“A lone wolf. One that does whatever it takes to survive until it finds a pack that will accept him.” His words snaked around my heart. Loneliness and sadness were ringing loud and clear in every syllable.
I watched him thoughtfully and didn’t put up much of a fight when he used the hold he had on my wrist to pull me across his body so that I was straddling his thinly covered lap while he reclined with his back against the headboard. It had been forever since I had something hard and throbbing between my legs. And I was sure I’d never had anything there that was as impressive and as hot as what Wheeler was working with. I put both of my hands on the wolf and met the guarded look in his burning blue eyes with one of my own.
“Wolves mate for life.”
“Yes, they do.”
I shivered against him as his rough hand slid underneath the loose fabric of the thermal I’d been in all day. It was far from sexy bedroom wear, but if the erection I was starting to slowly grind on was any indication, it didn’t matter what I was wearing, because whatever it was worked for the man below me.
His breath hitched as I started a slow rocking back and forth on the ridged flesh that was rubbing right against my cleft. My thin cotton pants did little to keep the heat we were generating hidden and I could feel arousal, both mine and his, starting to make the fabric between us damp.
I curled a hand around the side of his neck, capturing that bird that lived there in my palm, and leaned forward so I could lightly touch my lips to his. All along I knew this was the kind of distraction I needed to keep the ugly things that wanted to destroy me far, far away. In the light, with this man and his colorful skin and kind eyes, I was a million miles away from anything that could hurt me. I was lost, always turning in circles, but with Wheeler, everywhere I ended up he was there waiting for me, setting me back on the right path. The path that involved his hands coasting up my ribs, tracing fine lines between all the bones. The route that had his hands gently cupping my breasts and his lips letting out a guttural sound when he found them bare and the tips stiff and hard in anticipation of his touch.
He swallowed my gasp as his rough fingers scraped across velvety-smooth skin. My nipples pulled into points so tight that they hurt until he touched them. His fingertips dragged across the sensitive skin and suddenly the press of lips wasn’t enough. His mouth moved on mine, hungry, hard, and heavy. Lips bruised, teeth gnashed, and moans mingled. One of his hands fell to my hip, slipped under the waistband of my pants, and dug into the soft skin that lived there. My body took no time to follow his subtle direction and soon I was moving across his throbbing cock in earnest. There were layers of clothing separating us, but I could feel him twitch and kick against my center. I shifted, wanting more, needing the contact to hit the spot that none of my previous lovers had seemed interested in taking advantage of.
I panted against his mouth, which was wet from my ravenous lips, and rested my forehead against his as I continued to move on him, desperately searching, urgently seeking. I cried out as his fingers circled one begging nipple and applied pressure. The pinch made me jerk on top of him and move even more frantically. My hands were pulling at his flesh and my mouth was pleading with him to do something, anything, to help me get where he had been taking me all along.
The fingers on my hip dug in and his voice rasped across my parted lips as he said my name. When I didn’t stop my hectic and uncoordinated grind, he kissed me hard and tugged on my aching nipple with enough force that I pulled back and let out a startled yelp.
“Honey, I know what you need but you gotta let me get my hands on you. You gotta remember that I’m here too.” The fingers on my hip pressed in again and I slowly started to still where I was perched on top of him.
I blinked at him slowly, trying to recall how I’d ended up on top of him, using him like he was some sort of battery-operated sex toy. I wanted to forget all the bad stuff so badly that I forgot to focus on the good stuff that was right in front of me.
“I don’t know what I’m doing.” My voice sounded small and shattered.
He gave me a narrow-eyed look and leaned forward so that he could place a biting kiss on my swollen lips. “You know exactly what you’re doing, you’re making yourself feel good because no one you were with before bothered to do it for you.” His eyes burned right through me and his words sent my entire world spinning out of the orbit it had always been in. “I’m not them. When we’re together, I’m going to make you feel good.” His dimples flashed. “So good. You have to trust me.”
We stared at each other, his hands on me, my hands on him, and I slowly nodded. I trusted him … it was myself I still had doubts about. “You can use your hands.”
His dimples dug into his cheeks even deeper as his smile tugged at his mouth. “And my mouth.”
I was going to shake my head because I wasn’t sure I was ready for the double assault to my most sensitive places but I didn’t get a chance to protest before his lips circled one pebbled peak that was clearly visible under the fabric of my shirt. His tongue lashed at the covered skin but I felt the lapping all the way through to my core. I tossed my head back and involuntarily moved across the still-hard erection trapped between my legs. His mouth tugged, pulled, suckled on one nipple until I had my hands in his hair and was pulling on it while muttering his name over and over again. I thought I was going to melt into a puddle on top of him when he turned his attention to the other pointed tip.
The hand he had on my hip urged me to find a rhythm I liked as I rode him furiously, all the sensation trapped between us because of our clothing. He was thick enough and big enough that he was hitting all the right spots, but I still felt a hollow, empty ache that was begging to be filled. I was close to something, right on the edge of the unknown and unfamiliar. I wanted to reach out and take it, to make whatever it was that was hovering just out of reach my own, but I didn’t know how to do it, so I wailed Wheeler’s name and asked him to help me find whatever it was I was looking for.
His teeth slashed in a wicked and knowing smile. I told him he could use his hands but he was waiting until I really wanted him to, until I needed his touch more than I needed my next breath. He was good, far better than any man I’d ever been with before. Not because he knew how and where to touch, but because he knew when to touch. He waited until there was no going back. He waited until I needed what he and only he could give me. He waited until I was ready.
Panting, practically crying with want, I pressed into his chest as his fingers left their hold on my hip and started a slow, torturous descent between my legs. They traced the bend at the top of my thigh and dipped down over smooth skin and disappeared between damp folds. I jolted in shock at being touched where I swore no man would ever have his hands again, but that quickly turned to a shudder as his clever fingertips tracked over delicate skin and sought out hidden places with the utmost care and reverence. He wasn’t only using his touch to make me feel good, he was using it to soothe me, to calm me, to entrance me. He was erasing every touch that had hurt and giving me a million more that didn’t.
My thighs quivered like I had run a marathon and I stopped breathing as he memorized every secret place I had.
“Move, honey.” His raspy order shook me out of my stupor and I did what I was told. I moved.
I rocked back and forth. I rubbed my still-tight and aroused nipple against his bare chest. I put my mouth on his and rode his fingers and they slid inside of my underwear, his thumb circling my swollen clit over and over again, his movements hampered by the fabric that kept me covered. I moaned and he growled. I partially roared his name and he whispered mine back. I watched him with worried eyes as feeling built, huge and fast, ready to overtake me. He watched me with awe and admiration as I shattered into a million pieces of pleasure on top of him.
His fingers dragged wetness across my skin as he pulled them out of me. He used the same hand to catch my waist so that he could pull me off of him and turn me so my back was to his front. His cock was sti
ll hard, still hot and unbending behind me. I felt every inch of it as he nestled it against the curve of my ass. I wanted to push back into it, wanted to give him more, but as if he read my mind he quietly ordered, “I think that’s enough playing with fire for one night. I’m not going to let us burn through each other this fast. We need to get some sleep.”
He let go and turned off the lights only to roll right back and capture my waist again. We stayed silent and still for a long moment but I couldn’t close my eyes and I couldn’t ignore that very obvious reminder that he had given me something amazing and I hadn’t given him anything but a headache and a hard-on.
“If you’re going to make me feel good, shouldn’t you expect the same thing from me?” I’d done my best to make the men that came before him feel good so they would give me the same consideration. It hadn’t worked. I’d given Wheeler nothing and he had given me an entire world I didn’t even know existed.
I felt his lips hit the back of my head and his hips shift tighter into mine. His cock seemed perfectly content where it was at.
“Poppy, you let me in your bed, you let me in your life.” He gave me a squeeze and tucked the top of my head under his chin. “Trust me, you letting me in makes me feel very, very good. The rest will come when it’s meant to.”
As I closed my eyes and settled into his warmth and the darkness that surrounded us, I couldn’t help but think that if getting lost meant he would come find me, then getting lost wasn’t such a bad thing.
Wheeler
I felt like I was having a panic attack.
I could feel the doctor looking at me expectantly and I knew Kallie was fidgeting nervously on the table as we both stared at the black-and-white screen that showed a weird-looking blob that definitely had identifiable human features. The nose poked up in the air as minuscule fingers waved on the end of a tiny little hand.
This was real. So real.
I was going to be a father.
That was my kid growing inside the woman that had shredded my heart and annihilated all my previous dreams of happy-ever-after.
I felt like I was suffocating. There was no air in the room, and each time the small heartbeat, strong and loud, filled the silence, I felt mine race.
The doctor cleared her throat and shifted her questioning gaze between me and my ex. The tension between the two of us was palpable and I’m sure the situation was as uncomfortable for her as it was for us.
“Well, everything looks exactly like it should at sixteen weeks. At this point in your second trimester you’re going to be seeing more significant changes in your body and you’ll be coming in to see me more frequently. In a few more weeks we should be able to tell if you’re having a boy or a girl. That is, if you’re interested in knowing the sex beforehand.” She nodded at the ultrasound screen and gave a reassuring smile. “We’ll get you a printout of your very active baby so you can take it with you today. Do either of you have any questions for me?”
Kallie turned her head to look at me and I immediately looked away. I was having a hard time keeping myself in the chair I was sitting in and not making a mad dash for the door. I heard her sigh as she took the offered towel to wipe off the clear gel that was smeared all over her mostly-flat stomach. I couldn’t believe our baby was living inside there. I couldn’t believe that in all the years we’d been together, seemingly happy and planning a future together, we hadn’t had so much as a scare when it came to pregnancy. That included all the years when we were stupid teenagers fucking without much thought to safety, sex being the first thing on our minds when we were alone. It felt like some kind of ugly joke that it was when our fairy tale fell apart this new life was created. All I ever wanted was a family and a forever of my own. What I got was this clusterfuck that made my chest hurt and my head pound.
“Thanks, Dr. Ehrhardt. I think we’re good. If anything comes up I won’t hesitate to give you a call.” I looked up at the woman that had sent my entire world spinning off its axis and flinched when I realized she was staring at me with open and obvious disappointment. She expected more from me because I had always given her everything, but this time … well, I wasn’t sure I had anything to offer her. She swung her legs off the exam table and straightened her clothes as she got to her feet. I followed suit and paused as the doctor stopped in front of me and extended her hand for me to shake.
I gave it a quick pump expecting her to immediately let go but instead she gave my fingers a tight squeeze and offered me a soft smile. “It can be a lot to take in. Don’t worry, Mr. Wheeler, you’ll get used to the idea of being a father, and before you know it you’ll be anxiously awaiting the moment when you can hold your baby in your arms. You’re here. That’s a huge step, one a lot of young men don’t bother to take.” She looked back at Kallie, who was now standing directly behind me. “Take care of each other. That’s my best advice to both of you, regardless of your circumstances. You’ll need one another going forward and your baby will need both of you.” She finally let go of my hand and gave a cheerful wave as she left the room.
I gave Kallie a hard look over my shoulder as she let out a dry laugh. I lifted a questioning eyebrow at her as she stepped around me and reached for the door. “My first appointment with her, when I showed up with my mom, she told me that plenty of young women my age had babies without a partner in the picture. She told me that being a single mother was challenging but completely rewarding. I think she has a pep talk in reserve no matter what the situation might be.”
I followed her down the hallway silently and paused when she stopped at the checkout desk to schedule her next appointment and to collect the grainy black-and-white image of our baby. When she handed me my own copy all I could do was stare at it numbly. That was my baby. I still couldn’t wrap my head around it.
Outside, I was ready to tell Kallie good-bye so I could find the closest bar and shoot back some whiskey and hide from my problems like the mature, rational adult I was. Unfortunately, Kallie had other plans. She put a hand on my arm as I started toward the Eldorado and pulled me to a stop.
“Wheeler …” Her voice was strained and the look on her face was one that would have made my heart bleed before. “I hate that things are so tense between us, that other people can tell you don’t want to be around me.” She blinked and I realized there were big fat tears in her eyes. “You have always been my favorite person in the whole world and it hurts that you’ve completely shut me out of your life.”
I opened my mouth to tell her I was doing the best that I could but the words wouldn’t come. I was hardly trying and we both knew it.
“Listen, Kallie, you have a lot of people at your back to help you with all of this. Your mom and dad, Dixie, and even Roni, if you come clean about what she means to you.” I pointed at the center of my chest where that lone wolf lived. “I’m navigating this on my own. I’m trying to figure out my new place in your life and in our baby’s life with no help at all, so you need to let me work this out whatever way is easiest for me.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it. I’m right here, Wheeler. If anyone knows how hard this is, how complicated it is, that would be me.” She crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes at me. “I get that this isn’t the ideal situation for either of us but I wasn’t alone when this baby was made.”
I shook her hand off and moved toward my car. “I loved you then, Kallie.” I saw the way my words cut into her. “I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about you now.”
She sniffed a little and stepped away from me. “I love you, I always will. It’s a different kind of love than we had before, but that doesn’t make it any less important.” A single tear slipped out of her eye before she could blink it away and it made me clench my fists at my sides. I’d spent so much of my life trying to be the guy that never hurt her and here I was making her cry. “I always knew I was going to have a family with you, Wheeler. I always dreamed about the babies we would have and how they would have your hair and those am
azing dimples. This isn’t the way either of us wanted it to happen but I refuse to be sorry that it’s happening. Some things were meant to be. You and I might not be one of them, but you and I being a family sure seems to be. That family might not look the way you wanted it to, but it’s going to be our family regardless.”
I stared at her, letting her words sink in. She’d always been the spoiled one, the pampered one, in our relationship. I never expected her to be anything else but that. However, when circumstances changed, when she was suddenly responsible for another life, she had finally stopped being so self-indulgent and coddled. She was growing up and behaving far more maturely and reasonably than I was.
Sighing, I stepped up the curb and wrapped my arms around her in a hug that was awkward and stiff. I used to hug her and feel like I was home; now there was so much distance between us that it felt like I had my arms around a stranger. She tucked her head under my chin and wound her arms around my waist. It should feel familiar but it didn’t. It felt foreign and strange.
“Give me some time, Kallie. I swear I’ll get it together and be the guy you need me to be.”
She gave me another squeeze and stepped back. Her cheeks were wet and her face was flushed but she was no longer looking at me like I had let her down. “You’ve always been the guy I needed you to be, Wheeler. I know you will be the man this baby is lucky to call daddy.” She rubbed her face with the back of her hand. “You were always so patient with me. You never called me on any of my bullshit and you forgave me when I hurt you time and time again. You might not be driving this time but I promise I’m not going anywhere without you.” A weak smile tugged at her mouth. “You can be the navigator. You’re good at making sure no one gets lost.” She nodded at the Eldorado. “The Caddy is gonna look really cute with a car seat in the back.”