When he was settled back in the chair, he reached for the fist on his side and carefully unrolled her fingers and then curled his around hers.
“Why are you so afraid of me, Gracie? I don’t understand. God, there’s so much I don’t understand. But we’ll start with this, the most important. Don’t you know I’d never hurt you? That I’d kill—will kill—anyone who does?”
Tears welled in her eyes and silently leaked down her temple to disappear into her hairline. She fixed her gaze on the ceiling as those shiny rivulets continued to run.
“Please talk to me, Gracie. Tell me what’s wrong. Why are you so goddamn scared of me?”
“I don’t want you here,” she choked out.
Her free hand went to her throat, rubbing as though it hurt her to speak. Fury raged inside him. Of course her throat hurt. There were visible hand and finger marks surrounding her slender throat. As if those bastards had choked her repeatedly.
Those words, those simple five words, gutted him to the core.
“Why?” he asked bluntly. “Why do you hate me so much, Gracie? I loved you. I always loved you. And you left. God, do you have any idea the hell it’s been wondering what happened to you twelve years ago? Not knowing if you were dead or alive. Somewhere hurting. In need of help. Didn’t I deserve more than what you gave me? Not even a goodbye. Or ‘fuck off.’ You didn’t even do me the service of breaking up with me. You just . . . disappeared.”
“How dare you,” she spit out. “How dare you act the victim after what you did.”
Alarm splintered up his spine. Finally they were getting somewhere.
“What did I do?” he demanded. “Tell me, Gracie, because I sure as hell don’t know. If I were someone you loved then you would have at least given me a chance to explain. You would have told me what was wrong and given me a chance, at least, to make things right. I loved you. I would have moved heaven and earth to make you happy.”
She looked utterly horrified. Tears swamped her eyes, making them bright and shiny.
“You didn’t love me! Your idea of love is sick! It’s twisted. I don’t owe you anything. But you owe me more than you can ever repay. Listen to me carefully, Zack. There is nothing—nothing—you could ever do or say for me to forgive you. For you to even think it, for you to come in here and act as though I owe you something, is horrifying and so screwed up I can’t even fathom your gall.”
“What. Did. I. Do?” he bit out emphatically, emphasizing each and every word.
He was fast losing patience. He wanted to put his goddamn fist through the wall. He wanted to vent all the rage and grief festering inside him.
Gracie’s hand flew to her mouth and she gagged, choking and then coughing.
“Oh God, I’m going to be sick!” she cried.
Zack flew to his feet and then reached over, lifting her head again while yanking the emesis basin from the stand beside the bed. He turned her as she dry-heaved, her entire body convulsing.
Her sound of agony cut through him like a serrated blade. He hastily punched the call button for a nurse and then shouted loud enough that hopefully Beau or Caleb heard him.
The door immediately opened and Beau filled the frame.
“What is it?” Beau demanded.
“Get me a nurse. Now!”
Beau disappeared and was back just seconds later with a nurse in tow.
The nurse frowned and rushed toward the bed.
“What on earth happened?” she demanded.
“She got sick,” Zack said, stating the obvious. He hated when people asked the obvious. “And she’s in pain from the dry heaving. Can you give her something more? I don’t think her last dose of pain medicine is working worth a damn.”
“I’ll be right back,” the nurse said, hurrying toward the door.
Beau stood to the side, a worried expression on his face as they waited for the nurse’s return. Caleb entered quietly behind his brother and stood behind and just beside Beau, who’d taken position at the footboard.
Gracie stopped heaving long enough to cast a fearful look in Beau’s direction, and then her attention settled on Caleb, her features freezing as if she had only noticed there were three of them, thus three possible threats to her standing right here in her hospital room. Her gaze darted between the two brothers as if she feared one or both would hurt her. Zack was going to explode if he didn’t get some goddamn answers soon.
Finally the nurse returned, carrying two syringes. With crisp efficiency she stepped to the bed and lifted the arm that had the IV inserted. She rubbed and patted Gracie’s arm in a comforting gesture.
“It’ll be all right, hon,” the nurse said in a sweet voice. “I’m giving you something for pain and also for nausea. It should fix you right up. But I’ll check on you again in fifteen minutes. If you’re still hurting, I’ll call the doctor to see if we can up the order for pain meds.”
Gracie laid her head back on the pillow, tears running endlessly from the corners of her eyes. Her silent sobs were taking a piece of Zack’s soul, one by one. He’d never felt so helpless. How could he fix what he didn’t know? Whatever the hell it was he supposedly did was apparently catastrophic in nature. What on earth could put such fear and revulsion in her eyes and such hatred in her voice?
This wasn’t the sweet, loving Gracie he knew and had loved for most of his life.
“Try to get some rest now,” the nurse said quietly. “We’ll be taking you up to the room in an hour or so.”
Gracie let out a sound of protest when the nurse started to leave. The nurse frowned and gave Zack a quick, inquiring glance.
“She’s scared,” Zack said truthfully. “Wouldn’t you be?”
The nurse grimaced. “Don’t worry, Miss Hill. You’re safe here. No one can hurt you now.”
Gracie’s eyes only widened more and she cast a panicked look in Zack’s direction. But the nurse missed it, having turned toward the door once more.
“Uh . . . Caleb and I will just wait outside,” Beau said.
The entire room was weighed down by edginess, fear, even full scale panic. It was thick, it was nearly a tangible taste in Zack’s mouth. He should know, because he’d tasted fear more times than he could count since losing Gracie so long ago.
“Who are you?” Gracie asked hoarsely.
It seemed she’d been having an argument with herself as to which of the Devereaux brothers to speak to. And since it was obvious she had no intention of addressing Zack, she was likely deciding which Devereaux posed the least threat to her. Not that either brother ever looked remotely harmless. But since she was looking directly at Beau and hadn’t even acknowledged Caleb, it was obvious it was Beau she was asking the question of and Beau she’d decided posed the least threat of the remaining two men.
Zack couldn’t blame her for choosing Beau over Caleb. Beau could be intimidating but he did have a sense of humor and he was always cognizant of how his actions, words and demeanor often made the difference in gaining a client’s trust. Caleb, on the other hand, even on his best day, was intense and brooding-looking. He rarely smiled except when he was with Ramie or Tori Devereaux, the youngest of all the Devereaux siblings and the only sister to boot.
But then everyone was careful to shield the still very fragile and vulnerable Tori so she never feared the very people who loved her the most and protected her with their lives. At present, she lived with Caleb and Ramie, and from what little exposure he’d had with Tori, he doubted her living arrangements would change in the short term. According to Beau, Tori had made progress and was valiantly trying to do it on her own without her older brothers’—and now her two sisters-in-law’s—help. Unfortunately for Tori, she possessed three of the most over protective older brothers a girl ever had. Some brothers threaten someone—usually a guy—when it comes to their baby sister. But Tori’s older brothers wouldn’t make threats. Threats are a waste of time and only useful to cowards who have no intention of ever trying to back up their threats.
&n
bsp; Beau looked startled by Gracie’s question, and for a moment, so too had Zack not registered it because his thoughts and focus weren’t where they should have been. Here. With Gracie.
Despite his initial reaction to Gracie directly addressing him, his expression eased into a reassuring smile and he stepped to the foot of the bed so Gracie could better see him. When he spoke, it was with gentle, soothing tones.
“I’m Beau Devereaux, ma’am. I work with Zack. I run a security company with my brother, Caleb. I don’t want you to worry any longer. We’re going to put one hundred percent of our time and effort into ensuring your safety and into finding the bastards who did this to you. I swear it on my life.”
She looked confused by Beau’s passionate statement. Her eyes flickered and then she turned them toward Zack. She seemed puzzled, as if she were trying to make sense of it all.
“But who’s going to keep me safe from him?” she whispered, staring directly at Zack.
ELEVEN
“WHAT are you going to do, man?” Beau asked in a hushed voice.
Zack ran his hand through his hair in a ragged, agitated motion.
The two men stood just outside the open door of the room Gracie had been moved to. Zack was leaning against the wall, exhaustion from two sleepless nights catching up quickly.
After Gracie had dropped her bomb of a question, one that Beau had been speechless to respond to, she’d drifted off under the influence of the meds and an hour later she’d been moved to a private room on the sixth floor.
“I don’t fucking know,” Zack said. “What the hell am I supposed to do? She hates my guts. She’s terrified of me. And I don’t know why. She keeps mentioning this ‘horrible’ thing I did. Said it was unforgivable.”
“Ouch.”
“Yeah, ouch. This runs deep, Beau. She had the same reaction at the gallery and the art studio. No way of faking that much fear. But Jesus, why? I don’t get it. I loved her, man. She was it for me. You know, the trite cliché that so many men, especially men like us, cringe over and roll their eyes? Not me. She was The One for me. And God help me but there will be no other woman for me.”
“I had our entire future planned. House, wife, kids. The American dream. I’d play pro ball for ten years if I were lucky. Bank the money and then retire and spend my time spoiling my wife and children rotten. Have a mini football team of our own if we were so blessed. She was on board. She said she loved me, and she did. No one is that good an actress. And she sure as hell wasn’t using me. If that were the case she would have stayed and milked me for every dime. No, she cut out before I even made the pros. I came home one day and she had vanished, leaving me to think the absolute worst.”
He blew out his breath and wearily closed his eyes.
“This is killing me, man. Think how you’d feel if you went home and Ari was just . . . gone. And you never heard from her again. And then twelve years later you find her, only she’s terrified of you, accuses you of some horrible betrayal and she hates you.”
“No thanks,” Beau muttered. “That’s some heavy shit you’re toting around, dude.”
“Tell me about it.”
Zack looked back in to the room to check on Gracie, but she appeared to be resting comfortably, devoid of the nightmares he was sure were haunting her.
Also encouraging was that the strain around her eyes and on her forehead had eased after the last injection of pain medication had been administered.
But as much as he knew she needed as much rest as possible, he was also impatient for her to awaken so that maybe, when she wasn’t in so much pain, and perhaps the horror of what she’d endured wasn’t burning as brightly in her consciousness, then maybe, finally, she’d talk. To him. And only him. No one to interrupt them. No one to come to Gracie’s rescue when she was already in the safest place she could be. And once she was discharged, he was taking her to an even safer place so she’d have time to heal. He only prayed that in that time, he and Gracie could talk about the past, something he knew caused her as much pain as he’d endured.
Please God show me the way to help her past this. Grant us both the courage to face our pasts. And for the both of us to heal. Together. So that we can finally live the dream we wanted so much instead of a twelve-year-long nightmare.
If only the beating of a few hours ago was the only thing currently causing her terror. Even if she did awaken better able to comprehend and put enough distance between the attack and where she was now, there was still the issue of her fearing Zack more than she had the assholes who had beaten her so brutally. And if that wasn’t enough to make him vomit in the nearest trash can, he didn’t know what was.
“I know it’s risky but . . .”
Beau’s unfinished statement was enough to break the stranglehold of panic and the litany of what-ifs and he glanced up to see what his partner was going to say.
Beau broke off, uncertainty flickering in his eyes. Beau was in no way indecisive. It wasn’t like him to hesitate. Zack cocked an eyebrow and mentally braced himself as he waited for his partner to continue.
“What’s risky?” he prompted when Beau wasn’t forthcoming.
“I just wondered if having Ramie and Ari here would help. I mean make her feel more at ease,” Beau added. “I’m sure it was startling to wake up in the hospital and have a bunch of surly-ass, pissed-off men in her room.”
“No way,” Zack said emphatically. “No fucking way. No way I’d risk them like that. I can’t believe you’d even suggest something like that. Caleb would lose his damn mind.”
“Just hear me out,” Beau said, holding his hands up. “Of course we’d have heavy guard, and those fucking bastards are cowards anyway. They won’t show their heads in public or broad daylight. They do their shit off the grid and in the shadows. And if it helped ease Gracie’s fears and convinced her you weren’t going to murder her in her sleep, then it would be worth it, don’t you think?”
“I think it’s a bad idea,” Zack said stubbornly. “And even if we wanted to do it, Caleb would never agree. Hell, can you imagine if Ramie accidentally touched Gracie? Or if Gracie touched her, not knowing what it would do? Then not only will Gracie have gone through hell, but then Ramie will experience that same hell.”
“True,” Beau grudgingly admitted. “I hadn’t thought of that. Still, there has to be something we can do. When Gracie is released from this place, she isn’t going to want your help and she’s an absolute target. Short of kidnapping her, I don’t see what you can do.”
“I will kidnap her,” Zack said fiercely. “She already hates me. If making sure she stays alive until we bring down these assholes means she hates me more, then I can live with that. As long as she’s alive to hate me.”
Beau rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. “Okay, so we won’t bring the girls here. But I still think it’s a good idea to get them together with Gracie as soon as possible. This has clusterfuck written all over it.”
Zack mused a moment, glancing back through the doorway at Gracie a second time to make sure she was still resting quietly.
“There’s also the issue of Sterling,” Zack said, a foul taste in his mouth at the mere mention of the other man’s name. “I doubt the bastard will just stay away. They’re involved even though he says not romantically. But it would appear he keeps close tabs on her or at least has more than a passing acquaintance, so I’d expect him to roll in before she’s discharged.”
“I’ll get a man on him to monitor his comings and goings. At least you’ll get somewhat of a heads-up if he heads this way.”
“Lizzie is working on getting me another place to stay. I’m not going back to my apartment. The security there sucks. Ramie and Ari could come then as long as we have all safety measures in place.”
Beau nodded. “That’s a good idea. Let me know when Eliza finds you something. I’ll make sure it’s furnished and stocked with groceries and I’ll damn sure tighten security so you’ll know when an ant farts on the property.”
A light sound came from Gracie’s bed. Zack jerked around to see her stirring. The frown and strain were back on her face and she turned restlessly, a small sigh escaping her swollen lips.
Answering pain registered in Zack’s chest. He should be there at her bedside comforting her. Touching and holding her. Not be on the opposite end of the room because he couldn’t bear to see so much fear in her eyes when she looked at him. When she would look at him, that is. So far she’d avoided his gaze except for a very few times. As if she couldn’t bear to look at him.
“I’m going to run,” Beau said in a low voice. “But I’ll check back periodically. Text or call me if anything goes down or you need anything. And I’ll send Eliza over with dinner for you and Gracie, provided she feels up to eating. Maybe having Eliza here will ease some of Gracie’s fears.”
“Good idea,” Zack said. “I should have thought about her when you suggested bringing Ramie and Ari. But make damn sure Eliza doesn’t come alone. I’m not disrespecting her or her skills in the least, but I don’t want her going solo while these nut jobs are gunning for us.”
“No, I agree absolutely. I’d rather none of us fly solo anytime soon. They obviously have a hard-on for anyone remotely involved with DSS so all bets are off and I wouldn’t assume anyone is safe.”
“I want these guys, Beau,” Zack said in a low, fierce tone. “I want their blood.”
“You’ll get it if I have anything to do with it,” Beau vowed. “I have a few shots of my own to get in for what they did and tried to do to Ari.”
“Make damn sure she isn’t blaming herself,” Zack said.
Beau nodded and then clapped a hand over Zack’s shoulder.
“Okay, then I’m out of here right now. Seeing Gracie makes me want to get back to Ari and reassure myself she’s okay. This scares me, Zack,” Beau admitted. “If anything happened to Ari . . .”
“I get it,” Zack said in turn. “Believe me, I get it. Hey, do me a favor. When you call Eliza about dinner, ask her to buzz me on her way up so I can step outside to talk to her.”
“Will do,” Beau said. He blew out a long breath. “I’m sorry about this, man. Everything. I know it has to suck. I wish to hell there was something I could do—some way to help.”
“You can. By helping bring down the people who did this to her. I won’t rest until every last one of them is six feet under. Preferably in pieces.”
Beau nodded and then quietly walked away. Zack turned back to go inside the room and return to Gracie’s side, eager but at the same time reluctant for her to wake up again. Maybe this time he’d get some answers. There was only so much he could take, and this was eating him alive.
TWELVE
ZACK stood in Gracie’s cracked doorway as he waited for Eliza to make her appearance. After checking with the nurse to see if Gracie was under any dietary restrictions, he’d asked Eliza to bring soup. The nurse had told him that while there was nothing to prevent her from eating, it could very well be painful for her to chew and she might just not feel well enough to keep anything down.
He was going to sit by her bed and feed her himself if she needed it. He hated to think of her in any discomfort at all. He couldn’t take away the pain brought on by her injuries but he could at least ease any hunger she might have.
And hopefully Beau’s idea that another woman might make her feel more at ease was spot-on and Eliza would deliver in spades. No one could resist Eliza’s warm, earthy charm. She was as genuine as they came and could make anyone feel comfortable.
He just prayed today wasn’t her first failure.
A moment later his gaze caught Eliza turning the corner of the hallway and striding toward him at a brisk pace. When she approached, bags in hand, she automatically enfolded him in a fierce hug.
“How you holding up?” she asked gently as she pulled away.
“Not well,” he said.
There was little point in lying to her. Any idiot could see he was not okay.
She grimaced in sympathy and then handed a plastic takeout bag to him.
“I got the soup you asked for and I got you a sub, fully loaded, and there’s a bottle of my home-brewed tea for you in the bag as well.”
He smiled at her. “Thanks, Lizzie. You’re the best.”
“Beau brought me up to speed, so you don’t have to. I hope I can be of help to you, Zack. I know this has to be horrific for you, to not know what’s upset her so badly and for her to hate you. Man. I can’t even imagine what you’re thinking right now, what you’re going through. But listen. You know I’m only a phone call away and if you need anything, I mean anything at all, you call me. Got it? Day or night. I don’t give a crap what time it is.”
He reached for her and pulled her into another bone-crushing hug. As pathetic as it might have sounded, he just needed another of her hugs. She gave the best.
She kissed him on the cheek and followed up with a gentle hand to his face, patting lightly before withdrawing.
“Come on then. Let’s go see about Gracie.”
“She’s mostly slept since Beau left. She came around briefly but was in so much pain I had to call the nurse to get her more medicine. I probably shouldn’t wake her up. She needs the rest, I’m sure. But I’d feel better if she could keep some food down and also, you’re here, and I’ll be honest: I’m desperate. I’m willing to try anything to get through to her.”
“I’ll do my best.”
“I know, Lizzie. I know. I love you dearly. You and Beau. The others . . . You’re the only friends I have. I mean I stay in touch with a few buddies from high school but we see each other maybe once a year, although I haven’t seen them in the last two.”
“Can’t get rid of me,” she said lightly as she put the bag she was carrying down on the table by the bed. “Once you’re my friend, my friend you stay.”