.”
She had to force herself to suck in a breath. She’d been unconsciously holding it and had begun to get light-headed and dizzy. Wade’s features swam before her, blurring, his face stretching and yawning ghoulishly.
“Do you forget what he did?” she said in an incredulous voice. “Do you honestly think I could stand to be in the same room with him? And certainly not alone with him, staying God knows where for an indefinite period of time. Who’s to say I don’t have more to fear from him than I do the men who did this to me?”
She gestured at the bruises on her face in agitation.
“He could do anything at all to me and who would know? You’re the only person I know, the only friend I have. I could disappear fo
rever and no one would even bother looking for me.”
Her chest was heaving with agitation and her voice had risen to the point of shrillness.
“Calm down, sweetheart,” Wade said, his tone soothing.
He gripped her hand and rubbed his thumb over her knuckles in an attempt to dispel her rising hysteria. Like that was going to happen.
She could admit that she didn’t feel threatened by Zack right now. Or at least she didn’t sense any danger from him. He’d been nothing but . . . gentle. Like the man he’d been when they were together, and that was the worst because it was like teasing her with what could never be again. But his current demeanor didn’t matter. She couldn’t afford to trust her instincts because she had never dreamed twelve years ago that he was capable of orchestrating such a horrifying crime. And yet, after what he’d done, he’d chosen a career in security? Protecting others from the very sort of people he’d coerced into doing his dirty work for him?
It was a joke. The irony was laughable. Maybe he regretted his choices. Maybe this was his way of atonement. But for Anna-Grace it was just too late. He could seek restitution and assuage his guilt by his own means. She’d be damned if she were the instrument by which he made peace with himself. Some sins were forgivable. This one was not.
“I want you to listen to me,” Wade said in a firm voice. “You know I care about you. You know I’d never do anything to hurt you, don’t you?”
She inhaled sharply, her lips quivering, dreading what he was about to say. But she nodded, agreeing that he wouldn’t hurt her, even if it was hard for her to trust anyone. It was obvious she couldn’t trust her instincts. And in no way would she ever allow herself to be that naïve sixteen-year-old girl who looked at Zack with adoration. A girl who thought he looked at her the same way. How his friends must have laughed as she cried. The truly humiliating part of it all wasn’t the fact that she’d been violated repeatedly. No, what mortified her the most was that she’d been more devastated by Zack’s betrayal and the knowledge that he didn’t return her love.
“I think you should go with Zack.”
When she would have launched an immediate protest and denial, he put his fingers to her lips to hush her.
“Let me finish,” he admonished. “I also think you should listen to him, Anna-Grace. You might be surprised to hear what he has to say. You should confront him, talk to him, tell him everything. And then listen—really listen—to all he has to say.”
Her mouth fell open as she stared at Wade in stupefaction. What on earth was going on? He had been furious when she’d confided what had happened. Wade had very nearly taken Zack apart when he’d walked in on Zack and Anna-Grace in the studio. And suddenly Wade was taking up Zack’s cause? Had the world gone crazy? Or was it some male code of honor? Men sticking up for the brotherhood?
“Wade, you know what happened,” she said. “How can you even suggest that I listen to anything he has to say? There is no excuse, no apology, no forgiveness for what he did. Do you have any idea how terrified I am to be trapped somewhere—anywhere—with him?”
She was shaking violently. Her skin felt damp and clammy and she recognized the signs of an impending anxiety attack. She could feel her heart beating frantically in her chest, could feel her chest constricting, her throat closing off her airway.
She tried to suck in a steadying breath, tried to make the horrible panic go away. She hadn’t suffered extreme panic attacks for eight years now. It had taken four years after the traumatic event to manage the attacks and learn to stave them off.
Wade cursed and then leaned forward, framing her face in his hands.
“Look at me, Anna-Grace,” he commanded harshly.
Responding to the authority in his tone, she focused her stare on him, locking on to his features.
“You have to calm down. You’re breathing far too fast. Look at me and breathe with me.”
He went silent and in an exaggerated manner he noisily breathed in through his nose, held it a moment and then breathed out through his mouth. His thumb caressed her cheekbone and then he slipped one arm behind her, leaving one hand cupped to her cheek. He rubbed up and down her spine, spreading warmth and comfort with his hand.
“Try to relax,” he murmured in a gentler tone. “You’re way too tense. It’s only going to make the pain from your bruises worse.”
Her eyes filled with tears and she closed them, hating her weakness, hating that she couldn’t control her wayward emotions. After so long living in a vacuum, after so many years of refusing to feel anything at all and living each day robotically, on autopilot and refusing to get close to anyone until Wade, it was as if the ice had cracked and was rapidly falling away, allowing pain and grief to consume her all over again.
And now, once again, she felt the sting of betrayal. Once more, someone she trusted was abandoning her. What was wrong with her that this kept happening?
“Honey, don’t look at me like that,” Wade said, his eyes sorrowful.
“Why are you doing this?” she whispered. “Why would you refuse to help me? Why would you encourage me to listen to anything he has to say?”
She could feel the reins of control slipping away. Grief consumed her at the loss of someone she trusted. Again. She closed her eyes as tears continued to trickle down her cheeks.
“You’re breaking my heart, Anna-Grace. I’m not abandoning you. I swear. I want you safe, and Zack can keep you safe. If I thought for one minute that he would hurt you in any way, I’d never allow him anywhere near you. Do you understand that?”
He tipped her chin upward, forcing her gaze to meet his.
“Look at me, Anna-Grace. Do you really understand that? Are you really hearing what I’m saying to you?”
The gravity of his tone gave her pause and her eyes narrowed with confusion.
“There are things you must discuss with Zack, Anna-Grace. Things that are eating you alive. You’ve pushed them away, refusing to deal with them for too long. You can’t continue like this. It’s not healthy. I want more than anything for you to be happy. And you aren’t happy. You haven’t been happy the entire time I’ve known you and it hurts me to see you so sad. You’re still a young woman with her entire life ahead of her. Why deny yourself the basic right to peace? I will always be your friend and I am never more than a phone call away. I don’t want you to be angry with me because I’m encouraging you to talk to Zack. Because I’m encouraging you to do what is best for you.”
She stared at him in abject shock. His intuitiveness made her feel horribly exposed, as though he could see every single thought—memory—in her mind. Her chin wobbled in his grasp, and his gaze grew tender with understanding. Why couldn’t she have returned Wade’s attraction? He was a good man. She couldn’t be wrong. Not like she’d been about Zack. But in a lot of ways, she was still that young girl, hopelessly in love, and she’d never felt the stirrings of attraction. Maybe she was ruined for anyone but Zack, which meant she was destined to a life alone, devoid of love, companionship. A family. Children.
“Talk to him, Anna-Grace,” Wade said firmly. “Promise me you will. Don’t do it for me. Do it for you. If you ever hope to have peace, to come to terms with your past and be able to move forward, then the past has to be put to rest.”
He thumbed a tear from her cheek and she curled her hand around his wrist, holding on and absorbing his comfort and strength.
A noise alerted her to Zack’s presence and she turned her fearful gaze to him, worried about how long he’d been there and all he’d heard.
His expression was bleak and her heart sank. He must have heard most—if not all—of her conversation with Wade.
If she hoped that he would at least pretend he hadn’t heard, she was sorely disappointed.
“He gave you very solid advice, Gracie,” Zack said, his jaw tight. “Hopefully you’ll heed it.”
Gracie swallowed and Wade dropped his hand from her chin. She turned her pleading stare on him. “Don’t leave me,” she
whispered brokenly. “Please.”
Zack ran his hand through his hair and sighed. He looked hopeless, like he’d lost . . . what? What could he possibly have lost? She was the one who’d lost everything. How dare he act the victim here?
“If Wade stays with us, will you agree to go home with me?” Zack said wearily.
Wade gave Zack a startled glance as if that was the last thing he’d expected.
“That is, if he’s agreeable,” Zack added. “But if it makes you feel better, Gracie, then I don’t have a problem with it. But it means you go home with me and you stay there. No running. No exposing yourself to potential danger. They may well kill you the next time just to send another ‘message.’ ”
Gracie’s heart was pounding. He was making it harder and harder for her to extricate herself from an impossible situation. Wade had already sided with Zack for some unknown reason. She could feel her options dwindling away faster and faster and it made her feel helpless. She hated a sense of helplessness.
“I’ll stay if that’s what Gracie wants,” Wade said to Zack, though he looked at Anna-Grace the entire time. And then he spoke to her as though Zack weren’t even in the room. “I’ll stay under one condition.”
She lifted her eyebrow in question even though she knew she wouldn’t like his condition. But then again, how could she refuse and end up alone with Zack for an indefinite amount of time?
“You have to promise me to talk to Zack and tell him everything. Leave nothing out, Anna-Grace. You have to make peace with what happened to you. And you just may be surprised by the results. After you’ve been completely honest with him, and him with you, if you want out, then I’ll take steps to take you away and provide protection for you myself.”
“But if you are able to provide protection, then why do I even need to go with Zack?” she demanded, her panic rising once again as she realized she was trapped with no way out of the situation. “Why are you forcing me to go with him?”
She sounded like she was begging, like someone at the end of her rope, and God, maybe she was. Maybe he was right, and in suppressing it for so long and not really dealing with it she’d created an inevitable firestorm when things finally boiled over.
“Because you—and he—need this,” Wade said gently. “You may not think so now. And I know you’re afraid. But I’ll be with you and I promise nothing will hurt you.”
“That’s what he always promised too,” she said painfully.
She saw Zack flinch and go pale as if she’d landed a blow.
“I’m your friend,” Wade reminded her again. “I’ll always be your friend. And I promise you on my soul that no one will hurt you this time.”
“I guess I don’t have a choice,” she said in a dull monotone.
He leaned over and kissed her forehead. “This is for the best, Anna-Grace. You may not think so now, but you’ll realize it soon enough. I promise. Now, if I’m going to an undisclosed location with you and Zack then I need to run home and stop by my office to make arrangements to be away for a period of time.”
“How soon will you be back?” she asked fearfully.
“An hour. Maybe an hour and a half.”
“We’ll wait,” Zack interjected. “We won’t leave the hospital until you return. My partner is arranging for transportation and a disguised escort so we can be on our toes and be watching for a tail.”
“Anna-Grace needs clothing and personal items, I’m sure.”
Anna-Grace flushed as they blithely discussed her as though she weren’t present.
“Eliza is taking care of that. She has a good eye for sizing people and she’s shopping for clothes, shoes and all the feminine accessories Gracie will need. She should be here within the hour,” Zack said. “Gracie’s exposure has to be limited and there’s no way in hell I’ll let her go back to her home. I’m sure the bastards have it staked out.”
“They know where I live,” Gracie whispered. “It’s where they attacked me. I can’t ever go back there again.”
She closed her eyes as painful memories assailed her. Things she’d tried very hard to put out of her mind, much as she’d attempted to block out her attack twelve years ago. And yet now, she was assaulted by memories of both incidents together as though they had merged and had become one. Flashbacks of her rape were as clear as if it had happened yesterday. The clarity of each of those memories tore another piece of her soul.
Zack’s curse made her flinch and when her eyelids fluttered open, cold fury blazed in his eyes. She stared at him, truly dumbfounded by his reaction. Nothing made sense and her head ached from trying to sort through it all.
“I’ll have someone pack up your apartment, Anna-Grace,” Wade assured. “When this is all over with, I’ll help you find another place.” He glanced up at Zack and then added, “That is, if you still need it.”
TWENTY
ANNA-GRACE breathed a huge sigh of relief when Zack finally pulled into the long, winding driveway of a large house that sat atop a hill. The ride had been interminable and she’d been rigid and tense the entire way, which wasn’t helping her sore, bruised muscles.
When she’d insisted on riding with Wade to wherever it was they were going, both men had acted as though they hadn’t heard her. Or perhaps they simply ignored her. Wade had walked briskly away to collect his vehicle while Zack